Thanks everyone for the feedback about the story. All your kind thoughts made me decide to keep going. This chapter is really about just getting a feel for Olivia's perspective.
The third chapter will have a bit more plot.
Back in Barba's office, Barba looks as if he's making a desperate attempt to read Olivia's thoughts. The confusion about Carisi's comment has quickly turned to embarrassment that both Barba and Olivia are trying to keep concealed.
Olivia turns to find Noah passed out in Barba's chair- still clinging to a few goldfish with one hand. A subtle change of subject.
Barba follows her gaze and smirks, "Wish I could do that right about now."
Olivia chuckles, "Tell me about it. Guess I should get him home."
Barba walks around the desk and gently scoops the boy up. His head falls comfortably on Barba's shoulder, his arms limp at either side. Once Olivia has gathered the contents of the diaper bag, she makes an attempt to take Noah.
Barba holds up a hand, "I got him, Liv. I'll walk you out."
"Barba, I'm parked 4 blocks from here.." She's cut off by a look from Barba which clearly says 'just walk' as he flaps one of his hands in a shooing motion towards the door. She smiles, shakes her head and walks out with the two boys in tow.
Olivia has to admit- when she first met Rafael Barba- he annoyed the hell out of her. A total ass, in an overpriced suit- though she did have to admit he did look rather smart in those overpriced suits.
But when he'd pulled that belt stunt in the middle of court, she was impressed. Just a bit. He was obviously clever- and would do anything to win- though she was suspicious that he wanted to win just to win, more than he wanted to win for victims. He was harsh (she may never let him speak to another victim again) but good. And she understood why he was harsh. No trial was a picnic.
He was passionate about the law and she was passionate about the victims and that made them the perfect team.
And eventually, her passion for the victims rubbed off on him. Though he could still be harsh when he needed to be- he truly was fighting for the victims and she found more and more that she actually really liked Barba. She started to think of them as partners.
It didn't take long for Olivia to see through Barba's prickish exterior to the real Barba- a nerdy boy from the Barrio who'd never fit in- a teen who left the Barrio the moment he was given the chance- and a man who regretted turning his back on the culture he grew up with and had so much pride for.
Sure he was cocky- he was damn good. The boy who'd suffered through being different his entire childhood had finally found his place. The teen who'd been beaten up for being "to smart for his own good" had finally found a way to use his quick wit and smart mouth. Olivia almost found it endearing.
And then Lewis had happened. He'd been overwrought with guilt and she'd been over come with every other feeling on the planet: hatred, anguish, anxiety, hopelessness. They got through it together.
She'd had Cassidy at home to comfort her and Dr. Lindstrom to talk about her feelings but Rafael Barba had led her through it all.
To be honest, she didn't want Cassidy's comfort and she didn't want Lindstrom's platitudes (even if she'd used them on victims herself). She wanted to be treated normally and she wanted justice. Barba gave her both.
He hurt for her, of course. Hell, the day he told her Lewis wanted to plead guilty to raping her, she could have sworn she'd seen tears in his eyes when she refused. But then he'd kicked into DA mode- getting in her face and reminding her exactly how important it was that her testimony was right.
He had his gentle moments but mostly, he was steadfast in his conviction to get Lewis. He had stood beside her- prepared her for everything- he told her the truth and never once did he look at her with pity.
Even after she'd hurt him by lying about Viva Nunez, and she could see she'd hurt him, he stood by her.
She loved him for that.
She'd stood by him and given him the benefit of the doubt in the Munoz case. And through all the changes and cases they'd faced together since- she found herself enjoying the time she spent with Barba.
She liked their sparing matches in the bullpin, their late night troubleshooting sessions, she liked the way he'd turn and look at her after they'd won a case- oh so pleased with himself, as if to say 'did you see what I did there?'.
She liked that they could call each other out and completely disagree and still go have a drink and laugh after. Liked the moments he opened up to her. And she liked that even on days he was in a bad mood and dismissed everyone else- he'd always listen to what she had to say.
She even liked the slight overprotectiveness he sometimes showed when every once in a while she was threatened by a perp. He'd lower his chin and growl out some response. Olivia couldn't help but smirk internally.
If she was honest with herself, which she never was in cases like this, that platonic love that she felt for him after the Lewis case had slowly begun to morph into something else.
