Note: I'm glad it's at least enjoyable. Again, not a serious story. Just silly and made for fun. Also, Vergil is hilarious to write, the poor dork.

02.

The journey to the tower was annoying. Not only was his long blue coat in danger of being ripped in the thorny forest, but the tower itself seemed to have gone out of its way in appearing farther and farther away the closer Vergil got. Maybe it was his imagination or the lack of oxygen at such a high altitude as he scaled the mountain, but something was off about the tower. For one, the door wasn't guarded, nor was it locked. In fact, the door seemed to open once at Vergil's presence.

Once inside, he saw the tower hadn't seen much in terms of visitors, unless you counted those skeletons chained against the walls, but Vergil didn't because he was sure those skeletons had it coming. Who in their right mind would wear fur boots with Viking hats? Hideous. They deserved to die for their ridiculous tacky fashion.

He stopped, a hand on Yamato's grip, and moved as fast as to trick the human eye. The demon that was preparing to attack from behind fell to the ground in half. Vergil sheathed his sword as the demon's blood rained down around him and soon the young prince had company. This didn't bother him as it only made him smirk. He rushed forth, his katana sending out a thin slash of light as he effortlessly cut through his enemies, their bodies falling as their blood gushed out in violent bursts. More demons arrived and Vergil executed them just as quickly, slashing with little effort. It wasn't until the floor mirrored a sea of blood did they stop coming and Vergil stood still, sheathing his katana with a swift click.

He waited until the last demon dissolved to sand to comb his hair back since his hair needed to be up and perfectly coiffed as to distinguish him from his identical younger brother (by five minutes) who coincidentally looked older than him.

Vergil scowled.

Damn you Dante.

He let the image of his brother slide out of his mind when he came into the library.

Unlike the room downstairs, the library was a well lit large room, with stone bookcases built into the floor that towered up towards the ceiling. The young prince walked along the hallway when a sound from behind stopped him in his tracks. He turned and saw a book on the ground—a purple leather bound—and went to pick it up.

It was about his father, the Legendary Dark Knight and his tale of how he became the greatest warrior of all time. In the war between the demons and the humans, his father betrayed his demon brothers and defended the humans. With his great power he managed to defeat Mundus, the king of the underworld, and seal the gates that united both worlds. He did this at a sacrifice however as he gave up his most powerful weapon, the Sword of Sparda. He gave the sword up and sealed the gates while leaving everything he knew behind. He settled in the human realm where he met and fell in love with a human woman and fathered twin sons. That was the story recorded in books, the story that became legend.

Little did they know that story was far from the truth and the only reason the real story wasn't well known was because the humans old enough to really remember the ancient tale were already dead. In reality, there was no war between the demons and the humans, but a property dispute between a demon and a human farmer. As usual, the neighbors were at each other's throats about who owned what.

"The tree is mine!" the demon said, looking at the tree in his yard.

"Fine keep your tree, but the apples are mine," said the human, which was true since the tree, despite being in the demon's yard, leaned over towards the human's yard where the apples fell. The demon did not like this because despite being a demon, he was quite fond of apples hence the apple tree in his yard.

Sparda became involved in all of this somehow because he didn't have anything better to do than swing a big sword around as though he was compensating for something and tried being the mediator. What ended up happening, after a series of rock-paper-scissors games gone wrong, was a full-blown fight. The demon got his friends who got their friends and so on and so forth and the human, not wanting to be outnumbered, did the same.

Sparda was in the middle, eating apples and keeping score.

It was a brutal fight with casualties on both sides and Sparda decided that enough was enough (that and he ran out of apples) and used his huge sword to end it all. He obliterated both sides and half the countryside. When he was done, he had a lot of explaining to do to the traumatized country folk who hadn't a clue about what was going on or why this stranger was dancing around bloody corpses singing about apples. Thankfully, Sparda, being the charming and handsome fellow he was, made up the story about the war and how he was their savior. They instantly believed him and how could they not? He was handsome, a stranger with a blood covered sword with crazy powers, and he had promised them peace and harmony as long as they let him keep the apple tree.

