Me-OW
Disclaimer: Thank you Purpleabsofsteel. No one else has reviewed this story which makes me very sad but you always do, that's why I love you so much.
Chapter 2
Draco's POV
Dad's probably rolling in his grave right now at the sight of me. First I get turned into a ferret, now Longbottom turns me into a cat. Longbottom! Out of all the idiots in the world, it has to be Longbottom! Merlin, how the gods must hate me. Nothing happens to Weasley or Potter. Just me. I am not a happy cat right now. I'm in an exceptionally pissy mood because Professor Sirius Black, the man in need of a decent barber and manicurist, decides to carry me to Dumbledore and continues to laugh at my expense! He's always despised us Slytherins especially my father. Malfoys are not meant to be laughed at. There will be hell to pay once I'm restored to my gorgeousness.
Right now I am sitting on Professor Dumbledore's desk, sitting proud and tall. Mom always insisted on a straight posture, I am not about to let all of my good breeding go to waste, especially at a time such as this. I flicker my tail in annoyance as the old coot chuckles. "Only in your class Professor Black does this type of thing happen." He steeples his fingers, eyeing me in his usual amusement. Why doesn't he just turn me back already so we can all get along with our little lives and I can go hunt down Longbottom to slaughter him? Come, come we are wasting daylight here! "Out of curiosity, what spell did Mr Longbottom mean to pronounce?"
Professor Black shrugs casually. "Beats me Professor."
"It seems he meant to say Cattaronics, sir. The spell causes your assailant's eyes to tear, making it difficult to see for about 10 minutes, giving you the chance to run away or fight him with an advantage. It's a rather handy spell to know, especially when walking the streets at night." The Head Girl know-it-all pipes right up, assuming her know-it-all stance beside the school's Head Boy. Potter smiles at her affectionately, draping an arm around her shoulders. Ooo, Weasley wouldn't like that too much.
"Ah, my walking textbook. I'll never leave your side again." Granger playfully slugs him in the stomach, grinning sheepishly. Professor Dumbledore smiles at the pair.
"Ah yes, I can see where in a state of panic Mr Longbottom would confuse the two spells." I roll my large eyes. Longbottom has a difficult time finding his classes before the bell; of course he's going to mess up duelling spells. I growl softly, causing those stupid sparkling blue eyes to study me once more. "In that case, it would seem you'll be stuck in this state for some time yet, Mr Malfoy. It'll take Professor Snape a few weeks to complete the potion needed for you to consume in order to resume your natural human form." He pushes his glasses further up on his nose, sighing in a pleased note. "Until then, you'll be looked after by one of our Heads."
Aw hell no! I growl at Dumbledore. There is no way I'm staying with Potter or Granger! With my luck, that stupid feline of hers Crookshits no… Crookshanks… or whatever her name is would most likely attack me on the spot. I mean; I am a sexy cat. There's just no hiding my sex appeal from the female population.
Professor Black laughs. "I think Miss Granger would be most qualified to look after the little runt, sir. She has experience with cats." I snarl at him, showing him my pearly whites.
"Oh shut up Malfoy. It'll only be temporary." Granger strides up to the desk, lifting me off my seat. I shall now wreak my wrath upon this disobedient girl! With a snarl, I dig my claws into her arms. "You're not helping your case, Malfoy." Granger snarls through her teeth.
Hey! You woman! What the hell are you doing! Granger has pulled me away from her body and is now holding me… oh Merlin this is embarrassing… she's holding me by the scruff of the neck! Better hide my balls, wouldn't want to satisfy any of Potter's kinky fantasies. That boy has been trying to seduce me since fourth year. Granger brings her face close to mine. Her face is even more ugly up close, bigger too now that I'm smaller. I growl in warning. She smells funny too. Dust and weak perfume, no doubt to entice the Weasel.
"Couldn't one of the Slytherins look after him Professor? Hermione shouldn't have to watch out for Malfoy as he clearly doesn't want her help." Ah, this is the first time Potter has ever said something smart. I squirm in Granger's grasp. Pansy should be more than willing to pamper me; she's never failed to before.
Or not.
Did I ever mention to you that my life sucks? It does. Granger and I are seated in the Great Hall with the Slytherins. This meeting is not going well at all.
"Get him away from me Granger!" Pansy shoos us away with her hands, her face scrunched up. "Draco, babe I'm sorry. I'm allergic to cats." She covers her nose with a laced handkerchief. Drats, of all things to be allergic to it has to be cats? Grrr. Pansy quickly scoots down the bench, avoiding so much as a glance at me.
"Settle down Malfoy. What about you Zabini?" Oh hell no.
Blaise raises an Italian eyebrow. "Me Miss Head Girl? I don't think it would be wise. I'm not a cat lover and quite frankly," He leans closer. "Packing Draco around would really cramp my style."