She'd been a bit discouraged the first couple of times he'd met Noah. She really liked Barba- and was subconsciously beginning to think he might be more than just a friend- but the next person she fell for had to love Noah. She wasn't sure that was his thing.
But as Noah got to know Barba- she could tell Noah adored him. And Barba surprised her- he seemed to adore Noah right back.
In the whirlwind that was her life, he had snuck in and become her anchor point. She was so content with their friendship that she let all of her feelings about Barba simply simmer in the background - until Carisi had opened his big mouth about 15 minutes ago.
She'd once told Barba she thought she'd still be squabbling with him at 85. Now watching him do his best to buckle Noah in without waking him- she thinks that might be exactly what she wants. Wonders, if maybe, he wants that too.
Barba turns to face her, 'mission accomplished'.
She shakes her thoughts away. This is Barba for God's sake, you work together. You don't even call him by his first name! Even in your head!
She smiles- giving away nothing, "Thanks". He nods, giving her a quick smile then steps past her to walk back to his office.
She starts to walk around the car and then spins back, "Oh, Barba- almost forgot. Adoption paperwork gets finalized Friday. I was going to have everyone over to celebrate if you care to join? Just drinks- some appetizers.".
His smile lights up, "Sounds good, let me know."
Rollins is the first to arrive- she brings in a bottle of wine and follows Olivia back to the kitchen where Olivia's arranging various appetizers.
Rollins sets down the wine and then turns to see Noah playing on the floor, "So finally Noah Benson officially, huh?" Liv nods and smiles brightly. "Maybe someday Noah Barba?", Amanda asks cheekily.
Olivia's head snaps up, "What?". Liv had almost forgotten Carisi's offhand comment a few days ago. Shit- did they all think-?
"Just kiddin', Sarge." Wow, touchy much?
"Amanda, Barba and I aren't—"
Rollins holds up her hands, "It was a joke, seriously, Liv. None of us think anything's going on with you and Barba."
There's a knock at the door. Rollins goes over and lets in Nick. She has time for a quick hello before Noah has walked over to show them both a block. Both act as if it's the greatest thing they've ever seen and Amanda goes to join Noah on the floor with the blocks.
Nick walks into the kitchen to put the beer he's brought into the fridge. Olivia smiles over at him, "Hey." Nick gives her a nod, grabs one of the beers he brought and leans against the counter beside her, conspiratorially.
"So you and Barba?", he asks with the slight undertone of a disappointed brother. Olivia sighs, oh my God they do all think it. Maybe inviting Barba had been a bad idea. But she wanted him there.
"Nick-"
"You don't have to explain, it's just, not what I expected."
Olivia looks him straight in the eye, "There's nothing going on between Barba and I. Barba and I have a lot of late dinners to discuss cases- sometimes I bring Noah. It's proximity, Nick."
"Proximity would explain Noah liking Barba. Not Barba knowing baby sign language."
Olivia gives him her best Sgt. Benson look, "Open the wine, Nick."
Fin and Carisi aren't far behind. Barba's the last to arrive.
He's a bit nervous but Olivia's the only one to really notice. He'd realized on the way over that- aside from Olivia- he didn't really spend any time outside the office with the others. Barba was part of the team but still a bit of an outsider. He didn't really have much in common with them. He and Amaro both had abusive, Cuban fathers but that wasn't exactly dinner conversation.
Barba was great at social gatherings that were about work and networking- but his personality didn't necessarily lend itself to social gatherings that were just social.
Carisi's comment earlier in the week didn't help. Were they all thinking he and Liv were together? Worse than that, Barba kept finding his mind wandering to what it would be like if they were together. Maybe he shouldn't have come.
When he walks in, Noah immediately toddles over to him. Barba scoops Noah up and after saying a few polite hellos, Barba b-lines for the cabinet over the fridge where Liv keeps his scotch. It's not lost on the others that he has his own bottle of scotch at her place. Or that he seems to already have a system in place for holding a baby and pouring scotch at the same time.
Barba finds that it's not as difficult to hang out as he thought. They mostly all talk about work anyway. He still has to deal with Carisi's constant backseat prosecuting but at least here he can have a drink while Carisi rambles on.
An hour in, everyone's sitting in the living room- drinking, noshing and chatting about some of the lighter points in past cases. Barba sits on the floor at the foot of Olivia's chair playing blocks with Noah and Amaro. Which mostly consists of Barba and Amaro making towers and Noah knocking them down.
