Chapter 2 Secrets Hurt

P O V: Sylvie Brett

Three and half hours later as we pulled up to the Herrman's household thoughts of my brother still plague my brain. Even as we hugged Cindy who thanked us all for coming. Jonah still haunted my mind memories of our childhood floated like pieces of videos inside my brain. I was dizzy from the spin cycle currently flowing through every fiber, cell in my body.

Fowlerton

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Fowlerton

Read more: My headache was only pounding worse as I tried to even out my exaggerated breathing. Excusing myself to the bathroom I sat on the floor leaning my head back against the wall. Pressing my water bottle against my face, I closed my eyes trying to control my emotions. Which had no intention of slowing down. Tears fell rapidly from my eyes as I remembered the time Jonah and I took home first place for wining a dancing competition in downtown Fowlerton.

We were always together despite being different genders Jonah and I just had this amazing connection, some people said it was because we were twins, I think it was simply because we genuinely liked each other. We respected each other which didn't mean we never fought we sure as heck had some major fights.

They usually revolved over his inability to leave the damn house unless he looked implicate. Damn that boy fussed with his hair and clothing more than mom and I ever did. It didn't bother me on most days except when I had a competition. Never make me late for my comps. I had been dancing since I was in diapers we both had but while he enjoyed it, I fell in love with it quickly rising in ranks to joining the competition dance team by the time I was eight.

We got into some knock out drag out fights even landing blows to each other just to get out of the house, he would always laugh and tell me I was being too emotional, that girls were basket cases that needed to be wrapped tighter. Each time I locked his stupid butt down into the basement.

Mom and dad would always have to intervene each taking one of us and pulling us apart dragging our kicking screaming bodies out the front door. By the time I hit that stage though I had forgiven him because all I could focus on was winning.

He was just as competitive when he found something he loved like singing he wasn't able to play sports like most boys in Indiana, so singing became his outlet which in turn became mine.

My breathing became tight as I fought off these waves of memories causing my chest to squeeze tighter. I coughed harder and harder till I was hunched over the toilet bowel vomiting. When would it stop hurting so bad? When would I ever be able to think back on these memories of my brother without having a mental breakdown?

Coughing I buried my head in between my legs breathing slowly trying to remember the techniques my therapist recommends. I feel feverish my chest hurts so I swallow some water which soothes my aching throat enough so I could swallow my medication. Keeping this secret is so draining but I learned the hard way years before that revealing this secret has far worse consequences.

Heading out to the main room after washing up I plaster on a fake ass smile and head into Cindy's arms for a hug which she is freely giving out. "Sylvie you feel warm are you okay?" I nod "Long shift I'm good. Everything smells so amazing babe thank you for having us." She slaps my butt "Of course you're all family and just because Lee Henry isn't graduating doesn't mean all this amazing food, my time should go to waste, you all work so hard you deserve a good home cooked meal."

Setting to work cutting vegetables along side Gabby I steal one of her potatoes she gasps hitting my ass hard. "thief wait for the food to be ready," she's laughing though so I know she's not mad. Stella is the first to voice the question we all are thinking. "How is Lee?" Cindy sighs as I turn my head to cough god my chest hurts. I can barely breathe today.

"He's scared he's hurting confused sacred, I am afraid. I made an appointment with Dr, Charles he needs help to deal with this," I can't stop coughing what the hell is wrong with me? I feel someone slip a water bottle into my hand forcing my hand to my mouth taking the knife out of my other hand the gruff voice orders me to drink.

"He's a good kid Cindy," Stella comments "He'll pull through this," "Stella is right let me know if it helps, I've been worried about Shay for awhile she needs to talk to someone, this depression hasn't gotten any better, even being together in Puerto Rico didn't erase her pain, it might of buried it for while but it didn't take it away, I just don't know how to present it to her without her killing me."

We laugh as Cruz watches me while I take a few more sips my throat burns less my coughing eases as the water makes it's way down my throat. "How's Chris?" She sighs at Trudy's question "As best as he could be you know Chris he's silent withdrawn, angry."

Moving to the table I start to set it when a wave of dizziness overpowers me damn medication strikes again. I have to grab the table and sit down quickly so I don't pass out. "Sylvie?" Cruz as usual is right by my side hoovering. "I'm fine Cruz, really go be with the guys." He isn't convinced "Sylvie something is going on your coughing like crazy you feel warm, your dizzy," His voice rises causing everyone to look at me great now I have to lie quickly before Will or Natalie or Ava get involved their all looking at me.

"I'm fine it's just my period seriously, I always get this way at this time," The guys all move back a little grossed out even Cruz holds up his hands "Okay so sorry didn't mean to get personal, glad your cool, feel better." He's really that grossed out by blood? Rolling my eyes I drink more water if he only knew just how dangerous my blood is, then he would really freak out.

