AN/ I was meaning to get this out before tonight's ep but things have been crazy this week with uni, so here we are! First, this was only meant to be a short chapter but apparently the characters had other ideas… Second, I couldn't resist a little Jac/Jonny mention (I miss my babies) and third, I'm sorry if Jac seems OOC in this chapter. I really struggled to find the right balance between her actually showing she cares but still staying true to herself, so any feedback on that would be hugely appreciated. I'm thinking there'll probably be 1 or 2 more parts to this, but I have a couple of other oneshot ideas that I'll hopefully get round to ASAP.
Thank you for the lovely reviews last time, they made me smile and also made me feel so much more confident about posting this! Again, please r&r/send me a message on tumblr (hastingsmitchell), it would make me so happy. Hope you enjoy!
Jac knew something was wrong from the way Jasmine's body swayed as she turned around. She knew what would happen before it actually did, and she was already been out of her seat by the time her sister's body crashed to the floor. For such a tiny person, Jasmine had made one hell of a noise as she fell, and the ward seemed to stand still around them as Jac jogged as fast as she could round the nurses station. Kneeling down beside the blonde who was beginning to stir, she beckoned over Matteo who had also come running at the sound.
'She's regaining consciousness but her pulse is way too fast for my liking,' Jac murmured worriedly. 'Jasmine, can you hear me?' The younger girl's eyes flickered a few times before opening fully. She blinked up at her sister, making no attempt to answer, as if she was trying to recall what had led to her being laid on the floor. Jac and Matteo shared an uncertain glance.
'Jasmine, are you okay?' the Italian tried again, and this time the F1 seemed to realise what was going on. She attempted to sit up abruptly but Jac stopped her, placing a hand on her back and gently guiding the girl upright.
'There you go, nice and steady,' she reassured. Jasmine wasn't sure how to react – she'd never seen the consultant try to help someone in this way before, it was strange but she couldn't deny how comforting Jac's touch was to her still-shaking body. It was then that she became aware of a throbbing pain towards the back of her head; not the dull ache from before (which was still present), but as though she'd injured herself in the collapse. Her hands up to her skull, the sudden movement causing the redhead to jump slightly and quickly withdraw her hand from its resting place.
'My head, I- I think I hit it on something, it really hurts,' she stumbled over the words, fatigue being taken over by fear and anxiety. Jac glanced at her for permission, then began to run her hands over the messy blonde hair, halting when she felt a bump that was just beginning to form.
'Yeah, you've got a pretty big bump right here, it looks like you caught the edge of the desk as you fell,' she explained calmly. 'It doesn't look too nasty though, you shouldn't need stitches. But I'd like to keep you in for observation for a while nevertheless.'
At this Jasmine's eyes snapped frantically up to meet her sister's, who had moved back round to her side. 'No, no you can't do this, you know I have to be part of this op! It's my only chance, please don't take it away from me, I'm fine honestly!' She attempted to clamber up and away from the two consultants before her, but found she couldn't muster up the energy to move quickly enough and instead fell back down to her original position. Jac motioned for her partner to turn away now they knew the girl wasn't in danger, manoeuvring herself so she was directly opposite the blonde.
'Jasmine, look at me,' she encouraged quietly, waiting a few seconds until the blonde raised her eyes from the floor. The sheen of unshed tears in her eyes tore at Jac's heart, but she knew this was something that had to be done. 'I'm sorry, but you and I both know that you're not in a fit state to perform this operation. You're quite clearly exhausted, you're shaking all over and to top it off you've suffered a blow to the head, and you know I can't let you risk endangering a patient's life. Do you understand?' The blonde sniffled, eyes threatening to spill over as she nodded her acceptance. Jac breathed a sigh of relief at her cooperation, assuming Jasmine was too tired to fight her on the issue any more. She carried on. 'This does not mean that you'll never be capable of this, or that you'll never get another shot. But you need to learn to recognise your own limits and prioritise yourself, okay?'