Granger raises an eyebrow of her own, gripping the nape of my neck in order to keep me from leaping away. "Style? You mean studying?" How the hell did we get such a stupid and naïve child as Head Girl?
Blaise winks at her. "With the ladies." He glances down at me with a cheeky smile. "Sorry mate, you understand." Oh boy do I understand. When I'm back to normal, I'm going to make your life miserable. No lady will want to be seen with you or go in a broom closet with you.
Granger rolls her eyes, glancing further down the table. "Goyle- never mind." She shakes her head at Goyle's piggish display with caesar salad. Thank Merlin the girl is finally showing some common sense! Goyle would accidentally sit on me and flatten me to death. I'd be an imprint in the sofa or worse… on his butt. Shudder. Shudder. I'm way to sexy to die in such a dimeaning fashion.
"I'll look after him!" Oh shit. Large hands lift me out of Granger's skinny arms and I am now being smothered against a fat squishy bosom. Bulstrode coos at me. "Oh you poor darling. I shall look after you!" Who knew she had a thing for cats? Or maybe she just has a thing for me. "We'll have to get you a green collar and I'll have to give you baths every night…" Oh no. I'm not staying with her! Granger, wipe that stupid grin off your face! I push against this massive woman with little progress.
"He's all yours Millicent. Take good care of him." Dead Granger. You are dead, I will personally Avada you.
"Oh I will!" Millicent pets me from head to back, really, really hard. Around us, people eating their dinner snickers on my behalf. Alright, I shall now memorize the sea of faces that are snickering and I shall curse them directly to Hades and point and laugh at them. I'll make certain Hades gives them each an extra poke with his fork thingy that he always carries. That'll teach them to laugh at me! A Malfoy for crying out loud!
"You know I almost feel sorry for the little guy." Huh? Do I hear a sympathetic voice in the air? I manage to strain my neck over Millicent's shoulder to see Brown and one of the Patil girls leave the Great Hall, staring in our direction.
"Yeah I know what cha mean." Patil is currently filing her nails, not bothering to spare me a second glance. Brown is giving me a final pitying glance before following her best friend. Curse those twits for not saving me!! Hell, lets just curse Granger for leaving me in this position.
I do not like being fondled by a large brown haired cow. Millicent may have lost some weight over the years, but she's not exactly at the point where she's attractive. Her perfume is too over powering. Smells like someone spilled a tank of roses over her body. As you can probably tell, I am a crabby cat right now.
"Oh, there's a good boy. Let me finish eating and I'll rustle up some food in the kitchens for your dinner. I'm sure we can find some cat food in there. Yes we can." What am I? Four? And who said I'd be eating cat food?
I attempt to pry away from Millicent's long fake nails. They are currently digging into my very flesh as she struts down the corridors to the kitchens. She keeps thinking petting me hard on my body is comforting. I think she's trying to get me to purr. I wouldn't hold my breath Millicent. Actually, do hold your breath and I'll count to a million. We'll see who wins.
"It'll be like having a sleepover Draco! Won't that be exciting?" Millicent also continues to ask questions, questions that I obviously cannot answer and would rather not hear to begin with!
"And we'll cuddle together by the fire as I'm doing homework and I'll make a cute little basket that'll be just comfy for you to sleep in! We'll ignore Pansy's whining. She can handle having her nose plugged for a time. She owes you that much."
You'd better believe she does, though she won't put up with me for long. She'll probably move in with Goyle and Zabini to avoid me. I now remember back in second year Granger's cat came too close to her and she had hives all over her face and her nose would not stop raining boogers. It was so disgusting! Apparently, Millicent here seems to have forgotten this.
She reaches a hand out, having to stop smothering me momentarily to tickle the pear for the portrait to open. Stepping through the door, she and I are overwhelmed by the alluring smell of… cookies! Chocolate chip cookies if I'm not mistaken! I lick my chops as Millicent carries me closer to the wonderful aroma.
"Flinky doesn't know how to thank Miss for her kindness!" An overjoyed house elf is currently holding a large perfectly round and delectable cookie under her large bulbous nose. She's got her thin right arm wrapped around a muggle jean clad leg. Said leg is quite long and… quite attractive. I look up to see whom the young sexy legged beauty is- HOLY SHIT! Brown? Oh for the love of all that is sanitary in this world! Kill me now! Ugh, wait I'll just be smothered by Millicent's overly large bosom.
Brown smiles down at the stupid house elf. "Now Flinky, it's simply a repayment for letting me use the kitchen practically every night. Gryffindor tower thanks you from the bottoms of their stomachs." She's shaking that long leg of hers to dispose of the elf's grimy fingers. Flinky bows, her nose scraping the floor.
