AN: Thank you so much for the kind reviews, they are butter to my bread!
A million thanks to thunderincrimson, for all Italian translations. Thank you thank you thank you!!!
Warning: Language.
Survival Italian:
Agida: Colloquial expression used to express aggravation.
Ciao: Hello/goodbye
La famiglia: The family
Mio padre: My father
Signore: Sir
Friday Morning:
I pick Gibbs up and start the trek back up to New York. I have Billy Joel playing in the background. That's as long island as you can get, and I figure its apropos considering. Plus, who doesn't love Billy Joel?
"You ever been to New York boss?"
"Of course DiNozzo."
"The Island?"
"Once or twice", he responds.
"You're going to love it", I say before I can stop myself.
It's home, and it doesn't matter how many bad memories accompany, because it will always be home.
"It's a shame we won't get there until late, I really do have to take you out for bagels."
Gibbs looks at me like I have lost it.
"Bagels?"
"You can't get bagels anywhere else that good boss."
"Is that a fact DiNozzo?"
I stop myself from my gut reaction from going, "duh". Its times like these that I have to remind myself that not everyone is from the Island.
"Yes boss", I explain patiently, "And just wait till we hit the city. You can't get pizza like that anywhere else."
"You seem to do fine with Nicky's around the block."
Now it's my time to give him a pointed look. I'm almost offended.
"Boss, no one does pizza like New York. Just wait, you are going to love it."
He smiles to himself, and I'm just about to continue telling him how awesome the food is, but I get a call from no one other than Dom. Dominic Leone is the closest thing I will ever have to a brother. We still managed to stay friends throughout the years, or rather keep in touch. Not much mind you, but enough. Before I can stop myself I dive for the phone while driving. We almost crash into the side rail on the highway, so Gibbs goes for the phone instead.
He also hits me on the head, but I figure almost killing me and him earned that. He puts the phone on speaker so I can speak. I answer in an uncharacteristic ebullience.
"Dom!"
"You fucker!"
Gibbs eyes widen a little bit, clearly this was not the greeting he was expecting.
"Dude!" I scream again.
"So the prodigal son returns huh", he says laughing.
"Hey, fuck you baby", I say while smiling. I can hear him laughing on the other end.
Normally I would never curse in front of Gibbs, but this isn't really cursing, this is communicating. And Gibbs was a Marine.
"Me and you are gettin' shit faced tonight", he declares.
"Oh yeah", I ask, "When is that?"
"After the wake", he says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"Dude", I say, "I'm not sure that's respectful."
"Respectful to who", he ask, truly puzzled, "Auntie Donna bit it. She won't mind. Hey, we can drink to her. Does that assuage your guilt, you pansy ass? Fuck man, you sound just like fucking Frankie."
"That's cause it's his mother, you dumb ass", I say.
I notice that Gibbs is wincing at my vocabulary choices or maybe its that my accent is slipping, and he's just being reminded how harsh it really is. I know that New Yorkers don't have a more "polished" accent, so perhaps that plus the language is his objection.
"Well how the hell does going out affect her dead ass?"
And Gibbs thought I needed sensitivity training. Considering where I come from, it's a miracle that I am as tolerant as I am.
"Dom", I say laughing, although becoming slightly embarrassed for my cousin, "Look, it's his mother, you know?"
"Oh I forgot, he says, "You would know. Guess the two of you can join the dead mother's club now."
I roll my eyes, "Yeah, and how much longer does your mother have? She was three hundred pounds last time I saw her. She's a heart attack waiting to happen."
"Hey, that's my fucking mother, that woman birthed to me! What is wrong with you?"
I can see Gibbs is laughing a bit at the irony, so I join in. Laughter I figure is good because that means he can't be that uncomfortable.
"You're right", I concede, "So, where are we going?"
"Yo, Carmine is hooking us up. He got new shit in too."
That's wonderful. I beg the gods of the universe that Dom will shut up right this second and not get into Carmine's drug habit while my cop boss is listening. Why did I ever agree to have him come?
"He's out of jail", I ask hoping to change the direction of the conversation.
"Good fucking behavior, you believe that shit, that can't last long", he says, "By the way, who the fuck are you staying with?"
I wince. This was not going to go over well.
"The Marriot."
There is silence on the other end. Followed by a quick explosion.