Jas turned her head away, the tears now cascading fully down her cheeks as she nodded once again. The extent of her stupidity and irresponsibility hit her as she sat there, having made a fool of herself in front of the Ice Queen for the umpteenth time, and she tried to move away from the older woman in embarrassment. To her surprise, however, a warm hand reached out to stroke her arm in a comforting gesture, which the F1 gladly accepted. It took all her strength not to sink into Jac's touch, but this was a huge step in the right direction for the sisters and she daren't do anything to jeopardise that – she couldn't handle any more rejection. Besides, they were still in the middle of Darwin so it would be unprofessional, and she knew the redhead wasn't keen on public displays of affection. They stayed in that position for a few seconds, both subconsciously relaxing at the other's touch.
Jac glanced at the clock above their heads, realising there was only an hour until she was due in theatre. She racked her brains for what to do next – this was a chance for her to prove how much she truly cared about the young doctor, and make sure she was being looked after in her obviously fragile state. There was no way she was letting her go back to work after the day's events.
'Okay, I need to be in theatre soon but this is what's going to happen. You're going to take the rest of the day off and catch up on your rest, because you're no use to anyone like this. I still want to keep an eye on that head of yours, and luckily for you the ward is quiet today so you're going to take the side room for a few hours and get some proper sleep. I'll get a nurse to check in on you while I'm in theatre, and when I get back we'll see how you're doing and decide what happens next. Got it?' Jac was sure Jasmine would argue with her – feistiness seemed to run in the family, after all – but the girl just sighed and nodded, slowly pulling herself to her feet with the aid of the desk. At that moment Jac's bleeper went off, indicating that Serena Campbell wished to speak to her.
'Right, I have to go see Ms. Campbell but I'll get Matteo to take you across and get you sorted. And don't worry, I'll let her know the situation,' the consultant assured Jasmine, who merely ducked her head in return. Walking away, Jac watched the Italian place an arm around Jas and lead her to the room, the girl still noticeably shaking and moving much slower than usual. She couldn't believe they'd all allowed Jasmine to get this bad without anyone intervening, but now she knew just how broken the girl was, she couldn't turn back.
Matteo had, on Jac's orders, helped Jasmine into the side room and was stood a few feet away as the girl crawled ungracefully into bed, slumping down on the pillows immediately. He knew she must be past the point of exhaustion by now; he'd already questioned her wellbeing the week previously when Jasmine had ventured up to Darwin to help reconcile two sisters. That day had certainly been a challenge. Both Jac and Jas had been frustrated that the girls refused to let go of their squabbles to look after each other, and he couldn't help but laugh at the glaring irony as the two medical professionals themselves had yet to make up.
He was still getting to know the redhead and didn't know much about her past, but from what Mo had told him, Paula had almost singlehandedly broken the teenage Jac and she was still trying to fix herself. And as for Jasmine – it was clear that even though she'd stayed with their mother, she was no better off for it. Her desperation to please others, to be appreciated, to feel included and worth something was so extreme it was making her sick, and there was no doubt in Matteo's mind as to why she felt this way. He was so sure that both of the sisters needed each other much more than they let on, and when the youngest had collapsed he'd seen a completely different side to Jac. Gone was the cold exterior and instead she'd appeared concerned and protective, immediately there to comfort the blonde. He hoped it had given the consultant the wake-up call she needed to step up and prove to Jasmine that they could sort out their relationship, because the girl definitely needed someone in her corner.
Sighing, Matteo turned to make his way back to the ward but as he did so, a glimpse of something beside the bed caught his eye. Moving closer, he found a box of some kind and immediately reached down to open it, knowing that whatever he found wouldn't be good. Turning over the box, he scanned the label.
Caffeine Pills.
'Oh, Jasmine,' he sighed to himself. This explained why she'd been so jittery, and of course why her heart had been beating so fast. The situation must be worse than they'd thought if the F1 was going to such lengths to keep herself going. Pocketing the tablets, he strode quietly out of the room, making a note to tell Jac the next time he saw her. She was not going to like this.
Jac made her way back to Darwin after a slightly awkward meeting with Serena. Although she'd been summoned to go over theatre plans for the afternoon, she'd of course had to tell Ms Campbell about the Jasmine incident, hence why the F1 wouldn't be in theatre. Both women shared an unspoken sense of guilt over the obvious fatigue the young doctor was suffering and their insufficient attempts to help her, but Jac secretly knew the blame lay more at her feet (and she thought the brunette secretly agreed). There was no denying that the issues of the past few weeks had contributed to Jasmine's downward spiral, but Jac knew the girl had been working herself into the ground in order to impress her since the very first day, and she couldn't help feeling hugely responsible. After all, she knew Serena and Jasmine had already come to a truce and the former had stopped piling so much pressure onto her protégé, so it surely wasn't that that still had the blonde in a frenzy.
