Chapter 2: The Dawn Seeker

Shepard's log

Day 30

The ship is spectacular. The old Normandy needed to be refueled every other day, or so it seemed. Here, we pull in supplies and fuel from Earth and Benning about every month through the relay. I still can't get used to this thing. We are in the middle of nowhere, yet if we need anything, we ask for it, and here it comes.

But it isn't as simple as I had thought. I could go back to Earth if I wanted, but I'll never be able to talk my way back in. They have been nice enough to let me aboard in the first place. This means I'm stuck here. Well, this is what I wanted.

More ships are being built on Earth. Also, when we reach Thessia, several ships' worth of parts will be sent to us, so we can build them there.

We are not really exploring, though. We may make small detours to check on worlds that seem to have potential, but our target is Thessia. Salarians got lucky that they are on the way, so we'll drop by to give them the Dawn Seeker blueprints. Krogans are also on the way... I suspect the asari want to check on them, rather than help them.

I'm observing. That's my supposed job. I'm bored to death. No sign of the Normandy.

Day 50

The science and tech staff are always busy. Half the people who understand how this thing works are on earth building more. The other half is here, making sure it doesn't break down.

The Admiral and her small military detail are also bored to death. Even asari get bored, it just takes a lot longer than us. Sometimes we play cards. Booze comes through the relay. I ran out of paint.

Day 80

Finally. I talked Lili into it. Well, she's been hitting on me for a while, so I promised her dinner together, if she'd allow me to help her team on their work. I need to do something, dammit!

That worked out pretty well... although I turned her down, which made me feel sorry... When she saw my cabin walls covered with portraits of Liara, she understood.

If I had been single, I'd probably have fallen for her. Life sucks.

We found a few interesting planets. Still no sign of the Normandy.

Day 100

My days are lot less boring now. I "observe" as the tech staff keeps us alive.

We are riding a prototype. Today, as almost every day, something broke. Lili requested my help. When I inquired about what it did, she told me not to worry, as there was a redundancy. When I asked what would happen if that also broke... her look made me understand that fixing it was much more urgent than asking questions. Fortunately, reliability of replacement modules improves steadily. At least, our sacrifice could benefit others...

"I will crawl inside this access hole on my back and you will pass me the tools.", said Lili

It's hot in here. We are both wearing shorts. Her feet come out of the hole. I'm crouching there. She calls "Two feet coax jumper, J3-M connectors, please. And torque wrench." I browse inside my mobile inventory unit, open a drawer, fetch the items, and reach my arm far inside, feeling my way along her legs. I set the cable and the tool on her naked thigh. She takes them from my hand, and thanks me.

Then, I fetch a J3-F to J4-M adapter from my drawer, and pass it to her.

"How did you know I needed that ?"

I didn't. We had a lot of skin contact though. Maybe ?...

I put on gloves. No more precog. Then I remove the gloves and leave my hand on her ankle. She doesn't even need to ask for tools, my hand fetches them on its own.

Shit.

I don't want to freak her out, so I wait for her to ask. Still... is this the connection Synthesis was supposed to be about ?

Day 102

I seem to be part of the tech staff now. It keeps me occupied, and the girls are really fun to be with.

First asari I got to know turned out to me my "one true love" as we say, but I still know very little of her culture. And now, I'm discovering that despite their quirks, they're just… people. They're very smart, good at what they do, all very different, yet get along well together. They feel so alive, like we were on the old Normandy. They're funny. Besides, so far, none of them gave me the lifetime bullshit yet.

I get along well with the rest of the crew also. Even the admiral said hello to me while passing by. her voice was... troubling.

Today, at dinner, I observed. The girls stared at me much more than appropriate. Am I that... sexually attractive ? Exotic ?

Also, no-one said "pass me the salt", not even the spices. They just passed themselves.

We still have those strange green circuits under our skins.

Day 103

Often, I feel watched. I look over my shoulder, and see an empty corridor.

Day 104

I need to figure out how this works. It gives me the creeps.

