"Honey? Honey! Hey! Snap out of it!" My husband's voice burst into my thoughts.
"Hm? Oh!" I said, noticing we were there. As I stepped out of the limo, I looked at my old high school. One I hadn't been to, in what seemed like eternity. I walked up the stairs slowly to the school, and leaned on my husband's arm for support. I reached the front door's, and with my hand shaking, pushed it open.
The decorations inside were stunning. It looked exactly like it had ten years ago. Everything was in the same place as it had been the day of my graduation and I was amazed. My husband looked around in awe as well, and said,
"So, this is your old high school?'
I nodded. "Yeah..." I wondered how many of my classmates would make it out. I heard voices as I neared the gym, my husband's hand in my own.
As I stepped through the open door, voices filled my ears. Voices of my old classmates, of my old teachers...
I could hear two certain voices over the din. One was that of Jeff Hardy, the other of his brother.
I led my husband through the crowds, and to where I heard the two familiar voices. I tried to look like I was searching for something else, for food or something, and a familiar face popped into my view.
"Hey Lindsay!" He said to me, and held out his hand.
"Jeff?" I said his name. I was too shocked to say anything else.
"Give the lady a prize! Got it in one!" He laughed. I shook his hand.
It had been 9 years since I had seen Jeff Hardy face to face. He didn't look any different; well, he did, but you were still able to tell it was him.
His hair was past his shoulders now, and died every colour of the rainbow. Both of his ears were pierced, as well as his bellybutton, which you couldn't see first thing...He wore a black longsleeved shirt, and a pair of black pants. His hair colour stood out against his outfit.
I stumbled for something to say. "Jeff...Uh...Meet my husband, Kim." I smiled.
Jeff stumbled for something to say now. "Hello." He finally said.
I looked at my husband and told him if he wanted to mingle, he could. He walked off in the direction of the food, and I laughed.
I turned back to Jeff. "So...The old crew's almost back together, huh?" I said.
Jeff smiled. "Yeah...The old crew."
I fingered the cup that I had in my hand. It contained a mixture of wine and punch. "Been a long time..." I couldn't think of what to say. I remembered the clearly the events of my grade twelve summer. And the summer following that.
"So, you're married now..." Jeff said.
"Yeah...I met Kim at the art school I went to. He's great. I love him..." I stopped. I didn't want to say too much to Jeff. After all, I swore to myself I'd never talk to Jeff or Matt again, as long as I lived. But then the ten year reunion invitations had been sent out, and I couldn't help but return to the little town I loved so much.
I grinned. "Being married isn't all it's cracked up to be."
Jeff laughed. "Who would've have figured you would get married?" He punched me lightly.
"Yeah.." I said. "How's the WWF going?" I asked him.
"Awesome. Our fanbase is so big now. I haven't killed myself either yet...Same with Matt."
I smiled. "That's great..." I said falsely.
"Mattie's here." Jeff told me.
"He is?"
Jeff nodded. "Yep."
I grinned a little, and looked around. I bumped into my husband doing so, and he grabbed me around the waist. I looked forward to see who he was talking to, and found it was Mattie.
"Uh...Hi..." I stammered.
Matt almost fainted. "Lindsay? Oh mah god..." I wanted to scream, to run, to get away. I knew I had betrayed the one man I had ever loved...
Matt brightened. "You're married now, huh?" His words were the same as his brother's, but sounded hollow. Without meaning. As if he couldn't believe it.
I nodded. "This is Kim." I said simply. I hid my hands behind my dress. I didn't want Matt to see the wedding ring anymore than he had to.
Matt's attitude changed suddenly. "Well, you have yourself a fine girl there, Kim. You should be happy."
Kim laughed. "I couldn't ask for anyone more beautiful." He bent his head, and kissed my cheek.
"Yeah, she's quite the amazing gal. Lindsay and I go way back." Matt continued.
"Yeah, yeah we do Mattie..." I said, trying to change the subject. I didn't want any of my past being brought up. Any of my careless past.
