September 15th
Dear Diary,
I have met a mudblood today! He does not like being referred to as a mudblood, however. He is a Gryffindor named Ted Tonks. He's in my charms class, and I heard him mention his dad was a muggle. Shocked and curious, I jumped into his conversation.
"Is your mom a muggle too?" I looked at him, tilting my head to the side ever so slightly.
"As a matter of fact, she is." He replied, unsure of whether or not he was about to be mocked, "Whats it to you?"
"I've never met a mudblood before, thats all." I smiled at him, in a friendly manner.
"Dont call him that!" His friend said, his voice seething with anger and surprise.
"Why not?" I was perplexed by his reaction. Was it really that offensive? Her mother always called them that, its just what they were.
"The correct term is 'muggle-born'." his friend hissed back at me.
"Okay." I shrugged, "What's the difference? They mean the same thing, do they not?"
"Using one makes you sound like a stuck up pure-blooded idiot." His friend sighed, some of his anger abaiting, "And using the other is acceptable. Have you really never met one before?"
"Nope." I replied, wondering if it was really that unusual to have never encountered a muggle born before, "Where would I have met one? All my parents friends are magical pure blood families."
"Well, we've been here for half a month." Ted chuckeled, "I can't be the first one!"
"She's in Slytherin, of course you are." His friend replied, laughing with him.
"Isn't it supposed to be a bad thing, being a muggle born?" I demanded, slightly offended by their laughter. Whenever someone laughs, I feel suddenly insecure, as though its me they're laughing at. It activates something in my brain that makes me furious, and so I continued, "My mother says they shouldnt even be allowed in school and Lucius and Lestrange agree! They say you could never be the equivilant of a pureblood, even with all the magical training in the world. They say you should live in the muggle world."
"For Merlin's sake, girl, how thick are you?" Ted's friend said harshly, "Thats the biggest load of dung I've ever heard. Go back to your prejudice, ignorant, and stupid pureblood friends and kindly inform them that they are terribly mistaken. Muggle borns and purebloods are one in the same. We're all witches and wizards. Tell your mom to shove her wand up her arse next time she goes on any more rants about muggle borns being inferior."
"Who are you anyway?" I demanded of his friend, only half listening to his lecture.
"Fabian Prewett, pleased to meet you miss muggleborn hater." He replied, his voice with a rather icy edge.
"Miss muggleborn hater?" I giggeled at him, "Normally, people call me Bellatrix."
"Normally, people dont go up to muggle borns, call them mudbloods, and inform them how their close minded friends and family view them." He retortded, smiling again.
"As far as my experience here goes," Ted smirked, "Nothing at Hogwarts goes 'Normally'."
I returned to my Slytherin roomates after that brief discussion. I shared with them Fabian's view of Ted's heritage and they laughed and explained again what my mother had been lecturing to me for years about the inferiority of muggle borns.
I remain unconvinced for either side of the arugement. I need to discuss these matters with the headmaster, for if we entrust him withn our education and he feels the need to extend it to muggle borns, there must be more to the story than my mother and slytherin friends can see.
But I dont know about us all being equals either. If we were, certainly my intelligent mother and all her friends wouldnt have such dogmatic opinions.
I am very confused.
I will write again when I have answers.
Love,
Bella
December 31st
Dear Diary,
I am home for the Christmas Holidays. Home is exactly how I remembered it. The chandelier, the wine colored carpeting, the sound of crystal glasses clinking gentle together at our christmas toast.
Cissy is the same too. She's 8 years old until March. She looks like a nymph, in my personal opinion. Pale as snow, with a sheet of hair thats more akin to silver than blonde, with wide gray eyes that match my own.
Andy's also still the same. she's 10 until June. She's got brown hair, soft and wavy. We share our eye lids, heavy and covering half our large gray eyes that seems to give us a haughty look. I enjoy the effect, I don't think Andy has noticed it yet. I only noticed it because Lucius remarked on it at the boxing day party.
