Title: Reckless Abandonment
Author: Nesma
A/N: Well, here's chapter two. Again, this is a chapter that I love entirely... but it needs to be out there. Hope you enjoy!
"I don't get it!"
"Honestly Steven, I've explained it a hundred times…"
"Yeah and it still doesn't make sense! I mean, why do I need to give your parents all the letters or packages I want to send you?" Steven asked, as he stopped Lily a little bit away from King's Cross.
Lily gave an annoyed sigh and gritted her teeth. "I told you, we have some special rate with our postman. All of my other friends do it! Look, I know it's really weird and don't worry, my parents don't go through my letters. Believe me. I had Julie write this letter asking me about sex since I had 'tons of experience'. And if my parents did read that letter… well, they are awfully quiet about it!" Lily said with a grin, as Steven's face was only inches away from her.
"So I can write all about that time we played Monopoly and watched M*A*S*H and not have to worry about anything?" He said in a joking manner.
Lily's cheeks instantly flamed up at the memory of them; her lips had a tight smile that she hoped convey happiness instead of disgust. For some reason, whenever he brought up memories of those nights, her skin just crawled.
She looked up at him and gave him a kiss on the lips, slightly opening her mouth to deepen the kiss before pulling away.
"Exactly. Now, this has been very sweet of you to walk with me to King's Cross but I do have to go and my parents are privy about these situations." She said lightly.
After another kiss, Steven left and at once Lily was surrounded by her parents who demanded for every little detail. Luckily, Lily was able to shake them off as she crossed to the other world.
Once she was greeted with the large red train, the screaming of young kids, and the nagging that some mothers still did at the last second; Lily realized how much she would miss this world.
"Get OFF of me-"
"I'm not going to let you destroy your bloody life-"
"You almost did it for me three months ago-"
"Mate, now is not the time to bring this up."
"Look, you can't stop me-"
"Watch me-"
"Padfoot!"
"LOLA!"
At once, the house-elf appeared in the living room where she found Sirius Black and James Potter in a fierce wrestling match on the oriental rug in the Potter's living room. With a small sigh and a snap of her hands, both were separated from one another and held by invisible ropes to the ground.
"Mr. Potter and Mr. Black best be packing, only a few hours till they must be on the train for Hogwarts."
"I'm not going, I've got to find out what happened-"
"And what's your plan? You don't even know where to go to find out-"
"One of them is hurt, so St. Mungos would be the first place-"
"Oh yeah, as if they'd really put down Michel Potter down on the bloody registry-"
"I'm family! They've got to let me see him-"
"Mate! They won't know that you're family! They'll probably tell you that he's not in there-"
"I'll pull out my wand-"
"And hang them by the bloody ankles? Grow up-"
"Rich coming from you-"
"I don't care about that because you're acting like a real idiot right now-"
"Right, because wanting to find a parent after one's missing and the other may be dying is a totally irrational desire-"
"It is if it means missing out going to Hogwarts! You're Head Boy you have responsibilities to uphold! You not showing up on the first day would be a disaster!"
"I don't care about Head Boy! I want to see my parents-"
"Well the Ministry doesn't! Hell! I wouldn't be surprised if they hadn't put up posters at St. Mungos telling the healers to be aware of you-"
"Fuck the Ministry-"
"Wow, you think the Healers will let you through like that-"
"I don't care if I get in trouble-"
"Your parents will-"
"They may be dying-"
"We don't know that for sure-"
"How could I not think that? I have to find out-"
"You'll find out more tonight-"
"Or I can find out now-"
"You're not going to find anything out! Listen! Moony is going to be here in a bit-"
"Oh, Merlin, you called Moony for back up?"
"You asked Moony to come, to prep you for Head Boy…"
"Who cares about that?"
"YOU DID! And your parents will be bloody furious if they found out that you threw away this responsibility because of them!"
James gave Sirius a dirty look. "I'll get finish packing." He said, as he stomped away from Sirius. Sirius gave a sigh of relief before collapsing on the arm chair. He heard some swearing and smirked to himself.
As if he wouldn't have put anti-apperating spells on the house. James should know better.
Lily was early to King's Cross and the only people on the train were the scared first years. Lily was happy to see this, as she was slightly nervous for her first meeting with the prefects.
