Sam & Max

Freelance Anime Heroes

Chapter 1

Second Movement

Meet the Dark Organization

"Well, he sure was an excellent distraction for that line." Sam said, looking back at what he and Max did a few minutes ago while watching starving fan-girls cannibalizing on a human-like object.

"How come the manager went screaming out of the wall when I asked him where we could find some Fonzie pillows?" Max asked.

"Your voice tone was implying you were going to scoop his gallbladder out with a spork and then feed it to a shark. Now come on little buddy."

"Can I watch the carnage a little bit a longer?"

"Okay Max, 3 more seconds."

"1 one-hundred, 2 one-hundred… alright, I'm done."

Sam and Max headed into the employee's only back room to investigate the scene of the crime. As Sam opened the door, the dog and lagomorph could observe people carry crates containing more of All of the Worlds Best Anime DVD's.

"Wow, I guess some okatus don't have the patience for a DVD's whose content they already posted on You-Tube to come out." Max whispered.

"Looks like those guys are there just to finish the job. Be on your toes little pal."

Max placed his feet on his ass.

"Done!"

"Get over here idiot." Sam said, hiding behind the door and grabbing Max by the ears.

The canine shamus peered up to see a silver haired ninja, donning glasses and the headband with a musical note as an insignia. Sam used his little buddy's ears as some form of a listening device to eavesdrop on the suspect's conversation.

"This is Kabuto. We're sending in the final load. Everything's going to plan."

"Look at his eyes, Sam. They look like a stained glass window inside a fumigated Portuguese coffee house." Max observed.

"He must be Malaysian." Sam replied, "Now come on Max, Let's show these goons the meaning of the word 'massacre'."

"Don't say massacre Sam, kids are going to be reading this."

"My bad, let's just show them the meaning of manslaughter instead."

"Okay then!" Max yelled.

The little bunny demon then loaded up his luger and then jumped onto a crate, getting everyone's attention.

"Attention shoppers!" Max yelled, "Warehouse shooting: aisle everywhere!"

Max began opening fire at a couple of henchmen. As soon as Max's victims fell dead on the floor, Sam gave his little pal some covering fire with his own revolver and it was a big one too. Kabuto quickly got out of the way.

"Damn it!" Kabuto thought. "How could they have known…?"

Kabuto then took another look at the Freelance Police.

"Wait a second… Good, it's not them."

The Sound Ninja then sighed and quickly calmed down, quickly regaining his posture and attitude.

"Well, I thought I wouldn't get any resistance in this world." Kabuto said to the Freelance Police calmly.

"And I thought I was going to insert a power drill into a dead chupacabra and use its bleeding ribs to find the golden capillaries of NFL 1995 San Diego Chargers quarterback Stan Humphries." Max replied.

"Gee, isn't that a little too much superfluous information?" Sam asked.

"So?"

"Nice plan, little buddy."

Max continued to unleash ammunition on Kabuto. The ninjas of Kabuto's world were fast and agile, but he couldn't match up to speed of the lagomorph's bullets. Kabuto was jumping from crate to crate in a blur to dodge them.

"Grrr… Hold still, you son of a bitch!" Max yelled angrily.

Sam then aimed at a pair of crane controls. As soon as the shamus fired, Kabuto did not see the turning construction vehicle hit him in the head. The ninja was sent flying into a box which triggered an explosion.

"Nice one! You sent him into box full of active land mines!" Max said.

"Well the college job advisor was definitely on to something about me becoming a professional French fry shooter little buddy." Sam replied.

Kabuto quickly got up and tried to heal himself, but the little lagomorph interrupted the process halfway by biting into the ninja's left shoulder like a bloodthirsty German Shepard after being injected with the hormones of a testosterone crazed komodo dragon during mating season. The sound ninja grabbed Max and threw the small bunny into Sam and afterwards, he made a mad dash for it, heading into city.

"He's getting away!" Max yelled

"Gee, you think Bucket head?" Sam replied.

Max grappled the Desoto keys and clicked a button on said keys. Then a gaping hole appeared in a wall and The Freelance Police's Desoto drove though being driven by a lawn flamingo with a Virtual Boy bolted to its face.

"Is that a shocked prime time TV star after failing to receive 3 Emmy awards?" Sam asked.