"Did ya know that I was Lindsay's escort in grade twelve?" Matt told Kim. Kim smiled brightly, and said, "You were lucky to have such a pretty girl as you're date."
"Kim..." I warned him. "Don't..."
He looked at me. "What's wrong honey?"
"Nothing. I need to refill my drink. Why don't you mingle a little more?" I suggested. He smiled, shrugged, and went off in another direction.
I glared at Matt. "Matt! Don't bring up that summer! Please! If Kim finds out...He'll be devastated."
Matt looked at me. "Lindsay. Why are you acting like this? What's in the past is in the past. It was emotionally tough for ya, I know, but it's not the end of the world."
I didn't know what to say. "Have you seen Meagan?" I asked him.
He shook his head. I headed out the back door, to get some fresh air. And a smoke. I had picked up the habit lately, and I still didn't know why. I just had, and I found myself addicted to the things.
"Smoking can kill you." I heard a familiar southern drawl near me.
"Do I care, Jeff?" I snapped back. I flicked the but. "I have my own damn life now, with my own husband. I can do whatever the hell I want."
He looked a little shocked. "Your choice, Linds." I noticed him calling me his nickname for me.
"My name is Lindsay." I corrected him.
"Lindsay...Okay...How's life going for you?" He asked, making small talk as if we were old buddies.
"Not bad." I flicked the but again, and inhaled the cigarette. "I'm married, but I don't have any kids yet. Don't plan on having any kids."
Jeff looked a little amazed. "You're never gonna have kids? What...What happened to you, Lindsay? You were so depressed the day..."
"That was almost ten years ago, Jeff. I've dealt with it. It happened, and..." I couldn't continue. "Aw, hell, what am I kidding myself? My entire life is a lie...I wished I'd never let you guys go!" I said in a rush, and hugged Jeff tightly.
He struggled for a few seconds, and returned the hug. "I've missed you too Lindsay..." He whispered.
Tears, tears from my teenage life came pouring out. Here I was, at 27 years of age, and crying my eyes out like I was a 16 year old who had just had her heart broken by her umpteenth boyfriend.
I pulled away quickly. "My makeup's smeared now...Damn it..." I said.
Jeff laughed. "You haven't changed a bit since I saw you last." He smiled. "Still crying your eyes out."
I joined him in laughing. "Yeah...Still crying..." I hugged him again. "I miss you guys so much...Ever since I moved back to Canada, my life has been empty without you and Matt..."
Jeff smiled. "I've been too busy to think about even my closest family. I haven't even thought about you since you left..." He confessed.
"I've missed you..." I repeated myself. "I've missed you and Matt so much..."
I stepped back. "I should head back inside. Kim's probably wondering what happened to me." I told Jeff. I began to turn my body around, to head back in, when Jeff grabbed my arm, pulled me towards him, and our lips met.
Stepping back, I looked at him wide eyed, and ran inside the building. I needed to find my husband. I wanted to feel safe. I ran into people, and objects doing so. I ran into Matt.
He grabbed my shoulders, stopping me. I was always so much shorter than him. And now, after all of his years in the WWF, I was less muscular than him. I had no strength against him.
"Where ya headed so fast, Linds?" He asked me.
I sighed. "I'm trying to find my husband." I told him.
He let me go. "Something's wrong."
I shook my head. "I'm fine..."
"Even after all the time we've been away from each other, I still know how to read you, Lindsay." Matt told me.
I pushed past him. I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted to be at home, with my husband. Being around Matt and Jeff reminded of the duel I had had within myself all those years ago. It reminded me of my mixed feelings for both. I couldn't handle it. I didn't want to handle it. It had been submerged in me for all those years. And now it was being brought up again. I knew that coming to the ten year reunion would only damage my mental health again.
"Whoa! Lindsay!" I heard a female voice say to me. I looked over. It was Meagan.
I ran towards her and hugged her tight. It had been ten years since I had seen her, physically seen her. I hadn't made it to her wedding five years ago. My life had been busy then.
