Hey peoples of the Earth! I received some positive reviews on this, so I decided to make another chapter, just for you guys. Enjoy the weirdness.
"It has come to our attention that Shrek holds all of the secrets of the universe. We need to send a group of cats to find him and ask him for guidance." Bluestar told the cats of StarClan.
"I'll go." Jayfeather offered. He was blind again for some reason, so he kept bumping into other cats and making them face-plant.
"I'll go too!" Briarlight dragged herself to the front of the crowd, getting filth all over her back legs.
"I wanna go!" Mousefur shrieked.
"Then you three are set to go." Bluestar walked away.
"They're all Thunderclan." Onestar complained.
"The blind cat, the cripple, and the senile elder who tortured apprentices for many moons by crapping her own bedding and somehow becoming infested with ticks, even though she didn't even leave camp. What more could you ask for?" Mistystar reasoned. Blackstar nodded in agreement.
"Besides, we all know that ThunderClan saves everyone's asses 24/7." Firestar added. As Jayfeather, Briarlight, and Mousefur left camp, a fight broke out behind them. Being handicapped and oblivious, they didn't notice the tirade of expletives and screams of pain that followed them.
"We need a traveling song." Briarlight commented.
"I know an ancient one from the times of the dinosaurs." Mousefur grumbled. "Let us pay homage to our ancestors."
"I think I know what you're getting at. I am a time-traveling boss, after all." Jayfeather put in.
"WE'RE GOING ON A TRIP IN OUR FAVORITE ROCKET SHIP…" Mousefur screeched. Jayfeather's ears ruptured, and being both blind and deaf, he was hit by a ghost monster and died on impact. And then there were two.
"Mousefur, please never do that again." Briarlight looked terrified for her life.
"NEVER. WE'RE GOING ON A MISSION, START THE COUNTDOWN! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!"
"Holy **** she can count!" Briarlight yelled to no one in particular, and then proved the theory of spontaneous combustion to be correct.
Mousefur hobbled through the trees, singing the Little Einsteins theme song and killing every small creature in the vicinity with her awful voice. She stumbled across a twoleg, who was tapping a glowing rectangle with symbols on it. She tried to run away, but was too old. The twoleg picked her up.
"Mousefur! I was just typing a FanFiction involving you. In fact, I'm BlazingFlames, here to help you with your mission." The twoleg turned back to the glowing screen for a moment. Mousefur was perplexed. How did this twoleg speak cat? What was going on?
"You can teach me Shrek's knowledge?" She asked, barely able to remember what her mission was because she was old and senile.
"Yeah. This is something called YouTube." The twoleg gestured towards the screen with a paw. "This is called Shrek is love, Shrek is life." Images played across the screen, and as Mousefur watched, all became clear.
"Thank you, BlazingFlames. It all makes sense now." Mousefur rasped. Without waiting for a reply, the elder ran at top speed, about half a mile per hour, back to StarClan's camp. There were a few dead cats here and there being eaten by other cats, so there was nothing unusual about the serene and peaceful place where all the good cats went when they died.
"Everyone gather! Mousefur has killed her two quest mates and is about to tell us the secret of Shrek!" Bramblestar yelled. Everyone sat, forming a triangle because they were, of course, the Illuminati after all.
"The secret is that-" Mousefur suddenly but not surprisingly had a heart attack. All of the medicine cats swarmed her with their shock pads. They electrocuted her, but Runningnose dripped some snot on her body and it was all over, despite the fact that StarClan cats shouldn't be able to have heart attacks.
"Well, I guess we need to send some more cats." Bluestar shrugged, disappointment written across her features.
A/N: If you guys want me to continue this, then say so in a review! Thanks for reading, and stay awesome ;)