Author's Note: So, I wrote another chapter. As you can see. Erm...yes. Okay, there's no point in writing author's notes if you don't actually have anything to say in them, but thanks to everyone who favorited, followed, or reviewed.
When someone declares war on you, you rather expect them to follow the declaration up with some sort of great and terrible act of violence. You prepare yourself for the worst, and it's a bit disconcerting when nothing happens.
"What's got into you, Ori?" Dori asked his youngest brother, dabbing at a rapidly spreading pool of ink on the oak table "That's the second time you've knocked something over in ten minutes..."
"I can't help it," said Ori, his face and hands now liberally splattered with the contents of the overturned ink pot "It's been a week since Kili and Fili swore revenge, and they've not done anything!"
"Isn't that a good thing?" Dori said, as the door swung open and Nori strolled in, trailing liberal amounts of mud across the floor "Oh, for Durin's sake, wipe your boots before you come in. And where did you manage to get so dirty?"
Nori ignored these remarks and instead sat down at the table, across from Ori, eyeing the inky mess with interest.
"Getting a bit jumpy, are we?" he asked "I take it our two fine dwarves haven't struck yet...?"
"No, but it's only a matter of time -" Ori began to say, before stopping abruptly as a great clattering din erupted suddenly in the front room.
The three brothers were on their feet in an instant - they had all been waiting for something of this nature to occur.
"Ah, the wait has come to an end," remarked Nori, though Ori and Dori couldn't hear him over the noise "You have to hand it to them when it comes to timing..."
They rushed for the doorway and then stopped in their tracks, all three staring with a mixture of horror and bemusement at the sight that met their eyes.
In the front room the work table had been overturned, with one of its legs snapped clean off. Pots and pans lay scattered across the floor and in the center of this scene of pure chaos stood a ewe, glaring around at the room with yellow eyes and making a series of surprisingly menacing 'mehhh' noises.
As they watched, the creature turned and threw itself at a small, spindly legged stool that Ori sometimes sat on while he worked, sending it crashing back against the wall.
"What in Durin's name...?" said Nori, his eyes widening in surprise.
Though it was a perfectly understandable thing to say under the circumstances, this exclamation had the lamentable result of alerting the ewe of the three dwarves' presence in the room, and with a further disconcerting 'mehh' it charged.
Ori was frozen with terror, but luckily Nori, who wasn't, grabbed him by the arm and wrenched him to one side. Dori leapt rather athletically in the other direction and the enraged ewe shot between them, leaving all three brothers unharmed, for the moment.
Dori, exhibiting great presence of mind, snatched up the fallen stool and wrenched off one of its three legs, which he tossed to Nori. Their eyes met and Nori nodded.
As the ewe skidded around and then trampled back towards them, the three dwarves once more hurled themselves away. However, this time as the creature went past them, both Dori and Nori swung their make-shift clubs, whamming the ewe on the rear-end and propelling it out the front door.
Ori dove forward and shoved the above-mentioned door shut, slamming the bolt across and then leaning against it, gasping for breath. He could have sworn that he heard the sound of laughter coming from outside, and he wondered if Fili and Kili had hung around to watch the results of their prank.
"I've always hated sheep," said Nori, dropping his stool-leg "Let's never go into the farming business, eh, Dori?"
Dori, however, wasn't in the mood for making light of the unfortunate destruction of their work-shop. He gave Ori and Nori an expectant look.
"Well?" he snapped "Aren't you going to go get revenge? Isn't that how this war works?"
"It's locked," whispered Ori, stepping away from the door to the forge where Kili and Fili were currently employed "We might as well go home, Nori."
Nori ignored him, leaning down and fiddling with the keyhole, his hands hiding whatever he was using to pick the lock. With a little click, the door obediently swung inwards. Nori turned to his younger brother and grinned with a certain degree of smugness, before gesturing towards the darkened forge.
"After you," he said, quietly.
Ori nodded gratefully, and cautiously stepped across the threshold, Nori close behind him. It was close to midnight, and as they had hoped, the forge seemed to be empty.
"It's dark," Ori said, arguably stating the obvious "Did you bring a candle?"
Nori started to say that he'd had the impression that candles were Ori's job, but was cut off rather abruptly as something tightened around his ankle and pulled him upwards until he was hanging upside down, about a foot off the floor. He could dimly make out Ori to his left, in a similar uncomfortable position, and that wasn't all he could see.
Two figures, who had been crouching behind the large anvil that stood in the center of the room, were straightening up. Two very familiar figures.
"Oh, this is a trap, isn't it?" Ori said, as he spun in a gentle circle, held in mid air by the loop of rope that had closed around his leg.
"Yes, and a good one too," said Kili, grinning with a truly indecent amount of glee as beside him, Fili lit the lantern that he had been holding "It took us a long time to set up."
"Alright," Nori said, sighing "You've wrecked our workshop, you've humiliated us - can you let us down?"
"But letting you down would deprive us of a proper chance to revel in our victory," said Fili.
"This isn't a victory," Ori muttered, feeling a surge of indignation "It's just a temporary triumph."
"If we let you hang there for an hour or two, I think we'll feel very victorious," said Kili, who was enjoying this very much.
"Look, let's not split hairs over the concept of victory," Nori said, the blood rushing to his head rather unpleasantly "Just let us down and we'll call it quits. No more tricks. War over."
Before either Kili or Fili had a chance to reply to this offer, the door swung open yet again, and in the light of the lantern the four dwarves saw the unmistakable form of Thorin, as he stepped inside.
He had, Ori realized, most likely seen the light coming from the forge and gone to investigate, which was a pity, because at this hour of night every right thinking dwarf ought to be home and warm in bed.
What was even more of a pity was that Fili and Kili had laid more than just the two traps that had caught Ori and Nori...
"Wait -" Fili just had time to say, in an appropriately alarmed tone, before there was a snap and a whoosh of air as Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, son of Thor was yanked upwards to hang upside down in a manner that could not be considered majestic, or even remotely dignified.
There are only a small number of dwarves out there who can be caught in similar circumstances, and still manage to glower menacingly at anyone. Thorin was one of these talented individuals, and the glare which he fixed on Kili and Fili could have won prizes.
In the long and strained minutes that followed this unfortunate event, only Nori's voice was heard.
"I don't believe it," he said "I really just don't believe it...twice in one week..."
Thorin ignored this disbelieving statement, still watching his nephews, both of whom looked absolutely stricken.
"Listen, Thorin," said Kili, raising his hands placatingly "We can explain everything. Just please don't kill us quite yet."