Stepping out of the hug, we both smiled. "Oh wow..I'm so glad you came.." I told her.
She smiled, and I noticed a tall, longhaired blonde man with his arm around her.
"Meet Edge. Well, that's his stage name at least.." Meagan told me. "He's in the WWF."
I almost screamed. "You know..." I trailed off.
Meagan nodded. "I saw them here. Have you talked to them yet?" She asked.
I didn't answer her. "I...I have to go." I told her, remembering about my search for my husband. I ran off again, and couldn't find him. I gave up. He was my husband, I needed to find him, but he was nowhere to be found...That was always great.
I found myself on the front steps of the school. I looked around. This was the first place that first day at school, when Jeff had yelled at me from Meagan's car to go for lunch with them...
I shook the memory out of my head. I didn't want to remember anything from my high school life. I tried to shake any memories I had out of my mind. I sat on those steps, for who knows how long. I cried. Like I had so often as a young teenager. It was stupid, and immature, but I did it anyway. I began to wipe the tears away, when I felt a warm pair of arms around my waist. My husband hugged me tightly, as if I was about to leave him. He whispered, "I love you," into my hair, but when I turned around, it wasn't him...Just a memory of something past. Instead, I saw a ghost of Jeff when he was young, walking into the building, leading me. I followed him, tranced.
When I entered the gym again, the ghost of teen Jeff disappeared. On the opposite end of the gym, I saw the Jeff from years later. I stopped. My heart was still fighting over whom I loved more; Jeff or Matt. I completely forgot about my husband. I still hadn't found him. A dance had started, and I saw couples, married and in early relationships, enter onto the dance floor. Music from my generation of high school graduates echoed in the gym. It started off with dance music, and changed to something slower, something much more slower...
I curled up in the corner I was standing in. I didn't sit down, I shoved myself against the wall almost. I didn't want anyone to see me. Not now. Not ever. I wanted to run, to be out of that place. But my body wouldn't move. Not until I saw Matt walk over. "A dance, please?" He asked politely. It was still on the slow song.
I nodded and took Matt's hand. He led me towards the dance floor, and once we were on, Matt wrapped his arms around me tightly, and I rested my head against his chest. Slowly, rhythmically, we danced together, like we had at the graduation ceremonies. Without words, we spoke to each other in terms of body language, and our bodies meshed together beautifully. I didn't even know my husband's name anymore. I couldn't seem to remember it. I didn't want to remember it. I wanted to stay in Matt's arms forever. Even after what I had done to him.
The song ended, and I moved back. "Thank you for the dance..." I whispered, and turned around. I found a table to sit at, and found my husband already there. He looked at me, looked away, and abruptly got up and left.
I ran after him. "Kim!" I yelled his name. He ignored it. "Kim! Please! Listen to me!" I stopped as I saw him exit the doors of the school.
I knew this scene all too well. It was what had happened with Matt, after my night with Jeff...This was the same way Matt had reacted.
"I'll be at the hotel." Kim said, and drove off in the car. Our car.
"Great..." I said, and curled my arms around me. The air had suddenly chilled. I shivered a little, and entered the school for what seemed the millionth time. Inside, the dance was still ongoing, and now alcohol was out...And in large amounts. I didn't want to be anywhere near it. I hadn't been anywhere near alcohol since that night...
I sat down in an empty chair, at an empty table. I put my head in my hands. My mind began to wander. I began to think of what would have been if I hadn't had a miscarriage...If I had given birth to Jeff's child. What would have happened? Would he and Matt have made it into the WWF? I sighed. That gift had been taken away. It was too late now. I had no kids with Kim..
People swirled around me gracefully, energetically, dancing to the fast music that played from my decade now. I smiled a little, watching them. I played the scene of my husband through my head, and sighed. I was without a car now, and I needed a way back to the hotel. Hopefully, Meagan would be understanding. My eyes scanned for her, and I found her and her husband happily dancing on the floor. I stood up, but decided to wait until the song was over before approaching her. She looked like she was having too much fun.
