"Really?" replied Dave. Dave couldn't help notice that he thought Sebastian could easily be lying, but he wasn't so sure.
Dave narrowed his eyes a little. OK, I'll hear him out.
Sebastian, for his part, simply stared at Dave, a slightly sad expression on his face.
"Yes, really." said Sebastian.
"OK. What for?"
"Well…", began Sebastian. He shifted his eyes to Dave's t-shirt, not really looking at it or Dave's broad chest. He was deep in thought.
Dave waited. He could tell this pained Sebastian, since Dave had never seen this side of him. This will be good, he thought.
"I…", Sebastian said. He scratched his ear briefly and shifted his beer bottle in his hand.
Again, Dave waited.
Bar patrons flowed to and fro around them, but the pair didn't seem to notice them. Sebastian finally figured out what he wanted to say and Dave scooted even closer.
"I'm sorry." Sebastian said plainly.
"Yeah, you said you wanted to apologize already", replied Dave, "but you haven't given me any details."
The pair continued to sit. Dave studied Sebastian and didn't like what he was seeing. Sebastian now looked pained. Dave began to feel sorry for him.
"Look, Sebastian," began Dave, "whatever is going on, you can talk to me."
Sebastian finally looked back in Dave's eyes. All Sebastian saw was patience and a guarded expression. I don't deserve his trust if that's what I'm seeing, thought Sebastian.
"I was wrong….I mean, I wronged you…." Sebastian stumbled. "I've said some mean things to and about you and I have been completely wrong."
Dave said nothing and sipped on his beer. Sebastian too took a sip of his beer and then his words then came flooding out of him.
"Dave, I too called you chubby, sweaty, but also overweight, undateable, rude, bullish, brooding, bullying and you don't deserve any of those things. You could get a guy if you wanted. You're just as scared as many of us are and I can't take being hated by everyone anymore. You're just as scared as me. You're just too good of a guy now to hate on and I can't think that you could hate me like everyone else does and how-"
"Sebastian", loudly interrupted Dave. Sebastian was slightly panting. Dave looked into his eyes and saw something he'd never seen before – guilt, remorse. Dave almost smiled. So, he has a conscience after all, thought Dave.
"You're going to run out of air." said Dave.
"But, I'm not done…" said Sebastian, faintly.
"I know," said Dave with a soft smile, "but you need to slow down."
Sebastian didn't know what to say in that moment. His green eyes met Dave's hazel eyes and in that moment, he knew he was doing the right thing for Dave. And for himself.
Sebastian closed his eyes momentarily and took a small breath. When he opened them, Dave had scooted even closer with a friendly look in his eyes. Sebastian couldn't have been more grateful. Then, blunt honesty took over.
"It's like I told Kurt and Blaine last February," began Sebastian, "you know, after your…incident."
Dave simply blinked.
"What did you tell them?" asked Dave.
Sebastian paused. This is soooo hard, thought Sebastian.
"It's all fun and games…until it's not."
Dave stared at Sebastian. He had never heard Sebastian talk like this before. Nobody had, that he knew of. Sebastian looked into Dave's eyes, almost pleadingly. There was no trust to speak of, but perfect honesty has its own foundation and Dave knew that.
Sebastian broke away from Dave's gaze.
"We've all been where you were, Dave," started Sebastian, "but most of us were lucky to get through it without being….outed."
Dave shifted a little uncomfortably in his seat. He was totally unprepared for this conversation to take place, but he knew he could and should face it.
Around them, bar life continued, with it flashing lights, occasional outbursts of laughter, and flirting everywhere, except where Dave and Sebastian sat.
Dave rubbed the side of his shaven face, absently. He looked at his beer bottle as if he wasn't really looking at it. Then, he blinked, took a small drink of his beer, and returned his gaze to Sebastian.
Sebastian looked bad. His normally revolting smile was replaced with a frown and his body posture was slumped, slightly leaning towards Dave. A kind of sympathy flowed from Dave that he never expected that night.
"If you want," suddenly began Sebastian, without looking up, "I don't blame you if you want to punch me."
"I'm not going to hit you." Dave said, immediately.
Seconds passed. The two just sat there, uncomfortably. Nobody said anything and Dave was at a loss as to what to say, until Kurt's words came to him.
Dave leaned in a little closer, again.
"I know, I know."
Sebastian's head shot up at hearing these words. Dave's face was the picture of peace and understanding. Relief flooded through Sebastian and had him shaking, slightly.
Sebastian turned in his bar stool towards the bar for a second or two, and then, quite suddenly, back to Dave.
"Thank you…" said Sebastian, timidly.
"Of course." replied Dave.
Dave thought this was the time to really show Sebastian the he understood the pain of hurting fellow gay guys, the pain of trying to understand what you are and how you live your "gay life." Dave immediately felt nothing other than sympathy and understanding.
"You know you don't have to go on hurting yourself and others with your snarky, slutty ways." Dave said, with a slight smile towards the end of his statement.
Sebastian chuckled loudly at that, and then returned to his defeated posture.
"I know," started Sebastian, "but it's what I've done for so long it's become its own….."
"Self-defense mechanism?" Dave supplied.
Sebastian regarded Dave for a brief moment.
"Yes, but it's hardly an excuse." said Sebastian
The two looked at each other, both now with sudden smiles on their faces. They were a kind of kin to each other now. Kin doesn't always trust or even love each other, but they do often understand how they think they should live. When that life doesn't work, a new one needs to be invented.
"Listen," began Sebastian, "I'm sorry for hurting your feelings."
