Alaina sat in the dark hotel room alone and reveled in the feeling of being alone. She was sick of having people staring over her shoulder watching her every movement. Forcing her to eat, to sleep, to keep up with daily activities that she had no real interest in. It was an amazing feeling to be able to sit peacefully and think over everything that her life had become. She would be able to let out a few tears, smile over the memories, and take the time to place exactly where her feelings with John fell into her life.
With a sigh Alaina grabbed her new iPOD and wasted no time in throwing on her headphones and turning on her music. Everything had gone wrong today. She could only be happy that Randy wasn't acting just as overbearing and controlling as the rest of her family was. Otherwise she might still be trying to think of reasons as to why she wasn't able to meet John for lunch or dinner at anytime during her weeklong stay.
John sat by the backstage exit with the hood of his hoodie all the way up and effectively hiding his face. He knew that everyone was always tired after shows, or too caught up in catching up on their personal lives that no one would pay much attention to him. He would be able to sit in the corner unnoticed until the need came about; that was why he had chosen that precise spot.
Alaina was hiding out in the front trying to give Randy enough time to get ready to leave before she made her way backstage. It was only a matter of time before she had to make an appearance by the exit. And John would sit and wait patiently. He had waited two months for this moment; another half hour would not faze him.
Alaina looked at her watch and sighed. The show had ended a half hour ago and Randy and John's match had been over for at least forty minutes or so. Even still her heart was still racing just from seeing John walk down that entrance ramp and perform in the ring. Nothing would have ever been able to prepare her for what looking John straight in the eyes would do to her. The familiar butterflies once more seemed to erupt in the pit of her stomach. What she saw in his eyes though was what broke her heart at that very moment.
He had been so shocked to see her sitting there cheering him on that he had let his guard down. And for a fleeting moment Alaina was able to see just how hurt and disappointed he was that she hadn't sought him out to say hello. They had claimed to be on their way to being friends only to avoid one another at whatever the cost. Alaina had told John that they would always be friends, that she would always love him; and staring at John she knew that he was questioning why she had run to her seat before going to see and talk him.
With a heavy sigh Alaina stood up and began to make her way backstage. Randy could always turn into a bit of a prim Donna when he was tired, and waiting around for people was on the top of the list that would send him into complaining mode. This was the last place that Alaina wanted to be. John had locked eyes with her and told her that soon enough she would have to face him, all with one simple look. It was one of the things that she loved about John. His eyes held his emotions, no matter the time, or the emotion. She could see straight into the heart of him through his expressive, beautiful blue eyes. Nothing could be more uncomfortable or emotionally raw for Alaina than walking backstage and risking running into John.
A quick trip to the locker room presented Alaina with her biggest fear. Randy wasn't ready and she would have to wander the backstage halls by herself until he was ready to leave. Finally deciding to wait by the exit Alaina leaned against the door and closed her eyes and sighed. It had been a long and confusing day. She was ready to crawl into the hotel bed and sleep until noon.
"I was beginning to wonder if you ducked out the other way just to avoid me."
Alaina turned to the voice already knowing who was sitting in the corner looking as if they were ready to fall asleep where they were.
"Hi John," She said quietly staring at her shoes. She knew what she would find in his eyes, and her tired body couldn't handle that.
"How are you Al?" John asked dropping his hood and walking over to her.
"I'm doing pretty good," she answered with a nervous nod of her head. "Work is still a bit of a killer but I can't complain about anything really." She shuffled her feet nervously and with a clear of her throat forced the conversation forward. "How are you? You and Maria are doing well I assume?"
John cringed at the mention of Maria and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he studied Alaina. She refused to look at him and it was bothering him.
"We are doing well," he answered. "Al, you need to look at me. You can't just stare at the floor the whole time that I am standing here talking to you."
"Wanna bet?"
John gave a small laugh and lifted her head. "Why were you avoiding me? Do you know how much of a shock it was for me to see you sitting out there with a big smile on and cheering for me?"
Alaina shrugged and lifted her eyes to John's. "You're the fan favorite, gotta cheer for the fan favorite," she said quietly.
"I miss you Al; I am so glad that you came on the road."
"I'm only around for a week. Randy wanted me to spend some time out of the house and away from work. He seems to be under the impression that I'm too stressed and need a break from life."
"What would have you stressed?"