"Nope, that's my Car Summoner." Max replied.

"And by 'your' you mean you gave some entrepreneur inventor the wrong directions to the patent office and pilfered his reward after all the hard time and work he or she did."

"And I shot his lawyer! Any who, the Car Summoner brings your car to you no matter where you are and caused $200 billion in property damage and insurance fraud. By the way, did I mention I replaced the car radio with a dishwasher?"

"Now is not the time for profuse discussions. We got ourselves a fugitive on run."

"Hey Sam, is spork a real word?" Max yelled.

Sam hopped in and put Max's Car Summoner in the backseat. Max hopped in the front as the canine shamus put the keys in ignition.

"Time to rock & roll and to beat some Malaysian guy to death!" Max yelled as the Desoto made another hole in the wall and drove off.

It took them another hour searching the city for their man. Max quickly pointed Kabuto out, jumping from skyscraper to skyscraper. Sam grabbed a megaphone while Max grabbed a flashlight out of glove department and pointed at the ninja henchman.

"Attention Kabuto! Give up all hope of escape because the Freelance Police are taking you to the Iron Bars Hotel!" Sam yelled though the Megaphone.

"Please. I don't think you…"

"Don't make us bring our car up there!" Max interrupted.

The sound shinobi chuckled at the thought, but within 3 minutes, Kabuto soon found out they weren't kidding. Kabuto was seriously shocked to see the car perorated though the roof access staircase.

"What the !$? You guys aren't human!" Kabuto yelled as several laws of common sense and of course, anime clichés were now just violated.

"Gee, he just noticed." Sam said, like he & Max did this stuff everyday.

"Tee hee." Max giggled.

The chase was on over the rooftops of the Big Apple. After a half hour later, Max jumped into the backseat and opened the trunk. The rear of the Desoto was now a turret loaded with 3 chain guns, two grenade launchers and a Bazooka all stacked in a nice pyramid fashion. Sam turned the Desoto around and put it in reverse. Max opened fired but unfortunately Kabuto just jumped down.

"Grr… That jerk ruined a perfectly chase scene!" Max yelled in frustration.

"Well, how many people are going to be ticked off by that?" Sam replied.

"As twice as many people you think." Max answered.

The Freelance Police quickly jumped down to pursue the chase. They quickly caught up to Kabuto as Max shot the ninja's left hand to stop him climbing onto a ladder.

"Alright then, you're coming with us!"

Kabuto turned around and growled.

"It seems I've underestimated you two." Kabuto sneered.

"As seen by how we've humiliated you, shot your henchmen, smacked you in the head with a crane, and chased you all over the rooftops of New York City." Sam replied, calm always.

"And we stole your puppy, made out with your cat, told your girlfriend you were gay, informed Fox News you brought a Democrat mascot costume to your high school prom…" Max added.

"Okay hamster head, shut your trap and let's arrest this guy." Sam said, reaching for his gun.

But then everything went black when a dome of darkness began to appear.

"What happening Sam?" Max questioned.

"Dark clouds are used for obvious symbolisms for nightmarish events will happen shortly. And since today is Thursday and the Kansas City Chiefs lost to the New Orleans Saints 3 Sundays and a Tuesday ago, the dark film awning this perfectly fine summer sky can only mean…"

"Yes…?" Max said, getting anxious.

"…That Lindsay Lohan must be in town today!" Sam answered.

"Oh boy! I hope she gets put into an insane asylum for massive delusions and Cannibalism this time!" Max replied incredibly excited.

The sound ninja just fell down anime style. As soon he got up, he was now very angry.

"No, you ignorant beasts, It was caused by me!" Kabuto yelled.

"So this Malaysian guy is really Lindsay Lohan in disguise?" Max asked.

"NO!! AND I AM NOT MALAYSIAN!!" The evil ninja screamed, now twice as pissed.

"Yes you are." Max replied.

"Grr… That's it, no more games! Both of you will die NOW!"

Kabuto began to make hand signs combined with some occult chanting.

"Dark Organization Summoning Jutsu: Heartless Guard Armor!" Kabuto yelled.

In a gathering of purple smoke clouds, giant pieces of armor made from a violet-colored alloy appeared. On the torso was what appeared to be an emblem of some sort looking like a black heart.