"Like I said, I know. All is forgiven."
Sebastian stared at him, in awe.
"Just like that?" asked Sebastian.
"Just like that." Dave quickly replied.
"Why?" Sebastian asked a little suspiciously.
Now, it was Dave's turn to look contemplative. He looked at his beer bottle, letting his fingernails scrape along the label. A small smile slowly formed on his face.
"Let's just say," began Dave, "that I've had inspiration at how much it can take to forgive someone for…bullying." Dave's voice quivered just a little at that last word and he coughed once.
Sebastian immediately understood. A comfortable, companionable silence fell on them. Mike the bartender stopped by to make sure everything was OK and if they needed another beer. Two heads bobbed up and down, indicating they were fine. A patron accidentally bumped into Sebastian and apologies were quickly spoken, although Sebastian's apology was absent-minded.
Both boys were deep in thought. Deep in thought at the fact that they both hurt others and that Sebastian had hurt Dave. How does a bully reform? Does a bully reform? Doesn't everybody bully, by the strictest definition?
"Wanna dance?" suddenly asked Sebastian, smiling.
"Um, no." Dave quickly replied.
"Why not?" started Sebastian, "I happen to know that you were an awesome zombie at a certain halftime show."
Dave's face fell at that. Sebastian had to learn that talking about Dave's past was a process and he just couldn't jump in anywhere and expect a conversation.
Sebastian's smile faded a little. He realized his mistake.
"Look," began Sebastian, "I'd like to start over with you, Dave."
Dave eyed him with blatant curiosity. And a little suspicion.
"Really? I'm not in the mood for a quicky." Dave coolly replied.
"Neither am I." replied Sebastian.
Again, silence between the two. Dave studied Sebastian's friendly face. This is just too weird, thought Dave. But if anybody understood second chances, it was Dave.
"OK", Dave said, "I'm cool with it."
Sebastian's face lit up! He even radiated a little, all signs of past sadness and trauma completely gone.
Dave couldn't help but smile. Sebastian could be cute the very, very few times people got to see this side of him. And, Sebastian was pretty cute.
Conversation flowed easily after that. The two talked about Sebastian's upcoming senior year at Dalton Academy in Westerville, Ohio. The glee club (called "The Warblers", so Dave could remember) would be starting their usual round up of suspects for new members. Sebastian was taking college prep courses, like chemistry and advanced English, and considered going out for lacrosse.
However, Sebastian made a minor mistake. He asked Dave about his plans for the coming autumn. Dave indicated he was returning to public high school for his senior year.
"What?!" Sebastian asked, completely caught off guard. He knew Dave was a senior this past year.
"Well," began Dave, "after my little incident last February, I didn't return to any school. I pretty much had the grades to get a diploma, even if it was from that hellish Thurston High School, and was even offered the GED. But, I just didn't want to do it. I need a new senior year."
"Really? Why?" asked Sebastian.
Dave slowly turned his head away and looked completely distracted. Several seconds went by before Dave finally answered.
"I want to play football."
Sebastian blinked. There's more to this story, thought Sebastian. But, he kept his thoughts to himself, gave Dave the privacy he deserved, and normal conversation resumed.
Another round of beer was bought, this time by Dave, of course. Sebastian politely took the beer from Dave, thanking him. To his credit, Dave simply responded with a quiet 'you're welcome.'
While Dave talked about what college prep courses he was going to take, Sebastian did let his eyes roam over Dave. He secretly liked Dave's brawny build but he wouldn't tell him.
Then, while Sebastian talked about dorm life, Dave let his eyes roam over Sebastian. Dave liked the way Sebastian's smile made him feel, and Dave couldn't ignore Sebastian's beautiful eyes and soft lips. Dave tore his eyes away, yet still continued to listen to Sebastian.
Their subtle glances at each other went unnoticed. Well, mostly unnoticed.
As the night wore on, more and more people came in. A suspicious smell drifted in from the entrance. Dave and Sebastian shared knowing glances.
"Well, I better get going." Sebastian said suddenly.
"Really? It's only a quarter till midnight." Dave retorted.
"Dave," Sebastian said, "I live in Westerville. It's an hour and a half drive, and we start our session this Monday. I have to sneak into my dorm room, remember? I told you I moved in earlier today."
"How do you sneak in?" Dave asked curiously.
"Oh, I have ways." Sebastian devilishly replied.
Dave smiled.
"Well, I'll walk you out." Dave said.
Now, Sebastian smiled.
Dave waved his goodbye to Mike the bartender, and the two of them walked through the bar and out the door.
The night air was still muggy and both boys had a sudden intake of air at the stark contrast of air quality. Sebastian even sneezed, with a quiet 'God bless you' from Dave.
They simply walked in silence, side-by-side. They didn't look at each other and just walked.
They approached Sebastian's car first.
"Dave," began Sebastian, "thank you. I had a nice talk with you and a nice time tonight."
"Me too" replied Dave.
The boys looked at each other, with a vague kind of uncomfortable feeling.
"Well, see you around." said Sebastian, with a wave.
"See ya'" said Dave, with a small, uncomfortable wave of his own.
As Sebastian started the engine and got more comfortable in his seat, he suddenly rolled down the window.
"You gonna be here next Saturday?" he asked with a nice, pleasant smile.
"Yes." Dave replied, gently.
"Cool. I'll probably see you then, bear cub!"
And with that, Sebastian backed out of the driveway, and headed down North Street to get to Route 33, back to Westerville.
Dave watched him leave, sighed slightly, and headed to his truck.