In the end, he made a big show on how much of a sacrifice he'd made to them, going as far as to seal his sword away in the underworld with the help of a pretty priestess who kept turning down his advances. He told Mundus that he'd be back for his sword eventually and to hold it for him. Mundus was cool about it and kept it in his basement. After that ordeal and a stinging slap from the pretty priestess that helped him seal the door, Sparda settled down with a very pretty blonde human woman who, like the priestess didn't think much of Sparda, but unlike the priestess didn't think she could do any better. They got married after Sparda drunkenly cried and threatened to kill himself and half the country outside her window and they had twins the following year.

This was told to an eight year old Dante and Vergil. Eva quickly shooed them away from their drunken father and sent them to bed.

To this day Vergil wasn't sure if he could believe his father, but his mother neither confirmed nor denied his story. Still, the Sword of Sparda existed and it was known to have incredible power. Once he got his hands on it he could rule both the human and demon world and have all the apples in the—no, that wasn't right. Stupid apples, stupid father and his stupid drunken stories.

Vergil closed the book and shelved it somewhere random.

"You know, it'd be a shame to your father's legacy if everyone knew the true story."

Vergil turned around immediately, Yamato pointing at the owner's voice. The clown in the dark purple jumpsuit frowned and made his knees shake wildly.

"Don't shoot! I'm innocent!" He raised his hands, then laughed hysterically as he avoided Vergil's swipe of his blade. He jumped backwards when the young prince swung again and landed softly a few feet away, taking a bow.

The clown looked up, a large grin on his lips.

"Welcome! My name is Jester!"

Vergil brought his katana back, sheathing it. He scowled.

"Where's the wizard?" Vergil asked.

Jester smirked. "Wizard? There is no wizard here and you'd be a fool to believe in hearsay if you're here looking for one."

Enough was enough. Vergil mustered his demonic energy, creating small blue swords around himself in a belt. He sent the blades flying towards the clown, which impaled him on impact. Jester staggered, holding onto one of the blades sticking out of his body, blood trickling down his chin. Vergil smirked. The clown was the one who was a fool for testing Vergil's patience.

The clown slowly pulled a blue blade out, wincing in pain as it slid out. Once out he began to work on another blade, but as his worked his body began to swell. The more he pulled the more he ballooned until he simply exploded into bits of colorful ribbon and shiny confetti.

The sound of wild clapping accompanied by laughter brought Vergil's attention to the top of a bookcase where the purple clown sat nice and safe.

"Bravo! Well done!"

Vergil's jaw hardened as he unsheathed Yamato and sent a bright white slash in the clown's direction. The bookcase slowly leaned forward before collapsing into another case.

The clown landed softly on his feet, leaning against the stone bookcase and shaking his head in a disapproving way.

"Temper, temper, devil boy."

Vergil's eyes widened at the nickname, which made Jester, smile.

"That's right, I know who you are," he said and suddenly stood behind Vergil, his lips close enough to touch his earlobe. "Son of Sparda."

Vergil whipped around, katana ready, but Jester easily held the blade, sandwiched between his hands.

"I expected better," he said, before dissolving into laughter.

His maniacal laughter got on Vergil's nerves and the prince twisted his blade out from the clown's hands. He slashed at him, delivering an onslaught of attacks that no one, neither human or demon had any hopes of surviving, and yet the clown easily dodged them over and over. The bookcases fell around them, one by one, creating a cloud of dust. Cutting through the thick cloud, Vergil tried to attack Jester, impaling him once only to find him explode into a mess of confetti and colorful ribbons. The battle was infuriating and it didn't help that the clown kept laughing through it, mocking Vergil's scowl, pretending to be injured only to smile and laugh again before bursting into a cloud of confetti.

When the last case fell, Vergil stood still, sheathing his sword and trying his best to look composed and threatening despite being out of breath and tired. He waited for the dust to clear when Jester came rushing towards him, hands out, long claws drawn out. Vergil rushed forth; he wasn't going to let the clown intimidate him. They met in the middle; with Vergil delivering a devastating blow that he was sure no one could survive. The clown held his middle before dissolving into laughter and jumping back.