She knew the importance of the first meeting. She had to make a strong impression, somehow be authoritative and scary yet maintain the balance of open and kind. She wasn't exactly sure how to portray these two opposing sides. And to make matters worse, she had no idea is the new Head Boy. Trying to push aside her nerves, and calm her slightly trembling hands she took a deep breath outside of the prefects compartment… except, there appeared to be already people in it. She could tell by the yelling… and were those sparks? Was someone already dueling on the first day back?! Furrowing her brows, she leaned into the door to hear the match. She stood motionless like this for a minute before realizing that she should probably enter and stop this nonsense. Isn't this the responsibility of Head Girl? Taking a deep breath, she grabbed her wand from her pocket and slid the door open.
A purple streak narrowly missed her ear, a gasp, a clatter of dropped wands, and the two bashful boys known as Remus Lupin and James Potter stood in front of her. Both of them were heavily disheveled, as their ties were crooked, shirts untucked, hairs were in a flurry. To make matters worse, Remus was sporting boils on his face while James' hands were red and swollen as if scalded. But the cherry on top of this atrocious scene was the fact that James Potter had a Head Boy's Badge pinned to his chest. And he had the nerve to be dueling with Remus.
"What the hell is going on here?!" Lily found her voice, as she angrily tugged on her trunk before slamming the door viciously. She swore to herself as she realized that she let out a muggle word.
"Just a friendly duel. Merlin, don't get your knickers in a bunch. Nothing you need to get involved in." James spat out as he started to reverse some of the effects on himself and Remus.
"Of course I do! You idiot. You're dueling in the Head/Prefects compartment. What if a prefect saw you?!" Lily exclaimed.
"That would be a damn tragedy. A prefect, walking into a fight between me-"
"You're Head Boy-"
"So?" James asked, rolling his eyes and collapsing against the chairs. He raised his eyebrows as if daring her to cross him, his legs sprawled, wand tucked behind his ear, and the glasses skewed on his dainty nose.
Lily crossed her arms and switched her weight to her right leg. As if she was going to let this go down without a fight. Biting her lip, she narrowed her eyes at James. Trying to figure out his angle.
"So?! So?! You're Head Boy, you need to set an example-"
"I am Evans. I'm setting an excellent example of how to duel. I did, after all, get top marks on my Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L." James said, smirking in a patronizing way. Remus let out a heavy sigh as he rubbed his face into his hands as Lily felt like a nerve was struck.
"I know you got top marks. Thanks to you loudly bragging to Snape-"
"He was curious, it would be cruel to deny him the pleasure-"
"And stoop to his level?"
"Please, I'm taller than him." James retorted.
"It isn't-"
"You both know that prefects are boarding the train, right?" Remus cut in quickly, stepping between the two as if blocking the sight of each other would be enough to end the fight.
"Why didn't you tell me you were Head Boy?" Lily rounded on James, sidestepping Remus. Completely ignoring his comment.
"Honestly? Slipped my mind. Summer was busy." James said, averting his gaze to the floor as his jaw tensed up.
"So busy that you couldn't send an owl my way?"
"Yes. Actually, it was." James snapped.
"Fabulous. Since you had such a busy summer, I'm assuming you got the same letter explaining-"
"I even had Remus drill me on everything prefect/head boy related. Relax Evans, I'll be fine." James said, waving his hand as Lily shot Remus a look. He shrugged.
"I did do that. He'll be fine." Remus repeated, giving Lily a sympathetic look as she bit hard on her bottom lip; trying to find the exact words to adequately explain the battle within.
"Fine." Lily said. "Let's get this planning done."
"I'm just, I'm going, well I'm going to go." Remus said awkwardly, fidgeting, taking one or two steps before finally leaving the compartment. Lily heaved a sigh and looked at James, 'You ready?" She asked, tilting her head to the side as he lazily nodded. He suddenly reached over to his side to pull his bag closer, he rifled through it, dropping quills and crumbled pieces of parchment on the cushion next to him until he pulled out a stack of sleek parchment with neat handwriting on them.
Lily felt her eyebrows shoot up as James clutched the papers, he licked his lips before heaving a heavy sigh.
"I know that usually, Heads are supposed to assign blindly the prefects into different nights because of that um, drama over the years. But I, obviously, don't know everyone well enough to blindly assign them together and I thought that maybe we could try this system that people sign up for slots on their own? And, before you ask, I have charmed this so that no two people from the same two house can patrol… with the exceptions of a new prefect with an older one. And I though that if I were new, I would want someone whose older and that I know to show me the ropes. Hope that's okay with you." James said tersely, as he handed the parchment into Lily's outstretched hands.
Lily's jaw was slightly open. The sign up sheet was fabulous. It was even better than fabulous, it was better then the mess the previous Heads had to go through.
"It's great." Lily croaked out, lifting the sheet gingerly and inspecting it.
