English is not my mother language. I'm sorry for some mistakes.

Warnings: SLASH, man on man

After reading your reviews I decided to continue that story which meant to be a one-shoot. Now I know that it's going to have three parts/chapters.

Fears and desires

Arthur Pendragon lay in his large, royal bed and couldn't fall asleep. It was the middle of the night but the events that had happened were still so fresh and confusing. The blonde could not believe that it was real, that it wasn't just a dream. But the pain in his gut reminded him that it couldn't be a lie or his imagination.

The prince breathed heavily. What was the worst, he didn't feel like a prince, like a future king any more. In short moment of pleasure he lost himself and his pride. Arthur thought that he had broken every important rule. He had had the man, the sorcerer inside of himself. Even after that few hours he still felt such a warm in his heart. The blonde couldn't blame the spell any longer. It had been broken when the warlock had gone. There was something in prince's heart that longed for that stranger who seemed to be a bit familiar. Arthur couldn't place it. The sorcerer hadn't done nothing bad to him. The blonde wanted to think that the warlock raped him but he knew that it wasn't true. The raped person didn't enjoy, didn't have fun, didn't long. And Arthur did.

It all scared the young man so much. He felt as if there were two persons in him. The first was the brave heir of the throne who should find the sorcerer and kill him, who should have felt disgusted and ashamed for what he had allowed to happen and who wanted vengeance. But there was also the second person named Arthur, being just Arthur, the young boy who wanted the stranger to come back to let him feel a human, not and prince, once again.

The future king thought about his father. He saw in his mind's eyes Uther's furious face. Arthur trembled. His father would never forgive him what he had done. The betrayal was so big, so unforgotten. Uther's son had broken two of the greatest rules in that kingdom. The rules about magic and sexual relationships between two males or two females.

However Arthur couldn't help what he felt. Somewhere in depths of his heart and his soul was something what always knew that his father wasn't right all the time. The blonde remembered some cruel facts of his childhood. He couldn't understand the fact that his father had ordered to kill a little girl who had used magic to heal a puppy. She hadn't hurt anyone but she had lost her life.

"It's unfair," Arthur whispered into the darkness.

oOoOo

Merlin fell on the cold floor in his bedroom. He had tried to clear his mind outdoors but walking and night's air didn't help. The boy was trembling. He couldn't believe in what he had done to Arthur. He loved him but it was not an excuse. His behaviour had been selfish and he knew that very well.

"I'm sorry," the dark haired youth whispered. "I'm sorry..." Tears ran down his cheeks. Merlin's heart was aching so much that he wasn't sure if he would see the morning. The boy even thought that the death wasn't a bad idea. At least he wouldn't have to face the prince.

Suddenly he stripped himself. He was so angry that he was half-aware of what he was doing. Merlin started stroking his cock. He wanted to make his movements and touches painful and harsh but they gave him as much pain as pleasure. The boy knew that it was wrong. First he had used the prince, his friend, the man that he should protect, in sexual way. Now he was wanking himself thinking about Arthur and wanting the prince's touch so much.

I'll go to hell, he thought but couldn't stop himself from doing it. Soon Merlin come into his hands, weeping tears in the same time.

Scared and ashamed boy climbed into his bed. He hid himself beneath the blanket and fell into uneasy sleep.

oOoOo

The sun rose just when Merlin woke up. He couldn't fall asleep again. The thought that he had to face the price soon made him feel even more sick. However he decided to get up of bed and put some clothes on himself. Gaius would be really surprised if he found his ward all naked. Merlin didn't want to answer any awkward questions.

He paced the floor in his bedroom but it didn't help him at all. Everything seemed to be hopeless. "I'll go to hell... damn it!" he swore aloud.

Merlin came up to the window. It was a bit dirty. He hadn't had time to clean it recently. The boy opened it so he could watch almost empty street. He saw only one woman, who was walking towards the target, and some two servants. That view didn't help him. Nothing was going to help him. Merlin had troubles and he couldn't escape them.

