I Can't Go Home Like This

Chapter Two

"I cannot break the shield, Headmaster, nor do I think it safe for anyone but the Sorting Hat to do it."

"Indeed. Well then, that is what we shall do. Good day, Severus, Miss Pheonix-Tear."

As the Headmaster closed the doors behind him, he leaned against it, sighing.

'Who is this girl…? And why do I have this feeling that she is going to ruin all of my plans…'

As Dumbledore left, I looked down at my legs, contemplating the best way to get them back onto the bed. Professor Snape sighed and knelt before me.

"I know that you may not be wanting help, Miss Pheonix-Tear, but sometimes it is needed…"

"My name is Artemis, Professor, please use it. Can you help me to the bathroom? I highly doubt that my legs can support me without help."

He stood, and held out a hand to me. I grabbed it with both of mine, and began the arduous journey to a standing position. He placed his other hand around my back and finished pulling me up.

"How old are you? You barely come up to my chest!"

"I'm sixteen, and an even five foot on a good day. Don't rub it in, or I will find some way to get you back, and I can promise that it won't be pleasant in the least little bit."

"You can't even stand on your own, Artemis. I doubt that you could do something like that."

"I know about the twins, Professor. I can do a lot of things…"

Snape looked at me with a startled expression, before he began helping me in the direction of the bathroom.

"Here, such a thing is called a loo. You will find that many things have different names here."

"I know that, you arse. You heard me talking to the Headmaster, about how much I bloody know about this world! Don't patronize me!"

"I wasn't patronizing you; I was merely trying to help!"

"Well, don't! Go back to your snarky, 'me against the world' attitude so that I can know how to deal with you!"

I pulled away from him and staggered a few steps before falling to my knees.

"I… don't need your… help…"

I surged to my feet, panting fit to light a fire, before taking a few steps and nearly crashing into the wall.

"Don't need your help, don't need anybody's help. Especially don't need his help…"

I made my way slowly to the door, and then slammed it behind me, leaving the wing in silence. When I had finished, I made my slow way over to my bed, under the watchful gaze of Professor Snape, who was now sitting next to my bed.

"I was beginning to think that you had died, Artemis."

"And there will be times when you wish I had, Professor."

As I sat down, Madame Pomfrey came bustling over and began to ask me questions.

"Madam Pomfrey, let me put this simply. I have Muggle asthma, I am allergic to all dairy products and tomatoes, I have bad reactions to bread mold and bananas, and I am not allowed excessive amounts of sugar or caffeine. Yes, I have started my period, no, I am not on birth control, and yes, I am still a virgin. Is there anything else that you need to know?"

She sputtered for a moment before shoving a tray in front of me.

"Drink these and eat your porridge. I'll be back in a little while and it had better be gone."

She left in a huff, leaving me to my porridge, and the silence of Professor Snape. I was halfway through my bowl when the Wing doors opened, admitting two red-headed boys into the glaring whiteness.

"Oh hell."

Professor Snape smirked at me as the boy's attention was caught by my not so quiet exclamation. They came bouncing over and I sighed, resigning myself to the Spanish Inquisition.

"Dear brother-"

"What is this?"

"A lonely-"

"Fair lady-"

"Locked up-"

"With no freedom!"

The bowed low as I giggled before I could stop myself.

"Hello Gred, hello Forge."

They blinked for a moment, before smiling at me.

"The fair lady-"

"Knows our names!"

"What did we do-"

"To earn this honor?"

Professor Snape snorted from his chair next to me.

"More like what you didn't do. What prank went wrong this time?"

"Do you truly-"

"Think so low-"

"Of us?

Snape raised an eyebrow and the twins just smiled, before only one of them spoke.

"It didn't go wrong, really… It just didn't have the affect that we were hoping for…"

"And what affect would this be?"

They blushed heavily, but they had unrepentant grins.

"Well, you see, Miss, we would tell you, but it would be highly improper…"

"You'll find that I am far from proper, Gred. But, taking from your comment, I would say that you ended up either perpetually horny, or your housemates found you in a compromising situation with your twin."

