Chapter Two

Josanna - 1956AD - On a ship approaching the coast of Massachusetts

I leant over the barrier on deck, and stared down through the tendrils of fog as the waves crashed against the hull of the ship, foaming white as the water churned back and forth. And I couldn't help but imagine what it would feel like to fall through the air, and hit the sea so fast that all the air was pushed out of my lungs, as the water grabbed me, and pulled me under, pulling at my hair, ripping at my clothes as I sank down into the depths. As some poor passenger, stuck down in steerage, stared out at me, shock on their face to see a girl floating passed, in the last moments of her life. The water would be cold, so cold that even the little bits of air I had left in my lungs would be forced out, and then I'd watch them as they floated up to the surface, leaving me in my death throes.

I smiled, and leant over a little further. It was almost as if I was challenging death to come and get me.

Not that it could.

'Josanna,' a voice had broken into my dark thoughts then. 'Come away from the side of the ship before you fall. With the fog out there, they'd never find you.'

I turned around and looked at the woman calling me.

Anna Maria. My new mother. She was a beautiful woman. Dark hair, nearly as black as the night sky, that was thick and lusious and smelled of strawberries, skin as soft as silk, and eyes, brown but filled with some much emotion, and love, that they had made my heart ache.

And a smile that reminded me of my real mother.

'Come and sit with the family,' Anna Maria said.

'Yes Mama,' I responded in a whisper so only I could hear my words, and then tucking a strand of my blonde hair behind my ear, I'd skipped into the observation lounge.

And sat on a stool, right next to her, that had just been vacated by sometimes friend, but mostly rival for the affections of this woman.

'Caterina was sitting there,' Lucia said, sticking her thumb in her mouth as she cuddled against her mother's chest. 'She's going to be mad at you.'

'Was she?' I said. 'I didn't know. I'll move when she comes back. Where has she gone anyway?'

'She went to get Mother a wet cloth for her brow,' Lucia said. 'Because Mother is feeling very hot.'

'I am,' Anna Maria laughed. 'It has been a very hot day, and it is looking like the evening is not going to be much better.' She sighed.

I'd put my hand on her head. 'You do feel very hot,' I'd said. 'I'm not sure if a wet cloth will be enough, maybe we should call for some ice, or a nice cool drink.' I smiled at her. 'What do you say?'

She nodded her head. 'At this moment, I am willing to try anything.'

'You won't take your dress off will you Mother?' Lucia asked, a frown on her face.

'Of course she won't,' I'd responded quickly. And really, I'd felt like smacking her for even saying such a thing. 'That wouldn't be decent.'

Anna Maria strokes Lucia's black hair. 'My dress is going to stay firmly on me,' she says. 'My goodness, I think the Captain would arrest anyone who went around not properly attired.'

Lucia stuck her bare foot out and wriggled her toes.

'You are a little girl, and allowed some allowances due to your age, but a woman of my age, or even young ladies like Caterina and Josanna, must dress properly at all times.'

I pursed my lips at her words, angry that she had said Caterina's name before my own.

'Here you go Mother,' Caterina says, as she comes back and puts a too wet cloth on Anna Maria's head, making water drip down her face and pool on her dress.

'You should have wrung it out more,' I said, snatching the cloth, and squeezing out the excess water, before placing it tenderly on Anna Maria's head. 'There, how does that feel?' I glance up at Caterina. 'I think Mama could do with a cool drink,' I said. 'And some ice to really cool her down. This cloth might help for a few minutes, but then it will be warm and useless.'

I stared at Caterina, glared at her really, challenging her to disagree with me.

She doesn't.

'I will go and ask the steward,' she said, before running off.

I shook my head. But didn't say how much I thought Anna Maria must be disappointed in how thoughtless, and childish Caterina still was.

'You will feel better soon,' I said, stroking Anna Maria's hand. 'I will make you feel all better.'

'Don't you mean Caterina will make her better?' Lucia asked. 'After all, it is Caterina who has gone to get Mother a drink, and some ice.'

'Yes,' I said, my voice hissing a little as I tried to not reveal how much her words annoyed me. 'But it was my idea.'

'You are both helping me,' Anna Maria said. 'You are both very good girls, and I am very lucky to have you all in my life.'

'Me too Mother?' Lucia asked.

'Yes my pet. You especially.'

Lucia smiled, and then looked at me, tilted her head to one side, and stuck her tongue out at me. 'I'm Mother's best girl,' she said.

I frowned, glared at her, considered sticking my own tongue out at her, but then changed my mind when an idea came into my head.