"Thanks." James said quietly, his head bowed as he fiddled with his thumbs.
"Right, well, Remus filled you in I guess about the drama with the prefects…"
"You mean the expulsions with certain Slytherins and Hufflepuffs?"
Lily bit her lip and nodded her head. James's lips went into a hard line and he jaunted out his chin before spitting out, "Yeah, he did."
In Lily's fifth year, prefects generally did rounds with the prefects in their house. It was fine, it was normal. There was hardly any mixture of houses within rounds. Even when there were two houses doing patrols, there was the general rule that you patrolled with the person in your house.
In Lily's sixth year, two 7th year Slytherins were caught experimenting with unforgivable with the creatures they found on their rounds (cats, rodents, and bugs). The fall out was terrible. The students were expelled but then allowed back in due to the voting of the school's board (the two students had powerful connections). Though Dumbledore was able to strip them of their badge, there was still the rumours that prefects were using the patrol times to 'practice' or to sneak out. And so, there came the system that prefects had to patrol with different houses as a way of check and balance.
A system in theory should work failed in practice. Problems raised when older students bullied the younger students. The Slytherins were merciless with the prefects from the other houses; while Gryffindor often repaid the favor by dangling the younger prefects from Slytherin. The amount of magic done in the halls due to prefects was unbelievable.
Now, what to do with patrols was an issue.
"For the first month, this should be fine… but what about in the future? Should we let the houses mingle or divide?" Lily ventured.
James shrugged his shoulders and pulled the sign up sheet towards himself. He stared at it for a while before opening his mouth again. "I think… I think no matter what we do, we're going to run into problems. I don't think we can do much. I vote that we just have them sign up for different shifts each month. We'll keep an eye out for any odd pairings."
Lily bit her lip. What else could she say?
"My name is James Potter, Gryffindor and your new Head Boy"
Lily covered half of her face with her hand as she stared glumly at the ground. How were the prefects going to react as James Potter as Head Boy?
James Potter was the opposite of responsible. Always looking for a fight. Always planning pranks and causing havoc. How would anyone take him seriously? Lily took a deep breath as she opened her own mouth.
"My name is Lily Evans, Gryffindor and your new Head Girl." In a voice that was highly cheerful – it sounded so fake to Lily's ears. "Alright everyone, I just want to say congratulations to all of you. Prefect is prestigious role that teachers only give out to those who they feel are capable of leading their year" Lily stated coolly as she heard snickers throughout the cabin.
"Though I'd like to assume that everyone had a wonderful summer, I realized that some of you have been affected by the crimes that have been occurring in England"
At this, several of the Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws bowed their head in respect, while the Slytherins exchanged smirks with each other. Lily felt her lip twitch for a moment, while at the corner of her eye, she saw James' face darken.
He better not try anything… that stupid git. She thought bitterly to herself.
"Which leads us to our first order of business" James stated loudly, while shuffling through some parchment. "Rounds. Each of you will sign up for the first month. For this month, the experienced prefects will sign up for a slot and then the first time prefects will sign up for a slot with the experienced prefects. Some of the older prefects will be paired with someone from the previous years. Oh, and different houses have to be paired together." James rambled while showing the bewitched parchment that he and Lily created an hour ago.
"I know they are a hassle and a pain, but we have to do it to ensure the safety of our school. Besides, you will not be alone. You will have at least two other prefects with you and a teacher with you at all times. But we need to figure out quickly who is going to doing what nights and with who" James said and silence filled the room.
Soon though, a fifth year Slytherin boy stepped forward. His hair was dark black and his skin was an olive color. His hazel eyes boldly stared at the Head Boy and Girl and a smirk was playing on his lips.
"Jacob Abduneur, Slytherin, fifth year and I'd love to take a few of the night rounds." He smiled as the Slytherins around him laughed openly.
A few uncomfortable shuffles filled the room as Lily quickly began to panic. Though it was wrong for the faculty and Prefects to stereotype and to listen to the rumours being thrown about, some pretty nasty stories about Abduneur's father has reached plenty ears of the Hogwarts students.
Just as Lily opened her mouth to explain to him that they needed to 'finalize' a few things and they needed more 'time' with the schedule, or some other lame excuse to prolong the worse. Too bad James beat her to it.
"Absolutely not" James said boldly, while writing something down on his pad. Whispers and gasps followed and the smirks on the Slytherins' face only grew. Lily quickly grabbed James arm and whispered harshly in his ear, "What do you think you're doing".
"Trust me." James said as he unleashed himself from the grasp of Lily.
"Why not?" Jacob said hotly.