My black dress had become wrinkled by now, and my face had seemed to age as I looked at myself in my compact mirror. I noticed the wrinkles more, noticed the signs of aging...How long it had been since I had been with the gang, as we referred to ourselves now. I put the small mirror away in my bag, which had stayed with me the entire time, and heard the song end. I ran for Meagan.
She smiled as she saw me, and begged to join her and her husband in the circle they had created with other friends from high school. I shook my head. "It's okay, Meagan. I need to get a ride back to my hotel though, if you don't mind...Kim freaked out on me."
"Sure." Meagan said. "I have no problems with that." She added, "Once I'm done here, I'll let you know, okay?" She turned back to Edge, and started to dance again.
I sighed, and muttered 'thanks', and I knew she couldn't hear me. I strode over to the bar, to get myself a glass of water. Upon reaching it, I found Jeff ordering a drink. I was still a little squirmish around him. He ordered his drink, and turned to me.
In his Southern drawl, he said, "Where's your husband?"
"He..." I had to think of something. "He went back to the hotel for some rest. He doesn't particularly like events like this." I covered up.
"Oh." Jeff laughed. "He would hate the WWF then!"
"Yeah..." I smiled at him. The bartender handed me my water, Jeff his drink.
"A toast?" He asked. "It's just a coke." He smiled.
"Sure."
"To...Long health and happiness." Jeff said, and held his cup up. I clinked my glass against his, and we both took sips. I hadn't forgotten the kiss he had given me earlier, though. It still bugged me.
"Jeff..." I began. "About that kiss earlier..."
"Yeah?" He raised his eyebrow.
"It..." I sighed, and changed the subject. "Have you seen Meagan yet? She's here with Edge."
Jeff looked at me. "Yeah. I saw her. If ya want, later, we could hit some kind of a dance club. You, me, Matt, Meagan, and Edge."
"Um...Nah, I'll pass...I'm worried about Kim." I told him, lying through my teeth. "I'll see you later, Jeff." I said, and like I had done all those years ago, walked away from him without a backwards glance.
*****
I left soon after that, Meagan giving me a ride back to the hotel. I found Kim sleeping when I got in, so I was quiet, and crawled into bed with him.
I awoke the next morning, the radio blasting in my ears. Groaning, I whipped my hand over and shut it off. Kim was already gone for the day, probably for breakfast, and such. I sat up. The phone rang.
"'Ello?" I said into the mouth piece.
"Lindsay? That you?" Matt's voice replied.
"Uh...Yeah...What's up?" I asked, nothing clicking in my head.
"I gotta call this morning from Edge. He says Meagan never showed up in her hotel room last night. Jeff's here with me, and we're both worried."
"Meagan didn't make it back? Oh no..." I mouthed.
"What happened after she dropped you off?" Matt asked.
"She...She went back to the hotel, I'm assuming." I said. A number of thoughts coursed through my head.
"Well, Edge said she didn't make it back. No sign of her."
"Fuck..." I swore. "Hell, this is not good. Listen, I'm gonna get dressed and stuff, tell Edge to be at your house in the next while..." I said, and hung up the phone. I dashed into the shower, dashed out, and grabbed some clothes from my suitcase. I scribbled a note to Kim, letting him know where I was, and what I was doing, and left it on the bed. I ran out of the hotel room, and found the car still there. I figured Kim had walked to a local restaurant. I hopped in, turned the engine on, and drove to Matt and Jeff's. I knew I was speeding the entire time, but we needed to find Meagan, and fast.
I ran up the stairs to their house, and rang the doorbell. Jeff answered it immediately.
I stumbled in. "Edge here?" I asked. Jeff nodded. I looked around, and found him. He looked worried. Or, beyond it.
"Edge!" I said, calling him by his WWF name. He looked over at me slowly. He didn't say anything.
"All right....We have to find Meagan, you guys...I mean...." I stumbled over my words.