I smiled sweetly at Lucia. 'Lucia,' I said, in a voice that could have been made of honey. 'Anna Maria is very hot, and having you clinging to her like that, well it can't be helping her. Maybe you should get off her and…'

'Yes my darling,' Anna Maria said, her eyes closed. She took a deep breath. 'I think that would be best. You are very warm yourself.'

'But Mother, I want cuddles.'

'And you've had them,' I said. 'But your cuddles are making Anna Maria feel worse than she already is. You don't want her to get ill just as we reach America do you?'

Lucia's lip trembled, and there was a sparkle in the corner of her eye which could only mean that she was about to cry.

'Come on Lucia,' I said. 'Be a big girl.'

'Mother?' She put her arms around Anna Maria and started to cry.

'Please Lucia,' Anna Maria gasped. 'We can have more cuddles once it has become cooler.'

'All right Mother.' And Lucia climbed off Anna Maria, and stood by her legs.

'Mother,' Caterina came rushing back, liquid slopping over the sides of a tall glass. 'The steward gave me some orange juice for you, and he said that he would bring some ice over to us as soon as he can.'

'As soon as he can?' I peered down the deck. 'He should be bringing it now.'

'In a little while will be fine,' Anna Maria said as she took the glass from Caterina and sipped the drink within. 'I can wait.'

'You are not going to wait,' I said. 'It isn't right that you should have to.' I twisted my mouth into a frown. 'Really Caterina, did you tell him how urgent it was?'

'Yes, of course I did.'

'Well you didn't do it very well.' I sighed. 'If you want a job doing well, then do it yourself,' I said to myself and then glanced at Anna Maria. 'I'm going to get you that ice,' I said. 'And I'm not going to let a steward tell me that you have to wait.' I stood up. 'I'll be back in a moment,' I said, kissing Anna Maria on her damp forehead before hurrying off toward the dining area.

'Wait?' I muttered to myself as I strode down the deck, and then remembered myself, and took mincing and ladylike steps. I'm not living in the Ninth Cave now. 'They told her she would have to wait and she just let them get away with that.' I snorted. 'Caterina is totally useless. She doesn't deserve a mother like Anna Maria. She doesn't deserve a mother at all.' I wiped a tear from my eye. 'If she knew what it was like to have no mother, to know she is dead and you can never speak with her again, then she'd make sure that she did everything she could to make sure that Anna Maria was comfortable.'

I passed a couple of women, with children that they pull into their skirts and away from me as they see me.

'Did you hear her talking to herself?' I heard one of them say in a low whisper. 'That is one strange girl.'

I curled my fingers up into fists, my fingernails prodding the flesh of my inner hand and think about dropping their precious children over the side of the ship.

I glanced around at them and saw their faces pale as they realised I had heard them. And then they pushed their children into a doorway and hurried after them.

I turned around, and almost collided with a steward, who was holding a bucket of ice.

Which he then dropped.

And chips of ice started to skid across the deck.

'Look what you have done,' I said.

'Excuse me?' he responded.

'Was that ice for my M… for Signora Cafiero?'

'It was,' the steward responded. 'Before you made it scatter all over the deck.'

'Me?' I waved my hand at the ice littered deck. 'This wasn't my fault. You should have watched where you were going. Now, because of your clumsiness, Signora Cafiero is going to have to wait even longer for her ice.' I kicked a large chunk of ice and watched it sliver across the deck and fall off the side. And then I turned back to the steward. 'Get some more,' I said. 'You can go and get some more right now, and what is more, I will come with you to make sure you get enough and only the best ice.'

'You are not allowed…'

'Don't tell me what I am allowed to do,' I spat at him. 'You are just a steward while I am a passenger, and a first class one, I will go where I want, and you will shut up, and do what I say.' I narrowed my eyes, squeezed them until they are nearly closed.

'It is really not allowed…' He stopped talking, starring strangely at me, and then blinked.

'And now?'

He looked around as if he didn't know where he was. Which of course he didn't, not for a moment anyway.

'So are you going to take me to the ice storage so we can get some ice for Signora Cafiero?' I asked. 'Or are you just going to stare at me?'

He blushed, and then nodded his head. 'This way Signorina Cafiero.'

'Oh that's not…'

He glanced at me. 'You are not Signorina Cafiero? I just thought…'

'I am travelling with the Cafiero, and they are very much like my family, but…' I clamped my mouth shut. 'It doesn't matter, just take me to the ice.'

He nodded his head. 'Yes Signorina. The ice storage is this way.'

