Note: I got a question that I felt like I should address here, too, about why the orphanage supports Mello when it's not exactly a great place. Well, they don't support him, really. I see it as a pretty neglectful place where they have very little interest in the kids besides their intellect, and so they leave Mello be as long as he's one of their best students. It's possible that they were downright unsupportive in the past, but I can see little Mello refusing to cooperate on things until they gave in and stopped making him dress like a girl and treating him as one. They're most likely ignorant as to what it means to be transgender and might figure it's a harmless phase he'll grow out of, as long as it's just clothes and such. Once Mello wants to take steps to medically transition, they will not be supportive at all. Mello knows this, and not having a caring adult in his life and feeling like he'll have to go about it alone (emotionally as well as practically) is part of why he hasn't talked to anyone about medically transitioning yet.

Chapter warning for chest growth/dysphoria.

Mello leans back against the tree that's currently providing him with some much needed shade and forces himself to focus on the book in his lap. He's trying to drown out the sounds of splashing and screaming caused by the other kids as they swim and play in the small lake just behind Wammy's. It's been ridiculously hot these past few days, by English standards at least, and for once the staff has decided to let the kids just, well, be kids.

Mello is turning fourteen in a few months, but he hasn't been a kid for a long time now. He doesn't need to splash around in the water. He's too old for that shit. Admittedly, cooling down for a bit would be nice, though.

He looks up when Matt comes running out of the water towards him, brushing the wet hair out of his face. "Come on, Mel. The water's great. How can you even stand being dressed in all black in this weather?"

Mello shrugs. "It's fine in the shade." He can tell Matt knows it's a blatant lie from the way he's eyeing the damp strands of hair sticking against Mello's forehead. "Really, go on. I want to finish this book."

"But everyone's swimming," Matt protests, apparently not willing to let it go that easily.

"Near isn't."

"Since when do you care what Near does? I bet Roger is letting him sit in his office because it's the only room with air conditioning. Don't want to risk the resident favourite melting." Mello snorts. "Come on Mel, seriously. You used to love swimming."

Mello's nails dig into his palms. It's true. He's far from athletic, but he's more active than Matt, who's only willing to engage in physical activity when it involves a perk like cooling down in unbearably hot weather like this. "I just don't want to."

"Why?"

Mello slams his book shut and glares up at Matt. "Because I don't want to! The lake is gross and I'll get sunburnt."

Matt rolls his eyes and retrieves a bottle of sun cream from the pile of stuff he's left under the tree with Mello. "Here. You can borrow mine."

"Matt, just drop it!" Mello's voice cuts harshly through the field. Luckily the kids playing in the lake are so noisy that no one pays them any mind. As soon as Mello sees the mixture of guilt and confusion on Matt's face, he regrets snapping. He looks around to make sure no one's close enough to hear him, and lowers his voice. "I just...I can't just take off my shirt like you, okay?"

"Oh." A look of realisation registers on Matt's face. "But last year…"

"Yes, last year I could," Mello says sharply. He'd probably be a lot more patient if Matt was actually stupid. "And now I can't. That's how biology works." He opens his book again and pretends to be absorbed in the story, even though none of the words are getting through to him.

"Can you not leave your shirt on?"

"Too clingy." He can't be mad at Matt, because he's trying so damn hard, but the topic is just making him wonder when even dry, baggy clothes won't be able to hide his chest anymore. He dreads that day to the point of nausea.

Without replying, Matt lets himself fall down onto the grass next to Mello, lying down on his stomach as he grabs his DS. "I was going to let myself dry off for a bit anyway," he explains when Mello shoots him a look. "I'll go back in later."

He stays by Mello's side the rest of the afternoon, each of them quietly going about their own activity of choice. Matt never actually goes back to the lake.

"Mel!" Mello rubs his eyes as the voice coming from his bedroom door pulls him out of the restless sleep he was just falling into. "Mel!"

"Matt?" Mello groans and sits up on the edge of his bed. "The fuck are you doing here?"

Mello can't actually make out Matt's face in the darkness, but he can hear the smugness in his voice. "We're going swimming."

"Now? It's the middle of the night, Matt."

"Exactly! No one else will be there. It's perfect."

Oh. It finally dawns on Mello's half asleep brain that Matt is doing this for him. For a moment, he isn't quite sure what to say. "Matt…"

"Come on, Mel. It's not like you were actually sleeping comfortably in this heat, right?"

He does have a point, Mello decides, and he quickly grabs a baggy T-shirt from a discarded pile of clothes next to his bed, pulling it over his tank top and shorts. "Wait," he whispers, pausing before following Matt out into the corridor. "How are we getting out?"

In response, Matt simply dangles a bunch of keys in front of his face. "Jesus, Matt. You're crazy. How..."

"We used to pull shit like this all the time, Mel. You're not getting boring in your old age, are you?"

"Fuck off. I'm almost fourteen, not forty." Mello smiles, the tone of his voice not matching the words at all.

The water feels like heaven in the clammy summer night.

Mello keeps his shirt on, and out of solidarity Matt tries to do the same, but Mello tells him not to be ridiculous and threatens to remove the shirt himself, if he won't do it. He rather approves of nudity when it comes to Matt, to be honest. And while he does feel a painful pang of jealousy whenever he's confronted with Matt's flat chest and broader shoulders, he reminds himself that none of this is Matt's fault.

"I'll race you to the other side," Matt challenges him once they've sufficiently cooled down.

"Oh yeah?" Mello raises his eyebrows. "Better get a head start then."

He easily makes it to the other end of the lake before Matt appears behind him, panting from the physical exertion. He deliberately causes a wave that has Mello sputtering when he turns around. "Didn't know you were such a sore loser, Jeevas." He lunges forward, trying to push him underwater, but Matt just about manages to get away. The rapid movements of his feet cause another wave to splash into Mello's face.

Somehow, it turns into a full-fledged water fight. Mello can't remember the last time he did something so stupidly childish, but it's worth it if only for the broad, carefree grin on Matt's face. It's embarrassing and sappy as hell, but something in Mello flips over at the sight of it.

Once they've finally called a truce, Mello's gaze subconsciously drops to Matt's lips. He's still smiling. "Matt?" He instantly forgets what he was even going to say when he looks up and meets Matt's eyes. Suddenly, Mello isn't quite sure why he's waited so long to do this, and he leans in.

"Boys!" They jump apart, and Matt loses his balance in the process, falling backwards into the water while cursing loudly. "Come back here immediately! This will have consequences!"

Matt scrambles to his feet. "Shit. We're screwed."

Mello briefly squeezes his hand under the surface of the water as they wade to the shore. "It was worth it."