Chapter 2 – A Painful Secret

Elliot's P.O.V.

Olivia knows something's up. She's seen the way my eyes have flickered in her direction lately. I couldn't help it. She saw my body language, watched me tense the first time we walked into that house. She knows there's something I'm not telling her.

And she's right.

flashback

Detectives Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler walked up to the house that was the crime scene. Ducking under the police tape and risking a glance at each other in the presence of unknowns, they walked inside. "What have we got?" having always been the more verbal of the two, Olivia spoke first to one of the agents nearby. "Quad homicide, mother and three kids" came the answer. "All murdered?" Olivia was shocked; she was used to horrible cases, but not murders of this kind. The agent nodded. "Yep. All of 'um shot dead while they were sleeping by the father."

"Wow" was all Olivia could manage. The agent nodded again, sadly. "Yeah, the kids were all under 10, good smart kids they were too. If you look through the house, you can see awards for all three; sports awards, academic awards, medals for triathlons, every award you can think of has been won by one, two or all of these kids. And their father decided to take all four lives, just like that."

"Have you found any evidence regarding possible motives yet?" Olivia asked (Casey), suspicious that Elliot hadn't spoken yet. Olivia had been so busy concentrating on the case that she hadn't noticed him leave. She had been about to say something to him since it was the third murder case they had had in as many weeks but he wasn't behind her. (Casey) started to answer but Olivia stopped her. "Hold on. Where's Elliot? He's been acting strange lately. I need to find him. I'll be back" turning, Olivia exited the lounge room they had been standing in and walked outside, knowing that was where Elliot would be.

She found him sitting on the bottom step, head in his hands along with a picture of his wife and children. Olivia walked up to him slowly, sat down beside him and laid a hand on his shoulder "Hey El. You ok?" he turned to look at her, his face pale. "Yeah, I guess so" he mumbled, voice shaking. Olivia frowned, she knew her partner better than anyone and something wasn't right. "Elliot, talk to me." The gentle tone of Olivia's voice caused Elliot to lift his head, turn to her and sigh "This case reminds me so much of…" tears began to escape from his eyes as he tried to explain He stopped talking, simply sobbing into Olivia's shoulder. Olivia nodded, rocking him, holding him. She thought she understood; thought she knew what Elliot was going to say but she didn't. Only Elliot knew why he was breaking down. There were some things you never shared with others, not even your detective partner, especially the one you're falling hopelessly in love with. No, there are some things you don't repeat unless you have to; they are just too painful.

end of flashback

The case had continued, Cragen stood me down for the duration of the case after I briefly explained it to him. I begged him not to tell Olivia, promising to tell her eventually, in my own time. He had been reluctant at first, wanting her to know the truth. "The sooner it's out there and she knows, the better. You know she's the only one who can help you, Elliot." He had said to me, "the sooner you let her in, the better you will feel. I promise." I had reluctantly agreed to tell her at the conclusion of the case. Now that the time had come to tell her, I was tensing up, not knowing how to tell her the secret I have kept bottled for so long.

I took a deep, shaky breath just as Cragen brought the debrief to an end. There was a scramble as most of the team rushed for the door, eager for sleep. I tried to catch Olivia but both she and Cragen disappeared into his office soon afterwards. I tensed, knowing exactly why she wanted to see Cragen: she would be asking about the last case, why I hadn't been with her, why she had been working with a temporary partner I knew she hated.

One thing was clear though. My partner, Detective Olivia Benson wanted answers.