The Grasshopper Experiment

Sheldon sighed as he sat at his desk in his apartment, fiddling with a new wallet he'd ordered, Claire was behind him, on the couch, which was actually the first thing Leonard noticed when he entered…because she was sprawled out along it, but with her legs tucked to the side to avoid putting her feet on Sheldon's spot, reading an old book that he could make out as the Canterbury Tales.

"Hello Leonard," she called despite not having looked up.

He had only just gotten a 'hey' out of his mouth when Sheldon muttered, "Damn you, walletnook dot com."

"Problem?" Leonard shook his head, turning to Sheldon, knowing that there would be more a chance he could talk to Claire without interruption if Sheldon's 'crisis' was dealt with first.

"The online description was completely misleading, they said eight slots plus removable ID, to any rational person that would mean room for nine cards, but they don't tell you the removable ID takes up one slot, it's a nightmare."

Leonard frowned, moving closer, eyeing the IDs Sheldon was trying to fit into his wallet, "Ok, now, do you really need the honorary Justice League of America membership card?"

"Oh Shelly Bean won't give that one up for anything," Claire called, turning the page in her book, "It's been in every wallet he's owned since he was five."

"Why?" Leonard shook his head.

"Because Claire gave it to me," Sheldon remarked. She'd gotten it out of a lunch pack when they'd been in school. He'd been buying all the specific packs he could to try and get the free card, but Claire had gotten it in a streak of luck. She'd given it to him though, knowing he loved comic books more than her, "And it says keep this on your person at all times," he held it up and pointed to that very instruction as someone knocked on the door, "It's right here under Batman's signature."

Leonard rolled his eyes and moved to open the door, letting in Howard and Raj, who was holding a laptop open with his parents on screen, "And this is Leonard and Sheldon's apar…eep!" Raj quickly clammed up, seeing Claire, a woman, sitting there, his selective mutism roaring to life.

But Claire didn't even pause in her reading, just turned another page.

"Guess whose parents just got broadband," Howard deadpanned as they entered, giving a nod to Raj before grinning, "Well hello," he smiled at Claire moving to sit himself on the armrest of the couch, right by her head, "I'm Howard, Howard Wolowitz."

"And I am not interested," Claire sat up, not taking her eyes off the book as she shifted to the middle cushion so her head wasn't near his hip anymore.

"You wound me madame."

"Howard stop annoying my friend," Sheldon called, making the other three men look at him, shocked that he might have actually just shown compassion and interest in someone else's feelings, "You might run her off and then I wouldn't see her again for another 6 months!"

And there was the selfish Sheldon Cooper they knew and loved.

"Raj?" a woman's voice called from the computer, reminding them that Raj and Howard had come there for a reason, "What's going on?"

Leonard smiled apologetically at the couple as Raj held the camera up, waving, seeing Raj had gone silent, "Hi Dr. and Mrs. Koothrappali."

"Lift up the camera!" Raj's father called to him, "I'm looking at his crotch," Raj just quickly held the camera up more, "Oh, there's much better. Hi."

Leonard laughed, "Hi! I'm Leonard," he introduced, before pointing at Sheldon, "And over there is Sheldon."

"Hi," Sheldon nodded at the couple.

"And this is Claire," Leonard gestured to Claire, "His best friend who he never told us about."

"Namaste," she called, turning yet another page, not at all perturbed that Sheldon hadn't mentioned her, which was not quite the reaction Leonard was hoping for.

He was curious about this girl, but he hadn't gotten anything out of Sheldon last night save about his new comic book before he'd gone to bed, because Sheldon Cooper did not miss his bedtime, and he'd had work early so this was really the first time around Claire and he still knew almost nothing about her or how she and Sheldon had even become friends. Claire seemed to know who they all were, she'd called him Leonard before, which had to mean Sheldon had told her about them, but yet he'd said nothing about her to THEM.

"So are you all academics like our son?" Raj's father asked.

"Yes," they chorused, including Claire, which surprised the three other men, they assumed the girl must be smart, given how Sheldon interacted with (barely tolerated) Penny he wouldn't stand a 'stupid' friend, but they hadn't exactly seen her around Caltech yet so they weren't sure, they didn't even know what 'job' she'd been talking about when she first appeared last night.

