'Okay', Marina whispered, her body now facing Clara.
As angry and hurt as she was, there was something inside her that just wouldn't let her walk away from Clara, who sat knelt on the floor pleading with her to stay.
'Okay?', Clara spoke back, her eyes widening slightly, a combination of joy and fear. She wasn't sure what was going to happen next, but she was grateful Marina was even giving her chance.
'Please,' Clara spoke softly, 'please come back here and sit down.'
She beckoned her over, and hesitantly Marina complied. When she was settled back on the floor, Clara looked into her eyes and spoke again.
'I'm so sorry, Marina. There will never be words enough to convey to you how completely sorry I am for how tonight turned out. It was my fault. I should have…' Her voice trailed off momentarily as she gathered her thoughts on what to say next.
'I should have told you sooner, so it wasn't such a shock to you. But I didn't know how… I was putting it off. Truth be told I've been avoiding dealing with the entire thing, because I don't think I want –' Clara stopped herself short of finishing that sentence. She shook her head, almost as an indication of her change of tangent.
'I hurt you, Marina. I know I hurt you. I saw the pain on your face; I still see it on your face. And I hate myself for being the cause of it. I've said it once before, and I meant it. I am certain about very few things in this life, but one of the things I am most certain of is this: tears do not suit you. And knowing that I was the reason for your tears tonight kills me. It feels like a dagger to my stomach. You truly deserve all the beauty this life can offer, Marina, because you are…' Clara paused, trying to think of the perfect word to encapsulate Marina, but one word wasn't enough.
'You are the most wonderfully kind, caring, patient… beautiful person I have ever met. You truly are one of a kind. And I am so unbelievably sorry… I'm sorry.'
Clara tentatively reached for Marina's hand, uncertain if she would pull away again. But this time she didn't, this time Marina allowed Clara to interlace their fingers. The warmth of Clara's hand in her own almost made her forget everything. Clara's small hand in hers made her feel better, and safe. But she still needed to know.
'Are you going to re-marry him?' Marina's voice was soft as she spoke, choking back tears that once again threatened to fall. 'I thought… I thought… that you loved me back.' As Marina spoke the words, she lowered her head in defeat, making her small frame look even smaller.
Hearing Marina say that word, love, out loud made Clara's heart almost leap out of her chest. They seldom broached this topic, but it could no longer be avoided.
Silence hung in the air. Clara squeezed Marina's hand before taking a deep breath and opening her mouth.
'Marina…' she said, 'this is hard for me… it's so new and foreign. I'm married, to a man… I have a child with him, I…'
'Please Clara, please don't make it about them. In this moment, right now, this is about us. About how you feel, don't hide behind them.'
'But Marina, you have to understand, my whole life has always revolved around them. That's what makes this so hard, because…' She took a deep breath before raising her free hand to caress Marina's cheek.
'… because I can't deny what I feel for you is more than friendship. I look at you and I can't help but smile. Being around you feels like I'm home, even if I'm in some strange location, if you're there, I feel safe. I've never felt this way about anyone, not even Cadu, and that scares me so much, because I don't understand it. Why did I never feel this for the man that I married, but I feel it for you? Why do I feel like I've known you my whole life, when in reality we met less than 6 months ago? Why do I feel… I don't know, complete when I'm around you?
'I've never been attracted to other women, but I find myself day dreaming about you all the time. You're beautiful, Marina, so unbelievably, breathtakingly beautiful. And all of these feelings, they scare me so much. Because I am married, and Cadu is a good man and an excellent father… but what it boils down to is he is not you. And as much as I love him, and I do love him, honestly and truly, he… he can't compete with you.' Clara looked deeply into Marina's eyes, tears welling in her own.
'With how much… how much I love you.'
As soon as those words had left Clara's mouth an instant wave of both relief and terror washed over her. She had finally said the words which had been causing her so much distress out loud, but now they had been uttered there was no going back. Clara knew that… one way or the other, everything had changed tonight. Her life couldn't go back to the way it was, not now.
The entire time Clara had been speaking, Marina's heart was racing in her chest. She could feel Clara's hand in her own and her piercing brown eyes upon her and she knew the next few minutes would be some of the most important of her life. Marina knew they going to change everything, and she was terrified of what Clara would say.
"With how much… how much I love you."
Marina watched Clara's lips as she formed those words, but she still couldn't fully believe they had come out of her mouth. But instantly, and instinctively, a smile spread to her lips… spread across her whole face. Clara loved her.
Gently Marina reached up and took Clara's hand that was still on her cheek and brought it down to rest in her lap with their other intertwined hands.
'You love me?' Marina asked, needing reassurance that she hadn't just dreamed Clara's admittance.
'I do,' Clara replied shyly, 'more than I've ever loved anything in my whole life.'
'I love you, too. Very much.'
A subconscious smile spread to Clara's cheeks, before her brain started clicking into overdrive, attempting to process the progress of the last few minutes.
'Marina, I'm scared. This is a world completely unfamiliar to me. I'm married, Cadu's heart is bad and then there's Ivan… and… and what if you get sick of me? What if this was all the chase and once you've won me, you don't want me anymore? I'm not sure I could survive that…'
'Remember when we were flying to Angra and I told you I had been searching for you in all the women I met? I meant that with every fibre of my being. I've searched for you my whole life, and when I met you I knew my search was over. You are the woman I love, you are the woman I'll always love, you're the woman I'll love until my dying breath. And I don't have any choice in that matter, that's just one of the facts of life. You are inevitable to me; we were destined to meet and fall in love, I believe that.'
With every word out of Marina's mouth, Clara felt sure she was one step closer to her heart giving out on her. She was terrified of all that was to come and all she would have to face, but in right in this moment, all she needed was to be close to Marina, to feel her body on hers. And before Marina could finish another sentence, Clara's soft lips were kissing hers, effectively silencing her.