"You can never tell anyone Sylvie." My mom's words echo in my ears as I close my eyes trying to breathe better. Gabby drops by my side "Since when does coughing have to do with periods girlfriend?" Crap. She caught that part. "Why are the kids home today exactly?" Antonio's question distracts everyone I flash him a grateful look, he's the only one who knows the truth. "Winter break, aren't your two home?" He plays dumb "You know I might want to check on that, be right back." Cindy rolls her eyes at Gabby as I slip out of the seat to start bringing food over.

She's distracted by the arrival of the rest of Antonio's unit along with some more Med staff. With all of us helping the table is set within minutes & loaded with food. "Hey everyone Shay sent a text," Everyone stopped what they were doing to listen to Gabby as she read Shay's text. "Stuck in traffic haven't moved in hours, have to pee so bad uh hate this shit, tell everyone I love them, miss them, I'm sorry I can't make it today."

"Excuses, Excuses." Mouch waves his hand shaking his head we laugh even though most of us feel for Shay. Being stuck in traffic sucks Herrman leads us all in prayer as we sit down to eat.

The table is filled with scrapping silverware, laughter good conversation and light warmhearted teasing as we all eat, well I push the food around on my plate, the smell is amazing yet my stomach churns. Another gift of my medication thankfully no one notices my limited food intake.

After we ate and cleaned up we all retired to the living room cracking open beer bottles, wine bottles. Mouch turns on the TV as we gather around the floor chairs on the couches, exhaustion fully hits me now as I slide in between Matt and Kelly. My head starts to fall onto Matt's shoulder my eyelids grow heavy. "Sylvie why don't you lay your head on my lap? It'll be more comfortable," his fingers caresses my hair easing my pain.

"So what's this Annabelle?" Kelly asked the question to the Herrman's eight year old daughter. "It's my family tree project for third grade." "cool." I can hear Kelly tickling her as she squeals in laughter. He would be a great dad it's too bad he won't settle down and mature so he could donate to Shay. "I did one in third to Anna," Matt ruffled her hair. "I tried to do one in fifth grade but the stupid teacher failed me." Kelly laughed "Why? Oh did you not to do the work Severide?"

"Kind of hard to do the work when you only have half a family to make a tree out of, Benny wasn't around much back then so I couldn't ask him." I felt his uncomfortable silence fill the room, it sucks when everyone is watching you sizing you up unsure how to respond. Making you even that more embarrassed, ashamed. I could almost feel him swallowing shifting on the balls of his feet regretting opening his mouth. So I speak without the need to open my eyes or move from Matt's warm embrace.

"Try being in eighth grade and finding out your adopted while doing this project. Talk about life altering consequences." Everyone whistled, I felt Matt squeeze my shoulder. Sleep wasn't coming so I shoved myself up yawing as I stretched. "Ever think of finding your biological family Sylvie?" Laying my head on Matt's shoulder as I looked at Kelly I shrugged "Yeah sometimes, when I first found out I was so angry so bitter, I wanted to find my family ask them a million questions like why did they reject us….Me? Throw me away like I was garbage, what did I do that was so wrong that they would throw away an innocent baby."

"So why didn't you?" Erin asked yawing as she sips her beer sitting in Jay's lap.

"I was fourteen it was before the internet was around, before cell phones, what could a rural kid do to find her biological family? Besides my aunt reminded me that my adoptive parents are wonderful people who have love me care for me, protect me always have since the minute they had me, she said it would hurt them to know I was thinking of finding the people who didn't care enough about me to keep me."

Gabby wrapped a blanket around my slender frame feeling my forehead. "Still warm sweetie," "Understandable Sylvie, what about now? Ever think of doing a DNA test?" Kelly asked I was thankful no one noticed my near slip of us not me. God I am so damn tired I can barely keep my eyes open. Mouch is the first to answer Kelly "Why are you so invested in this? It's her life not yours." Stella turns to him "Yeah he makes a good point you barely speak more than three words to her through a whole shift, why do you care so damn much?" Stella's words sting a little yet she has a grain of truth to them we're not truly close why does he care?

Frustrated he tries to spit out a lie about some new year resolution bullshit but none of us buy it. Finally he admits it "I was talking to Katie last week ever since our dad died we've gotten closer, our dad's gone so are his parents, we're all we have left from his side, his two youngest live far away and we don't even know them."