"And your parents are comfortable with your limited earning potential?"

"Not at all."

Claire snorted, "I make more in a month than my parents do in a year…combined. They ain't got no reason to complain about me."

"Ah," Raj's father smiled, "A girl with drive. Very good, very good. That reminds me…Rajesh, we have good news. Put the computer down and gather your friends."

Raj put the laptop on the coffee table and sat down next to Claire who didn't budge an inch, forcing him to sit closer to Howard than he wanted to, the others crowding around him.

"Is it just me, or does web-chatting with your clothes on seem a little pointless?" Howard muttered, "Ow!" he winced as Claire leaned over behind Raj and whacked him on the arm with her book.

"Watch your manners," she hissed, "Those are Raj's parents."

"Rajesh, do you remember Lalita Gupta?" Raj's mother called, not having heard him.

"You know," his father laughed as Raj shook his head frantically, "The little fat girl that used to kick you in the samosas and call you untouchable."

"Now she's a dental student at USC, so we gave her your contact information."

Raj's eyes widened and he looked very much like he wanted to reply but couldn't because Claire was still there, all that came out was a high pitched squeak.

"You're 26 years old Rajesh," his father continued, "We want grandchildren."

"Lalita's parents approve the match."

"If you decide on a spring wedding, we can avoid monsoon season."

"It's up to you dear, we don't want to meddle."

"Ah," Sheldon nodded, seeing what was happening from his spot, beside Claire, "The arranged marriage," he turned to his friends, "While arranged marriages are no longer the norm, Indian parents continue to have a greater than average involvement in their children's lives."

"For their own good," Raj's father nodded.

"Oh look at the time," his mother glanced at her watch, "We have to go. 'Doogie Howser' is on. Grandma!" she called to someone off screen, "It's Doogie time! Bye bye."

"Bye bye!"

Raj sighed as he shut the laptop.

"'Doogie Howser?'" was all Howard could take from that, "He's been off the air for like twenty years."

"Actually, I read somewhere that it's one of the most popular programs in India," Leonard remarked as he made his way over to the kitchen.

"It might speak to a cultural aspiration to have one's children enter the medical profession," Sheldon suggested as he joined him.

"I bet you're right."

"I bet they love Scrubs."

"What's not to love?"

Raj rolled his eyes and moved over to Howard, whispering in his ear.

"Raj is worried about his parents trying to marry him off to a total stranger," Howard announced as he and Raj made their way to the kitchen too, "He wants to know what he should do?"

"I suggest you go through with it," Sheldon shrugged.

The boys stared at him, shocked that Sheldon Lee Cooper was condoning marriage, "What?"

"Romantic love as the basis for marriage has only existed since the nineteenth century. Up until then, arranged marriages were the norm, and it served society quite well."

"Wrong!" Claire called, getting up and snapping her book shut, moving to join them in the kitchen, "Romantic love has existed since the time of Queen Elizabeth I where the notion was first introduced. She was a patron for romantic love, encouraging her people to ignore the traditions of society and marry for love instead."

Sheldon shook his head at her, "You got that from one of your books, didn't you?"

"Where else are you gonna get information Shelly?" she smirked, but added as a counter, "Seminar on Elizabethan Literature."

"You took a seminar on Elizabethan Literature?" Leonard eyed her.

"I had to in order to graduate with my degree," she replied, before noticing the blank and confused stares of the boys, she rolled her eyes, "I was an English Major in college, graduated with a bachelors in it, moved right into a PhD in Medieval Literature."

Leonard blinked and turned to Sheldon, an almost accusing tone in his voice as he cried, "YOU'RE friends with a Liberal Arts major?!"

Sheldon was notorious for mocking the liberal arts, finding them to be a second rate area of study. To him, science was and should always be the most important and superior area to dedicate one's life to.

And here was his 'best friend' an advocate of it?

Claire laughed, "Wasn't always gonna be, in the end I got it JUST to annoy Shelly Bean. You can only take hearing someone talk down bout something so much before you wanna do something about it."

Sheldon rolled his eyes this time, "I convinced her to at least take SOME physics classes."

"Much like I convinced him to suffer through some Shakespeare and Chaucer courses as well…" she smiled, nudging him, "Though you DID enjoy that seminar on Tolkien I recommended."