"You are staying at a fucking hotel? The hell's wrong with you?"
Except when Dom's angry, his already heavy accent becomes even thicker. So it sounded more like, "Ya' stayin' at a fuck-king oh-tel? Ell's wrong wit you?"
"Dom", I say trying to calm him," Look, I'm coming up for the funeral, you know man? I didn't have anything else planned."
"We're family!"
I sigh, "Look, my boss is with me and we already have reservations, alright Dom?"
"Your boss is with you? You brought your boss up to Auntie Donna's funeral? Why?"
I sigh, and say nothing. And oh how I wish to not have this conversation with my boss sitting right next to me.
"Dom", I say patiently trying to quell any further disputes, "Just drop it alright? Look, I'll be there and we'll hang."
"What you need someone to hold your hand, is that it baby Tony? Too afraid to see Daddy?"
"It's not like that", I state, "He's a friend."
I can feel my face getting red, and purposefully look at the road.
"Look Dom, I got to go."
"You stay with me", he avers, "Even your boss, he's welcome too, okay man?"
"No", I say a bit too strongly. The idea of Gibbs around them, I just, no. I do not want these two worlds meshing.
"Why the hell not", he sounds offended, "You embarrassed or something?"
Truthfully? Yeah.
And also? There is no way in hell I'm inviting Gibbs to stay at Dom's place. I love Dom, and I love Carmine too, hell I love all of them, but Gibbs is too strait laced, and to be honest, it was Gibbs that has been there for me through the years. I respect Gibbs and recently I've begun to think that he respects and values me too. One night at Dom's place could ruin four years of hard work.
"Dom", I say, "Shove it. Look man, I got to go, I'll give you a call when I get in."
"Yeah yeah", he says, and then we hear a dog yelp, him scream, and then start cursing, "You fucking cunt licker", he screams at the dog. "Give me agida!"
I breathe in deeply, no, no way in hell am I bringing Gibbs to Dominic Leone's place.
When I first moved to Virginia, I quickly realized that I was not in New York. I never identified so much with Dorothy. For one, the amount of Italians and Jews were far less than the Island. For two, there were no bakeries. I couldn't fathom that. And for three, when I asked for "water" at restaurants the waitresses always gave me the funniest look and asked me to repeat myself. I realized that if I was to be successful and independent from my family I was going to have to learn to fit in.
So I learned. I stop gelling my hair back, I stop wearing a gold cross, gold chains, gold rings, and got rid of my ear piercings (well Gibbs kind of not so gently "encouraged" that). I learned to talk like them, it wasn't hard, after all I had gone to Ohio State and after not being around other like accented people, I learned to slip tongues and pronounce words without all the Long Island flair. I also stopped cursing so much, and I learned to have conversations with my hands in my pockets.
Didn't give up the suits though. I'm sorry, but Armani, Gucci, no, I refused to give that up.
Anyhow, now I was going back, with Gibbs. Fuck me tender.
"Alright I'll let you have your fucking Ritz", he says acerbically, and I don't bother correcting him, "But tonight, after the wake, you are mine. I miss you man. Aight?"
"Yeah yeah", I say, "Alright buddy I'll see you soon."
"Ciao you bastard", he says laughing and then hangs up.
I look over at Gibbs.
"Sorry boss."
He looks puzzled, "Sorry for what DiNozzo?"
It's wonderful that I'm driving, because it is beyond the perfect excuse to not look at him.
"For Dom", I say, "He's really a good guy. He saved my life once, when we were little. I was drowning and he pulled me to the shore. And I'm sorry I dragged you up here, it's not like you didn't have better things to do. If you want I can turn around, we're only in Delaware. I know the family is a lot, they're a lot to take in, and they aren't the most cultured-"
"Hey", he cuts me off, "Tony, look I'm here for you, okay? I'm not judging."
This time, I do look at him.
"Tony", he says like he's talking to a mentally challenged child, "Don't worry about me. This isn't about me. Do you want us to stay at Dominic's?"
"No", I burst out.
I stare straight ahead, I really could just turn around. I'm used to abuse, in fact I quite enjoy it sometimes. I'm a masochist like that. I could handle my family by myself.
"Hey", he starts, "Tell me more about New York."
I can tell he is humoring me, but I don't care. I love talking about New York. And I can't remember being this excited in a long time.