"I know it seems silly to be fussing about this. I'm a grown ass adult now, I shouldn't be so obsessed with this but I haven't had any siblings since Jamie," "Who's Jamie?" Chief Boden asked Kelly pauses taking a swig before he answers. "Jamie was my little brother from my mom's side he was five years younger then I was, he died when he was five years old drowned in our pool," We all gasp as I open my eyes slightly dizzy the pain in his eyes reflect the pain inside my heart I feel every day. Wordlessly I get up still feeling shaky I reach my arms open he allows me to slip inside of his.

"Katie and I have missed out on time we could if been making so many amazing memories, Jamie and I we had that bond till it was taking away, Siblings are amazing they share your childhood with you, your DNA, Your bloodline, the memories, who else knows what it's like to grow up with the same parents the same history? Who shares your secrets, your dreams,"

"No one," I whisper so softly only he hears me staring at me questioningly knowing enough not to push me. "I guess I've just been wondering what it would be like if we had other siblings out there, I mean Benny slept with half the women of Chicago and many more states, it's possible we have brothers or sisters out there, it would be cool to get to know them."

"Just think Severide you've slept with just as many women you could have enough off springs yourself to make a mini basketball team," Cruz jokes towards him all of us laughing except Kelly who glares. "Hey Cruz why don't you take that funny stick and shove it where the sun don't shine." Cruz just grins "Sorry Lt but I'm so cracked every side of me is sunny side up all day everyday."

"Anyway Sylvie what I am saying is that if your willing to get a DNA test, I am willing to go with you."

"Okay." my answer is soft he struggles to hear me but smiles when it sinks in. "You know what since Christie and I are always arguing over our roots. I'll get one to, she swears we're British, I swear we're Irish." Matt's comment surprises us "So where do we get this test?" I look towards Kelly since it was his brain child but it's Will who speaks up. "How about here? I got the swabs, I can swab ya'. Send them to the lab it will take about eight weeks to get results but once you do upload them to one of the websites like or 21 and me. Their use the first 37 matches to help link you with possible matches."

"Sure I need to brush my teeth though Cindy do you have an extra toothbrush?" "Of course Sweetie. I have five kids someone is always jamming one down another child's throat or dropping it in the toilet," She hands one to each of us within seconds we're at the sink fighting over space shoving each other both of them trying to overpower me. "Big brother's first little squirt," "uh Matthew you're like a month older chill out with this big brother crap we're not even related," "So just because we don't share the same bloodline doesn't mean nothing we're siblings through fire," Rolling my eyes I stumble as Kelly bumps my hip. Dizziness hits me hard again as I grip the sink spitting into it as a coughing fits slams my chest hard.

"You're bleeding Sylvie," I can taste the blood before I open my eyes and see it pooling into the sink. Crap that's a lot of blood my chest burns, as I keep coughing. "Can I have some privacy boys I need to pee." I know my voice is shaking as I lie but I need to get factor into me soon. They have no idea that this bleed isn't normal, to them it's just some bruised gums or sore lungs, to me it's another bleed which could easily kill me.

I'm one of the rare females born with hemophilia type A. Hemophilia means I lack a coagulation clotting factor which helps heal cuts, or internal bleeds, in my case it's factor Vii so when I get a bleed I will just keep bleeding and bleeding till I bleed to death. Unless I get an injection of factor quickly, sometimes it takes 2 or 3 injections over the course of a few hours.

"Nah Sylvie we've both seen vagina's before you ain't got nothing special, just pee we're good." Gasping as Kelly shoves me, tickling me. Thank god I don't have to pee or I would've had an accident from how hard he's making me laugh. "How do you know what my vagina is like? I've been told by every man I've ever been with that my vagina is ascendancy magical." Both groan rolling their eyes "Whatever douche told you that was just trying to get a piece of that," He motions towards down below gasping again I shove him "I agree with Severide whoever told you needs a good bitch slap, I'll be happy to do it to," Color fills my face at their words which is good since I can feel the blood oozing faster, meaning I'm losing color so the embarrassment is a good thing even though I want to kick both of their asses right now.

"Out idiots, now." I shove them hard as they laugh "Touche," Slamming the door behind them I breathe slow coughing hard. Quickly I grab my 22 inch syringe mix the solution, remove the cap, cleansing the stopper and the syringe with alcohol. My hands shake as I draw back the plunger tapping it to remove the air, the syringe fills with the solution as I tie a tourniquet around my arm, tapping my arm to find a vein, closing my eyes. I take short deep breaths injecting myself. I'll need to repeat this at least twice over the next few hours.

Once I am washed up I head up plastering a smile on my face. "Let's do this y'all," Dr. Halstead has already swabbed Kelly and Matt. "Ready for your close up Sylvie Jean?" Flipping Kelly off I open my mouth as Will swabs my check. I'm thankful he's wearing gloves. It's not even seconds later after Will is done that Kelly's tackling me onto the couch, God brothers are so annoying bloodline or not.