R&R

Doveryat'

A Grisha Trilogy Fanfiction

Chapter Two

"Why don't you sleep in my chambers tonight?"

I was still held in his embrace at the lake, and these were the first words to shatter the silence in a while. It was getting late and my eyes were growing heavy, but it was as if the fatigue fled at what he was suggesting.

Once more I felt the same trill of panic and excitement I had felt back in the dark room after the party. Only there was a difference now. When he had asked if he could come to my room, I hadn't known what I wanted.

But now I knew.

Now I knew that Mal had cut the ties to our friendship. He didn't approve of me and my new life, he wouldn't be there to support every step I took, and he certainly wouldn't make the ache that came from loving him so much go away.

I had listened to the Darkling over Baghra, and believed her to be insane. If I couldn't trust the Darkling, there was no one I could trust, and I didn't want to live in a world like that. I didn't want to be alone, especially not tonight.

"I promise I won't try anything, I just want to make sure you sleep easy tonight. You won't have to worry with me in the room," he must have felt my hesitation, and I appreciated his comforting words. So I smiled and turned around in his embrace.

"Because nothing gets past the Darkling's defenses?" I teased.

He chuckled in amusement, his quartz eyes softening ever so slightly in the moonlight as he gently stroked my cheek. I was embarrassed at how a simple touch could set my body aflame, and my heart hammered in my chest.

"Perhaps there is an exception…" he said, a little tauntingly, and knew it was meant to be a challenge.

"What's that?" I urged.

"Well I can't exactly go around speaking of my weaknesses out loud, can I?" he replied, an easy grin on his face.

I put on my best pouting face, the face that I would often use on the nicer servants back at the Duke's household when I was trying to get away with the latest mischief Mal and I had committed. The face I had forgotten how to use when it became too tiring to even attempt.

"I don't think you're being fair…"

"How so?" he raised an eyebrow, and I knew my face was only amusing him.

"If I trust you, you should trust me too."

His face loses the amusement, and I become nervous that I've said the wrong thing and insulted him somehow. So I say nothing as he stares at me, his eyes look contemplative as they travel over my face, yet there is a look of aloofness about them. It's as if he's somewhere else, and I can physically see him come back to the present when his eyes focus on mine once more.

"I do trust you Alina, I trust you enough to place the fate of Ravka in your hands."

And I believe him.

So I nod, not just in acceptance to his words, but to his invitation as well.

His room is befitting of him, and much larger than my own, easily three times the size.

Unlike the rest of the palace, there were no traces of gold and silver in his room. Instead his curtains were red, the walls black, and his bed covered in white and burgundy sheets and pillows. There was an adjoining room through a doorless entry, which I could tell was filled with maps and even a private library. He also had his own lit fireplace like the one back in my room, and another room that led to the bathroom. The room itself had a warm glow to it, and although it reflected the darkness that characterized the Darkling, I was no longer afraid.

We had stopped at my room for a nightgown, and I had been paranoid on the way here. There was a certain fear to be had if someone saw me coming into the Darkling's room. I knew it was bound to spread many rumors, and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I was never one to care for gossip, but now that I had finally found a place among the Grisha, I didn't want to mess with that balance. But if even just one person had seen me, the rumors were bound to spread like wildfire by morning.

Still I tried not to think about that as I made my way deeper into the room. I had come here to sleep, but part of me knew that even if I went straight to bed, sleep wouldn't come easy.

So instead I walked over to the lit fireplace. My eyes trailed up to the swords that lay above it, not having noticed them before. They were military swords, and reminded me of the sword that the King carried at his side. They stood hung over the fireplace like trophies more than decoration.

Steel is earned.

I wondered what that the Darkling had done to earn his steel.

"Botkin says steel is earned, how did you earn yours?" I asked as I felt him come up next to me.

"Botkin… he wasn't my first choice. But the King insisted. Botkin is willing to serve, to please and "earn" his keep, and that makes a perfect underling. But he is good at what he does, and he has taught the Grisha well enough. "

I had always that that it was the Darkling who had chosen the person who would train the Grisha, but it looks like he did not have complete control over his army either. Still, a childish part of me was glad that he hadn't. Botkin was bad enough, if he wasn't good enough for the Darkling, then who was?