"I could take you to the beaches", I state, "It's real pretty with the snow."
"Do you like the beach DiNozzo?"
"Me? Personally? No, but you-"
He sighs loudly and hits me on the back of head. This is going to be a long trip.
Two Hours Later…(Gibbs)
"Fornell", I bark, "What?"
"I told you to keep him out of New York", he yells back at me on the phone, "That is the opposite of going into New York!"
"Hey I'm going with him", I respond, "He was determined to go. His aunt died."
"Donna Brunelli", he says, "I know. I don't trust it though, I think the family is being a bit opportunistic, it's a perfect reason for him to be in New York."
"Look", I state, "You have two minutes before Tony comes back from the bathroom break and then we are on the road again so make it fast."
"Gibbs", he says tiredly, "FBI is going to be at the wake and the funeral. If DiNozzo makes any of them there is going to be hell to pay."
"I'll stick to him", I say, "Maybe it would be a good idea for you to find agents that DiNozzo won't recognize or find agents that don't scream cop. And would it be too much to ask for some Mediterranean looking ones?"
I see Tony coming out, and decide to wrap this up, "I have to go, text me if anything comes up."
I hang up on him and ignore his startled, "You know how to do that?"
Fuck now I'm mad. This whole thing is going to be a disaster. DiNozzo is too good at observing people, he'll make those agents in a second. I move over the driver's seat. Tony eyes the switch from outside and walks around the passenger's side.
"Everything okay boss", he asks.
"My turn to drive", I grit. I just can't sit there and do nothing.
He glances at me suspiciously but lets it go.
We get to the hotel around five. I let DiNozzo shower first. Sitting on the bed and staring at the ceiling I realize how truly horrific this is going to be. I am exhausted and ready to kill. The entire thing is perverse. There is no doubt in my mind that Carmine, James, and Christian are guilty. There is no doubt that the FBI will find Megan Broome. There is no doubt that this event will somehow affect DiNozzo's career, and there is absolutely no doubt that Tony will get hurt greatly by the end of this.
With each passing closer to New York he reverted back to a child. He actually bounced when he saw the snow, his eyes lit up at graffiti, woke me up to make sure I was conscious going over the bridge to the island to appreciate the greatness of his city, and once we hit the long island radio stations, all hope for sleeping was gone.
DiNozzo has been through a lot, the plague, framed, used and abused by this job, and has always been resilient. His tenacity is one of his most admirable qualities, but this, this will break him. Because like Fornell keeps telling me, this is family.
Every birthday for DiNozzo he obsessively checks the mail to see if he gets a card from his dad or anyone else. Each birthday he makes sure his phone is glued to him on extra loud so just in case if they do call he'll get it. And each birthday he is devastated that no one calls. And now, now he's being invited back to the family, for reasons that I find suspicious, and he can't wait. For all I know he's only back in the family's good graces because they are scared and don't know what to do next. And I like Fornell find Donna Brunelli's death a bit too convenient.
My phone gets a text. Slowly I pick it up and read it.
Fornell:
FBI have found video placing Jamie and Carmine with Meagan at the club before she was taken.
I snap my phone shut and throw it at the wall. I pray that this girl is not dead, because if she is, God help us all.
Two Hours Later… (Tony)
I know I should be getting out of the car, but find myself a bit paralyzed at the moment. So we are stuck in the wake's parking lot until I decide to get it together.
"We getting out anytime soon", Gibbs asks me. He is dressed sharply, and on edge. Why, I'm not particularly sure. I'm not really sure of anything.
"I haven't seen them in years", I say quietly.
"Getting cold feet?"
I don't answer that. He doesn't understand.
"Look Tony", he tells me, "I got your six. Whatever happens, I'm here for you, you know that."
"Yeah I do", I say smiling. "I just don't want to screw this up you know?"
He closes his eyes and rests his hand on the seat's headrest.
"Tony", he says quietly, "You remember what I told you after you went missing, with that crazy waitress?"
"That I was irreplaceable", I say confidently. That I'll never forget. Why Gibbs is telling me this now, I'm not quite sure. Something is off, although I can't really concentrate on it. Maybe he's just tired.
"Yeah", he repeats after me, "You just remember that."
I smile at him.
"You were excited before", he reminds me.
"I got over it."
"You were singing", he tells me.