They blushed heavier, and shook their heads.

"No, miss, not either of those. It's kind of worse and kind of even better…"

My mouth dropped open, and I almost tipped my tray over, with Professor Snape the only thing keeping it from an early demise.

"You didn't…"

"Oh, we did…"

The Professor looked at me with a raised eyebrow, to which I replied, quite bluntly, exactly what we meant.

"They managed to make some form of candy that makes the consumer instantly orgasm. Which, by the way, if I had money, I would so invest in this."

The boys finally lost their last hold on their laughter, and cracked up despite the presence of the Professor. Not that it was worth much, as he seemed to be in shock. I waved my hand in front of his face, but still got no response.

"Professor? Professor Snape!"

Still no response.

"Severus? Severus!"

The twin's laughter subsided for a moment, before it began again as I tried to snap the Professor out of it.

"Sev? Sev!"

"It's most definitely not working, Miss. You might have to take drastic measures…"

I winced, remembering a fanfiction from back home.

'Well, that is not this one, so I hope it isn't true...'

I leaned forward to whisper into his ear.

"Sirius Black wants to screw you senseless."

He blinked for a moment before glaring at me.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Just trying to make sure that you hadn't died or anything –"

The rest of my reply was cut off by a massive yawn, and the twins snickered.

"Such an-"

"Un-ladylike-"

"Manner!"

"Shut up, you arses. I don't need manners."

"Somebody's-"

"Cranky!"

With a shake of my head, I turned and grabbed the potions off of the tray and knocked them back, one right after the other. I could feel the lethargy creeping up my limbs and I smiled at the twins.

"I'll see you all later…"

As I fell asleep, I remember wondering exactly why they had come to the Hospital Wing… When I woke up later, Professor Snape was gone, and Professor McGonagall was in his place.

"Hello, Miss Pheonix-Tear. I have been told that I am to help you get changed, as your presence is required at dinner for your Sorting. I have also been told to make you clothes, as you seem to have traveled with none."

I nodded and she raised her wand.

"I need a four-panel corset and a blood red medieval style dress."

I checked down the front of my hospital gown and grimaced.

"And some panties please?"

The Professor snorted, and with a wave of her wand, a pile of folded clothes appeared at the foot of my bed. I pulled my feet over that side of the bed, and winced as the weakness made itself known.

"I guess the trip took more out of me than I thought."

I turned to the professor to see her pulling the curtains around my bed.

"Professor, I think that I will need a walking stick as well…"

With another flick of her wand, a simple silver cane with a single ruby was leaning against the bedside table.

"Do you not want shoes?"

"No, Professor. With a castle as tricky as yours, I don't want anything hindering my walking abilities."

"You sound like you normally walk in heels."

I nodded as I stood shakily, pulling the hospital gown over my head. I heard the Professor snort again and I looked back at her.

"That is an interesting collection of tan lines you have going there, Miss Pheonix-Tear."

I laughed as I leaned over to pull the panties on.

"That's what you got for doing manual labor on a regular basis. Did they have to have kittens on them?"

She smiled slightly as I pulled the corset on and laced it up.

"How do you breathe in that thing? It looks very uncomfortable."

"I grew up a bookworm so my back isn't in the best condition, and it needs support. Also, after going through band, breathing isn't that difficult."

She nodded, and then helped me pull on the dress and tie up the back.

"Come now, Miss Pheonix-Tear. We mustn't be late to your own Sorting."

I followed her out into the hall before realizing something very important.

"Ah, Professor?"

"Yes, child?"

"Can you do something about my hair?"

She snorted before tapping my head with her wand, and I could feel my hair twisting itself into a braid.

"Thank you, Professor."

"You are most welcome."

We continued walking for several minutes before she stopped me in front of the doors to the Great Hall.

"These doors will open for you in a few moments and I will be waiting for you on the other side. Walk towards me and, for Merlin's sake, don't trip. Please?"

I snickered before nodding, and she left down a side passage. I leaned against my cane as I waited, and I was about to fall asleep when I heard the doors click open. I stood up straight and began to walk forward, with the cane as a clicking accompaniment.