After a particularly massive demolition, Amaro grabs Noah and tickles him,"Aye, mi torre!"
Noah laughs and reaches out for Barba to save him, "Raf! Raaaaf!" Barba laughs, letting him 'suffer' for a minute before he reaches over and pulls him to safety in his lap.
Noah's getting sleepy. He curls up in Barba's lap for a moment and leans against his chest until Carisi comes in from the kitchen holding a plate of cupcakes that he'd brought along.
Seeing the chocolate frosted cupcakes, Noah hops out of Barba's lap and begins signing furiously at Olivia. Barba throws his hands up in victory, "Haha!".
Olivia can't help but smirk at Barba. Fin asks the question the rest of the group is thinking, "What's he saying?"
"Chocolate", Barba's way too excited.
Liv clarifies, "Barba's been trying to teach him that one for weeks now. Carisi, I think you might be Noah's favorite person right now."
An awkwardness falls over the room at the revelation of just how much time Barba spends with Noah. Olivia pushes on- trying to ignore it. She addresses her son, "You can have the cupcake but you have to sit down." Noah whines back at her.
Barba's already reached behind him and pulled out a small booster seat with its own tray. He pulls the tray off and sets it beside Noah. Olivia tries to get Noah to take a seat but he's tired and having none of it.
Noah turns and hits Olivia. In an instant, Barba catches Noah's tiny hand in his, stilling it. He makes eye contact with Noah and firmly tells him, "Hey, no hitting."
"Barba, I got it!" , Liv snaps. She immediately regrets it. Barba and Noah both still- everyone watching their interaction. Now it really is awkward.
It did achieve one thing though. Noah's not fighting her anymore- so she grabs him and settles him into the booster.
Carisi unwraps a cupcake and hands it to Noah in an attempt to break up the awkwardness. "There you go, little man." Noah digs right in. Carisi holds the platter out, "Anybody else?"
The awkwardness eventually dissipates and everyone goes back to talking.
Towards the end of the night, Barba stands at the sink doing dishes while Olivia, Fin and Rollins clear various dishes from the living room into the kitchen. Carisi and Amaro sit in the living room entertaining Noah.
People start to file out. As they do Noah tells each one he 'Yuvs' them and supplies them with a rather wet kiss on the cheek. Apparently, this is his new thing.
Olivia closes the door behind Fin and turns to find Barba collecting his coat. He's the last one out, having just finished the dishes.
"Alright, adios, amigo", he tells Noah- stooping down to his eye level where his head rests on Olivia's shoulder.
"Dios" , the toddler responds, "Yuv you, Raf!"
Barba smiles. He's not sure it's not a word his necessarily comfortable with but he wouldn't describe the way he feels about the boy in any other way. "I love you, too, Niño." He leans in for one of Noah's wet kisses then gives Olivia a small smile, "Thanks, Liv".
Olivia catches him with the door halfway open. "Rafi, wait!" Barba tenses. "Sorry, you don't want me to call you-"
Barba turns back to her, "No, it's fine. I like it. Just- first time you've ever said it."
"I'm sorry I snapped at you. Not sure why I did that. I just- with what Carisi said the other day. I don't want them getting the wrong impression."
"No, I know. It's alright. I shouldn't have-", he trails off and looks at Noah so he doesn't have to look at her.
Is that sadness in his voice? She can't tell. She almost wants it to be. How is she supposed to discern what he wants if she doesn't even know what she wants.
That's not true though really. She knows what she wants. She just doesn't know if she should want it.
"I do value your input, Rafi." She tests the name again. It's a bit more awkward this time. "I like that you're part of Noah's life. You're good for him."
Barba looks at Noah, snuggled up on his mom's chest. His eyelids are starting to drift closed. Barba puts a hand on Noah's back and gives him a gentle pat. "He's not been too bad for me either", he admits. He's caught off guard by his own candor.
He finally makes eye contact with Olivia. The energy passing between them is overwhelming. Barba's not sure how he hasn't caught fire yet.
He wants to kiss her but if he starts, he's not sure he'll be able to stop.
"Alright, I'll let you put him to bed" he says abruptly, and a little too loudly in an attempt to break the spell. "Night, Liv. Thanks."
She smiles back, "Night, Barba".
Barba quickly makes his way out.