It was only then did James turn himself to fully look Jacob in the eye.
"Jacob, it would be quite reckless if Lily and I allowed you and your Slytherin friends to patrol the halls at night-" James started to rattle before Jacob cut him off.
"What? Head Boy and Girl have prejudices against Slytherins? Think we're all Death Eaters who follow the Dark Lord? Think that we're going to raid the school?" Jacob asked, with a smirk on his lips while the non-Slytherin Prefects gave him dirty looks or swore under their breaths.
While Lily was sweating and twisting her hands, and prayed to god that something reasonable would spit out of her mouth, James just stood in front of Jacob with his hands in his pockets and smile on his lips.
"Jacob, there clearly has been a misunderstanding here. I'm not worried about you causing destruction to the school or putting any of the students in harms way – after all, you're only a fifth year, you don't have enough magic to cause any real danger. But I'm more concerned for you."
It was Jacob's turn to be surprised, as he pointed to himself and quietly said, "Me?"
At this, James' smile only grew, "Yes. You. After all, Lily and I have a responsibility to watch over you, to make sure that you're all are safe. Right?"
"R-Right" Jacob stammered.
"Anyway, Jacob, though I don't believe the rumours or the articles in The Prophet, I'm sure there are some people who do. And these rumours… well if they're true, your father has caused a lot of distress for some of the students. And some students don't use logic to make a decision, they use their emotions. How do you think they'll react if they find out you're patrolling the halls at night?"
"I've heard people talk about you Jacob, I've heard some of the most gruesome revenge plans. So for your own safety, I'd rather if you and the Slytherin house take the day patrols with some of the teachers – it's perfectly understandable, right?"
Silence followed. Jacob gapped at James and Lily was just as surprised. Everyone just gave the old, 'we'll finalize the plans with the teachers' or something lame to escape the awkward Slytherin situation. Yet here, James somehow regain control of that situation.
Jacob just nodded and rejoined his friends who had their jaws set and threw dirty looks to James. For once, it wasn't the Slytherins who were controlling the meetings, it was at last, the Head Boy and Girl. Something that hasn't happened since the rise of Voldemort.
James just beamed out to the group, as if nothing had happened, "Alright then, any other volunteers?"
After the last prefect filed out of the compartment, Lily and James started to clean up. Lily kept sneaking looks at James as he silently picked up the papers and candy wrappers that littered the floor.
Honestly, she was shocked that he didn't pull out his wand for Jacob. She was surprised that he had the courage to shot Jacob down in a reasonable way.
Because I certainly would have pulled a wand and I would have cursed at him till the cows went home. Lily instinctively thought before shaking her head.
It wasn't long though before he caught Lily looking at him. With an irritable tone, James asked, "What is it Lily? Did I mess up?"
Lily stammered a bit before telling the truth. "You… you didn't fall for the Slytherins' trick. You thought quick on your feet – a feat that not a lot of Head Boys have been able to do these past few years."
James snorted, "I thought a Head Boy was supposed to have courage and stand up for the students?" He said gruffly.
Lily rolled her eyes and angrily puffed out air. Did Potter not realize the dangers of today? Was he oblivious to the world around him? Did mommy and daddy shelter him from the monsters at night?
"Of course. But do you remember Diggory? The year he became Head Boy… nearly all of his family on his mother's side was brutally murdered by Zachary Williams. Of course, Williams claimed he did nothing wrong and when his kid came to Hogwarts as a Prefect… Diggory couldn't threaten him because his family was continuing to receive threats…" Lily rambled on as she continued to find endless candy wrappers strewed around the floors. How much did these kids eat?
James nodded along, "If he said anything to Zach, his family would suffer."
Lily let out a sigh of a relief, a smile playing on her lips. The satisfaction of being right, and to James Potter no less, lead to a swell of confidence. "Exactly"
"And if he didn't say anything, his family would have still suffered." James said bitterly as he threw the last piece of parchment in the garbage.
Lily turned around and place her hand on her hip. Biting down hard on her bottom lip as she angrily looked onto James. "Wha- No! No, that wouldn't happen." She sputtered before James retaliated.
"Oh really? Are you just acting? Or are you really this stupid?" He asked mincingly as he approached her.
Lily felt her jaw drop. "I read the papers Pot-"
"You read the The Daily Prophet and the muggle papers that get delivered. Right?" James spat out as his own mouth twisted into a sneer. "The Prophet is loosing control over what they can print, so whatever you're reading is the abridged version. The muggle papers delivered in England barely cover the world news and at this point in time, Voldemort is hiding low enough that it's difficult to tell what's magic and gas explosions."
