Chapter 2: Wishing to Escape the Labyrinth

Bella's POV

I'm sitting in Biology with Edward when he suggests that we head over to his house after school. According to Alice, Charlie is planning on going down to La Push tonight to visit Billy. Avoiding the inevitable is impossible, I suppose. "That sounds like fun," I say, trying to sound as if I truly mean it. Mr. Banner enters the classroom then, giving me the chance to get my freshly arisen anxiety under control. He announces that we'll be watching a video on the Galapagos Islands. What a relief. Being on edge constantly is exhausting, and I don't know how much longer I can keep my eyes from snapping shut.

The next thing I'm aware of is the shuffling of feet and the loud voices of students calling to one another as they're released from their classes. I look to my left and find Edward regarding me thoughtfully. "Today could be a good day to skip," he puts forth.

"What? But I have Gym!" I shouldn't have said that. "I mean, I really ought to stay. Coach Clapp may begin deducting points from my grade if he gets suspicious of why I'm missing." I need to be there. We're still on the track and field unit, and I'm not giving up the chance to burn off so many extra calories.

How could I ever have hated running? Each step I take allows me to imagine putting more distance between the past and myself. If only I truly could manage do that. As I feel the soreness in my legs increase, I strive all the harder to speed up. This is as close as it comes to escaping. However, before managing to actually feel as if freedom is within my reach, the bell rings loudly to signal that it's time to begin inside. I wish I didn't have to stop, but Edward will be waiting. I switch directions and start back to the locker room.

"Hey, Bella!" I hear Jessica call out as she walks over to me.

"Hi, Jess. What's up?" I ask, trying to ward off the exhaustion that has suddenly hit me again.

"Mike and I are going to Port Angeles tonight. There's a new movie out." She starts talking excitedly about how hopeful she is of becoming his girlfriend soon.

At all the right points I smile and nod encouragingly. Suddenly I feel as if I'm about to faint. "Um, I need to sit down for a minute." I do what I always do in times like this- ease myself down to the ground, pull my knees to my chest and put my head between them.

"I'll help you to the nurse." Her voice sounds shrill and full of uncertainty.

Out of nowhere, I hear Alice chime in with, "She's coming over today and can be seen by my father, I'll take it from here." Great, a vision must have warned her this would happen.

After telling me to feel better, Jessica leaves.

My head is clearing, and I can safely look up. Beside me is Alice.

"Edward and Jasper are waiting for us in the Volvo."

I stand up gingerly, and she remains close by me. "My body must have gotten a little overheated," I tell her before she can form her own theories.

"All the same, you should talk to Carlisle and make sure something else isn't wrong," she responds.

Nothing good can come from this.

Emmet's car isn't in the driveway. Oh no, this probably means they don't want Rosalie to be present for whatever is about to take place. Esme and Carlisle meet us right at the door- another bad sign. My stomach is in knots despite the fact that I can feel Jasper trying to send waves of calm my way.

"Bella, would you join me in my office?" Carlisle asks me politely.

I'm not sure why we're going there when everyone will still be able to hear us, but this is all so embarrassing I say yes just to get it over with.

Once upstairs, Carlisle offers me a chair and then takes a seat behind his desk. It's going to be fine. He can't know anything for sure. I've prepared myself for something like this happening, and I have an excuse ready.

"We all care about you very much. You're a part of our family, and, as I'm sure Edward has told you, we have no secrets. I wonder, is there something that has been bothering you?"

I hadn't factored in Carlisle's calm, non-confrontational manner. Lying to him feels terribly wrong, but I have to keep my secret. "Thank you for your concern. I know I've lost weight and that I haven't quite been myself lately, but you know how I worry about my mom. It's just been hard adjusting to the fact that I'm not right there if she needs me." I hate that I had to bring my blob of a body to his attention, but with everyone at school suddenly feeling the need to tell me how I'm "so skinny" I know it had to be done in order to discourage any suspicion he may have of the truth.

"That's understandable. As much as she misses you, I don't doubt that Phil is taking excellent care of her. And you need to make sure to look after yourself. You're very important to a great many people…and vampires. Please know that you can always come to any one of us with your concerns."

I thank him and then excuse myself before he can further persist with this conversation.

As soon as I reach the bottom of the stairs, I'm met by Edward. Immediately he begins to speak, "Bella, you've seemed so tired lately. I don't want to be the cause of that. What can I do to help?" He shouldn't be feeling badly when he's been nothing short of a complete savior.

"Please don't blame yourself. Like I told Carlisle, I've been needlessly worrying about my mom is all. Can we watch a movie?" I'm hoping for the subject to drop.

Seeming not to have seen through my words, he asks me which film I would like for him to put on. I tell him I'm fine with anything, and after making a selection he promptly joins me on the couch. Before the title even flashes onto the screen I'm out.

I awake to the sound of screams. It takes me a few minutes to comprehend that they're coming from me. Edward's gentle voice manages to reach me through them.

"You're alright. It's only a bad dream." He has no idea.

Having what happened play on my mind constantly throughout the day is bad enough, but having to relive it in vivid nightmares is pure torture.

I'm sticky with perspiration and feeling nauseous. "What time is it?" I ask.

"It's seven o'clock," Edward responds. My heart continues to pound frantically; if only vampires didn't have such sensitive hearing. "Sometimes talking about it can help." He sounds so worried.

"It's all a blur now. I'll be fine." Tell him my past has come back to haunt me? No thank you. No way.

"Do you want me to take you home, love?"

Definitely. "Yes, that sounds good. I'll just say bye to everyone fast."

A shower is exactly what I need in order to regain some composure. Edward tells me he'll still be in my room when I'm done. I make my way to the bathroom and perch on the edge of the tub. While waiting for the water to become burning hot, I find myself holding an all too familiar tool. So much for leaving this messed up behavior behind in Phoenix. The irony of me being a cutter has never escaped my notice. While under normal circumstances the scent of blood would cause me to faint, inflicting it upon myself leaves me feeling sickly satisfied instead. I drag the razor blade along my hip. My fat, disgusting hip. I stare at what I've done for a moment. Did I actually carve the very thing I want to forget into my skin? I start laughing uncontrollably, before beginning to sob.

"Bella, are you alright?" Of course he can smell the blood and would have heard me having that breakdown- my desperation had taken me over in the moment.

"Everything is fine, I got nicked shaving is all." This is kind of true.

Edward exhales, and I can picture him pinching the bridge of his nose. "Make sure to breathe through your mouth, and try not to think about it."

He continues speaking, but I tune him out. I can't do this right now. The truth is that he deserves better than a damaged girlfriend.

I stand under the scalding spray of the showerhead and start scrubbing vigorously, trying to cleanse myself all the way to my soul. My blood mixes with the water and washes away down the drain… if only it were so easy to make everything disappear.

I'm sorry this has taken me forever. I had to go away for a school thing, and when I got home we lost power for awhile (which is turning out to be tradition here). It's nice to be back.

Thank you all for your reviews; you're each so sweet. Thank you to the people who put my story on alert and favorited, that's really nice of you. And thank you anyone who's reading.