"Ah yes," he smiled, "An entire semester devoted to Lord of the Rings."

"See," she laughed, "YOU can admit some books are worth reading just like I can admit some physics theories are worth a deeper look into."

"Touché."

The boys shook their heads, watching Sheldon and Claire go back and forth with Sheldon actually admitting to the positives of literature, till Raj just rolled his eyes and walked out, knowing what he needed to do…find new friends that could actually help him with his situation instead of turn it into a debate about Lord of the Rings.

~8~

Claire smiled as she walked with Penny over to the boys' apartment, Penny had stopped by to ask if any of them wanted to grab a bite to eat with her and she'd said she'd go, the boys having already eaten. It was nice to talk to another girl, to not have to try and keep up with Sheldon. She'd spent her whole life around him, having grown up in the same town, lived in the trailer right next to his, so she could understand him perfectly after all that time. She just sort of absorbed terms and theories because of him so she usually knew what he was trying to say when he started talking all scientific. On the side though, she had also taken numerous physics classes and read up on the latest theories because it was important to him and there was nothing worse than having someone talking about something important to them and having the person they were talking to tune them out or brush it off. She didn't want to be that sort of friend, so she always made an effort to keep up to date about things like that.

Still…it was nice to talk to someone about little things like a TV show that didn't involve science fiction or gossip about certain celebrities, talk about finding a new pair of shoes.

Sheldon might have been her best friend, but she DID spend ample time with his sister Missy growing up as well. Missy really only had her as a child to play with, Sheldon scaring off the other children or ending up being picked on by them. Because of him not many people came over to Missy's for 'play dates' except her. She was one of the VERY few people that Sheldon deemed smart enough to hang around him. She tended to think he felt that way because she was the only one that didn't call him weird or a freak but tried to understand what he was talking about or ask him to explain things. It meant she was really the only girl Missy had to play with at times so she had developed a feminine side as well, much to Sheldon's horror.

Penny knocked on the door to the apartment as they got to it, pushing it open, "Hi guys!" she smiled.

"Oh, hey Penny," Leonard smiled, before realizing Penny wasn't alone, "Hi Claire."

"Hey Leonard," she nearly laughed at how she'd been an afterthought. The man was so far gone about Penny and the girl didn't even notice.

"I need some guinea pigs," Penny got right to it.

"Ok," Sheldon nodded, "There's a lab animal supply company in Reseda you could try, but if your research is going to have human applications may I suggest white mice instead, their brain chemistry is far closer to ours."

Penny blinked, "I swear to God, Sheldon, one day I'm going to get the hang of talking to you."

Claire laughed, understanding that feeling all too well, it had taken her years to do the very same and there were times even SHE felt lost around Sheldon, "Don't worry Penny, I'm pretty fluent in Shedonese, I can translate for you, lord knows I've had a lifetime of experience helping his family understand him. He meant that, if you were really using actual guinea pigs to test things, like chemicals, that a mouse would be better. Their brains are more like ours."

"Right," Penny nodded, before whacking Sheldon on the shoulder, "Why couldn't you say THAT?"

Sheldon just blinked, "I did."

"What's up?" Leonard asked.

"Well, I finally convinced the restaurant to give me a bar tending shift, so I need to practice making drinks," Penny smiled.

"Oh, great, well the key to acquiring proficiency in any task is repetition."

"With certain obvious exceptions," Sheldon remarked, "Suicide, for example."

Penny blinked and turned to Claire for help, "Practice makes perfect."

"Gotcha," she nodded, turning back to the boys, "So Leonard, how about it?"

"Look, Penny," Leonard sighed, "We'd love to help you, but Raj is going through some stuff right now. And besides, he doesn't drink, so…" Raj jumped up and whispered in his ear, "Really?" Leonard looked at Raj a bit surprised, "Um, Raj is going through some stuff right now and he'd like to take up drinking."

Penny grinned.

~8~

Claire sat beside Sheldon at the end of Penny's island counter in her apartment, various liquor bottles spread out before the blonde, some fruits, a blender, and some glasses there as well as she took orders from the boys.

"Ok, here you go, Leonard, one tequila sunrise," Penny handed it over.