"I didn't earn this steel. It was mine by right."

There was something in his eyes, a cold edge that I couldn't quite place, that spoke a hidden meaning beneath his words. Why was it that everything that the Darkling said seemed to raise more questions? Why did I feel like everything he said meant more? Yet something told me that it was personal, and perhaps not my place to pry. I felt the need to respect that.

So I said nothing as I sat on one of the chairs across the fireplace. It was cushioned and warm, with brown leather on an oak-wooden frame. As soon as I sat it was as if the exhaustion had remembered it had a job to do. It spread through me within seconds and my body didn't even fight it as it relaxed into the comfort of the heat of the fire and suppleness of the chair.

As my eyes grew heavy and sleep closed in on me, I couldn't help but give one more jab at the most powerful creature in this palace.

"You really do have the whole mysterious thing down, but you shouldn't be afraid to let someone in once in a while. I would know, it's nice to have someone to confide in."

I was thinking of Mal when I said it, thinking of the ease of living with him by my side growing up. The one I could tell anything to and not be judged. He was the one who knew what I meant without me having to explain it.

The problem with wanting… is that it makes us weak.

But I didn't want to think about the Darkling's words. How right he was. Wanting Mal as more than the friend he was willing to be had made me weak. He was the reason that I had locked away my power for all those years, grown thin and sickly, unable to keep up with him as he grew up into someone useful. He had left me behind, only coming to find me at his own convenience. And I had been okay with that, because I lived for those moments.

How pathetic was that?

And yet he was the one angry at me. Angry at me when I finally found my place in the world, a place where I could shine and able to help Ravka better than I ever could as an orphan and a mapmaker. Angry when I had extended my joy and relief at finally seeing him again, only to receive a cold a harsh shoulder. An easy dismissal to everything we had shared and gone through. It was as if all those years weren't worth it, as if all my effort in sending those letters a waste.

And just like that sleep evaded me, anger replacing the exhaustion as it coursed through my veins. I fought angry tears from sliding down my face as they formed and stood up with a huff, forgetting that this was the Darkling's room, and that he was only feet away from me.

I began to pace around the room, stomping like a child as I continued trying to keep the tears at bay. I refused to let them flow, I refused to let Mal be the source of any more tears and weakness. He had made his intentions clear, and I refused to cling to hope like a pathetic love-struck girl.

"Something is bothering you?" The Darkling's smooth voice pierced through the throbbing red that clouded my eyes, but it was not enough to quench it.

"Of course something's bothering me! How could he do that? How could he throw away years of friendship like it was nothing? How could he look at me like I was the most vile creature in the world? How could someone you thought was your best friend turn on you so quickly? Why couldn't he just be happy for me?" my words lowered in volume as I went on, as if I was losing the momentum that had propelled such a speech from me, and it became harder to hold back the tears. One managed to slip through, and I wiped it away angrily.

I was surprised when the Darkling came up beside me, and grabbed my hand as led me back towards the fireplace.

"You speak of the tracker, do you not?" he asks, and I can only nod slowly.

"The thing about friendship Alina, is that it can be selfish. There are those who invest more than the other, and their efforts are not always appreciated. It isn't until they're taken by someone else that they realize what they had, and when it's not there anymore, they become angry rather than supportive. You belong to Ravka now; you are part of the Second Army, and the key to saving them all. You no longer need him, and perhaps that is what angers him most. He feels insignificant, especially when you are the Sun Summoner, when people regard you as a Saint. He is otkazat'sya after all. He will never understand your power, and if he does, he will only fear you. You and I are not ordinary Alina."

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. I had never thought that Mal would be capable of such harsh feelings… but maybe I had been wrong, like I had been wrong about many things.

The Darkling held me by both my arms now, staring into my eyes as if trying to convince me.

"But I understand Alina. I understand what you are going through, I understand your power. Everything I am doing is to help you harness it. To help you become who you are meant to be, the best that you can be. I am not asking you to change, this is who you really are. The tracker may not understand, but I do. And I am still here."

And he was right. He had been the one to help bring out my power. He had given me a place in his world. He had even given me his color to wear, a privilege no one else had received. It was support and help that I had not asked for, that I had been afraid of receiving. But he had done it anyway, because he had seen the potential that Mal had turned his back on.