"It's still the news! It's not as if I'm going out there like some ditz who goes around and goes, 'I'm a mudblood!'" Lily retorted as she threw her arms up in the air, her cheeks quickly coloring to a crimson.
"It's still the wrong news Lily! It's still missing pieces." James took a deep breath before plowing on. "Voldemort, is a brilliant dark wizard. He knows how to take advantage of people. He's not reaching out to only the Dark Wizards in England. He's searching for followers all over the world. He's going to places where the country is crumbling to bits; but the Muggle newspapers barely cover the news of a third-world country and Voldemort can gather up followers quietly."
Lily could hear the train move nosily on the tracks while the green scenery flew past her. She could feel Potter's eyes bore down on her as she continued to bite her bottom lip. Fucking Potter and his world views. What did he know? Stupid prat.
"Either way, what goes on in the rest of the world has nothing and I mean nothing to do with Diggory's family. Diggory did the right thing by shutting up and keeping a low profile. He got his family time - "
"Wrong" James said lazily as he took a seat.
Lily stared at him incredulously, her jaw falling open yet again. "Would you just shut up for one minute! Christ!" She exclaimed as her hands formed ready fists. She cursed again at herself once she realized the language she used.
"Look! Can't you see Diggory did the right thing?! I mean, it's his life! His family's life! There things far more important then dying to save your pride or ego.." Lily growled out while pacing the room.
At once James' mouth turned into a snarl as he jumped back up from his seat. Strutting towards Lily, who was dead frozen in her spot, until he was merely inches away from her face.
"Are you even a Gryffindor?! Dying for a cause! Dying for your family! Dying to ensure that your own kids won't have to endure the life filled with terrors and death! Even dying to save the defenseless muggles on your street is worth it!" James nearly shouted into her ear, his spit hitting her face.
Lily stared back at James, her green eyes meeting his hazel ones. His breathing was labored and with a quick peek down she noticed his own hands were balled into fists.
"And what about living Potter? Keeping your head low to ensure that your kids grow up with a set of parents instead of as an orphan?" She said softly, contrasting his yelling tone from earlier.
James pulled away from her, stepping back warily. His face, that was composed of such anger and hatred earlier only showed disgust.
"Dumbledore's right. We sort too early. If we had waited a few more years, you would have been clearly been sorted into Slytherin with Sevy." James said in a bitter, sarcastic tone that cut Lily's skin like a knife.
Lily opened her mouth to speak, to throw something nasty his way. But the words got caught in her throat and she wasn't even sure she had words to say anyway. It didn't take long for James to realize that as he strode out of the room – and when Lily saw the last of his robe disappear; something in her mind snapped as she strode towards the door.
Finding herself in the corridor of the train, completely oblivious to the gossiping students and open compartments, Lily quickly spotted James and stride quickly over to him, she grabbed his arm and his look of shock and anger only added fuel to Lily's fire.
"You know nothing. You're arrogant. You're a stupid prick who thinks you know everything about everyone. You have no right to tell me which house I should have been placed. You hardly know me Potter."
Students quickly stopped talking and gaped at Lily. Others turned to James to see his own reaction. Instead of angrily lashing out or pulling out his arm, James simply smirked at Lily, a chuckle growing.
"So why does it bother you so much? If I am, just an arrogant, stupid prick… why let it anger you so much? Really Evans, you must think of the example you're leading as Head Girl." Lily let go of his arm, flushed with humiliation as James threw her a wink and walked away. He pulled open one of the nearest compartment doors, where the voices of Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew came billowing out. James quickly entered and shut the door, leaving Lily fuming with white rage.
Lily let out a strangled growl before turning to the prefects compartment door. Grabbing onto the ledge she slammed it shut with such a force that the thud bounced off the walls.
The students around started whispering and giggling. Lily could hear their pathetic voices float through her ears as she stared at the vibrating door.
"Get back to your compartments. The train will be arriving within an hour or two to Hogwarts. I suggest you change into your robes." Lily said.
With that, she turned on her heel as she marched to the compartment where her friends were at. It was certainly going to be a long year.
"You did what?"
"He said that?"
Lily groaned as she pulled her knees up to her chest. She had just spent the last half an hour retelling her friends the disastrous meeting.
"I know it was stupid. I know I shouldn't let him get under my skin. But God! James fucking Potter is Head Boy! I have to work with him for the rest of the year! And he thinks I'm this stupid git – "
"You're one of the top witches in our class" Alice said sympathetically as she placed a hand on Lily's arm.