"Thank you," he smiled, looking at the different colors of his drink, "This drink is a wonderful example of how liquids with different specific gravities interact in a cylindrical container…" until he saw Penny staring, "Thank you."

"Oil floats on water," Claire simplified for Penny who nodded, getting that he was talking about the weight of liquids and things or near enough.

"Ok, Raj, what'll it be?" Penny turned to him.

"Whatever you recommend," Leonard answered as soon as Raj stopped whispering in his ear.

"Uh, how about a grasshopper. I make a mean grasshopper. Ok?" he nodded, "Good. Coming up," she got to work on that but tried her hand at multitasking, "Sheldon, what are you going to have?"

"I'll have a diet coke," he replied.

"Ok, can you please order a cocktail, I need to practice mixing drinks."

"Fine. I'll have a virgin Cuba Libre."

Penny gave him a less amused look than Claire was, "That's, um, rum and coke without the rum."

"Yes."

"So coke?"

"Yes. And would you make it diet?"

"There's a can in the fridge," she sighed.

"A Cuba Libre traditionally comes in a tall glass with a lime wedge."

"Then swim to Cuba," Penny grated out.

"Bartenders are supposed to have people skills," Sheldon muttered, getting up to get the coke.

Penny rolled her eyes and looked at Claire, "How 'bout you Claire?"

Claire laughed, "How about you make at treat for yourself and pretend I ordered it," she laughed, nudging Penny, "Pretend I'm a man who's ordered a drink for you trying to hit on you."

Penny smiled, chuckling at that, it WAS rather likely to happen, "Usually the guy will order something for himself."

She shook her head, "Not a drinker, sorry sugar. Me and liquor don't get along."

"She's allergic," Sheldon explained as he sat back beside her.

"Oh my God!" Penny gasped, realizing she'd just been trying to get the girl to basically drink poison, "I'm sorry!"

"Shelly's exaggerating," Claire countered, "I've just got an intolerance for alcohol. It ain't gonna kill me, but it won't make me feel all that great if I do drink it. So just make yourself a mean treat and we'll call it even."

"You got it," she nodded, finishing up the Grasshopper, "Ok, Raj, here you go," she placed it before him, the man immediately starting to drink it down, "Alright, who's next?"

"I'd like to try a Slippery Nipple," Howard called.

"Ok, you're cut off," Penny deadpanned as Claire reached around Sheldon to pinch Howard's arm for that, "Anybody need a refill?"

"Where did my life go, Penny?" Raj started talking, completely shocking the rest of them, "One day I'm a carefree bachelor, and the next I'm married and driving a minivan to peewee cricket matches in suburban New Delhi."

Penny blinked, staring at him, much like everyone else was, "A…are you talking to me?"

"Is there another Penny here?" he took another sip of the Grasshopper, missing her emphasis on 'talking,' "I had such plans. I had dreams. I was going to be the Indian Gandhi of particle astrophysics. But with a penis, of course."

"It's amazing," Leonard remarked, watching as Raj continued talking.

Claire quickly lifted her wrist and began to time how long it would take Raj to realize on her watch. It was a Mickey Mouse watch, Sheldon had gotten it for her for her birthday once. It was one of the prizes you could get if you mailed in box tops off cereal boxes. He'd never been one for sugary cereals, but he'd eaten five boxes worth just to send in for that box and get her one for her birthday. She'd yet to take it off or use a different watch since then.

"Ever since I was a little boy my father wanted me to be a gynecologist like him. How can I be a gynecologist? I can barely look a woman in the eye. You know what, I'm not going to let my parents control my future any longer, it's time for a showdown. Somebody give me a computer with a webcam," he got up and tried to look around for one.

"Ok, sweetie, I think that's the Grasshopper talking," Penny cut in.

"And it's about to tell my parents that I'm not riding an elephant down the aisle with Lalita Gupta," he sunk down on the couch.

"Ok, calm down," Penny moved over to him, sitting across from him on the couch, "No one can make you get married. Why don't you just meet this girl and, see what happens?"

"Haven't you been listening to me, I cannot talk to women."

"Um…Raj…" Leonard began.

"No, no, let's see how long it takes him," Howard shushed him.

"Going on a minute 30," Claire told them.

"Um, Raj, honey," Penny smiled, "You say you can't talk to women but…you've been talking to me."

