Author's Note- Wow, you guys, you are awesome. Your response to this was absolutely incredible, and I'm so touched that you were all so willing to read a story by a novice.

This chapter is a little rambling, yes, but it's intended to be. I really wanted to convey a sense that Rory's thoughts are very jumbled and she's just in emotional turmoil even BEFORE... well, you'll see. But the thing is, I'm not a big believer in the "big revelation" theory of Rory realizing her feelings for Jess. I prefer the school of thought that she's always known she still had feelings for him, but was too scared of being broken like that again to act on it. My idea with this chapter was to showcase that.

2. Call

Rory's fingers tightened involuntarily around the steering wheel. She had driven through the night to get back to Stars Hollow for the weekend and Lane's wedding. As a result, she was exhausted, and she was only now nearing the Hartford area. Why had she stayed so long in Philadelphia?

Oh, right. It was because you wanted to see Jess, a sinuous voice in the back of her head pointed out.

Why had she done that? Why had she willingly gone within twenty miles of him? All seeing Jess ever meant was heartache and regret. Even after all this time, he still had a powerful effect on her, and she didn't like feeling so lost and unsure of herself. He had a way of making her... question things.

Contrary to what she had told him, she had not gone there to use him to cheat on Logan. That had been a bluff, and even she knew it (part of her had maybe even hoped he would call it). No, she'd just wanted to see him. Masochist. After reading The Subsect (and rereading... and rereading... and rereading again one more time... and then again just to be sure), she hadn't been able to get him out of her head lately. She needed to see what his life had become.

Kissing him (because no matter what she would tell anyone else later, she had kissed him back) had been a mistake. She was all too aware that it was the first time they had kissed in three years, and it had unexpectedly sent little traces of electricity through her. And she was all too aware that, though she had stopped twice during the night to eat, her lips still tasted of him. Peppermint and tobacco and something spicy.

This was bad. She was letting herself go there again (if she'd ever actually left), and that was dangerous. He had ripped out a piece of her soul the last time she had lost her fight against his unique brand of gravity; she knew with absolute certainty that the next time he got tired of her, she wouldn't survive it. He was deadly to her: he was her kryptonite.

Acknowledging she still had feelings for him was surprisingly easy. But there was a difference between acknowledging it and acting on it. Jess was a part of her past that would be disaster to revisit (she had learned her lesson about second attempts from Dean, who in his own way had been a rebound himself, an adverse reaction to Jess' unsettling reappearance). No matter how enticing the idea had been as their lips met, Rory couldn't watch herself fall apart again. She had a boyfriend who loved her (even if, a part of her knew, he didn't love her the way she wanted to be, wild and passionate and overwhelming) and she loved him (right?) and that was enough.

After what felt like far too long alone with her thoughts, she pulled into Stars Hollow. Immediately she felt her cares washing away as the comforting warmth of her hometown lapped over her. She parked in the alley behind Luke's, and ran immediately into the diner.

Her mother was sitting at the counter, staring morosely into a cup of coffee. However, when Rory entered, Lorelai leapt to her feet. "Rory!" she exclaimed. "You're home!"

"And right on time, too," Rory said with a grin. "How's Lane? Is she freaking out?"

Lorelai shook her head. "Nope, she's being surprisingly calm for a first-time bride. I finally got her dress sorted, so we're good on that front. All we were missing was the maid of honor and we're all set for tomorrow!"

"Well, lucky you, here I am."

"Yes you are."

A short, happy silence ensued. The elder Gilmore was on the verge of speaking when suddenly the diner phone rang. Before Caesar could emerge from the kitchen to answer it, Lorelai leapt up from the counter and dashed around to answer the call. "Fiancée's privileges," she mouthed at her daughter before responding to the person on the other end of the line.

"No, I'm afraid he's out of town. I'm his fiancée, Lorelai. Can I take a message for him?" There was a long silence, and Lorelai's blue eyes widened visibly as her mouth tightened into a short little line of shock. "Oh, wow, I... Um, I'll call him. I think he's still in that area, so he should be able to get there quickly. Uh-huh. Bye!" She slowly replaced the phone in its cradle, staring at it.

"Mom?" Rory asked, a little pocket of worry curling up in her stomach at the expression on Lorelai's face.

Rory's voice seemed to shock her out of wherever she'd drifted away to, and her attention snapped to her daughter. Coming back to sit down next to Rory, Lorelai ran a hand through her hair in agitation. "I... wow, I don't even know how to say this," she said.

"Usually that involves moving your mouth, some breathing," Rory said, trying to use sarcasm to cover up the worry she was feeling and failing miserably as it fell flat.

"Sweetie, Jess is in the hospital," Lorelai said after a long moment.

The bottom dropped out of the world and Rory's stomach simultaneously. "What?" she asked, and even to her ears, her voice sounded breathless and gasping. "Why? What happened?"

Lorelai twisted her hands nervously. "He... he tried to kill himself," she said. "The guy said he took a bunch of pills and..." She trailed away with a shrug.

Rory stared into her mother's face, searching for answers as the meaning behind the words penetrated. Jess... and suicide? The two ideas didn't mesh well in her mind; for a man who usually took the easy way out of difficult situations, he had never struck her as someone who would just give up. And what would make him attempt it in the first place? His life was finally on track, he had done amazing things, he had wonderful friends, he had everything he could possibly want except... A horrible thought occurred to her: was it because of her? Jess was obviously single, and he obviously still cared for her. But... killing himself over her? That simply didn't happen in real life! It couldn't be that, there must be another explanation.

She didn't even realize she'd started crying until a tear dripped from her chin and landed on the palm of her hand, which was lying limply in her lap. "Oh my god," she said quietly. "Oh no." Quickly, her mother reached across and pulled her into a hug, rubbing her back comfortingly.

"Shh, hey, Rory, shh..."

The soft sound of her mother's voice snapped her back to reality before Rory could go completely to pieces. "I'm okay," she said abruptly, jerking back from the embrace and wiping hurriedly at her burning eyes. "I'm okay, I just... need to go back to Philadelphia."

Lorelai stared. "Back to Philadelphia...?"

Rory had already picked up her purse from the counter. "I was there yesterday, Mom!" she exclaimed, her voice rising in volume and pitch as she fought to contain her emotions. "Less than twelve hours ago I was talking to him, and I swear he wasn't... I've got to see him, I've got to understand why... I need to make sure he's okay, I... I just... I have to go." Words wouldn't come, she couldn't articulate what it was that she wanted, not that she was really sure she even knew what that was.

"Tell Lane I'll be home in time for the wedding tomorrow, okay?"

And with that, she walked out the door and returned to her car. For a moment, she simply sat there in the driver's seat, staring at the windshield but not seeing through it. The idea of Jess attempting suicide- well, the idea of Jess dying at all- was bizarrely terrifying to her. She couldn't picture a world without him in it somewhere.

With that thought, the tears started again, and what little composure she'd managed to scrape together in the diner crumbled away and she broke down, burying her face in the steering wheel and not even bothering to stifle her sobs.

Once her eyes were finally dry once more, some ten minutes later, she put the key in the ignition and pulled out of the alley, heading back the way she had just come...

A/N2- And there you have it: chapter 2! Subsequent chapters will be longer; I just wanted to use these first two to illustrate where Jess and Rory's heads were at the moment.