"It was a good song", I say in my defense. I recognized one of the songs and got excited.
I look out the window and see two people walking by that I don't recognize, and out of the corner of my eye I see Gibbs eyeing me suspiciously.
"What" I ask.
"What are you looking at", he asks coolly.
"I don't know some of the people going in there", I respond, "They look like rent a cops."
He looks at me, nods his head and then breathes in deeply.
"You haven't seen the family in years", he says, "They're bound to have gotten bigger."
"I know", I sigh. I'm just looking for problems. I'm actually quite good at it. No one can find trouble as well as me.
"Come on DiNozzo", he says, "There's only one way in life to handle issues, and that's head on, no more hiding."
He is right, but then again it's easy for him. This isn't his family and then suddenly I'm angry.
"I can't do this", I say.
I start the engine back up.
"Tony?"
"They threw me out! Just because I wanted to go to college, because I didn't want to work for la famiglia! They all went to work for my dad, fine, that's fine for them, but I didn't want that. I didn't abandon them, I didn't abandon the family, I just didn't want to do that for the rest of my life. I didn't want to be part of the family company. Is that so horrible? Does that make me such a bad person? Did that warrant my excommunication? It's not my fault Gibbs! I didn't do this!"
Gibbs is silent.
"Whatever you want to do", he says, "is fine with me."
I look at him oddly. That was not the response I was expecting. I was expecting him to tell me that I was being too sensitive and that people make mistakes and that we should forgive them. Or to get the hell over it because my aunt is dead and this isn't about me. Or maybe that if I felt so strongly I should have realized that before I dragged him all the way to New York.
Something is off.
"We could go back to the hotel", he offers. "Go sightseeing for the rest of the weekend."
Something is off, really off. It's not in Gibbs' nature to back down from anything regardless of the situation.
"What", I spit out.
But before Gibbs can respond there is a bang on my window.
"Tony", screams a raspy smoker's voice.
I look and see Dom.
And before I can stop myself, I'm already out of the car hugging the hell out of him. I did miss him. We kiss each other on the cheek, the forehead and then the lips. That's the Italian way after all.
Gibbs follows my lead and gets out as well.
We part from the hug and swing his arm around me. He's bigger than me, always has been, so easily envelops me.
"You Tony's boss", he asks Gibbs.
Gibbs nods, comes around the car and sticks his hand out.
"Jethro Gibbs", he states.
Dom doesn't take his hand but instead looks at me.
"I thought your boss had some hick name", he tells me, "Leroy wasn't it? What happened to him?"
Shoot me. I give up. Gibbs in his glory smiles to himself, and reoffers his hand.
"Dom", I say nudging him to shake my boss's proffered hand.
"Dominic Leone", he says after a beat and shakes Gibbs's hand.
"Either one of you gentlemen want a smoke", he asks.
"No thank you", Gibbs says quietly.
"Hell yeah", I say at the same time. "I mean not right now."
Dom shrugs and puts the cigarettes away.
"I'm planning on blowing out of here around nine", he tells me, "Good for you?"
I nod. He grabs my face with arm around my shoulder.
"Damn kid I missed you. Alright, might as well get in there. Friggin freezing out here."
He starts to walk, but I pull him back.
"My dad in there", I ask.
Dom looks down, and scratches his head, "Yeah babe, about that, he's real busy."
"He's not coming to the wake?"
"Well it was a two day wake. He came yesterday."
I stop. Of course he did. This was such a stupid idiotic idea. I don't know what is wrong with me. I always do this to myself. This is exactly what happened with Jeanne. I thought it could be perfect despite everything, I had hope and faith in it, and when it all crashed I was devastated, and to be honest, shocked. I never prepare for people to pull out on me, but I should be after all that's what happens. Why would my father, mio padre, bother to see me? He made his peace with it apparently.
All of sudden I feel Gibbs reach for my hand and squeeze it.
"Come on", he says gently, "Let's get on in, it's cold."
The casket is closed, apparently there was too much scarring, and Elena wanted to preserve her mother's dignity and thus opted for the closed casket. Dom is to the side of me, and Gibbs behind giving me the space I need.
I see my grandfather Angelo DiNozzo speaking Italian to his brother, my great uncle Vinny, and see a million mass cards to pray for the deceased.
"Tony", gasps a woman.