I've been focusing on my skin-circuits every day since we left, without any effects. I don't feel anything special, and my fingers certainly aren't shooting lightning bolts. Still, they must do something!

Day 105

I asked for Lili's help. I... asked if she saw them, but she did not. Then, we sat on my bed, and I placed my hand on her forehead and tried to read her thoughts.

Words did not work. However, when she inadvertently visualized herself kissing me, it came across loud and clear.

We were not melding... so it must have been the "connection."

I felt like an asshole, asking her to do that, knowing she really wants me... but the others would probably laugh at the idea of trying this telepathy bullshit.

Still, she was fascinated. We spent the whole evening trying to exchange thoughts. When she asked me "Does it work ?", I received it not as words but as concepts. Some decoding was needed, but... it would be usable. At some point, we could do it without touching.

Then I tickled her with my mind... I couldn't prolong though, because she liked it way too much.

Where the fuck is this going ?

Day 106

I was standing in front of the ship's VI server, having no idea why I was there. Shortly after, it crashed. Apparently one of the recent upgrades had bugs.

Before it crashed, I felt it calling for help.

Is that... Synthesis ?

Day 110

Lili told me she could do the telepathy trick with some of her friends, too. They didn't find it very useful at first, because melding was much better... but melding needs touch, and this does not.

Amazing.

Day 120

I'm beginning to understand now.

Lili was eating, lost in her thoughts... she'd aim for a pea in her plate, stick her fork in it, then ate it. That was cute...

I was the one choosing the pea she would hit next. Every Fucking Time. This was not a game between us, I had not asked her.

I would look at a pea, send her the thought, and she would pick it without knowing.

She grabbed the bread and cut herself a slice. I was looking at her delicate hand, thinking it would feel great to hold it in mine. I wanted to kiss this fingertip. The knife went clean through and severed it just above the nail.

We both ran towards the med bay.

Shit... I'm so sorry... What have I done ?

Day 124

Lili's hand is fine. Praise modern medical science.

I don't know what is worse. That I inadvertently made her cut her finger, or that she was glad I cared so much about her, when I refused to leave her alone in the med bay.

I'm some kind of monster.

Day 125

The ship's VI answered one of my questions without me having to ask.

Day 127

As my "abilities" develop, I become aware of people around. I made the admiral sneeze, through a wall. Didn't even need to see her.

I try to make it cute and harmless, but I'm progressively more horrified at what I could do.

Day 128

That fucking knife... poor Lili.

I really needed to know. I wish I had not.

I made Elara throw herself out of the airlock. I walked her there with my mind, had her manipulate the controls, and as she pressed the last button that would space her, I hit the emergency override on the other side of the door, saving her from myself.

Then I hugged her and watched her cry.

Everyone is too nice with me on this ship. I should be the one thrown out of the airlock.

Day 128

Goddess.

I have found Liara, at last!

I feel her as the light of a distant star. She is out there. All I want to do is rush there, but... What the fuck have I become ? What if I hurt her, or even force her ?...

Shit, shit, shit.

Day 130

The Geth were upon us, out of nowhere.

I elbow into the holo room, where our admiral is talking to them. They seem friendlier than her. When the Geth holo sees me, though, he seems... amazed.

"Shepard-Source. Although we do not understand why you exist as an individual, we are pleased to meet you. Thank you for saving us from destruction."

The Geth ignore the admiral. I step forward. "Nice to meet you too. You seem to have developed new FTL ?"

"Yes. We wish to reunite with our own, stranded after the mass relay destruction. We are seeding a new transport grid across space. We felt you might find this useful too."

The asari are surprised, but quick to react: "We are doing the same. Did you develop this yourselves ?"

"Yes. We were alone, there was no other solution for us. If you have similar systems, we propose cooperation to ensure compatibility."

I back the Geth, and everyone agrees. How did I do that ?

Then, the Geth request interviews with the science team, and … a private interview with me. We let them come aboard.