After an hour Gaius went into Merlin's bedroom. The old man was surprised when he saw his ward ready for a workday.

"You're not sleeping?" the physician asked the boy. "It's a miracle or you have killed the real Merlin and now you impersonate him."

"Very funny, Gaius," the boy muttered rolling his eyes. "I couldn't sleep. That's all!"

The old man looked at him carefully. "Are you okay, Merlin? Aren't you ill or something?"

Gaius even wanted to check if he had a fever but the warlock just moved away. "I'm completely fine, Gaius," he lied. "And now excuse me but I have work to do."

Before the old man could say anything, Merlin ran away of their quarter. "You're a terrible liar Merlin," Gaius said to an empty room. "You should remember about it."

oOoOo

Arthur was lying in bed, watching the ceiling. He felt even more confused than before. Suddenly he heard some footsteps and after a while Merlin appeared in the door with prince's breakfast.

The blonde's heart beat faster. He hadn't been thinking about it but then he realised that Merlin's presence could be uncomfortable. It was a stupid thought but he feared that Merlin could see something, guess something or even smell something. Arthur felt as his cheeks got warm with blush.

"Good morning, Arthur." Merlin tried to sound airily. The most important thing was to act as if nothing had happened. Only sorcerer was aware that they both knew about night's events.

"Merlin," the prince greeted him. He looked at the window when his manservant drew the curtain. It was very early. "What are you doing here?" Arthur asked him.

The boy looked at him but he couldn't stand prince's eyes and he turned his gaze away again. "Me? I'm your manservant if you've forgotten and it's my job to be here and prepare you for another day."

Arthur sighed. "I'm not stupid, Merlin. I know who you are. But it's quite early and you are always late."

"Not always!" the boy protested. "Just... usually."

"That's a difference." Arthur couldn't help but rolled his eyes. Merlin decided to be a perfect servant just in a day when the prince needed more time alone and felt so confused.

"You should get up and eat the breakfast," the warlock suggested his master.

Just then Arthur realised that he was all naked. The prince moved awkwardly under the blanket. There was no way that he could get up when Merlin was in the room. The blonde didn't want to hear any awkward questions. As a result he flushed even more.

"I'm not hungry," Arthur said. "I'll stay in bed a longer while."

Merlin shrugged and turned around. Arthur couldn't see his face. The boy was very red. He just realised that the prince lay there nude. He started his duties hoping that Arthur would use the moment when he wasn't looking and just get dressed.

However Arthur stayed in bed. He didn't know when it happened but he started watching his manservant. It was so magnetic. Merlin's clumsy movements and his all body. There was something about it but Arthur couldn't put his finger on it.

Suddenly the future king felt relaxed. Too relaxed. Arthur realised that he was aroused. And Merlin was the cause. He didn't understand that feeling but he desired his manservant, his friend. It was so embarrassing. The blonde wasn't sure how long he could stay like this.

"Merlin," Arthur finally dared to speak to him.

"Yes, Arthur?" The boy asked his master not looking at him. The prince was grateful for that.

"Go to Gaius and take me something for headache."

Merlin didn't ask about any details. Arthur was supposed to be surprised but he was too pleased to care about it.

When the door was closed behind Merlin's back, Arthur grabbed his cock and started touching it firmly. He knew that he didn't have much time. The prince came into his hands soon. Then he got up and washed them in the water from yesterday's bath. Arthur was glad that Merlin didn't get rid of it.

The prince felt a pain in his gut when he moved. But it was more pleasurable than hurtful.

Finally the blonde was able to get dressed quickly. When he put some shirt and trousers on himself, he collapsed on the bed. Now he could come back to his confusing thoughts and desires. Now he could focus on Merlin and on what the hell he had in common with events of the night. Arthur felt as if he betrayed not only his kingdom and father but also his best friend. He feared that he had let the stranger do it to him because he wanted to have Merlin in the same way.

Thanks for reading! :)

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