I followed him along the deck until he came to a doorway, which he opened with a key from around his neck. 'This is the ice storage,' he said. 'I will go and get…'

'Just give me the ice bucket,' I said, snatching it off him. 'I will fill it myself.' I stepped into the ice storage room.

Shivered with the cold in there.

But revelled in it too, because it feels like home. It feels like the fridged air that used to blow over my Mama and I when I was a child, as we bathed in the near frozen river in winter time.

'But Signorina, you should not go in there. Think of your reputation.'

'I don't care about my reputation,' I said, as I picked up a one of the ice picks and started to hammer on the block of ice. Putting the ice pick down, I start to fill the bucket with ice chips.

'You don't?' he said, and then I heard the door slam.

I turned around slowly, and see him standing by the door.

No longer looking respectful.

'If you don't care about your reputation pretty girl,' he said. 'Then it is my lucky day.' He stepped toward me, his hand on the top of his trousers. 'Don't be worried Signorina, I will be very gentle.'

'What?' I said, shaking my head.

He reached out and with one finger, stroked my cheek. 'Your skin is so soft,' he murmered, stepping closer and sliding his hand around my waist.

I blinked.

'I thought you were just another spoilt brat,' he said. 'When I first saw you, when you started shouting about the ice, but I don't know, then I suddenly saw you differntly. I saw how blue your eyes are, and how pretty your hair is.' He reached up and pulled at the ribbon in my hair and threw it behind him. Then he touched my hair, and leant forward and smelt it. His lips on my neck woke me up from the stupor that the shock of what was happening to me had put me in.

'Get off me,' I say, blinking again, just in case.

'You don't want me to get off you,' he said, squeezing me to his body.

'Yes I do,' I shouted. 'You will leave me alone right now, or you will be sorry.'

'I can't leave you alone,' he said. 'I think I'm in love with you.'

I blinked one more time but still he kepted kissing my neck, and one of his hands was starting to move up from my waist toward my breasts.

'Get off,' I said. And then I pushed him.

'Push me away all you want,' he responded, already stepping back toward me. 'But I know and you know that you want this as much as I do.'

'No I do not.' And I backed away from him.

'Don't play hard to get,' he responded, his smile was wide, and slightly manic.

I stepped back again, and felt something hit the back of my foot. Glancing down, I saw the ice pick.

'Just leave me alone,' I said. 'Let me leave, please.'

'Not yet. Not until…'

I quickly crouched down, picked the ice pick up and then stood up, holding it high. 'Stop,' I said. 'Think about what you are about to do.'

'If I think, then I will stop,' he responded. 'And I don't want to stop until I have felt every part of your body.'

He stepped closer and reached out to me. Tried to pull me into his arms.

I crashed the ice pick down onto his head, splitting it like a melon and then jumping back to avoid the splatters of blood.

And he stared at me, shock on his face, blood pouring from his wound, over his cheeks, and onto his shoulders. 'Signorina?' he said.

I ignored him, and ran for the door.

But looked back when I heard him fall. Blood splattering even more when his head hit the corner of the block of ice.

I stood at the door then, my hand on the key, and stared at him.

And then I tentively took a step toward him.

'Hello,' I said. 'Are you all right?'

I shook my head. Of course he wasn't all right. I stepped over a splatter of blood, making sure I didn't get any on my shoes, and carefully reached down to feel if he had a pulse in his neck.

He didn't.

'I'm sorry,' I said. 'But it was your fault.' I glanced toward the ice bucket that had also avoided getting splattered by his blood. And then at the bloodied ice pick in my hand. Quickly, I shoved the ice pick behind one of the panels in the wall and then grabbed the ice bucket. 'You shouldn't have tried to rape me,' I said as I turned the key, and carefully opened the door.

There was no one in this area of the deck, so I quickly stepped out of the door, shut it and turned the key, putting it in my pocket.

And then glancing down at my clothes one more time to make sure there are definitely no splatters of blood on me, and tying my hair up with another ribbon that I had in my pocket, I headed back to Anna Maria.

'Mother,' Caterina was saying as I approached them. 'Why did she have to come with us to America?'

'Josanna is your friend.'

'No Mother, she was my friend, until I got to know her. Oh Mother, I really don't like her at all. There's something wrong about her. Someone evil.'

'Caterina Maria Cafiero. You should be ashamed of yourself. That girl, poor Josanna, she is an orphan, while you have a large family, your father and I, your sister, your older brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, she has no one. And not only that, but her parents died in a terrible accident. You told me that didn't you? When you asked if she could come and stay with us for the summer. You were happy to have her around then.'

