Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. They're Stephenie Meyer's. This story is mine though. Enjoy!
Chapter 2
Edward's POV
I started to pace back and forth in my tiny motel room. I did not know what to do. Do I go back? To her? What if she really was with him? What if she really loved him? What if she was over me? I know she sounded happy to hear me over the phone but I just did not know what was going on.
I felt as though my heart was torn in two. I sat down on the bed and looked up. I stared at the wall, trying to sort out my feelings.
This whole thing could go in so many different ways.
The first way was that she did move on. She loved Jake, a werewolf. And was getting on perfectly fine without me.
But if that was true, Alice would not have had that vision. Alice would not have flown all the way to Forks unless she really thought Bella was going to die.
The second way was that she did not necessarily move on yet, but she was going to. It seemed as though things were going to be okay. She seemed happy and alive.
But she did sound happy to hear my voice. That must mean that she still loves me.
I did not want to give myself false hope, but I could not help but think that maybe she wanted me to come back to Forks. She might just want to try again. Maybe we could pick up from where we left off.
But that would be so wrong. Apparently I hurt her so much. I deserve to rot away in this hell hole.
I laid back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
The third way, I could go back to Forks and slowly earn her trust back. We did not necessarily have to be together, but I just needed to be near her. I just wanted to be by her. I just wanted to make sure that she was okay.
Especially with that werewolf. Attraction to trouble, I smirked. She just could not get away from the mythical creatures, now could she? Especially a young werewolf, she could get in a lot more trouble with him than she ever could with me.
There was always the fourth way… What if we all went back to Forks? What if we all moved back… Bella and I could pick up where we left off. After she forgave me, of course. Carlisle should have no trouble getting him job back at the hospital. We could all go back to school there. Rosalie and Emmett could finish their trip in Africa, technically they had graduated from Forks High… So they did not have to come back unless they wanted to.
Who was I kidding? Why would she forgive me? I lied to her that night. I told her that I did not want to be with her anymore. I told her that I did not love her anymore. What if she believed me?
But if she loved me the way she said she did, then why did she believe that lie? If she believed that I loved her as I had told her so many times, then she should not have believed that lie as easily as she did.
Her face that night still haunts me. When I saw that she actually believed that I did not love her anymore.
I kept arguing with myself in my mind. I did not know what I wanted to do.
If I did go back, earned her trust back and everything went back to how it was supposed to be, was I supposed to change her?
No.
I could not do that to her. I did not want to damn her to this existence. I did not want to take her soul.
So then, I would go back and watch her get old?
No. I could not do that either.
Maybe it was better than I did not go back.
She was obviously living her life. Just the way that I wanted her to. I wanted her to go through all the human things that she would have missed if she was still with me.
She would be in danger the whole time if she was with me.
Did I want to put her through that again?
Of course not.
Maybe I should just go back and check on her.
No, I should not do that. She sounded okay over the phone. I should just be okay with that.
But what if something was wrong? She would not have almost died if everything was okay.
So everything was not okay.
That means I should go, right?
This was a never ending fight in my head. I did not know what was right. I just did what I felt was right, for her.
Should I follow my head? Or my un-beating heart?
No. I left for a reason. I needed to follow through with that reason or it would have been all for nothing.
Even though he was a werewolf, she could learn to love him.
Then they can do human things… Get married, have babies, get old together.
But I did not want her with him.
Not a werewolf.
Here I go again.
Back at square one.
I did not know what I want to do.
Never mind what was right for me…
What is right for Bella?
I picked up the pen from the nightstand and crushed it in my hand. Unfortunately, that did not satisfy me at all.
I wish Alice were here. I mean, I know nothing is set in stone, but she could at least point me in the right direction.
Which way was the right direction?
Was there a right a direction?
I started to get frustrated with myself.
How hard could this be?
I either go back or I do not.
It was really that simple.
Or was it?
I had to think about every aspect of it. The present and the future. And the past. Would she be able to forgive me for the past? If not, then there is no future.
As far as I knew, she was okay. Alice was there. If it really was bad, then she would have just told me to come.
But she did not.
So Bella was fine. She did not need me. She was doing well on her own.
Who was I kidding? I had to go back to. To at least see her. At least smell her one last time… It was not like I was doing any good here. I lost Victoria's scent a long time ago. I just did not want to go home and deal with my family. I knew they were all mad at me for leaving Bella the way that I did. Esme and Carlisle were hurting because they had to leave her behind also; it was like they lost a daughter. Alice lost her best friend. Emmett lost his little sister. Jasper could not even deal with the emotions in the house anymore. He was going crazy. Rosalie was Rosalie.
A cockroach skittered across the floor of the motel room. A simple reminder of where I was at.
A far and long way from where I wanted to be.
I loved her. No, I love her.
I had to stop being so selfish. Everyone was paying for it. Everyone.
I left her to make life better for her, but I ended up not only hurting her, but everyone else around her.
I needed to make things right. For me and for her.
Even if she did not want me anymore, I needed closure. I know she needs it too.
If she wants to be with me, we will take it one day at a time and see where it goes.
If she does not want to be with me, then I will say good bye properly this time. I will let my family say good bye also.
I knew what I had to do.