"And now we'll never know," Sheldon huffed as Raj's eyes widened, Penny's words sinking in.

"You're right!" he cheered, "I…I am talking to you. Hello Penny, how are you?"

"I'm fine," Penny laughed.

"Ok, now I just need to make sure I have a Lalita before I meet the Grasshopper. It's a sweet, green miracle," he took a big gulp.

"Ok, if you're going to drink on this date just promise me you won't overdo it."

"Overdo what? Happiness? Freedom? This warm glow inside of me that promises everything is going to be all hunky donkey?"

"Hunky dory?" Claire laughed in small correction.

"Why don't you bring her to my restaurant when I'm tending the bar so I can keep an eye on you?" Penny suggested.

Raj smiled, "Ok."

"Wait a minute," Leonard shook his head, "What's the plan here? Let's say he meets her and he likes her and they get married, what's he going to do, stay drunk for the rest of his life?"

"Worked for my parents," Howard shrugged.

"Really?" Claire looked at him, "Hasn't for mine," she shrugged as well.

~8~

Leonard and Howard were sitting at the bar of the Cheesecake Factory, Penny bartending, as they watched a drunk Raj muck up his date, making poor Lalita as uncomfortable as was humanly possible as quickly as was feasibly possible, which wasn't hard it seemed as he kept bringing up how the woman wasn't fat anymore and how people of her profession, dentistry, had a high suicide rate…

"You have a drink that'll make him less obnoxious?" Leonard asked Penny.

"Drinks do not work that way," Penny shook her head.

"I'd say he was doing fine," Howard shrugged, gesturing at the beautiful woman across from Raj, "Look at her, last girl my mom set me up with had a mustache and a vestigial tail."

"Hey Penny," Claire smiled as she and Sheldon walked over, moving to sit at the bar.

"Sorry we're late," Sheldon added, though he didn't sound sorry in the slightest.

"What happened?" Leonard asked.

"Nothing," Claire reassured them in case they were worrying, "Apartment hunting took longer than I thought it would," especially with Sheldon nitpicking every single potential home for her. It was too structurally unsound, it was too far from Caltech, it wasn't a good part of the neighborhood, it was a disturbing color, the doors were a handle instead of a knob, and so many other qualms he found. The last thing she wanted was for him to visit her and constantly complain about her living quarters, so she hadn't taken any of them, "And Shelly Bean didn't want to come here in the first place. I had to bribe him with a new comic book."

Penny blinked, "You're looking for an apartment?"

She nodded, "Got that job at Caltech, just gotta get settled in first…"

"You know," Penny began, "I could use a roommate," she suggested.

"Really?" Claire's eyes widened at the prospect, it would be close to Sheldon and Caltech and the only thing he could complain about was Penny and if he begrudgingly accepted her into his small circle of friends, which it seemed he had or was doing, then he couldn't disagree that much.

"Yeah," she nodded, "It would really help if I could split the rent with someone else and my second bedroom is really just a big closet," she considered that, her apartment was small. There was the living room and kitchen area, and then a door to the back that led to three more doors, the left to the bathroom, the center to her room, and the right, often hidden from sight by the natural angle of the apartment, to the spare bedroom. It was a disaster zone at the moment, "But I can move all the stuff out of it," she nodded, more to herself than Claire, before focusing on her, "So what do you say?"

"I say Howdy Roomie!" she laughed, leaning across the bar to hug Penny as she laughed as well.

"What do you think Sheldon?" Penny looked at him.

"Virgin diet Cuba Libre please," he asked, though they could all tell that the fact he hadn't said a word against it meant he wasn't against the idea either.

Penny shook her head at his answer, though she could see he was pleased with the fact Claire would be so close, "Ok," she turned to get it.

"In a tall glass, with a lime wedge."

"Oh, I'll wedge it right in there."

"So, how's Koothrappali d…" he trailed off, spotting Raj's date, "Oh my Lord."

"What?" Leonard frowned.

"That's Princess Punchali."

Claire shook her head, probably the only one who knew what he was talking about, "From the book?"

"I'm pretty sure her name's Lalita," Leonard remarked.

"No," Claire smiled, "He means Princess Punchali, she's a character from The Monkey and the Princess."

"Oh, yeah, I tried to watch that online, but they wanted a credit card," Howard sighed.