"That was a load of fun!"

Vergil turned around to spot the clown walking on the ceiling.

"Maybe next time," he said stopping to pose with his hands on his hips. "I'll actually break a sweat!"

Vergil grit his teeth, sending a slash at the clown only to have him easily dodge it with a flip.

"Later devil boy!" and the clown disappeared in a puff of confetti and laughter.

The demon prince stood there, his shoulders tense as his anger grew beyond the boiling point. He was played with and Vergil hated being treated like he was some mere toy. But he wasn't going to let a clown get in his way of defeating the wizard Arkham. He was going to succeed and when all was said and done, he would be the one having the last laugh.

With that in mind, Vergil turned to walk toward the library's exit when he saw a woman, dressed in a short corset dress, perched at the doorway carrying a large crossbow. She shot a flaming arrow his way and Vergil didn't bother moving, knowing she was going to miss when he felt it zip past his face.

He raised an eyebrow. "You missed."

The woman smirked.

"Did I?"

A sudden explosion knocked Vergil forward. He dodged another arrow in time as the woman ran forward. She didn't waste time in her attack, kicking a foot up to make contact with his face, but Vergil veered to the left and missed her boot in time. He grabbed her arm, twisting it behind her and she groaned in pain.

"You are wasting my time, woman." He pushed her away from him hard enough to make her trip and fall to the ground. "You're nothing but—"

He didn't have time to see the arrow, only experiencing its piercing pain as it dug into his forehead. Vergil pulled it out, wincing as the wood slid out of his flesh. Obviously this woman wasn't your ordinary maiden, but that didn't mean Vergil wasn't going to strip the skin off her flesh.

"He was right, you are a demon," she said, already on her feet as she aimed her crossbow at him.

"And you are going to have the pleasure of becoming a dead woman," he replied, his hand on Yamato's grip.

"Come and get it, devil boy."

His eyes widened at her reply. Could she be the clown in disguise? There was only one way to find out as he lunged forward to take a swipe. She flipped backwards, staying low to throw out a sweeping kick. Vergil dodged it, quickly jumping to the side as he brought his sword down. She rolled away, getting on her feet and loading her crossbow with another arrow. She took her shot and Vergil easily spun his katana to deflect it. He swung Yamato, sending a blinding wave of light in her direction. The woman flipped upwards, high enough to avoid being cut. He was vaguely impressed at her speed but it stopped there. She was fast, but obviously not fast enough as he caught sight of the tear in her skirt. She saw it too and glared at him, loading up another arrow. In response, Vergil got ready, his grip on Yamato.

They stared at each other, daring the other to make the first move.

"Why are you here?" the woman asked, narrowing her gaze on him.

"That's none of your concern," Vergil replied.

"If it concerns the wizard, then it does."

"What is he to you woman?"

"Doesn't matter what he is to me, only that he's going to die by my hand."

Vergil smirked. "You? A human take on a powerful wizard? Your sense of humor is warped if you remain the butt of your own jokes."

"And I suppose a demon like you has a chance?"

"I'm the son of the Legendary Dark Knight," Vergil answered. "I'm sure I'm more than enough to defeat the wizard and once I absorb his power I will be strong enough to open the gates of hell and acquire the Sword of Sparda, with it I will rule both the human and demon worlds with as much—"

He stopped when he noticed the woman picking at the tear in her skirt. She must've felt his stare as she looked up at him.

"I'm sorry, you were talking?"

Vergil felt his brow twitch as his fingers gripped Yamato tightly.

"The chemistry between the two of you is simply electric!" Jester announced.

Both the woman and Vergil looked in his direction. The prince was ready for another round, but the woman beat him to it as she ran towards the clown, crossbow ready. She swung and the clown, moving faster than the naked eye could catch, was behind her, taking her arm and turning her around to face him. He drew her close, kicking her behind her left knee, forcing her to buckle backward as he held their pose.

"Shall we dance?"