'That was before I…'

'Enough, I never thought my own child would be so cruel.'

'I don't like her either Mother,' Lucia said. 'She sticks her tongue out at me sometimes.'

'Probably after you've stuck your own out at her.'

'Mother,' Caterina said. 'It does not matter about who stuck their tongue out at who. What does matter if I don't like her. She makes me feel uncomfortable. She makes me feel…'

'What Caterina?'

'She makes me feel like she wants to take you away from me Mother. That she wants you to be her mother not mine, and wants to push me out of your life.'

'Caterina, you are my daughter. I love you. I care about Josanna, but she isn't you. You and your sister and your brothers will always come first.'

I watched as Anna Maria pulled Caterina onto her lap and hugged her.

'I love you Mother,' Caterina said.

'I know you do Caterina, and I love you. And if you find Josanna being with us, then of course I will change that. Once we get to America tomorrow, I will see about finding someone who can take her on. She deserves to have someone look after her.'

My fingers tightened around the ice bucket, and I felt it getting warmer. 'I don't want to be sent away,' I said to myself. 'I want you to be my mother. And you will be, once I get rid of Caterina and Lucia. You will be my new mother, and you will braid my hair and buy pretty clothes for me to wear and tell me stories at night. I will be your whole life, and you won't even remember stupid Caterina and Lucia.'

Steam rose from the bucket and warmed my face, and when I looked down, I saw the ice had melted and turned to water which was now boiling great bubbles of heat. And for a few moments, looking down at it, I entertained the idea of keeping the water boiling in my hands until Caterina walked passed, and then scalding her with it by throwing it in her face.

I even imagined the blisters that would pop from her skin and how she would scream. And all the while, Anna Maria would only see me, and would ignore her.

It was a good thought but not one that I could do.

Because Anna Maria wasn't going to forget Caterina so easily. And she would be upset if I harmed her.

No, I needed another way to remove her from my life, and the life of my new mother.

I glanced at where the fog was crowding the ship, and I sensed something out there that given how relaxed everyone else was, no one else knew about.

Another ship.

And it was close too.

And was about to get closer.

I blinked. And this time, I felt a tremor in my body as energy ran through it.

And underneath my feet, I felt the tremor of the engines as the ship changed directions, heading right toward where the other ship, miles away at that moment, was heading.

And with that, I hid the ice bucket, straightened my clothes, checked my hair in a mirror, and then walked back to my Anna Maria.

'How are you feeling?' I asked her, pushing passed Caterina. 'I couldn't get the ice for you. I looked everywhere for the steward, even knocked on the ice room door in case he was in there, but I couldn't find him.'

'Oh never mind,' Anna Maria said. 'I think what would be best is if I was to go back to the cabins and have a wash. It's time that Lucia went to bed anyway.'

'Mother, we're on holiday.'

'And holiday girls still have to go to bed.'

'What about Caterina? Is she going to go to bed now? Or Josanna?'

'They, my darling, are older than you. So they get to stay up a little longer.'

'It's all right Mother,' Caterina said. 'I am actually feeling quite tired myself.' She looked at Lucia. 'I'll put Lucia to bed, and stay with her.'

I glared at Caterina.

Trying to make herself look good to Anna Maria. She was always doing that. Always trying to ingratiate herself. She made me sick.

'And I'll look after you Anna Maria. Maybe once you have had a wash, we can play some cards in the…'

'You my girl are too young for cards and gambling.'

I looked down at my feet. Feeling embarressed.

'And to be quite honest, I'm tired myself. I think I might go to bed.'

'No, it's too early. Don't you want to see the coast of America when it appears through the fog? I could tell you a story until…'

'I don't need to be told a story Josanna,' she laughed. 'I have told more stories than you have had hot dinners.'

At that moment, I'd nearly laughed. I so wanted to tell her that I seriously doubted what she'd said, and why. And I half wanted to see the shock on her face. But I didn't want to see that shock turn to fear, and horror. I didn't want her to shut me out of her life. So I didn't say anything.

Instead I came up with another tactic.

'Well if I'm not wanted,' I said, acting as if I was really distressed. 'Then I'll not bother you any longer.' I turned away from them, making my shoulders shake as if I was crying and squeeze a couple of tears from my eyes.

'No,' Anna Maria responded. 'You are wanted.'

'Mother,' Caterina whines.

'Josanna, it is not safe for a young girl to be out here on her own. Look, the sun has almost set. It will be dark out here soon. Anything could happen to you.'