The boxing day party was more lovely than christmas day, if only for the appareance of Lucius. I spent the entire evening with him. First we swapped chocolate frog cards, and then we went for a stroll around the gardens. It was there, amongst the gardens, covered with a light sprinking of fresh pure snow, I asked him if he thought that muggle borns were as bad as everyone around us seemed to think. I tried to articulate, in the same way Fabian had, that some people think they're our equals, and I tried to articulate how Ted had seemed no different from any pureblood I had ever met.
"Are you defending mudbloods?" He looked sternly at me, his gaze as cold as the air around us, "I never took you for a blood traitor, Bella."
"I'm not!" I shot back, scared and offended, "I was only repeating what was said to me, and what I observed!"
"What you were told was worthless. Lies. Propaganda spewed from the mouths of blood traitors and scum. You don't want to be scum, do you?"
"Of course not, Lucius." I scoweled at him.
"Then drop this ridiculus conversation." He said, his voice calm again and absent of its earlier coolness, "You're a pureblood, you have everything going for you. Why waste your time worrying about whether mudbloods are equals to us, when they're obvious filth? Dirty blood, raised by muggles, infecting our schools, government, and feeling as though they deserve what they have not earned."
"Thats what my mother says." I replied, still not entirely convinced.
"She's correct." He nodded to me, "As am I. Don't you agree? You're my best friend, but how could that remain if you were to betray me? and your family?"
"Of course I'm your best friend! I'm no blood traitor, Lucius. I know mudbloods arent equal to us, I was just expressing another's perspective, misguided as it was..."
"I think you would do best to NOT discuss things with Fabian and Ted anymore." Lucius sneered, "They're poisoning your mind."
"I dont talk to them..."
"Amy Nott says you spend more time with them in charms class than with her and Gregory Goyle's little sister." Lucius frowned, "I thought she was joking, until now..."
"No more conversations with them, about anything!" I promised, "They're a mudblood and a blood traitor, and I am neither. I'm your best friend, Lucius, I'm sorry to disappoint you like this... I know you must have expected more. Please, dont tell my mother..."
"I would never, as you seem to have seen the error of your ways..." Lucius trailed off, "Besides, I wouldnt want to get you into trouble, Bella. We stick together, you and me. There are so many people at Hogwarts, Slytherins even, who dont seem to understand anything. I can't even talk to them. But you... I feel like we can speak without hardly breathing a word."
"Thats because we can."
"Bella?"
"Yes?" I replied, curiousity peaking at the sound of my own name from his soft lips
"I.." He trailed off again,a nd then leaned forward, planting a soft peck on my check. I responded with the brightest smile I think I've ever shown anyone. He took my hand and we wandered around, chatting lightly together until we were too cold to stand the chill, and we retreated to the warmth of the house. Sitting by the fire in our sitting room, we watched the snow start to cascade from the sky again as the sun began to set over the mountains behind our manor.
When Lucius left I smiled for days. Now I am going to his manor tonight for a new years eve celebration. I think I would very much like to marry him when we grow up. I can imagine raising a family with him. A pureblood family. And I will never talk to Ted or Fabian again. Lucius wont hear of it, and it is his affection I crave more than filthing my hands with what he refers to as "scum"
I must go get ready for his New Years Eve Ball.
This year is going to be brillant.
Love,
Bella
June 22nd
Dear Diary,
I turned 12 years old today. Lucius gave me the most lovely present. Its a book called "Toujours Pur", which is apparently where my parents got our family motto from. Its all about the benefits and rights of purebloods. He enclosed a note along with the book, I've read the note 12 times and already, but have yet to start the book. I'm too distracted with my happiness.
this is what the note says
"Bella,
Happy wishes on your 12th birthday! You and I have another wonderful year at Hogwarts to look forward too, as well as the summer. I hope to see you soon. You are welcome at our manor anytime you like. I have been pracitising quiddich lately, and I would love to show you some of my new moves, which I am certain, will get me on the team this year now that our three players have graduated.
I hope this letter finds you well, and I know you will enjoy the book. I saw it in Flourish and Blotts a little less than amonth ago and knew I had to buy it for you. I knew if anyone could appreciate it, it would be my best friend Bella.
I bought myself a copy as well, when you visit we can discuss some of the finer points.
best wishes for the best witch I know,
Lucius
I think I might love him. My mother says I dont know what love is, but that he would make a fine husband.