"Doesn't matter! He still thinks I'm an idiot! Shit Alice! He thinks I should be in Slytherin! Do I look like a Slytherin? A murder? A Death Eater?!" Lily almost shrieked before burying her head into her knees again.
Alice, Marlene and Emmeline sucked in their breaths as the watched Lily fall apart.
Emmeline nervously fingered her curly dark brown hair as she whispered to Lily, "Did he really say that? You? In Slytherin?"
Marlene rolled her brown eyes at Emmeline. "Lily! He's being stupid! I mean, really now, you in Slytherin? I doubt you've ever been nasty to anyone in your life. You let Severus go pretty lightly, even though he called you a mud-"
"He was a friend!" Lily bitterly snapped at Marlene. "I wasn't about to tell him to go fuck himself! I've know him since I was ten! I trusted him! Clearly I was wrong-"
"But you're not capable of doing what Severus does! You don't go brooding in dark corners, scribbling notes into your potions book or making nasty spells…" Andrea said as she started to pull her robes from her trunk.
Lily nodded her head as she took in a shaky breath. "Right. You're totally right. Let's not talk about Potter. Let's talk about something else… Alice, I heard you made some progress on Frank." Lily said, grinning brightly as Alice flushed.
"It's nothing. We just… sent lots of letters to each other." Alice mumbled while pretending to be intrigued by the stitching on her jeans. Emmeline playfully slapped her, "That's not all! Tell Lily what happened on the train!"
"It's nothing-"
"Nothing?" Marlene scoffed before launching into the story where Frank had nervously asked Alice to go for a walk around the lake after the first day of classes. Suggesting that maybe afterwards they can retire to the come and go room.
Lily gasped and laughed at Alice who was blushing furiously. "Alice! Lucky girl! Well, congratulations!"
Alice mumbled a 'thanks' under her breath before turning onto Lily. A smirk lingering on her face, "But I hear I'm not the only one who's gotten lucky…"
This time, Lily blushed furiously. She mentally scolded herself for telling so much to Alice. While Alice was trustworthy and wouldn't dare spill a secret to anyone – she wasn't skilled in the 'discreet' department.
Marlene and Emmeline laughed at Lily. "Steven? Oh Alice, we already know the woes of Lily."
Marlene mimicked a high pitched voice as she recited. "Steven is perfect! He's smart, funny, and cute… and a pretty good kisser!" She laughed hysterically near the end, causing Lily to twitch. Did she really write that? About Steven?
The boy who had lips that only seemed to know two places on her body? Her lips and chest? The boy who thinks it's hilarious to make jokes about Physics and science? The boy who had too long of a nose and too short of hair that made him look ten? She really used the adjectives smart, funny, cute, and good kisser?
Emmeline followed suit, "Oh Em! Steven was really sweet today! He brought me some flowers, we went for a romantic walk in the park and then we went back to his place…" Shrieks came from Emmeline as Lily slapped her playfully.
Lily could feel her cheeks stretching from the fake smiling she did and her stomach was twisting nervously. Her heart seemed to pick up the pace and her breathing felt labored, as if someone was sitting on her chest. Her brain sped dizzily as she tried to focus on the words her friends were saying.
The very name brought images of muggle homes and dinner parties and screaming kids while Lily grin and bare it. Her future, her perfect future with the love of her life.
Nodding along with her friends, she whispered, "Yeah, things are going great between him and I." And with that, she numbly pulled out the photos of her and Steven, and showed them off to her friends while her mind was somewhere else.
"First years! This way!" James yelled out, as a pack of new Gryffindors followed him. Giggling and smiling, the young new faces looked awestruck at the moving paintings and shrieked when the stair cases moved under their feet.
"It's nice to see how excited they are, isn't it?" Remus whispered to Lily, as they brought up the rear of the pack.
Lily stole a quick look from Remus before nodding quietly, a smile lingering on her lips from the combination of dinner and the reuniting with her friends.
"It certainly is, hard to imagine we were that small once, huh?" Lily whispered back, smiling broadly now as she eyed the small girls and boys that trailed behind James.
Remus let out a sigh. "Listen, I really wanted to talk to you about James-"
"Save your breath. That's one person I'd rather not talk about." Lily said coolly.
"Listen" Remus said harshly, as he grabbed the forearm of Lily, forcing her to face Remus.
"Let go of me" hissed Lily, as she yanked her arm out of his grasp. She took a quickened pace as he followed her.
"Lily. I just want to talk to you about the fight you two had-"
"What's there to say?" Lily said, as she stopped suddenly on the stairs. She quickly glanced up as the remaining pairs of boys and girls followed James. There was no need for her to follow them any longer.