Matt and Jeff nodded, knowing what I meant.
"We have to set up a search plan. I'll take the Southend, Matt you take the Northend, and Jeff'll take the Eastend. That leaves the Westend, which I'll take as well. Got it? Once we're done searching, asking people, then we'll meet back up here and discuss what we can do after that..." I sighed. "Let's get going, guys." I told them, and headed out to my car.
******
No such luck was to be had, as Matt, Jeff and I rode in our seperate ways back to the Hardy Boyz house. All three of us had been gone for hours now, and when we returned, Edge looked even worse.
Stepping into the house, I knelt down in front of Edge's tear streaked face. "Adam..." I knew his first name now, "Calm down please, hon. I'm sure Meagan's fine. We contacted the police, we asked around....Until we get bad news, no news is good news." I smiled up at him, placing my hand on his knee and squeezing it a tiny bit. He let out a ragged sigh.
"I'm gonna head back to your hotel okay?" I told him and stood up. "She might be there, for all we know. Come on honey." Adam slowly stood up and followed after me in a daze.
Unlocking my car door, I stepped in and pressed the unlock key. Adam sat himself into the passenger seat. I started the car up, and headed the direction of the hotel. Matt and Jeff had stayed back at their place, in case they heard any word there of Meagan.
The car trip to the hotel was dead silent. I could sense Adam's worry and tenseness as I parked the car in a stall in the hotel parking lot. After he stepped out of the car, I pressed the lock key and followed after him into the hotel. He walked up to his hotel room and unlocked the door.
"I'm sure she's safe, Adam." I hadn't seen him this distraught the entire time I had known him. Upon opening the door, we heard some noises. I raised an eyebrow, and Adam's jaw dropped when he saw it was Meagan just waking up.
She smiled up at him sleepily. Adam grinned like a fool and ran for the bed, lifting her up and into his arms, hugging her tight. That gave her a wake up call.
"Wha..?" She asked.
"We thought you had gone missing, Meagan." I explained.
She laughed. "I guess I must have hidden in the blankets too well this morning, huh Adam?" She smiled at him and hugged him tight in return.
"Mission accomplished." I grinned. "I'm gonna head back and tell the Hardy's everything's ok.." I told the two and shut the hotel door.
*****
The second night of the reunion began. I smiled as
I danced to the music playing. It was kind of a repeat of the night before,
but there had been a mock ceremony of the grads earlier in the afternoon.
Instead though, all the grads that had been there in 96 walked across the
stage, recieved a fake diploma and then during the grand march, we walked
with our significant other, be it boyfriend or girlfriend, wife or husband.
Many many changes had occurred, and there were a lot of surprises for a
lot of us. Supper had been served tonight as well, and then there was the
grad dance.
I was definitely enjoying myself tonight. I hadn't
run into the Hardy's though. I smiled as Kim wrapped his arms around me
from behind. A few songs later, I sat down to take a breather. Kim shrugged
and went off to talk to more people. Our fight had blown over since then,
and he knew that I had nothing for the Hardy's.
At least, I was trying to tell myself that subconciously. Conciously, I knew it wasn't true. I still had feelings, overwhelming feelings for Jeff.
******
Kim left early that night. He offered to give me a ride, but I told him I was going to be a bit later. I'd find some way to get home, I assured him and he smiled. I was 27 after all. I could take care of myself easily.
I approached Meagan about a ride. She declined, saying her car was full of other people she and Edge had to drive home. That left me two options: Jeff or Matt. Matt had left almost as early as my husband, so that left me with one choice.
Jeffrey Nero Hardy.
I sighed, and found him up on the dance floor. Waiting
until he took a minute to catch a drink, I walked towards him. He smiled
happily at me. He knew I needed something. He knew it so well.
"Jeff...Can...Can you give me a ride back to the
hotel at the end of the night?" I asked him cautiously.
"Of course I can!!" He told me and grinned wildly. He looked 17 again as he stood there in front of me. I smiled in return and when I looked into his eyes, I saw the look that I had seen so often in high school.