I cannot stop smiling.
Mother says its annoying.
But she was pleased with the book. Cissy says it looks boring and Andy says it looks stupid. She's been telling me awful things about Lucius. She says his family is involved with the dark arts. I tell her she's only jealous because I'm best friends with such an impressive boy and her only friend is our cousin Sirius. Andy and I fight a lot. She thinks I'm stuck up. I try to explain to her that I'm not, that being a pureblood is something to be proud of, as is our wealth. She says we didn't earn it, so it is not ours to be proud of. Its an interesting point, but it still sets us above others.
I hope we can mend this awful barrier we're building between us. Cissy says it makes her cry when we fight.
None of that matters as much as getting to see Lucius. I'm having a birthday party tomorrow and he will be attending. Then we can decide when I should go over his manor. I'm very excited.
I'm going to read the book he sent me, so we can talk about it together tomorrow, seperated from the rest of my company, alone in the blooming garden. I've been hoping for another kiss on the cheek since Christmas, but we're almost never alone together. We spent all year in the dining hall, common room, library, or laughing outside in the grounds when suimmer approached.
I still remember how his eyes shone in the sunlight.
I havent seen him since school ended and I miss him terribly.
Love,
Bella
September 1st
Dear Diary,
The Black family was disappointed today, greatly disappointed with the arrival and sorting of Andy and Sirius. All our family has resided in Slytherin. They have disgraced the family name.
Gryffindor.
the BOTH of them.
I am thouroghly disgusted. Lucius shares my views on this atrocity and expressed his most sincere regrets.
I spent most of my summer with him, or as much of it as I found possible. We've now kissed 4 times. Once on the lips. I nearly died with happiness. It felt like there were butterflies inside my stomach.
Now my stomach feels angry with my sister and cousin.
How COULD they? Andy glanced in my direction with a sad little smile as she joined the Gryffindors. Sirius stuck his tongue out at me. After all I've done for the little squirt! He called a dear friend of Lucius', Severus, Snivellus or some nonsense too! He's causing trouble already and he's been here for less than a day. His future looks like that of a blood traitor and Andy is following right behind him.
Gryffindor?
For Merlin's sake.
I couldnt be more upset. Simply couldnt.
Love,
Bella
October 31st
Dear Diary,
I know I said I COULDNT be more upset, but I am. I am livid. Positively IRATE.
Let me begin at the beginning-
We went to the village of Hogsmead today, as a special treat for Halloween. Lucius and I seperate from our group of friends who we agree can be outright DULL and found ourselves a cozy table in the three broomsticks. We ordered some warm butterbeers, their warm contents contrasting to the chilling rain outside. We talked merrily of the first quiddich match where he played seeker. He had caught the snitch at the last second, it was a breath-taking, awe-inspiring finish. I was the loudest one cheering for him. I was still clad in my Slytherin scarf and jacket, green with silver stripes to showcase my unwavering support. Lucius' hair was rather windswept, but I found it only added to my attraction to him.
It was in a positively romantic moment, when our gray eyes locked over our butterbeers that all of a sudden SIRIUS BLACK AND JAMES POTTER made Lucius' butterbeer turn itself upside down and empty itself over his head. Needless to say, Lucius tried to hex them back, but accidently overturned a table where from third year Hufflepuffs were seated. We chased them out into the freezing afternoon rain, Lucius cursing loudly while James and Sirius held their stomachs from laughter. Lucius flicked his wand and made the spilled butterbeer formly dripping from his hair, disappeared, and then shouted at them about being blood traitors and disgraces.
Then Sirius looked at me and said, "I pity you, Bella. You could do better. Maybe someone who's ugly head wasn't so far up his own ugly arse!"
The Lucius put a full body bind curse on him and stormed away, down the street. I glared menacingly at Sirius, who was coming out of the body bind with James' countercurse.
"I'll have you disowned for that!" I shrieked, "I hate you, Sirius! Change your last name, I do not even want to be associated with you any longer!"
Then with a dignified swish of my cloak I followed Lucius' lead and caught up with him as he entered Honeydukes. Before I could even begin to apologize, he waved it away.
"They were the words of a nasty 11 year old blood traitor." He said, smiling at me with the same affection I had grown accostumed to.