However, Jac also knew her sister better than she pretended to, and she knew the main cause of Jas's breakdown was her being too hard on herself. She'd realised just from observing her sister and her interactions with others that she'd inherited a lot of the traits from Paula she wished she hadn't; traits they both shared, the ones Jac pretended didn't exist in herself but could identify so easily in her younger counterpart. The compulsive need to prove themselves, stemming from their mother's abandonment in Jac's case and her constant glorifying of her eldest daughter in Jasmine's. The stubbornness she knew had been passed down from her grandmother's side, from what she remembered of her barely-existent childhood. The drive to achieve, to be better than their appalling excuse for a mother, something Jac knew they both shared although neither would ever admit it. And their most dangerous flaw – the refusal to show weakness; the belief that admitting defeat or inability somehow made you useless and pathetic.
This was the first thing Jac could ever remember Paula telling her – 'Crying is for babies. You have to be stronger than that or people will use it against you.'
It had taken her years to be able to open up and display some kind of emotion in public. In fact, it was something she still had to work on, and although she wasn't spiritual in the slightest she thanked her lucky stars every day that Jonny Maconie had come into her life, as he was the first person to ever see the real her. He'd helped her start to overcome so many of her issues, and no matter what happened between them she'd always be grateful for that. But Jasmine didn't have that person. In fact, Jac was pretty sure she had nobody to talk to at all. And unless she started to let people in, that would never change. Jac was determined to prevent her sister from becoming as isolated as she'd once been.
She was about to enter Jasmine's room when Matteo appeared by her side. 'Before you go in, there's something you need to know,' he warned. He handed Jac the tablets, and she inwardly groaned, cursing herself for failing to realise there'd been something else besides of the exhaustion.
'Why on earth is she taking these?! Surely she knows how stupid and dangerous they are?' she ranted, more frustrated than angry. The Italian shook his head.
'She's exhausted and not thinking straight. She probably thought this was the only way she could keep going without anybody noticing.' Jac sighed, knowing he was probably right and the girl must've run out of options by that point. She couldn't believe the doctor was willing to push herself this hard to prove her worth, to the point where she endangered not only herself but the patients too.
'I'll go talk to her,' she said, entering the room and attempting to shut the door quietly, so as not to startle the blonde. But when she looked over at the bed, all she saw was a pair of big blue eyes gazing at her, swimming with tears. Jasmine must have heard everything.
'You silly girl,' the redhead sighed, moving closer to her sister's side. It wasn't really an admonishment, though. Instead, all Jasmine could make out was what she believed to be care and concern. At this, her tears began to fall.
'I'm so sorry Jac, I know it was stupid and I wanted to tell you earlier but I couldn't, I just didn't want to disappoint you even more than I already have, I know I shouldn't have taken them at all I just didn't know what else to do, I'm so so sorry I've messed everything up again!' The blonde was sobbing by now, barely able to catch her breath and Jac moved on autopilot, one hand rubbing the girl's back and the other stroking her hair just like she would when Emma got herself into a state.
'Jas, I need you to take deep breaths okay? Everything's going to be fine, just breathe,' she soothed, hoping she sounded calmer than she felt. She almost couldn't believe how instinctively she'd reacted, treating the younger girl just like she did her daughter, but she knew she'd done the right thing as she began to quieten, hiccoughing now and again. After a few minutes, Jac manoeuvred herself out of the position she'd been in, allowing Jasmine to lay back down against the pillows. Her sister looked over questioningly.
'We can talk later. For now, I want you to try and get some rest please. And don't try to convince me you're not tired, because I know you're exhausted in every sense of the word,' she told the younger girl, slipping back into her surgeon voice. Jas wiped her eyes and yawned, nodding slowly in agreement as she turned onto her side.
'Thank you,' she whispered, eyes already beginning to close. Jac smiled softly, probably the first real smile Jasmine had seen from her since that fateful reveal, and within seconds the blonde had fallen fast asleep.