"Oh you're back" Spike said getting up as Buffy walked in.
"Yes" Buffy said shortly.
"Figures, should have guessed that after seeing the happy couple fly off into the night you'd be back here for a bit of cold comfort" Spike said.
"That's not why I'm here" Buffy said.
"Oh, and why that then?" Spike asked.
"Look Spike, I'm glad it wasn't you. I was worried for a minute" Buffy said.
"Thanks for all the faith love" Spike said.
"I can't do this, its killing me. I'm using you, and it's not fair to you or me. I'm can't love you, I'm not sure I can love at all. I just, you need trust for love, and I can't live worrying that you might be behind something. It's just too much. I'm sorry Spike, its over" Buffy said.
"I know this tune luv; hell I think I have the bloody sheet music. That doesn't change what you want" Spike told her.
"I know, I do want you. When I'm with you, it's less complicated. When I'm with you I feel alive, its one of the only times I feel alive. But its wrong, it's like a drug. It's not helping me, and it's not healthy. I do want you, and I may always, but I'm going to have to be strong. I can't keep doing this, I can't keep allowing this to kill me. Spike, I miss having you to talk to, as a friend. This shouldn't have happened, but you were the only one who was there. And I appreciate it, I know I wouldn't be here if I hadn't had you. But I have to stand on my own, I can't keep falling back on this twisted relationship that we have. The violence and the anger of it, it's doing things to me I don't like. It's not your fault, and I know that. I know that if I allowed it, you'd let this be more normal, but I'm just not able to have the right now. I'm just so full of anger and hurt and raw edges and I can't feel, except when I'm with you. But I need to start living for real. Things are just too screwed up already, and everything is falling apart. I have to pull myself together, and this, us, its not helping anymore, it got me away from the dark place I was in. but it only got me to here, in the shadows, and if I want to go back out into the light, I have to stop doing this. I'm so sorry, I hate that I used you, and that I hurt you. I wish it was different, that I could give you want you want and deserve. But I can't. I'm sorry" Buffy told him.
Spike stood there, shocked. Finally he said "I'm not sure what to say, I mean I want to tell you all these reason not to go. But anything I say after that will come off as selfish, and I don't want to cause you more pain. But I can't just let it all go, let you go" Spike said.
"You don't have a choice" Buffy said.
"We'll see, I'll find a way. I don't know how, or what. But I'll find a way of making this work, of making the changes you need, to help you. I love you, and I won't just let this slip away. I know you're not in a good place, believe me that hasn't escaped me. And I wish sometimes that I could find a way to help you get yourself back, to find what you lost. But you have to do that for yourself. And I'm glad you want to, but I will find a way of fitting myself into the life. Somehow I will do it" Spike said.
"I don't know if that's possible" Buffy said.
"I'll make it possible. I'm not going to loose you" Spike told her.
"I'm not sure you really ever had me, I'm not sure I have me" Buffy said.
"I know, but I will find a way. No matter what the cost, I will find a way" Spike said.
"I have to go, its part of this new change thing. I need to spend more time with Dawn, and my friends" Buffy said.
"So go" Spike said.
"I'm sorry" Buffy said softly as she walked out.