Vergil took advantage of this, rushing forth to attack them from behind. The clown sensing danger quickly drew up and spun the woman around, throwing her into Vergil and sending them across the room. The wind left his lungs as his back made impact with the wall and it didn't help that he also broke the woman's fall. He shoved her aside, eyes dark and murderous as he got up to face the clown again.

"Really, you two are such a disappointment."

The woman, already on her feet, shot an army of arrows at the clown which he easily dodged, but gave her the opportunity to get close enough to attack. She threw her fist at him, which he caught.

"Really Mary, you'll attack your own flesh and blood?"

She delivered a swift hard kick to his head. The clown staggered, his usual mocking grin now an unamused frown and Vergil almost smirked at this because the bastard was annoying. Though she landed a hit, the clown made sure to pay her back double and his fist connected to her stomach, sending her flying some feet away into a wall where she laid coughing and groaning in pain. Vergil wasted no time, running forth, knowing he could finish the clown off when his blade clashed with Jester's long purple claws. Sparks flew as they fought, Jester meeting his blade with every slash, swipe, and thrust. The clown finally locked his hands on Yamato, his claws acting like a Venus flytrap as it tangled itself on the blade.

Jester pulled the sword close, which made Vergil bend forward against his will.

"Ordinarily I'd be chopped to fine ribbons if you were up to your full potential," the clown said, which made Vergil glare. "But even I know you must've had a long journey to get here. It's left you weak and vulnerable if you're coming here on a mere rumor is to be believed."

Vergil tried to free Yamato's grasps but it was useless. It was either he let the sword go or stay stuck.

"Something's off with you, Vergil. I wonder what it could be," he whispered and the prince suppressed a shudder and tried his best to appear menacing.

"Could it be that you lack power?" the clown grinned. "Or maybe you lack confidence?" he leaned forward, their lips almost touching.

"Or maybe, you're more human than you think, hm?"

Repulsed by him, Vergil pulled his head back and in that instance Jester let him go.

The clown instantly transformed into another man, a bald man with a pulsating growth on the side his face.

"I know why you're here and you're no match for me, the great wizard Arkham."

He began to walk towards Vergil and the tower began to rumble and shake.

"The Sword of Sparda will be mine and mines alone and with it, I'll be the one to rule over both the demon world and the human world. It takes might and control, both of which you know nothing of young Sparda. The sword will be wasted on such incompetent youth."

"You watch your tongue." Vergil stood up, albeit shakily as the room around them was beginning to fall apart.

"Or what? You are an underwhelming clone of your father. I have nothing to truly fear." The man walked slow and steady as though the crumpling tower had no effect on his body.

"Then you are a fool!" Vergil was not one to be outdone in the monologue department. No one out monologued him! Nobody!

"Your delusions will lead you straight to your downfall. I have control and might and with them I will gain power. As the true son of Sparda I will rise above you and destroy your existence. I will rule over the demon and human worlds, I will unleash total chaos and destruction for it is my fate and destiny to obliterate anything in sight that doesn't conform to my beliefs!"

"Well then, son of Sparda, you will find that—"

"Oh for the love of—shut up!" the woman yelled, not fond of their monologue-off.

The tower wasn't going to hold up its shape for long with its walls falling in and crumbling ceiling. Arkham quickly turned into his Jester form, laughing as he dodged pieces of structure with ease.

"See you very soon, devil boy!" he laughed, waving goodbye.

Vergil vowed that he was going to kill Arkham twice, once in his clown form and again in his human? Wizard? Vergil wasn't sure what that man was, but he was positive something as ugly as Arkham didn't have a form that didn't make someone simultaneously throw up in disgust and scream in horror.

"Hey! Get of out the way!"

Vergil had a few choice snarky words for the woman too, who was annoying. He turned, ignoring her command because he'd be damned to follow her orders seeing as she was a filthy human, when he was hit by a large slab of rock before he could get any zingers out.

Oh well, he thought as darkness overtook him. Not like she could understand the sophistication of his jokes because her head was probably full with as much hot air as those inflatable balloons on her chest.

He smirked.

Damn.

That was a good one.

And Vergil blacked out.