Claire whacked him on the arm with a drink menu, "It's a children's story, Howie."

"Ow," Howard pouted, rubbing his arm.

"When I was a little boy and got sick, which was most of the time, my mother and Claire would read it to me," Sheldon explained.

"It's a story where an Indian princess makes friends with a monkey that all the other monkeys pick on just because he's a little different," Claire added, seeing that the boys were still confused.

"For some reason I related to it quite strongly."

"I know the reason," Penny offered.

"We all know the reason," Leonard countered, "Sheldon, what are you getting at?"

"That woman looks exactly like the pictures of Princess Punchali in the book," Sheldon stared at the girl, "How often does one see a beloved fictional character come to life?"

"Every year at Comic Con," Howard deadpanned, "Every day at Disneyland. You can hire Snow White to come to your house. Course they prefer it if you have a kid, but…"

Claire whacked him again, "I can tell this is going to be an ongoing occurrence with you, isn't it?"

"Can't get enough of me huh?" Howard smirked at her.

She just whacked him one more time.

"Hey guys," Raj called as he walked over, clearly drunk, with a rather irritated Lalita, "This is Lalita Gupta, Lalita this is Leonard and Sheldon and Howard and Claire and Penny. Isn't it great, she isn't fat anymore!"

"'Forgive me your highness, for I am but a monkey, and it is in my nature to climb," Sheldon recited what Claire knew to be a line from the book, "I did not mean to gaze upon you as you comb your hair.'"

"I'm sorry?" Lalita eyed him oddly.

"You are the living embodiment of the beautiful Princess Punchali."

"Oh, no kidding?" Lalita started to smile, "Oh, who is that?"

"A beloved character from an Indian folk tale."

"Oh. Us-Indian," she gestured between her and Raj, "Or 'come to our casino' Indian?"

"You Indian."

"Oh."

"The resemblance is remarkable. I can practically smell the lotus blossoms woven into your ebony hair."

"Thanks," Lalita blushed, "I imagine you smell very nice too."

"I shower twice a day and wash my hands as often as I can."

"Really, so do I!"

"But you're a dentist, he's nuts," Raj countered.

"Don't be insulting Rajesh," Lalita huffed at him, before turning a smile on Sheldon, "So, Sheldon, tell me more about this princess you say I look like."

"It was said that the Gods fashioned her eyes out of the stars, and that roses were ashamed to bloom in the presence of her ruby lips," Sheldon continued.

"Oh my," Lalita breathed.

"Back off Sheldon," Raj glared.

"What?" Sheldon frowned.

"If you do not stop hitting on my lady you will feel the full extent of my wrath."

Claire snorted, "He's not hitting on her."

"And I am not your lady," Lalita glared at him.

"And you have no wrath," Howard added.

"You are my lady," Raj argued with her, "Our parents said so. We are, for all intents and purposes, one hundred percent hooked up."

"Ok," Lalita waved a finger around, "Let's get something straight here. The only reason I came tonight was to get my parents off my case, I certainly don't need to be getting this old world crap from you."

"Exactly the kind of spirit with which Princess Punchali led the monkeys to freedom," Sheldon smiled.

"Oh, screw Princess Punchali!" Raj exclaimed.

"Hey, you can't talk to me like that," Lalita rounded on him.

"But you're not Princess Punchali."

"Luckily for you, she could have you beheaded," Sheldon commented.

Lalita nodded and turned to Sheldon, "Sheldon, are you hungry?"

"I could eat," he shrugged.

"Let's go."

Raj blinked as Sheldon and Lalita wandered off, "What just happened?"

"Beats the hell out of me," Leonard muttered.

"I'll tell you what just happened," Howard smirked, "I just learned how to pick up Indian chicks."

Claire rolled her eyes and whacked him yet again.

Penny laughed at Howard's glare to Claire, "Oh we are gonna get along JUST fine, Claire."

~8~

Later that night Leonard and Claire were the only ones still at the bar, Sheldon had gone home to get his new wallet, having forgotten it, and returned as Claire had yet to give him the comic book she promised. Penny suspected it was Claire's secret way of making sure Sheldon actually hung out with them a little more, holding the prospect of another comic book hostage for another hour or two of social interaction. So Penny had offered them all a round of on the house drinks to celebrate her first successful night…

And now Sheldon was at a small keyboard off to the side of the room singing 'To Life' from Fiddler on the Roof and sipping the latest of his many Cuba Libres through a long straw, egging the crowd to join him.