"Look, what he said to you was horrible but he's not had an easy week. I'm not going to say much more then that but there is a reason behind his out burst. Just, go easy on him, will you?"
Lily threw her head back and let out sarcastic laugher. James had a bad week? What? Did mommy and daddy not give him his favorite ice cream? Did he not get the broomstick he wanted?
"So what?" Lily asked, as she continued her climb of stairs.
"Excuse me?"
"So. What. He's had a rough week, haven't we all? It's no excuse to yell at people, insult them or shout horrible names for the whole fucking train to hear-"
"I'm not excusing his actions! I'm just… trying to put things into context! He acted like a prat, I admit that, and the way he … expressed his anger was terrible-"
"Terrible?" Lily asked in a horrified. "It was awful! He told me I should be in Slytherin with Severus. I'm not like them! He insulted my intelligence."
"I understand that Lily! Everyone thinks he was off his rocker! Look, have you ever had the most god-awful week. Where no matter what you did, you got it wrong? That you were so completely powerless to change your circumstances, that you had to watch everything, and I mean everything, crash and burn at your very feet? And then, at once, there is this innocent bystander – who had absolutely nothing to do with the crash, yet, he gets the blame for just being there? Because that's the week James is having. It's a poor excuse for his actions but it's his only one." Remus said angrily, leaning against the railing as Lily stared down on him.
Lily could feel her hand tremble, and she placed it on the failing for support. She quickly glanced her head up as her eyes darted around the ceiling.
Did she know that feeling? Fuck, she was practically the queen of that feeling. Yet, giving compassion to James, felt so wrong.
"You're so compassionate – always knowing what to say, what would I do without you Lily?"
Lily squeezed her eyes tightly, shutting out the sunny summer day, pushing out that voice that followed her everywhere and reminded her of everything.
"I'll see what I can do." Lily said breathlessly. Before turning away and skipping up the stairs.
She suddenly found herself in an empty corridor, leaning against the wall, mentally cursing herself for being so… stupid.
Compassion. That damned word, compassion.
It was a sunny day, a lazy day in July. Walking hand in hand in the park nearby, passing the trees and the benches that littered the area. Lily listened carefully with every step what Steven had to say.
"It's just, ridiculous what the school is demanding of me. You know? As if I had nothing else to do, they load us up with all of these pointless summer readings. When will I ever need to use analytical skills to figure out what Shakespeare was saying? It will never be a part of my future – and the fact that I have to actually take the stupid class is pointless. I mean, it's not that hard to do. It's nothing… practical like Math or science for example."
Lily nodded along, stealing quick looks of Steven. They've only been dating for a few weeks, but she liked how he had strong goals. She also liked the fact that he was… self-confident, to say the least.
"I'm sorry, I'm talking too much. But don't you agree? English and History are just a waste of time? What boring summer reading do you have to do? I don't think you've told me. " He said, turning towards her with a smile that caused Lily's stomach to do a little flip.
Well, Lily thought that Divination and Muggle Studies were pointless. But she had a strong intuition that those weren't courses offered a lot at muggle schools.
"Oh, well, I have to agree with everything you're saying." As if she read a word of Shakespeare. "But um, I don't have summer reading." Lily mumbled.
"What?"
"Uh, yeah. My school realized that it was pointless to hand out summer reading since no one did it anyways." Lily lied lamely.
Steven let out a sigh. "I wish my school was like that. You're so lucky, I wish I went to your school. Instead, I'm going to school with all of these idiots that don't know anything. I mean, I pretty much sleep in class and I get perfect grades on all of the tests, but they find everything so hard. It's… stupid."
Lily frowned, was he showing off or was he being honest? And what was she supposed to say?
"Well, that… does sound bad." Lily started. "And I can relate where you're coming from, I mean, in ch-chemistry, I seem to pick things up way better than my friends. But, you just have to work your way through it, gives you stamina, and it will ultimately make you look better when you have to apply to schools and such." Lily finished, mentally kicking herself for almost saying, 'charms' instead of 'chemistry'.
All of a sudden, Lily found herself pressed up against a tree as Steven's lips were all over hers. Complying, she opened her mouth and wrapped her arms around his neck.
Steven detached himself from her, and whispered hoarsely in her ear, "You're so compassionate – always knowing what to say, what would I do without you Lily?" Then he tugged her along the trail again and talking about which universities were right for him.
