Listen – Part 2

I am alone at a crossroads, I'm not at home, in my own home, And I've tried and tried, To say what's on my mind…You should have known

My mobile rang violently loud in my ear as I stared at the caller ID Joey once more trying to get hold of me. The first day he had tried at the house, as I sat curled up on the sofa hiding from him. Since the early grave comment, he had been consisting trying to get through to me, clearly scared by what I had said, when in all honesty it was just a passing phrase. But Joey had taken it to heart, convinced I was partially suicidal. I was far from it, taking my own life never came into my mind at all, I just wanted him to listen to me, anybody at all to listen to me. I was fed up with being pushed aside, not listened to, and not believed in, it was finally taking its toll on me.

By the third day on consistent calling I decided I needed to get away. I wasn't even sure why he cared so much. We weren't together anymore, I was nothing to him, and he had Lucy if he wanted so why keep bugging me. Keep pushing himself in my face just highlighting the fact he wasn't mine anymore, that I was alone with a problem. I knew all of this, I knew I was dependent on alcohol to wipe away the problems I was facing, I was taking steps to change that, I was now a month sober, an achievement. I was currently staying with Uncle Jack, whilst he dealt with all the fallout from the wedding drama. Another Branning wedding down the pan should be used to it by now.

To take his mind off of everything he had promised to get me help, just one to one with a councillor to make everything clearer. I had been a little resilient towards it at first, scared to open up to someone unknown to me. Little did I know this would be exactly what I needed. Once the first session was out the way I felt lighter already, Uncle Jack noticing a difference in me already.

By the fifth visit I was already facing up to the demons that held me down for so long. The councillor even delved into the Joey side of my problems. Even thinking about him hurt me, the pain in my heart which was once consumed with love for him, was now like an open wound, I was literally bleeding love.

My disappearance had sparked more phone calls from Joey, each one I rejected. I couldn't face him until I had sorted myself. Only Mum, Dad and Abi knew where I was. They were the only ones who cared a little. I no longer had friends or a boyfriend. Mum phoned me daily, wanting to know how I was getting on. She blamed herself for my outcome, though I reassured her, it was my own doing. She also said Joey had gone round each day wanting updates on me, although she kept it vague.

Its not that I didn't love Joey, it was the simple fact I had to put myself first for once. Stop letting people define me when they didn't know the real me, I was getting the old Lauren back for good, only then would I return to Walford and finally face Joey, though I doubt he would expect to be faced with someone he didn't really know. But downfall had already begun before he came to Walford he only knew the side of me after that, maybe shadows of the old Lauren when we were together, when I opened up a little, but nowhere near who I used to be.

I had now been staying with Uncle Jack for 3 months. Sure there were struggles, which we faced together. I had been tempted by alcohol on more than one occasion especially after listening to a voice mail from Joey. He sounded broken; the obvious sobs clear as day down the phone almost pushed me back over the edge. But after the internal struggle I found myself loving him harder than I ever did before, and I affected him just as much as he affected me. I knew there would be a day when we would be together, but right now, we were better apart, especially as I hadn't forgiven him for believing Lucy over me, I no longer believed in the promises Joey had once sworn by.

Uncle Jack had also surprised me, by inviting Peter Beale to come stay with us for a week or two before I headed back to the square. I had forgotten how much of a good friend he was to me. So when I was struggling he was who I called for support. We had grown closer over the three months I spent with Jack and I now had a strong friendship with him once more. Peter had been furious over his sisters antics, branding her as disgraceful, not that I begged to differ. He had also promised to come back to the square with me, after agreeing with Ian to manage his new restaurant, to take the pressure off of him, even better. Peter had changed a lot, he was no longer mild and meek, and he stood up for what he believed in, he was passionate about life urging me to be the same.

It was finally the day me and Peter were heading home, both nervous for the obvious reasons. But I couldn't wait to see the look on Lucy's face when we returned together. She would be fuming that he had returned, they had clearly left things on a bad note when they last saw each other.

Hoping off the train at Walford, I dragged by suitcase through the market with Peter. I had a new look now. I was no longer pale and fragile, I was bold and strong, my hair curled seductively onto my shoulders, my makeup smoky, finished off with red lips. I had picked out new clothes for myself, now I was currently wearing a short black dress matching my ankle boots and leather jacket.

I noticed the smirk on Peter's face as we walked through the market, I was full of confidence, he the exact same. As I turned the key into number 5, Peter picked up out suitcases lugging them into the hallway as I burst through the lounge door, my family all looking up from their dinner plates, and that's when I spotted him sitting there with my family.

"Well well well, guess who's back" I smirked, glancing over my shoulder as Peter came and stood beside me.

Lauren Branning was back.

Part 3 tomorrow :)