"Oh please," Max replied, not impressed with the sinister shinobi's trick, "I've seen better magic when Bob Saget hosted America's Funniest Home Videos."

"Well, looks like an old fashioned Godzilla battle minus the mediocre special effects is going to be taking place shortly, hope you're in the mood for a little car vs. 150 ft walking armor little buddy." Sam commented

"I'm always ready for a war Sam!" Max yelled.

The freelance police quickly back up the building and hopped back into the Desoto. Max got in the driver's seat put their vehicle into drive, accelerated off the building and just in time as the Giant Heartless soon smashed the apartment complex with a fast swipe of its right claw.

"So any plans on how to defeat that giant renaissance fair reject Sam?" Max asked.

"Hmm… I'm not sure yet Max, just keep driving so that we can keep your experiment involving you, a gallon of donkey manure, that Honduran immigrant and the car muffler as the only thing as listed 'unnatural shenanigans' on our insurance this month." Sam answered.

"Bah! I got your answer right here!" Max replied as he drew out his Luger and begun to open fire on the titanic free-floating pieces of armor.

"Hmm… That's it little pal!" Sam exclaimed. "This bugger is nothing more than a lousy first world RPG Boss, All we need to do is keep nailing at it with overly excessive amounts of gun and explosive grenade fire."

"… And why didn't you think of that first!?!" Max yelled.

"Sorry Max, I think some asbestos from the hole that manager made might have gotten into my brain, preventing my primary instincts of shoot first and ask questions 2 years later from happening."

"The last thing I remember snorting was half burnt wood chipper shavings."

A stomp from the Guard Armor caused their conversation to end quickly and forced the little lagomorph to U-turn quickly. Sam took out his revolver and began shooting at torso piece while Max resumed shooting at one of the hands.

"I don't think this will be enough, little buddy." Sam commented.

"That sign says there's a power plant up ahead!" Max yelled excitedly.

"And you're planning to trick our adversary into punching it in hopes that it'll electrocute itself?" Sam questioned

"No, I was just pointing it out but I hope it brings more destruction!"

"Oh boy," The canine gulped, feeling a little uneasy.

The lagomorph shifted the Desoto into 3rd gear causing it to reach 250 mph in 90 seconds, causing giant pieces of heartless to actually run, squashing anything that found itself on the boot's shadow. About 90 feet from the power plant, Max took a quick stare at the rear view to see if the guard armor was still following the Freelance Police. It was, and the enormous metal equipment was taking aim to send a giant punch into Sam and Max's car.

"Wait for it…" Sam yelled, keeping calm and observing their opponent.

The Guard Armor began its attack as its giant metallic fist began rocketing towards the Desoto.

"Now!"

Max slammed the brake and quickly hopped into the backseat ready to open fire with the turret, which was still open all this. The fist was now overshot and landed straight into the power plant whatever it was using for a nervous system chock-full 2000 volts along with 3000 amps of alternating current electricity to fire its brain. And if that wasn't enough Max was now unleashing the back turret's full power, which should have gotten its first victim on Kabuto. After a tremendous explosion, all that was left was violet dust and the Guard Armor's decapitated head, along with a battle scarred and destruction-laced neighborhood due to Max's poor accuracy with the bazooka.

"Well, looks like another giant monster obliterated with gratuitous firepower and no common sense again, eh little buddy?" Sam commented on their recent victory.

Max jumped out of the Desoto and picked up the lifeless helmet and threw it between his paws.

"...And with completely ignoring the theories of demonic anatomy. It's too bad the Malaysian jerk got away." The lagomorph replied.

"True Max, well whoever Kabuto was working for, those guys are definitely up to some sort of dastardly plan that would make the German invasion of Poland look like a Rick Astley music video."

"You mean gay or really bad?"

"…So bad you'll pay a Canadian in an orangutan suit to insert a jackhammer into your eardrums."

"Wow! Thirty bucks says Cleveland, OH gets destroyed first!" Max yelled.

"You crack me up little pal!"

As you can see, I'll be doing the chapters in 2-4 movements and the chapter would be in one world (I.E: In this chapter: Sam & Max's world). Sorry if it is confusing or anything but that's the way it is. There will be one more movement left before chapter 2. Please Read & Review and yes I know "The Dark Organization" is cheesy and cliché and that's what I was aiming at.