"But still-"
"No need."
"Lucius, but-"
"Bella?"
"Yes?" I smiled for the first time since Sirius had played his little prank.
"He's not fit to be your house elf, nevermind your cousin. Lets not let him spoil our afternoon."
So I enjoyed my afternoon. It was lovely, especially when the clouds parted and we walked back up to the school, hand in hand.
I just hope I never have to see Sirius again!
Love,
Bella
January 1st
Dear Diary,
Its a brand new year!
Lucius and I spent new years eve with our friends. We went to the Lestrange Manor and snuck alchohal into Lestrange's bedroom. I have never drank before, but the firewhiskey burned. I forced myself to drink until I was feeling sufficiently woozy. Lucius thought it was hilarious to hear me giggle so much. I leaned on his shoulder for like an hour while we sat around chatting, playing wizards chess and wishing we could use our wands outside Hogwarts. Lestrange, Avery, Snape, Mulicber, Goyle, Crabb, and Nott were the company Lucius and I shared. They weren't even that boring, though I find the conversations I have with Lucius when we are alone are our best.
I feel like a new woman. I turn 13 this year. I feel as if just yesterday I was 11- brimming with niave questions about mudbloods.
Which reminds me that Andy confronted me at Christmas, with fury in her eyes I've rarely seen before.
"You used to be friends with Ted Tonks?" She demanded on the train ride home, her eyes narrowed into angry slits. She had found my compartment and thrown the door aside like a toddler having a tempertantrum might. She was by herself, which was unusual, and her hands were pressed against her hips as she scowled at me from the doorway where she stood.
"No." I replied flatly, holding hands with Lucius and looking up at her with wide, and hopefully innocent eyes.
"You lie." She hissed back.
"I think I would know better than you, wouldnt I?" I smirked, fueling her anger.
"He said you two would talk in charms, that you once asked why everyone hated muggleborns-"
"-mudbloods" Lucius corrected her, chuckling.
"-And then you stopped talking to him, called him worthless, a mudblood, and scum, and now you and your pathetic friends curse him for fun in the hallways!"
"Mmmhmm." I said, disinterested.
"He's my friend! I was ashamed to admit I am your sister!"
"Then you know how I've felt ever since you got sorted into Gryffindor." I said, smiling in mock sweetness, "Leave my compartment. You're not welcome here. fraternizing with mudbloods? You are as bad of a blood traitor as Sirius. You two are disowned as far as I'm concerned."
She left without another word, nearly shattering the glass in the compartment door as she slammed it behind her.
She barely spoke to me all Holidays, but towards the end, she warmed up again. She thanked me for my present to her, a package of sugar quills, which she loves. She even told me all the gossipe in the Gryffindor tower and agreed that Sirius was a mischief maker and should stop before he got into anymore trouble. We blamed James Potter, arrogent and reckless and a bad influence on our already slightly rebellious cousin. She is a delightful sister when she wants to be.
Cissy feels leftout, she says, because she's only 9. She wont be at Hogwarts for two more years. She feels like she's an only child now with us gone all the time, and barely speaking to her when we're home. Cissy is more like a doll than a sister. I can't talk to her like I can talk to Andy. We can discuss Hogwarts and Sirius and I even confessed to her about my growing relationship with Lucius.
"You kissed?" She was stunned, "But you're only 12!"
"He's amazing." I could feel my cheeks flush.
Though she is not fond of Lucius, she promised she was happy for me and we smiled together, holding hands in excitement.
"Promise to lay off Ted, will you?" She implored, "And we can forget about our fight on the train."
"I'll lay off." I smiled. I would keep my promise. I wouldn't be cursing Ted anymore. I would encourage Lucius to do it twice as much.
But for my sister, I was happy to stop being the one doing to actual cursing, if it was important to her. I felt like a good sister making a promise I could keep. Though I worry about her hanging out with mudbloods still. I don't want people to start talking. Saying she's a blood traitor. But she is only 11, so as long as she see's the light as I did and starts choosing her company more wisely, I am certain she will be fine.
Now, I cannot spend all of the new year merely reliving old memories, I must go out and make new ones.
Love,
Bella