Seth got up and pulled his clothes on again to head out and get some food and maybe some clothes for both of them. He came back a short while later, with coffee and pastries and a couple bags. He put down the coffee and pastries and threw one of the bags over to her. She grabbed it and only then realized was still sitting around in her underwear, which must have been awkward for him, whoops her time with Amaru had made her not notice such things anymore. Amaru wasn't shy and why would she be it had never been her body. She opened the bag and laughed "I'm sorry, there wasn't much there. There might be more open later" he looked awkwardly over at her. She smiled as reassuringly back at him as she could manage as buying clothes for a teenage girl can't exactly have been fun for him. She pulled on the touristy white lace summer dress. It fit pretty well and she didn't care that much and it covered her just fine. She pulled on the flip flops he had in the bag too and walked over to the makeshift breakfast table.
She sat down and pulled her feet up under her and took the coffee he handed her and pulled out one of the pastries and she started eating. He sat down with his coffee and they eyed each other up in silence until Kate asked "So we are going to need money soon, aren't we?". "Yeah" sighed Seth a little embarrassed looking down at his coffee. "I want to help" she said matter of fact. "No" Seth replied firm. Kate rolled her eyes "Why not? I can drive, I can shoot, among other things and I learn fast". Seth laughed "Sure you can princess". "Give me your gun" Kate said. "No" he said, she stared him down and he sighed and handed her the gun. The cool heavy weight felt strange in her hands, it had been awhile. Amaru hadn't had much need for guns but she remembered her drills with Seth pretty well though. She had done them many, many times, mostly when he wasn't there so she could impress him later. He had been a hard man to impress. She cleared away a little space on the table and unloaded it, then systematically pulled the gun apart. When she was done she put it back together, loaded it, cocked it and pointed it at Seth for a brief moment before pulling it back. Then she uncocked it, turned it around and handed it back to him. He looked on at her the entire time, initially stunned but reassessing her by the end. He took it from her and shoved the gun back into his pants waistband "Doesn't mean you can shoot for shit" He replied blandly. "Just give me a target. I do ok" she said. "Maybe later princess" he said with a small smile and went back to eating his food.
The next couple of days continued on like that, they ate together, curled up in the same bed together, chatted and bickered and eventually Seth finally agreed that at the very least he needed a getaway driver. So with that decided he planned their first job together, it was only a gas station, a busy one, but still only a gas station. It was mostly to test the waters with Kate but at the same time they needed the money. It was a pretty straightforward hold up and they made enough for a couple weeks in a shitty motel at least. Kate had forgotten how much she had oddly missed this, the adrenaline, the danger and the excitement. The way it made her buzz and feel giddy after. It was twisted for a once avid church going preacher's daughter to enjoy this but she did. Seth seemed to find her reaction to it amusing and enjoyed teasing her as she giggled and bounced her way around the room that night. Had it felt this good the last time? Had being with Seth felt this good the last time?
It was a couple weeks after their first gas station job and a couple days after their second job at another gas station that she saw it and it made her jaw clench. This was one of those moments she knew would make or break their time together. If any of this was actually really happening and this was in fact her second chance at this, then this was a moment she couldn't let happen the same way again. She saw him slide the little brown satchel out of his pocket and onto his side table. Her stomach churned at the sight of it but she needed to fight for him, not allowing herself to think about what she would do if it wasn't enough, if she wasn't enough.
"Heroin Seth, really?" she said through clenched jaws. His shocked face stared back at her and she could barely clamp down on the disgust she felt coil in her stomach. "Please don't" she said holding her hand up to him. She watched him pull on the arrogant condescending face he wore when he was about to lecture her "You don't understand". She laughed and it sounded bitter even to her ears "Yeah Seth, you're right. How would I understand your pain or hell any pain at all? What the fuck would little innocent virginal Kate know about pain? Fuck you Seth. I lost my brother too, he chose them over me too, remember? He turned my father first though did I tell you that part? Yeah and when I told him I didn't want to be like him he left me alone to deal with dad. Dad begged me to kill him and I did, I did it for him. Even though it killed me a little inside, I held a stake to his heart and I pushed it into him until he disintegrated beneath me. But you're right what do I understand? I mean I'm so young what could I know about pain, real pain. The kind of pain that leaves your insides feel like they have been scrubbed raw, the pain that leaves you with twisted nightmares and daydreams festering inside your skull until they colour everything you see. You want to know what else the Twister showed me that night, that my mom killed herself, that she chose death over us. Daddy tried to hide it from us, didn't want us to see his pain and I practically accused him of killing her. You know I think that's one of my favourite nightmares, the one where I see the look on his face when I tell him as much. So there you go, my brother chose culebra's over me and my parents chose death over me. So, fuck you Seth Gecko, don't explain to me what I do and don't understand because apparently, it's you who doesn't have a fucking clue if you believe that. You want me to understand your pain then fucking tell me, tell me Seth. Who better than me to even begin to understand it, I was there too". The tears were streaming hot and fast down her face now and she made no effort to hide them or wipe them away because fuck him if he was going to choose heroin over her too. He was the only good thing she had left in this entire world and she loved him so fucking much.
They sat there in a heated, loaded silence after that, Kate pulled her knees up to her chin facing him on her side of the bed and he sat on the edge of the bed with his back to her on his. She hadn't even told him the half of it, but she couldn't explain the rest to him without admitting everything and have him thinking she had actually snapped. That she decided was her pain alone to carry for both of them, for all of them. She looked over at him and he just sat staring blankly at the wall, looking at the little satchel every so often. She had no idea if he even cared about anything enough anymore for any of this to matter. She finally wiped away her tears and stood up and walked over to him, not really sure what she would do when she stood on front of him. She just stood there for a couple seconds looking at him, her beautiful broken Seth, and before she could second guess herself she pulled him into her chest and lay her cheek on the top of his head. After some time passed between them he wrapped his arms around her and clutched her tight, they stayed there like that for a long time. Then at some point he pulled her into the bed with him and she held him in her arms all night. He never said anything at all, but she knew he had slept on and off because every so often he would clutch her tightly and then his grasp would gradually would loosen as he fell asleep. She hadn't slept at all, terrified he would reach for the needle when she wasn't looking.