So it was me that initiated it this time. I took my hands and placed them on his perfect face, before pulling him down into a passionate kiss. I placed all my emotions into that kiss, the remnants of anger in my system, the feelings of betrayal, the gratitude I felt towards the Darkling. And I made a silent promise to myself.

I would not disappoint him. I would not let his efforts go to waste.

But above all I promised that I would become stronger, that I would never let anyone have the power to hurt me like that again. I would save Ravka, strengthen our country, and end the wars that I was born into, that made me an orphan like so many others.

Something in me changed then. Purpose filled my veins, finally quenching the anger that boiled beneath the surface. It was no longer about Mal. It was no longer even about the Darkling, or the King, or the other Grisha.

It was about me, and my own goals and ambitions. I would no longer follow the path of Sun Summoner because it was what everyone wanted from me. I would do it because it was what I wanted to do with my powers. Because it was the right thing to do to end the suffering that I had grown up around, that I had seen and thought I could do nothing about. But now I could.

And it was thanks to the man who was kissing me back.

I felt something in my chest swell at the thought and pressed myself harder against him, sense once more leaving me when his hands began to trail across my body. And I wanted more. My newfound purpose must have come with a sense of confidence, or perhaps it was the words of the Darkling that encouraged my actions as I maneuvered us towards the bed.

Something told me that this was something I had to do in order to accomplish what I wanted. I was still a child, and I knew it. But this… this would change that. It had to.

The Darkling paused in his ministrations, his eyes moving across my face, perhaps searching for a sign of hesitation, an indication that this was not what I wanted.

"Are you sure?" he asked anyway.

I smiled and nodded, pressing up against him reassuringly.

"I've never been surer," and I kissed him once more, with as much passion as I could muster.

Mal had spent countless nights with faceless girls, who was he to judge who I gave myself to? I quickly pushed the thought away. My actions were no longer about anyone but myself, and I couldn't keep letting thoughts of Mal cross every decision I made.

And tonight, this was the decision I had chosen to make.

.

.

.

.

I woke up with sheets covering my naked body. I expected to feel different, but for the most part I did not. I felt well rested, my body finally receiving the rest it craved. I still felt the remnants of the previous night in my lower abdomen. Everyone was right about the first time, it really did hurt.

I was no longer innocent. I had given myself to the darkness, and I was glad to know that there was no remorse following my decision.

But I was nervous.

The Darkling was nowhere in sight, and I couldn't help but wonder how this would change things for us, if at all. Did sleeping with the strongest Grisha alive mean that the dynamics of us would also change? If anyone had seen me come into his chambers, then every rumor that was born from that would no longer be a false.

Would that change my image? Did I care?

I found the answer to be surprisingly simple; it was no. I had already established that there were bigger things at stake here than wanting to fit in, than pleasing others above myself. I would not let gossip get to me. Let them think what they wanted to think, it would make no difference anymore.

I stared at the ceiling for a few moments longer, remembering the events that had happened during the blanket of night. It had been rough and painful, urgent and even angry at some points. I had felt something in the Darkling then, connected with him in a way I never had before. There was something about him that he was keeping hidden, something that only he could tell me.

It worried me, but drew me to him as well.

It felt like approaching a wild animal, untrusting of anyone too near to him. I knew that I would have to approach it gently and cautiously. I wanted more than anything for him to trust me like I did him. But he had lived longer than me, experienced more than I had yet to imagine. Perhaps it would take more on his part to give me the trust I wanted.

But I knew now what the price of trust could be. I knew the sting of betrayal. It was not something that I could ever expect from anyone easily anymore. But that did mean I wouldn't give him mine.

After all, he had yet to give me any reason not to.

So I rose from the bed, surprised to see my clothing and black kefta laid out neatly at the foot of the large bed. I dressed myself and placed on the kefta last, somehow feeling a stronger connection with its dark color.

"Did you sleep well Alina?" the sound of his voice sent a thrill down my spine. I struggled to find the words to reply so I only nodded, wondering where he had been. Had he come in without me noticing, or had he been inside the entire time?