Along this walk, Lily felt a heavy as she listened to him talk, no boasted, about himself. A dead weight hung from her heart as she stared at him. She felt detached and unemotional. She felt silly for talking about these things, she felt stupid for trying to be a part of this world.
Could she really relate to this boy?
"You're late."
Lily sighed angrily as she approached the Head's Common Room. Of course James was going to be there on time, of course he was going to rub it in her face.
Compassion. Compassion. Compassion. She thought bitterly to herself, as she James through the portrait door.
The Head's Common Room was just meeting place where all of the prefects and Heads can gather and have meetings. The room had had a blazing fire, a coffee table (easily removable if anything) and couches and arm chairs littered around. Then, there were cabinets that held parchments, quills and whatever else they could possibly need for a meeting.
Lily and James awkwardly seated themselves from across one another.
"Alright, so, we just need to send off the schedules to the heads of the houses. Then, we do rounds and come back here to fill out any forms of trouble making. Any questions?" Lily said tiredly, as she started making duplicates of the schedules.
"Nope, want to borrow my owl though?" James offered.
Lily was about to make a remark about the lack of owl, before she heard a distinctive hoot and a tapping from the window. Breathing deeply through her nose, she smiled sweetly, "Thanks. That would be great."
Opening the window, Lily was pleasantly surprised to find a white, snowy owl swoop into the room. The owl stood on the arm chair and waited patiently as Lily tied the papers to its leg.
"Beautiful owl. What is it called?"
"Hedwig."
Lily wrinkled in brow as she attempted to double knot the papers. "Hedwig… the name sounds familiar…"
"It's from Hogwarts: A History.I didn't know what to call her, so I found the biggest book in the house, opened it to a random page, and pointed down to find the name 'Hedwig'."
"James – I hate to break it to you, but Hogwarts: A History is hardly considered 'huge'" Lily said in a slightly teasing tone, a smile floated across her lips.
But James was busy tapping his feet and clenching his hands to get the joke or the smile.
"When you're eleven Lily, everything is huge." James said bitterly, not noticing the sarcasm laced in Lily's voiced.
Lily rolled her eyes as Hedwig flew off. Fine. She thought menacingly to herself, as she watched the owl disappear into a small dot.
"Let's go, we only have an hour tonight but I would like to get it done with." James said bossily, as he walked out the portrait hole – not waiting for Lily to catch up.
Huffing, Lily walked out of the portrait hole and made sure she went the opposite direction as James, hoping that their paths won't cross.
Walking around the castle, going up and down the stairs did good for Lily. It enabled her to clear her mind and not focus on James or Steven.
Though it was always nice when there were no sneaking students or weird hexes being thrown about, Lily wished that she had found someone – just so she would have the perfect excuse to yell and be nasty to someone else. However, she was out of luck and clambered through the portrait hole an hour later.
A few seconds after she collapsed into one of the arm chairs, James entered the common room only a few seconds later.
"Any trouble?" Lily asked wearily, as James plopped down opposite of her.
James scowled before answering, "No. No trouble makers but Flich had a hard time believing that I'm Head Boy and had to take me up to Dumbledore's office for verification. That took a good fifteen minutes." He leaned back before, and for a second there was only the crackling of the fire.
"You?"
Lily cracked an eye open, not even realizing that she was falling asleep. He looked just as tired as she was. He had bags under his eyes, his glasses askew, his tie was undone and his robe was falling off his shoulder.
Something thundered horribly in Lily's heart as she took this image of James in her mind. Biting her lip, she quietly said, "Nope. Quiet night."
Again, a silence filled the room. Awkward silence this time, it was obvious that they were making conversation for the sake of it. It was clear that they were tip toeing around each other to avoid another catastrophe. Lily got out of her arm chair, and mumbled a good night under her breath.
"Lily."
She turned around to where James was still sitting. An elbow was propped up on his knee, as his right hand was massaging the temples; his glasses lay on the edge of the table.
"I – I'm sorry of how I acted today. It wasn't your fault. Just been a rough few weeks." James muttered. "I swear, it won't happen again." He said earnestly.
For a split second, Lily wanted to throw the apology back into his face. Scream at him and swear at him, throw all of her anger on to him. She wanted him to know all of the hatred that was stored in her, she wanted him to realize that she was so much more then what he made her out to be.
But it was the look of distress in his appearance. It was the sincerity in his voice and the nervousness in his face that snapped away her anger. And while Lily hadn't completely forgiven him for his words and actions earlier today, it was certainly a start.
"Okay." Lily said quietly, staring at James before walking numbly to the portrait door. Not realizing that James hadn't followed her and didn't return to Gryffindor rooms for hours to come.
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