Details

Discovery

Severide was leaning casually against the kitchen counter when Casey arrived home. He was deliberately waiting for him, wracking his brain over what he'd discovered. He wanted to yell and shout. He wanted to cry, but more than anything he wanted to hold Casey and tell him everything was going to be all right.

"Where've you been?" he asked, probably a little too sternly, when the door shut and Casey walked in.

Casey just chucked his keys onto the side and hung up his jacket. "Had a construction job," he responded monotonously, walking towards the bedroom. He just wanted to be alone away from Severide right now.

"Really?"

Casey's eyes opened wide with surprise at Severide, and he tensed up, running a hand over his still very short hair, his body language betraying his discomfort at being asked. "Why would I lie?" he tried to keep his voice casual and light, watching as Severide just side stepped, revealing Casey's heroin stash on the countertop.

"I don't know, Matt, why would you? I found this." Severide couldn't stand to look at it and stared at Casey instead.

"It's not... erm…" Casey replied, stopping before he said anything else.

"Not what? Not yours? Just keeping it for a friend?"

Severide was clearly devastated by what he had found. Casey couldn't speak. He just shook his head.

"I'm not angry," Severide told him, although in reality he was but he had to keep a tight lid on that or he'd blow up. "I'm upset that you didn't feel like you could tell me. Are you high now? Matt?" He stared intently into Casey's eyes, one sure way to tell if he was lying or not.

Casey shook his head again. Well at least he was telling Severide the truth this time.

"Ok. Have you been high while we've been on shift?"

Casey shifted from one foot to another, still silent, shaking his head again, his eyes averted to one side, he couldn't look at Severide. Scratching the back of his hand, an action that didn't go unmissed by Severide.

"I don't blame you. I blame those bastards who..."

"Please don't," Casey said hoarsely, heart in his throat.

"I don't know what to do…" Severide went on. "How bad is it, Matt?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is it casual use? Or… or do you need it?"

Casey was silent.

"I don't think it's casual, you wouldn't do it casually. How long?"

"We're over, aren't we?" Casey said feebly, still staring at the floor, still unable to look Severide in the eye.

"Matt, how long?"

"Maybe three months." Casey shrugged as if to indicate that he wasn't entirely sure of his answer.

"Ok. All right." Severide paused for effect, but also to give himself chance to figure out what he was going to say next. "So, what are we going to do about it?"

"We?"

"Can we figure this out on our own or…"

"Please don't tell anyone," Casey spoke up suddenly, fear in his eyes.

"I don't know if I can help you… obviously I haven't been helping you because if I had this wouldn't have happened…"

"No, no, no…" Casey shook his head fervently. He was at a loss, he didn't know quite what to say. He knew this had to happen eventually but hadn't been able to face that fact. Until now. Now there was no choice in the matter. He was backed into a corner and his world was crumbling down around him. "It wasn't your… I needed it, I had to… I… I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I won't do it again… I… I'm sorry… I just… I don't know what happened and… it felt good… it felt so good… it helps, it helps me…" Casey was almost breathless and his voice shook as he tried in vain to explain it to Severide.

Severide took a calming breath before he spoke again. "I understand, Matt… baby, I understand, and we're gonna figure this out, all right? We'll figure it out."

Casey just stood in front of him, quite still apart from his hands which now fidgeted as he tapped against his thighs. Severide wanted to walk up to him, put his arms around him, kiss him, make love to him, take his pain away. But all he could do was stand there looking at him. Casey hadn't been able to bear any physical contact since he had been beaten and tortured.

Less than three weeks later Casey overdosed and ended up in the Emergency Room. Whether deliberate or accidental due to a bad batch, no-one would ever know.