Oh holy shit, that's Connie. She comes over to give me a hug. She smells like hairspray and nail polish which is exactly how I remember: big hair, big curves, and bigger personality. It's fitting that she is Dom's sister because she is the exact female version of him; loud and obnoxious in a feminized manner. Her outfit consists of a tight sweater that is showing off her cleavage, a tight leather skirt, high heels, huge gold hoop earrings and blood red long nails.
"Oh my fucking God", she says, "Anthony!"
And with that everyone turns, and I again remind myself to think things through. Everyone is looking at me and assessing me. The last time they saw me I was going off to college. I was 18. I recognize almost everyone, they look so much older, no, they look so much harder. The eyes are the same though, that same mischievous ready to laugh glint that we all seem to share.
Soon each and every one of them come up to me. Many of them are crying (not because of Aunt Donna) and are hugging me, and I them. Maybe I was wrong all these years. I should have tried harder to keep in touch with all of them. I missed my family. Everyone is chatting and catching up, and a few are showing me their children who I had no idea existed. We fucking grew up each other and I had no idea.
I take a moment to spot Gibbs who is watching me from the corner. I also notice a few others that haven't come up to me, I do not know them, and they don't seem the type to be here. Perhaps they are business partners of my father? But that doesn't fit either. If they were business workers they would have come when my father came. Oh well, I don't have the strength to care about anything else right now. This moment is almost perfect.
An old man grunts and everyone stops. A way is cleared for my grandfather who is also crying. He holds me tight, and I him.
"Antonio" he whispers to me, è passato troppo tempo", (It's been too long)
"Sì nonno, mi sei mancato" I repeat back fluidly. (Yes my grandfather it has been, I have
missed you).
God how I missed speaking in Italian too. I don't know how I ever left New York.
"Quando riparti?" (When do you leave?)
"Domani, ma posso stare più a lungo." (Tomorrow, but I can stay longer)
"Dobbiamo parlare." (We must speak.)
"Va bene, hai il mio numero?" (Alright, do you have my number?)
"Certo" he says with a wink, "sei mio nipote." (Of course, you are my grandson.)
I hug him again.
Finally I make my way back to Gibbs.
"It looks like its going well", he tells me.
"Boss", I say, "I can't even tell you. Thank you so much for making me come."
He looks upset but smiles nonetheless.
"I see your Italian is still good."
"Had you any doubts?"
He looks down avoiding my eyes, "Nah Tony, I have never have doubts with you."
"Hey boss", I say, "Me and some of the guys are going out afterwards, to celebrate life, so I'll meet you back at the hotel a little later tonight."
His head shoots up, "You mean you're going?"
Well, yeah?
"Is that a problem", I ask him. I'll cancel in a second for Gibbs, but I really do want to go.
"Aren't you tired from the drive", he asks, and is that desperation?
"No signore", I reply.
"Where are you going", he asks.
"Not sure", I respond honestly, "Some club."
"With who", he asks.
I smile, sometimes Gibbs is too much like my father, or what my father should have been, but that thinking is behind me now. I'm going to see my father tomorrow I decided, and I'm going to straighten this all out. I'm on a fucking roll.
"Um as of now Dom and Carmine. I don't think you've met Carmine, he's my cousin too."
"The one that was in jail for drugs?"
Had I mentioned that?
"Yeah boss, how did you-"
"You mentioned it on the phone, the one that got out for good behavior, no?"
Oh that's right. Although I thought I was doing a better job of censuring, I'm surprised I let the drug bit slip. Whatever, it's been stressful.
"Yeah", I repeat, "That's right."
"Tony", he starts, "Maybe you should come back to the hotel."
"Why" I ask a bit too harshly, "Things are going really great Gibbs."
"Your dad didn't come", Gibbs points out. Well leave it to Gibbs to remind me.
"I grew up with these people", I respond, pleading with him to give me his blessing.
Although, I don't understand the objection. Unless of course it's because Dom and Carmine are the stereotypical Italians and he doesn't want me to end up embarrassing myself, him or the agency.
"Alright", he says, and doesn't he sound just ten years older, "Look Tony, why don't you come back to the hotel anyway cause you are going to need to change."
I look at what I'm wearing and quickly agree, because you can't get shit faced in a suit as nice as this. I mean you could, but that would be sacrilegious.