It was a bright, but promisingly windy morning; my tattered shoes tore at the ground furiously but found it hard to keep me balanced, almost causing me to fall. But it failed to matter to me. My clothes were already mismatched and ridiculous. Who cared if a stain came onto it? I would be there soon; just as always.

I laughed as I saw the flash of vibrant red that lay on the green grass, almost fooling me to think of Christmas presents. It could only be Lily Evans, the only one who didn't make faces towards my clothing or the length of my hair. She would wait for me at our tree.

"Keep her- them- safe. Please."

Laughter bubbled up within me still as I drew closer, hearing the oddest of words in my youthful mind. "And what will you give to me in return, Severus?"

I rounded the trunk of the tree, hoping to mischievously rip her from her daydream. But as I found her, she looked paler than she would even in the days we would lay in the snow; her creamy skin had lost its lively luster.

"In- in return?"

I bent down, carefully reaching out to touch her lips, my fingertips just as desperate as I was to feel the warmth of her breath but I felt nothing. I tried with all of my might to pull her to my chest, to shake her awake, but nothing seemed to be possible. What had happened to her? If she was hurt, where was the blood? Where was the person who had hurt her?

Finally, I managed to pull her up, one of my arms circling around her back, my other hand pushing a bundle of stray red hair that had fallen onto her cheek. Her freckles came into view and I could feel the tears beginning to soak my cheeks as I buried my face into her waves, holding her to me. I screamed her name, but no words rang out in all of the tortuous silence.

There was a sound of breezy wind, but the one of our tree moving. No, it was a different kind; it left me only to observe myself and the beautiful- dead- witch in my arms. As I caught sight of the smallest, crumpled daisy in her palm, I heard the last word so painfully clear.

"Anything."

I sat up in my bed with a start, my chest heaving as if a hole had been carved into my chest from the inside- out. I lifted a hand to my cheek, feeling a droplet of moisture there. But my agony burned like the flames of Lily's hair as a scream erupted from within my room.

Quickly, I found my wand in the darkness, muttering, "Lumos." There, in the wooden crib that she once owned, was a creature whose lungs could impress a Mandrake root. That creature was Harry bloody Potter. "Oh, for Merlin's sake," I mumbled, sliding out from my sheets and walking to the crib.

His crying still spilled out, gradually getting louder and louder as I came closer. If I cried this much, it's a wonder my father didn't drown me. "Oh... There, there. Don't... make that noise."

He stopped for a moment, looking up to me with eyes that were only hers; no, they did not belong to him in an shape or form. But as we looked at each other, his mouth opened once again and the bellowing of before continued. This thing is relentless!

However, in the darkness of my mind, a voice reached me with a piece of wisdom that had confused me the times Lily had forced me to play pathetic muggle games. "It's a baby, Severus. When she cries, you pick her up and talk to her. Go on." Needless to say, I protested against the idea as a child. However, I now decided to take her advice for the better of not only her son but for my ears as well.

I picked him up, finding that he became slightly more hushed but not quite silent. I resorted to victimizing my memory to his thief, letting myself hum. I wasn't quite sure the song, but it was one that my Lily had hummed often. When I had showed her the things in what soon became our place, she would lay upon the grass near the pond and let the melody carry in the air without her voice. Whether it was to avoid silence or just her being happy, I would never know.

The wails of the Chosen One began to lessen as I held him closer to my chest, continually decreasing as I stroked his hair. Letting my mind wander, I let myself imagine that I was with her, that she was in the other room and her laughter called out to me. But Harry could never know of her; he wouldn't be safe if he just knew her name. Surprisingly, out of all the responsibilities of this child, this would be the easiest.

But then there were the rest of the other duties attached to taking care of a human being. I barely knew how to take care of myself! What had Lily been thinking? Had she been drunk when she requested that I take care of a child? If I could barely keep my beloved books from falling apart at the seams, how in Merlin's sake was I supposed to make sure he would be fed at all times and not kill himself with his wandering?

Perhaps I could ensnare one of the female teachers at Hogwarts to do it.. They all loved children but not if they were eleven through eighteen. But once again, condemnation came down upon my thoughts. 'Severus, who will take care of Harry? I didn't leave him with Sirius or Professor McGonagall; I left him with you.'

Lily, the only light in a mind damaged by darkness. Even in my own mind, I knew what she would say. Perhaps it was from knowing her since we were nine years old. "You aren't fair," I mumbled, looking down to meet her eyes, but not her face. It was beyond my comprehension that I could become accustomed to seeing precisely her eyes but being meet with someone else's features. They were the features of the man whose only talent was that he could boil my blood with anger.

James Potter. That arrogant, deceptive, loathsome cockroach! How had my Blossom been able to stand him, to even be near him, knowing how he had treated her not too many years ago? Oh, how I would've loved to hex him; many spells that I had created were with him in mind.

My hair was once again pulled on, causing part of my mouth to curl up slightly; whether it was in disgust or something else, I wasn't quite sure. "Potter, did you do this to your mother or am I purely special?"

He smiled at me, now preoccupied with attempting to fit his fist into his mouth. As I held him carefully, I inspected through the things Professor McGonagall had given me with the tip of my wand. They were undoubtedly Lily's; there were some bottles of shampoo and for milk, a powder I had yet to find the use of, and something that seemed to be a replacement for cloth underwear for children. Evidently, they were called "Pampers."

