"Okay," Slash said, taking a sip of his tea—no sugar, straight up green tea. "We need a game plan." Fem nodded absently. Her iced mocha seemed a strange choice of drink to have after the bone-soaking storm. She opened another sugar packet and dumped it into her drink, stirring slowly. Slash grimaced as his sister sipped from the syrupy cold. "We need to know as much about the Titans as possible. What do we know? Briefly, please." Fem cleared her throat and then began.
"Depending on what gossip group you're in with, the Titans came about in one of two ways. First—a young Titan named Raven located the original team member and created the Titans that way; the second—that the young Robin created the Titans. He, evidently, grew tired of his mentor's shadow and left to make a name for himself. He then came across the ones called Cyborg, Beast Boy and Raven. They joined forces to capture and then rescue the alien they call Starfire. Thus, the Titans were born. From then on, they have been collecting supers like rabbits make babies."
"So, what are our best options?" Slash asked, head supported on steepled fingers, eyes closed dramatically. Fem contemplated the question with a sip of mocha.
"We can tackle this with the classics easily. Love-hate: opposites attract. Love-love: made for each other. Hate-hate: aggression expressed sexually, relationship develops later."
"Alright. So, let's start with double love, who've we got that fits that quota?" By now, Slashes eyes were glittering with the thrill of the hunt.
"I thought you'd choose that, romantic sap, so I've broken down into sub-groups." Fem grinned wickedly, Slash lightly slapped her shoulder in mock annoyance. Se giggled into her straw, taking another sweet gulp before continuing. "Similarities through lifestyle, past or powers. Oh, and friends turned lovers." Slash raised an eyebrow, silently instructing his sister to continue. "Through lifestyle: both Aqualad and Beast Boy avoid meat, though while Beast Boy is a vegan, Aqualad avoids mostly fish and aquatic animals."
"Sound promising." Slash interjected slyly, grinning.
"Hush. Past, well almost every Titan has a miserable past, most parentless. For this, both Starfire and Raven are from different worlds—almost an opposites attract pairing, I know, but still." Slash made a face. Girls were not his forte. "Once again, Beast Boy and Aqualad share a tortured past here, though Speedy and Aqualad were abandoned in some hour of need by relatives or close friends." Fem rolled her eyes, Slash shrugged.
"It takes a tragedy to make a hero." He said calmly. Fem huffed and continued.
"For powers, we have Speedy and Robin, both highly trained but having no inherent powers and both were masks. Aqualad and Beast Boy both have abilities relating to animals and both have different from normal appearances. Both Bumblebee and Starfire can fly and shot energy from their hands. Mas y Menos and Kid Flash have the abilities of super-speed. But you know how I feel about incest and pedophilia." Fem glared at her brother pointedly, causing him to tsk and pout regally. "That's about it for that group. For, for friends. Beast Boy and Cybrog are quite close as friends, as are Beast Boy and Robin, though not as strongly. Starfire and Raven could possibly be friends, though not nearly to the level needed for a pairing of this kind to work." Fem took another sip of mocha, finishing her drink. She excused herself and got up to throw her empty cup away—remember kids, don't litter!—leaving her brother to ponder. When she returned, he looked very satisfied with himself, content as a cat.
"Now, about love-hate?" Fem took a sip from another drink—iced latte—and winced at its "bitterness." She tore open a packet of sugar and began.
"Love-hate: This could play under Raven and Starfire: Starfire is very chipper and happy while Raven is notorious for being dower and apathetic." Slash made a dismissing notion, urging his sister to continue. She glared at him lightly. "Robin and Speedy could be seen as competitors, as they share the same powers. Like wise for Auqalad and Beast Boy, as they got off to a rocky start. Speedy and Aqualad for sure—fish tacos." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "I don't believe there would be anyone else." Slash nodded thoughtfully.
"Hate-hate?" He asked hopefully. Nothing a hardcore slash fan loved more than agressive porn with minimal plot.
"Hate-hate: Possibly Speedy and Aqualad: once again, fish tacos. Hm. Possible Aqualad and Beast Boy, though I think they resolved their issues—holy gape orn, Slash!" Fem gasped in horror. "I forgot! Predator-prey! Dear me." Slash laughed at his sister's dramatics, though he was slightly disturbed that she could have forgotten anything so juicy.
"I forgive you, now…?"
"Well, the only ones who might be even slightly predatory would be…well, perhaps Speedy. He was a heroin addict. Aqualad was a prince, though he was exiled. Beast Boy does have a 'furry little problem.' You could use that as a kind of 'you won't like me when I'm not sexually appeased.'" Slash snorted into his tea to keep from laughing to loudly in the quiet café. People were already curious. Fem cast him a despairing glance before summing up her "brief" presentation. "That means our strongest options are Aqualad /Speedy, Aqualad / Beast Boy, Raven/Starfire. In close second are Robin/Speedy and Robin/Beast Boy." Fem huffed slightly. She didn't have the options she wanted, just two people to play with, while her brother could wreak havoc as extensively as he pleased. Slash nodded, grinning widely, yet darkly.
"This," he stated, voice wrought with dark intentions and hopeless finality, "will be fun!"
I apologize! This chapter had no Teen Titans! I am a disgrace!