I would like to thank, CHEW-A-STRAW, AkireAlev, Rena. Robacki, nigelbtrlover21, Verified, annabellex2, and lilygirl42001 for taking the extra time to review.

Chapter 2: The Next Morning

The next morning I woke up fully relaxed and alone. I sat up and noticed I was still in James' bed. James was nowhere to be seen. I shouldn't have expected anything less form him. James never hung around the morning after we had sex. He always went out for a morning jog or to the gym or did something just to get out of the apartment and not see me in the morning. I was used to it by now. It was part of the routine we had built over the last few months. I knew better than to expect him to be here, sure he had said he loved me, but that was probably just a heat of the moment thing. I needed to talk to him and figure things out.

I got out of bed and made my way into the bathroom that joined our room with Kendall and Logan's room. I locked both door and took a shower. I did not need any of the guys walking in on me. I quickly shower and brushed my teeth I left the bathroom after unlocking both doors and got dressed.

I didn't know where James was but I needed to talk to him about what he said last night. I needed to know if he had meant what he had said. I knew I meant what I had said. I loved James with all my heart. I don't know when or how but I had fallen head over heels in love with him. I only just recently realized my love for him too. It started after our little late night adventures started. It was because of those times I realized my attraction to guys, and it was because of James that I realized he was the only guy for me. I didn't look at other guys anymore. None of them were like James. James was perfect and I was drawn to him. I had never felt this way before it was crazy. I was in love with my best friend and I was sure he had no idea. I don't know if he had even heard what I had said.

I didn't know about how James felt though and that drove me crazier than anything. He was like a closed book to me. I could not read him at all. Last night when he said he loved me that was the closest I got to hearing how he felt. I don't even know if he meant it. James was just a hard person to read and I hated that. I mean I have known him almost my whole life and I can't read him worth shit. Kendall can and I hate him for that. Kendall can tell what's on James' mind when no one can and that really bugged me. I wanted to be the guys that could read James.

I shook my head and sighed. I walked out to the living room. I saw Kendall and Logan sitting on the couch. They were sitting side by side holding hands and talking to one another quietly. They were happily dating and had been for almost six months now. I envied them. They had what I wanted so badly. I wanted love and hated them for that. I did not hate my friends no, I love them. I just hated that they were happy together while I had no one. I wanted to be able to say that I was dating James and hold his hand and kiss him freely and not in the confines of our room. No one knew about James and I. No one knew how I felt about the 'face' of Big Time Rush.

"Morning Carlos," Logan said smiling at me. I looked over at him and saw he was looking at me and Kendall was looking at me as well.

"Morning Logan, morning Kendall," I said smiling at them. Kendall nodded his head in acknowledgement. "Where's James?" I asked looking around for him.

"I think he went to the gym," Kendall said slowly. I nodded my head. I really shouldn't have expected anything less from James. He never hung around the morning after, what would make today any different. I walked into the kitchen and made myself a bowl of cereal. I wanted to run out to go find James, but I couldn't. That would make Kendall and Logan suspicious. I didn't want that. I still didn't know where James stood on all of this. I didn't if he really truly meant what he had said last night.

"So what did you do last night Carlos?" Logan asked getting up from the couch and walking over to me.

"Nothing much," I said, "just hung out here with James," I said shrugging. It wasn't a complete lie. I had spent time with James, just not the way they thought. No one knew what happened behind closed doors. No one knew what James and I did when we were alone.

"Sorry for just abandoning you guys last night," Logan said, "but Kendall got us into to an early preview of the new exhibit at the museum," he said. I knew what he was talking about. There was this new exhibit at the museum that was opening soon and they were showing previews and Logan really wanted to go. I was just surprised that Kendall went. I knew he didn't like that kind of thing, but then again love made you do crazy things. I knew I would do anything for James, even lie about what we did.

"It's ok," I said smiling, "you and Kendall are dating now and I'll get used to it," I said.

"Carlos, do Kendall and I make you uncomfortable?" Logan asked worriedly.

"No, I am excited you guys are together and in love, but I want that too," I said looking down at my hands. "I want someone to love me," I said.

"You'll find someone," Logan said walking over to me and sitting down next to me.

"Yeah there's someone out there for everyone Carlos," Kendall said. I looked up and saw he was sitting across from me. I hadn't heard him come over.

"I know," I said looking down at my bowl of cereal.

"You'll find love," Logan said placing an arm around me in a hug.

"He's right," Kendall said, "I mean Logan and I found each other and we weren't even looking," he said. I laughed and shook my head. I had heard the story of how they realized they were in love so many times. It was funny if you ask me.

"So who is it?" Logan asked.

"What?" I asked turning to look at Logan.

"Who is it that's got you so upset," Logan asked, "there has to be someone you're crushing on," he said.

"Is it the Jennifers?" Kendall asked. I shook my head and stood up.

"I'd rather not talk about it," I said grabbing my bowl and putting it in the sink. "I think I need to go for a walk," I said.

"Carlos," Logan said.

"It's not important," I said, "I'll deal with it." With that said, I left the apartment. I didn't want to be interrogated any more. I knew if they pushed hard enough I would break down and tell them everything. I didn't want them knowing just yet. I decided to go and see if James was in the gym. I made my way to the gym with one thing on my mind. I needed to talk to James and make him tell me how he feels. I needed to know so I could either move on or actually go on a date with him. I reached the gym and walked in. I saw only one person was here and he was just the person I was looking for.