*******
We left a few hours later. I caught up with Jeff and we headed over to his car. A 2001. It was gorgeous. It wasn't brand new, but absolutely beautiful.
The car ride was full of stories and memories of that last year of high school. The funny ones. The good ones. The sad ones. All but that last day of school. It was unmentioned between the two of us.
"Thanks." I said, as I placed my platform shoes onto the ground outside of his car. He shut his car off.
"I'll walk you up to your hotel room." He offered. I shrugged and didn't argue with him.
I was expecting Kim to be sleeping when I unlocked the door. I didn't however, and found a note on the little table in the corner. It simply stated that Kim had met up with some old friends of his and was going for coffee with them. It also said he wouldn't be home until the next afternoon. Some kind of a road trip he and his buddies were taking. I shrugged.
"I suppose you could come in." I said to Jeff. He smiled softly.
Placing the keys down onto the small table by the note, I sat down on the bed. I removed my shoes and began to undo my dress, when I looked over at Jeff. "Oh..Right...Not my husband." I said outloud and did the dress back up quickly. I bit my lip. "Mind turning around for a moment?" I asked Jeff. He looked at me.
"Nah, here I'll help you get that dress undone. It looks like it'd be a pain to do by yourself." He placed himself behind me on the bed and undid the zipper, then pushed the sleeves forward. Instantly, his soft lips placed themselves on my back. As I removed the rest of my clothing and his, I took the ring on my left finger off and placed it on the desk.
Hello my friend we meet again
It's been a while where should we begin...feels like forever
Within my heart are memories
Of perfect love that you gave to me
I remember
When you are with me
I'm free...I'm careless...I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice
We've seen our shares of ups and downs
Oh how quickly life can turn around in a moment
It feels so good to reunite
Within yourself and within your mind
Let's find peace there
When you are with me
I'm free...I'm careless...I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice
I just want to say hello again
******
I was awakened by the sound of a shower running the very next morning. Jeff had popped into the shower and I smiled happily. After all these years. I knew deep in my heart, I loved Jeff so much more. My thoughts flew to Matt. He was 30 now...He wouldn't be as upset as when he was 20.
Jeff entered the room, a towel wrapped around his
waist. He kissed me, his wet hair falling into his face.
I stood up, and went to get myself dressed. As I
did, Jeff found his own clothing. When he was half-dressed, the door to
our hotel room opened.
My jaw went slack as Kim entered. He took two steps and stopped. "What..." He saw Jeff and growled at him. "What the hell?!" Kim began. He grabbed my wrist. "What the hell did you do with him last night while I was gone?! You think you can get away with this?!" He let go of my wrist, and slapped me across the face.
Jeff started in on Kim. "Leave her alone!" He yelled. "She's your wife, god damn it! Don't beat her!!" His face was pleading with my husband's. Still, he kept his hands to his own.
Kim backhanded me against my cheek. "Bitch!" He screamed. He took the ring on his finger off and threw it in my face. "We're over!!" He said. "Find your own way home now! I'll be back later to clean my stuff up and go!" He slammed the door powerfully behind him and I could hear his echoing steps down the hallway.
Jeff flew to my side, as my tears ran down my cheeks. He hugged me tight in his grasp. "Sssh...It'll be okay..."
His words echoed those of so many years ago. My grad
summer. The summer and the summer's following that had caused me so much
pain, so much wreckage, so much baggage. I had tried to convince myself
I had always loved Matt more. But in this moment that my husband had left
me, I knew it was Jeff Hardy. I wondered where Matt was in that moment.
What he was doing. What he was thinking. I looked into Jeff's eyes. All
I saw was his love and comfort. As my memories of my grade 12 year, from
the first day I met the Hardy's, to the last day I had left them, flashed
through my mind, I kissed Jeff Hardy with all the passion I had in me.
Pulling back slightly from him, still in his warm
grasp, I said,
"I love you."
******
The song used in this fic is "My sacrifice" by Creed.