'So?' I turned around, squeezing more tears out of my eyes. 'I heard you.'

'What?'

'I heard you talking to Caterina. She was saying that I was trying to push her away from you, but that's not true.' I looked at Caterina. 'All I ever wanted was to be your friend.'

'Don't get yourself upset,' Anna Maria said. 'It was just Caterina getting a bit stressed. It's probably due to this ship. It was lovely when we got on, but now, well I think we'll all be glad when we get off.'

I nodded my head. 'And then you'll find me someone to live with, and I will never see Caterina again, and will have no one. Oh just let me go, let me jump into the sea. You don't care. None of you care.'

'Of course we care,' Anna Maria said. 'Don't we Caterina?'

'Mother!'

'Caterina, tell Josanna how much you care about her.'

'But Mother…'

'Now.'

I watched as Caterina looked at her mother and then glared at me. And then she sighed. 'Yes Josanna, we all care about you.'

'Do you?' I asked, knowing how much this was hurting her. 'Do you care about me?'

'Yes.'

'Say it.'

'Yes, I care about you. I care very much about you. All right? Is that all right?' She looked at her mother. 'Can Lucia and I go now?'

'Yes, I will be in later to see if you're asleep. But for now, I think it is best that I stay with Josanna.'

'Yes Mother,' Caterina said, and then after glancing at me, she hurried away, pushing Lucia in front of her.

I watched them leave, and then turned to the woman who I would make my new mother, once I had got rid of her daughters.

'Come and sit with me Josanna,' she said, patting the stool next to me. 'And etll me what is troubling you. I don't like to see such a young girl so obviously upset.'

'I just miss my mother.'

'Oh darling,' she said, and pulled me toward her. 'It must be very hard.'

'It is,' I said, and as I breathed in her scent, I longed for the aroma of medicinal herbs that always hung around my Mama. 'I wish she was with me still.' A tear trickled down my cheek. A real one this time. 'It gets so hard to cope sometimes.'

'I know,' she said. 'I too lost my mother when I was a young girl. I suppose that is why I feel for you so much, even when Caterina…'

I looked up at Anna Maria. 'Why does she hate me so much? I haven't done anything bad to her but she just keeps pushing me away.'

'She doesn't hate you. Caterina is just a bit mixed up. She thinks that…' she laughed. 'Well she thinks that you want me as your mother, but here you are, crying your eyes out, making me see that Caterina's ideas are just the silliness of a young girl. She thinks you are trying to push her away from me.'

'I would never,' I said. 'Oh don't get me wrong, I think you'd make a wonderful mother, but I had the best one anyone could ever want. She was fierce and brave, and she rode horses and helped those who were sick.'

'She sounds wonderful.'

'Oh she was. She was. And I loved her so much.'

Anna Maria started to stroke my hair.

And as she did, I could sense two things, I could sense two girls in a cabin further along the deck getting ready for bed, and I could sense the other ship closing in on them.

And it was so close. Leaning against Anna Maria, I could almost hear it moving through the water.

But no one but me knew what was about happen.

And why didn't they?

Why didn't they know that they are on a collision course?

Because their radar didn't tell them. I didn't let it tell them. I let it show each ship there was another, but not exactly where it was. So as they both maneuvered and tried to move away from each other, they actually moved closer.

And Caterina and Lucia would be no more, and I would have Anna Maria to myself. Because those in cabin twenty five would be killed.

'Did you hear that?' Anna Maria suddenly said, her hand no longer stroking my hair.

'No,' I responded, but I was lying. I had heard the noise.

It was the foghorn of the other ship.

And then I saw it. The bow of a ship appearing out of the fog, its lights ablaze, heading right for this ship.

'Oh no,' Anna Maria shrieked. 'My girls, I have got to get to my girls.' She stood up, and I fell onto the floor.

And she just stepped over me, and ignored me.

She ignored me.

'It's too late,' I shouted. 'They're dead. They're already dead. When that ship hits us, its going to go right through cabin twenty five. All you'll do if you go to them is die too.'

'I don't want to live,' she spat back at me. 'Not without my girls.' And then she ran away from me.

Right into the path of the other ship.

I watched as she turned around at the last moemtn, and squealed.

And then it hit her and pushed her through cabin fifty two.

I was wrong you see. I thought the ship, the Stockholm, was going to kill those in cabin twenty five, but Caterina and Lucia survived, and got off the ship, as I did.

But their mother was killed.

And I once again, was without a mother.