"I don't believe it," Leonard watched him, stunned at how not-Sheldon like that was, "What's gotten into him?"

"Might I introduce to you both, Drunk Sheldon," Claire gestured at him, having been one of the rare few to have seen Sheldon actually drunk before.

"No way," Leonard shook his head, "He was drinking virgin Cuba Libres all night!"

"Well…" Penny smirked slyly, "Maybe a couple of those virgin Cuba Libres might have been kind of slutty," she pulled a bottle of alcohol from behind the bar and wiggled it at them, the bottle was already half empty.

"You didn't!"

"Hey, you do your experiments, I do mine," Penny laughed as Sheldon finished the song, the crowd only cheering when he stopped for the night, and walked back over to them, guzzling down the last of his drink, stumbling a little.

Claire shook her head at him, "Come on, Shelly Bean," she turned to him as he leaned a little on the bar, one hand resting on her shoulder to help balance him more, still swaying even then, "We better get you home before you get sick all over the place."

"Why would I get sick?" he asked, her, his words starting to slur a little, "I feel fine…see..."

And then he leaned over and pressed his lips to hers, kissing her firmly.

Penny and Leonard's mouths dropped open, their eyes widening comically as they gaped at the man who was the poster child for not wanting any human contact, actually KISSING someone!

Claire sighed as he pulled away, her hand moving to the center of his chest, patting him gently, "Oh yeah," she nodded, "Time to leave."

"But I don't wanna," he pouted.

She just got up anyway, "You know as well as I do, Shelly Bean, that when you get drunk enough to kiss me, that you're gonna be sick in less than 10 minutes. We need to get back to your apartment before that happens because if you throw up in my rent-a-car and I have to pay extra for it so help me I will kill you," she reached out and took his arm, turning to lead him off, "I've got one more night in the hotel, Penny," she paused to speak to the gaping woman, "Can I swing by tomorrow to start moving in?"

Penny could just nod dumbly.

"Thanks!" she cheered, leading Sheldon off.

Penny blinked as they disappeared through a door and whacked Leonard on the shoulder, grabbing the cloth of his jacket in a tight fist, "Do you know what this means?!"

"That Sheldon just kissed someone?" Leonard shook his head, utterly stunned.

Penny gripped his jacket tighter, half tugging him towards her over the bar, "Didn't you HEAR her?" Leonard looked at her, "She said when he gets drunk enough to kiss her…" he stared at her, still not getting it, "It means he's kissed her BEFORE!"

Leonard just looked back at the door they'd left through…having a hard time imagining that despite what he'd just seen. He blinked at that thought and turned to Penny, "How much did you give ME to drink?"

Penny just laughed.

A/N: I know it may seem a little OOC for Sheldon to kiss Claire given what we know of his personality. BUT! Leonard's mother struck me as an older, female version of Sheldon when she came around and, when Penny got HER drunk, she did kiss someone too so I don't think it's TOO far a stretch to imagine it might be possible for Sheldon, when he really gets very, VERY drunk, to kiss Claire in the same manner ;) I plan to explore a lot of what Claire's friendship with Sheldon will mean for her relationships with the other people in the group, so it's a good thing we have quite a few episodes and seasons to see them grow :)

I also know that Penny's apartment is fairly small and doesn't seem able to fit another person, but I always sort of felt that with her being across the hall that maybe her apartment could fit 2 people but because it's just Penny there, we don't really see the second bedroom. So if it's really just a one-bedroom apartment, for this story, I'm tweaking it to be 2-bedrooms :) Not a very major thing, but more to give her and Penny a chance to bond too :) Claire will definitely need more gal pals to balance Sheldon lol :)

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter too :) The next one should be up on Tuesday ;)

Some notes on reviews...

I'm so sorry about your great grandmother :( My grandmother, one I dedicated my DW Angel story to, passed away of a few different cancers, never breathed a word of how bad she was feeling till it was too late :'( But as for the story, we won't be getting any solid flashbacks, but we'll have references to past moments along with detailed rememberings of them :)