"Flinky thanks you again miss and will wash dishes…"
"No, you just go on with whatever you usually do Flinky. This dishes are my babies." Brown dumps bowls and measuring thingies into a bubbled sink. "Go on now." Flinky giggles hysterically again before disappearing with a pop. I've always wanted to pop away, but it was illegal to do so until this year and even then I haven't tried it for some odd reason. Too busy I suppose.
"Close your mouth Bulstrode unless you want to mop up your drool from the floors. I don't want to have anyone slipping and causing me to be banned from the kitchens." Brown set another pan of cookie dough into the oven. Mmmm, I love the smell of cookies! I want a cookie! Give me a cookie damn it!
"Whoa, settle down Draco. You don't want to fall now do you?" Yeah actually I do. Millicent squishes me tighter to her bosom, a meaty hand wrapping around my neck. Lovely, now I will die before receiving a cookie! Chocolate, bahhh!
Brown smirks at me. "I assume you've come to feed the twitchy little kitten Milly?" Twitchy little kitten? What is she talking about? I am a sexy strong and very muscley cat! I am a tiger! I am a lion! No wait, I'm not a Gryffindork. I am a panther. I creep and I crawl oh so sneakily around my preys. I am the King of the jungle woman! You are my slaves! All of you! I dig my claws into Millicent's arm, causing her to screech in surprise and let her grip slip.
That's all I need. With a mighty leap, the wind blowing in my fur, I land very gracefully, only getting a back leg patted into a hot cookie. I land on the counter. My feast awaits me! Muhahahahahahahahahaha- cough- cough. Oops, almost coughed up a fur ball. Yech. Why is my foot burning? Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow! It burns! Didn't Zabini tell me Goyle had this problem in their Divination class today? Ow ow ow ow ow! My poor little paw! It's on fire! Chocolaty fire!
"Oh for goodness sake Malfoy! Quit your whimpering, you're making me feel sympathetic towards you." As you should be! A firm hand lifts me by the stomach flips me onto my back, and I'm assailed with blondish/brown curls. A cold cloth is now wrapped around my left back leg, massaging it. Aaahhh, this feels really nice. This is how you are to treat your king. This fuzzy purple sweater is pretty warm too. I've always liked the slight off the shoulder look on girls. Very alluring. But not for Gryffindors. Nope, nada. You all belong in sweat pants and paper bags.
"Are you alright Draco?" Millicent's round face is now in my line of vision. "You shouldn't have jumped from my arms like that! You wouldn't have gotten hurt." She's scolding me! Humph. Well I'm not staying with you a moment longer, I'll stick with Brown. She knows how to treat a King!
"You were squishing him to death with your bust Bulstrode." Brown continues to massage the chocolate out of my paw, ignoring Millicent's glare of doom. She looks down at me in amusement. "Who knew I could make Draco Malfoy purr." What? Malfoys do not purr. Ah crap I am purring! Desist at once your stupid throat! There, ahem. Much better. If I was not a cat right now, I'd take your comment as a sexual innuendo Brown! She lifts the cloth off my foot. "Better?" She sets me down on the counter away from her heavenly smelling cookies. I gingerly press my back paw down. And the verdict is… No pain! Yay! You didn't just hear that, Malfoys do not Yay! We smirk in satisfaction. I smirk.
Brown laughs dryly. "That's the first time I've ever seen a cat smirk Malfoy. You look ridiculous." I do not!
"He does not! How dare you say something like that in front of him!" Millicent plants her hands on her large hips, preparing to do battle. Ah, my knight in shining armour.
Brown raises her hands in defeat. "Take it easy silly- Milly. Eat a cookie, it'll make you feel better." She tosses one to Millicent. What am I? Chopped liver? I meow in protest. Brown looks over at me. "You can have bite, Malfoy. Cats are not meant to eat cookies." This cat does. I was born to eat cookies. I'm the cookie master! Give me a cookie damn it!
She sets a piece down in front of me. "You need some real food. Did you guys give him anything before?" Millicent shakes her head, finishing off her cookie in three bites.
"Nope. Came here looking for cat food."
Brown nods. "Okay, then I'll get outta your hair." Flicking her wand, the dishes are cleaning themselves and she piles her cookies onto a plate and heads for the door. Where do you think your going with those yummies? Get back here! I give another mighty leap and race over to Brown, causing her to nearly trip as I attack her shoe. "Whoa! Take it easy Malfoy! I could've booted you in the head!" She reaches down and scratches my ear. "You need to be more careful."
Beefy hands lift me off the floor, one hand holding the scruff of my neck. "I've got it from here, Brown." Millicent assures the stupid Gryffindor. Brown nods.
"See you two later." She exits the door. Millicent sighs.
"Alright, now lets see about that cat food. Flinky!!"
Malfoys do not eat cat food, I will not be degraded like this! Brown get back here and feed me another cookie!!! I'm telling my mother on you! Boy will she be snappy at you!
Done the 2nd chapter! I'm going away for the next 10 days, so when I get back I expect to see lots of reviews! :)