"I feel well rested, thank you for letting me stay here," I finally answered, wishing I could openly talk about more than just sleep without feeling like a blubbering child.

He smiled as he approached me, and I felt my heart speed up with every step he took. He finally stopped in front of me, and I was pleasantly surprised when he placed a kiss upon my forehead.

"I want to apologize if I was too rough last night… I'm afraid it has been quite a long time since I've shared my bed with anyone," I was once more searching for words in an unfamiliar situation, but this time I was comforted with the thought that I was worthy enough for him.

"It's definitely a learning process, but I think it's one I'd learn to enjoy…" I can feel my cheeks begin to burn, and mentally chided myself for appearing like the naïve girl I didn't want to be.

The Darkling smirks, and even in the dimly lit room I can see the mirth in his eyes.

"My my, are you saying you wish to do this again?"

This time I am a bit taken back. Should I not expect something like that? Was I foolish to think that this could be more than a one night occurrence? Was I really the foolish girl that everyone thought me to be?

He must have seen the panic in my eyes, because he draws me to him, and the gesture settles my nerves before I begin to feel like a cheap lay.

"I was hoping that you would let me spend more than one night with you Alina," his words vanquish all sense of doubt and self-consciousness I had, replacing it with relief.

"Unfortunately, we might not be able to have much time alone together," he says before I can say anything.

"Why is that?"

"We're going north to follow Morozova's herd. We're close, and we can't let this chance slip away from us. I am already preparing our hunting party, and I need you to gather anything you think you'll need for our trip, but pack lightly."

I nod, the thought of being so close to the amplifier that could help us all brings about a numbness of disbelief inside me. Could we really be as close as he made it out to be?

"Genya is waiting for you in your chambers, come find me when you are ready."

I nod and begin to make my way to the door, but stop when I feel him grab onto my hand. I turn to look at him, his quartz eyes are blazing with focus.

"If everything goes according to plan, you'll be the most powerful Grisha that ever lived," he places a deep kiss on my lips, and on instinct I wrap my arms around his neck as I kiss him back.

"I won't disappoint you," I pull back before the heat spreading through me becomes too much to bear, making it harder to leave.

"It's not about me Alina, it's about Ravka."

I nod once more, the purpose coursing through my veins once more as I remembered the promises I had made to myself the night before. As I walked back out into the brightly lit corridors, I find little comfort in the gold's that fill them, and finger the darkness of the robe instead.

A/N: Ahhh, so it's been quite a while. Long enough for the second book of the Grisha Trilogy to come out. Well, I haven't read it yet, and I'm honestly a little afraid to. I don't want to get out of the frame of mind I had from Shadow and Bone, since I'm kinda taking my own direction with it. I feel like if I read it I'll dislike it since I am so set on this plot, but I feel like I have to in order to get to know the characters a bit more. So for those that read it, do you think I should read it? Does it have really important character developments or backgrounds in it? That's really what I'm concerned with, not so much story since I want to go a different route.

Now, about this chapter. I made it a little Alina-centered. I guess that I felt that in order for me to take a different direction from the book I needed to give her a different personality for what I have in store. I need her to be a little more independent, more confident, and more focused than she was in the books. I really do think that Mal and her were a bit selfish to abandon Ravka like that in the book, so I want her to have a sense of loyalty and purpose when it comes to saving her country. As well as for some other things that I can't reveal lest I ruin the fun.

As for the Darklina in this chapter, I thought I put in a pretty good amount. I mean, they did do "it"! Usually, I don't mind writing smut, but when I do its because I intend to from the beginning. This one I wasn't exactly sure about, so I'll ask you guys. Is smutt something you'd like to be included, or would you rather keep it PG-13? I've gained quite a few followers, so I want to make sure I make everyone happy with this story.

I also apologize for sort of making Mal the enemy, when I was rereading the book(so I could refresh my memory and write this chapter) and I came across the Malina parts I found myself asking "Why am I team Darkling again?" Yes, I know, heresy. But they are still kind of cute... regardless, this is a Darklina story, and I needed to make Mal the enemy in order to change Alina's character a bit.

Other than that, I hope that this satisfied the long wait! And I do have plenty planned out. Like plenty of tension between Malina and Darklina on their trip to find the stag. Hehehe.

Review! :)