Shaking my head at the touch of muggle born things, I watched him look around the room before leaning down and picking up a container of "No-Tears" shampoo. Perhaps I need it for another reason. Does this shampoo magically keep him quiet? His eyes searched everything that had been given light, even though most of the room was still dark. Then his head turned back to me and he did that disgusting thing children do. He giggled.

Almost as if it were pure instinct, my nose wrinkled, displeasure with the being all too obvious. "I suppose the thing to do is change you, isn't it? But how to do it properly.." I murmured, trying my best to think of a clever way to find out how to change him without asking someone else. I muttered the counter- curse for the light bursting from my wand before the solution came to me. "Legilimens."

"Harry, Momma loves you; Daddy loves you. Harry, be safe. Be strong." Lily's voice was hushed as she was crouched by her child's crib side but even so, it was almost too loud. I should've braced myself before going into his mind but it soon passed as another wave of pain threatened to drown me.

She stood above him, smiling down as she made him laugh. "Don't cry, darling. You'll be out of this changing station before you know it."

Being the fool I had always been, I took a step towards her, reaching out to touch her hair. My fingertips went through her, the memory continuing without me. I paid attention to her hands movements, letting the memory sink into my mind. How I was going to repeat it in the world outside of his memories became lost to me.

She then picked him up, seeing relief in her son's eyes. Once again, the memory swirled into another one, now revealing James picking up the same boy. Potter's little spawn became somewhat of an airplane, the sounds being made with his father's lips.

Jealousy hit me but not in the sense I wanted to admit; he had a father and mother who loved him to the point of dying to keep him safe. My parents on the other hand, could've cared less whether I died or not. My father had often blamed me for being the reason for his failures or missed opportunities.

Life isn't fair, Severus. Let it go; another Potter isn't worth more bitterness. I exited his mind easily, finding that he didn't have to block me, nor did he know how. But in this revelation, I discovered something entirely new: I never wanted to go in there again.

"Let's get you washed up, Potter. There's no reason to be more filthy than your father." I observed that his expression hadn't changed in the slightest. Rolling my eyes at his attempt to still fill his mouth up with his hand, I walked out of my room, ending up in the kitchen. Children. Who on Earth decided they were a good idea?

Sitting him down in one side of the sink, I turned on the water so that it began to fill up on the other side. In the time that it took to wait, I began to figure out the buttoning contraptions on his romper, eventually prying it from his body. I made sure to be as delicate as possible, knowing that over the years of Lily's absence, I had grown rougher not only inside but towards others.

I then spent time figuring out how to remove the "Pampers," managing to remove those in the time that it took to halfway fill the other half of the sink. Picking up the now naked infant, I set him into the water, checking his expression to see if the water was too cold or hot. For several moments, we stared at each other, neither one of us making the first move.

Suddenly, almost as if I'd imagined it, his hand withdrew from the water and disappeared into it again. The water followed his command, flying onto my face and causing my eyelids drop in controlled frustration. I lifted my hand to my face, wiping away the liquid with a deep breath. "Mister Potter, I assure you that splashing me will accomplish you nothing. I suggest that you-"

My sentence was cut off by the frenzy I seemed to create with my words; he began to practically empty his bath water onto me. Why Lily? Why in Merlin's name would you give him to me?

Clearing my throat, I was prepared to yell until my lungs burst from the seams. However, as many times before, not all of my plans ended up as I had intended them to. "Stop," I said calmly but still managing to be firm. Even in my failure to be a strict man with him, my victory came when the actions ceased to repeat themselves.

In the wake of reopening my eyes, Harry was revealed, sitting perfectly still. I began to wet his hair, not quite looking at him. I feared that not only would I see myself once again but that I would see Lily in the vibrant eyes that I had loved.

The oddest action happened, however, when I began to wet his hair. He seemed to lean into my touch; it wasn't overwhelming but light. He took his turn in closing his eyes as I pushed up my sleeves; had he been this way with Lily?

I poured the "No- Tears" solution into his hair, scrubbing it in gently as one of my hands rested against his back to keep him steady. I wasn't sure why I knew to take extra precaution but it seemed to be instinct. After making sure that any filth that had built up in his hair but also along his body; dust from the ceiling had landed on his arms and legs, now collected in the bottom of my sink.

Ensuing the task of cleansing his skin and hair of suds, I finally met his eyes. I saw not only the one I had lost in them but a reflection of a man who had become a mere shell. My eyebrows furrowed together before I closed my eyes and looked away. No. Control your emotions, Severus; remember your discipline. Wiping my face of emotion, I inhaled painful breath, my skin tightening around my throat.

Eventually, I would have to let my walls down; I would have to love him the way I knew Lily would. Even with his father's blood, he still had his own share of her. If I had my way, he would grow up to be as kind as she was and as intelligent as she was. I promise I will protect him, Lily Evans. I will not fail him like I have failed you.

Author's Note:

With a lot of thinking, I've gone back and forth with this story. I'm tempted to skip forward every three years, to show how Severus has changed (but still remained the same) as well as Harry. But a part of me not only believes that would be lazy but it would rush things. I'm not saying my pace has to be snail slow but in Severus's life, I'm sure that just a year seemed like a lifetime. So, in loo of that, does anyone have any suggestions? I'm open to almost everything! Feel free to also criticize my writing (nicely, if you will) so that I can become a better writer.