James was on the treadmill with his headphones in listening to music. I slowly walked over to him admiring his body as I walked. I loved the way he looked. He was like a Greek god. He was perfect in everyway and I almost drooled over him. He was all sweaty and panting like he had been last night. I felt myself stiffen at that. I couldn't get enough of James whether he was dressed or not. I just loved the way he looked. He could be naked or wearing baggy clothes and I'd be turned on either way. That was how much affect he had on me. It was sad how much he affected me really. I never could get enough of him, and I don't know what I would do if he rejected me. Maybe this was a bad idea. I don't know if I could handle a rejection from him.

No, I was not going to think about that. No I came here to get an answer and I was going to get it damn it. I wanted to know how James really felt about me and I was not leaving until he told me. I walked over to the treadmill and stood in front of James. James looked down at me, slowed his run to a walk, and took his headphones out of his ears.

"Hey Carlos," he said smiling slightly at me. He was always like this. It was like we had never had sex. He was great at pretending nothing happened. I don't know how he did it, but I was horrible at it. The days after we had sex, I would avoid everyone and they'd wonder what was wrong with me. I would assure them it was nothing and they'd forget about it when I got back to normal.

How could James be so calm? Did he not remember what he said? Did he even care about it? Did love mean anything to him? I just needed to know how he really felt. It was now or never. I had to do this now or I wouldn't ever do it. There was no turning back now.

"Carlos," he said getting my attention. I looked up at him. "What do you want I am kind of busy," he said.

"We need to talk," I said calmly. I clasped my hands to get to keep from fidgeting. I was so nervous. I just needed to know once and for all.

"About what?" James asked.

"Last night, what you said," I said looking up at him. I needed to know how he really felt.

"And what did I say?" James asked looking down at me as he continued to walk on the treadmill.

"You said you loved me," I said looking at him. James' eyes went wide before he spoke.

"I did, didn't I?" he said more to himself than to me.

"Did you mean it?" I asked wanting to know.

"Look Carlos," James said getting off the treadmill. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I didn't know what he was going to say. I was scared of what he was about to say. I wasn't sure what he was going to say. I really hoped he wasn't going to reject me. That was my biggest fear. I hoped that he hadn't just said that in the heat of the moment. James placed his hand on my shoulder. "Carlos," he tried again.

"Yes," I said looking into his hazel eyes. I could get lost in those eyes. They were just so perfect. I love them and everything about him. I loved him and I was hoping he loved me. I wanted him to say it again. It would mean the world to me. I just wanted to hear him say it again.

"I-I," James stammered. He seemed unsure of what to say.

"You," I supplied him. James sighed and placed his other hand on my neck before he pulled me to him in a kiss. I reacted quickly by moving my lips with his. I felt his tongue swipe along my bottom lip and I parted my lips for his tongue. I let him thrust his tongue into my mouth. This wasn't unusual for us. He was in charge. He moved his tongue to all my sweet spots and I moaned. He seemed to like that. I felt his hands on my hips as he pulled me closer to him.

I hoped this was his way of telling me he loved me. I knew this had to be it. He was finally going to admit he liked me and we would start dating. That was what I wanted more than anything right now. I wanted to be able to tell the world that I was taken. I wanted to tell people that I was with James. I wanted the world to know that we were in love.

James pulled back to look me in the eyes for a moment before he dove right back in. He pressed his lips to mine and flicked his tongue against mine. I knew he was inviting me to play and I took the bait. I thrust my tongue forward into his mouth and quickly found his sweet spots. I had memorized them a long time ago. James moaned as my tongue moved in sync with his.

Suddenly James pushed me away and looked at me scared. We looked at one another for a moment. I didn't know what was going on. One minute we were making out and the next he was pushing me away. I looked at him confused and scared. I didn't know what to think right now.

"No, I-I can't," James said shaking his head. I felt my heart shatter at that. "Carlos I'm sorry," he said before he turned and left. I stood there staring at the door wondering what the hell had just happened. I almost had him and then he changed his mind. I didn't know what to think. I felt a few tears slid down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away, left the gym, and headed back to the apartment. I didn't know where James was going, but I didn't care. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

I walked into the apartment and saw Kendall, Logan, and Katie sitting on the couch watching a movie. They all turned to look at me when I walked in. They all saw the hurt look I was sure was on my face, and I was sure they saw the tears as well. I knew I was crying. I had just had my heart broken; of course, I was going to cry.

"Carlos," Logan said jumping up. I shook my head and ran to mine and James' room. I locked the door behind me. "Carlos," Logan said knocking on my door.

"What happened," Kendall asked.

"Go away," I hollered. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to be alone. They stopped knocking and left. I was glad for that. I just didn't want to talk. I don't know what happened to James or why he ran like that. I was sure he was going to tell me what I wanted to hear, but then he pushed me away. I didn't know what to think. I just wrapped my arms around myself and let my tears fall freely.

So here's chapter 2. I hope you all like it. So as of right now I have a limted amount of time on my laptop. It's a long story but I only get about an hour to two hours a day. I will work hard to update regularly, but I make no promises. I always promise and I can't keep them. I will try my hardest though. So yeah, review and let me know what you think.

Always

OUTOFMYMIND