Alaina shrugged and stared past John to the wall. There were so many ways to answer that question. Joe had left, her family was beginning to drive her insane, the loneliness and worthlessness that she felt on a daily basis threatened to consume her whole life, and John the man who had vowed to be by her side whatever the reason had all but abandoned her. All of it had her stressed out and wishing that she were someone else. But none of it could come out of her mouth. She couldn't put that all on John the first time that she saw him. They weren't the best of friends anymore. They didn't call each other all hours of the night to talk and laugh away their problems. John had Maria and the two were obviously very much in love. Alaina had no right going to John with anything that she felt.
"He's just assuming that's all. I'm happy and no more stressed than anyone else that works for this crazy company," she answered forcing a smile and trying to keep the conversation light.
"Still being the strong girl huh Al?"
Alaina let a genuine smile pass over her lips and nodded. "Some things just never change Johnny boy."
The nickname had passed through her lips before it even registered in her brain. The pain that it sent through her body was a shock. A simple nick name was not supposed to invoke such strong emotions. But somehow it did. Alaina wanted to be back at the beginning. Back where they were six months ago when they could sit with each other till dawn, hold each other and make their problems disappear underneath a blanket of strength and security.
"Could you just uh—just tell Randy that I'm taking my car back to the hotel and I'll meet him there?" Alaina said all but running through the door to the outside.
"You can't run forever Alaina," John called into the brisk night air as he quickened his stride slightly to catch up to Alaina who was nearly sprinting to her car.
Alaina shook her head and stopped where she stood. She would hate to admit that John was right, that she knew exactly what she was doing but that didn't change the fact that John was right.
"I am not running I just want to get back to the hotel. I've been travelling all day and I'm exhausted," she rationalized not bothering to turn around to look at John who was now standing right behind her.
"Who are you kidding Al? You think this doesn't hurt me too? I saw it in your eyes when you called me 'Johnny Boy'. I know what it did to you, you know why? Because it did it to me too, that's why. No one else can call me that; I make sure that they don't. It always brings up your face, and that beautiful smile," John gave a small smile as he caressed Alaina's face. "All I can think of or see in my mind is you sitting next to me, laughing, joking, talking to me. This is hard for me too."
Alaina shook her head and backed away from John's gentle touch. The last thing that she wanted to do was cry and hearing all that John had to say was quickly bringing about the urge to let all the pain and tears go.
"I'm sorry, I need to go," she said quietly turning from him once more and heading the rest of the way to her car.
"Can I see you sometime this week? I want to talk, get some things straightened out."
Alaina turned to John's voice and the look of near desperation that was etched on his face. "I don't think so John. I have my week pretty much planned out and booked. I'm working from the road a lot, and then I have a few things planned to catch up with a few friends."
"I don't matter? Come on Al, there has to be some time in there for me."
Alaina shook her head as she searched her purse for the keys to the rental car. "Sorry John, I don't think so. You are usually always busy, and I'm busy too. It just won't work."
Alaina ignored the frustrated growl that came from John and turned to face him one more time before leaving. "Take care of yourself John. And take care of Maria, I hear she's a good woman. She deserves to be treated like a queen, all women do."
John was lost for words as he watched Alaina climb in the car and drive away. He had seen her but she hadn't let him say what he wanted. She had run off before any meaningful words were said. But he couldn't blame her. Months of ignoring her, and then trying to be smacked in the face with feelings that hadn't been broached in months; John could understand why Alaina had run.
Alaina sighed and sank further into the oversized chair in the hotel room. Her mind and body were both physically exhausted but somehow here she was, hours after running into John still wide awake with sleep too far out of her reach to believe that it would come to her anytime soon.
Randy laid his hand on the door handle and took a deep breath before going in. He and John had talked for hours after the show. John needed a sounding board after the fiasco with Alaina. Truthfully Randy was more worried about Alaina's well being rather than John's. John had Maria to head back to; Alaina had been sitting by herself in the hotel room for hours. John may have been frustrated with the way his conversation with Alaina turned out, but Randy knew that sitting in the room was a heartbroken woman who would never admit to it.
The sound that greeted Randy surprised him greatly. He had heard from John about Alaina's singing. Some days it was all that John talked about. How her voice had gotten to the deepest parts of him, and stayed with him. Even after Alaina left and the two had lost touch John would sit with his eyes closed, claiming that he was listening to Alaina sing once more. But Randy had come to believe that John had greatly exaggerated the magic of her voice.
As he stood at the entrance to the dark hotel room the voice was soft and sweet. It seemed to flow seamlessly from note to note, but even so there was nothing to remarkable about it from Randy's perspective, at least not at first. He listened closely to the words coming from Alaina and knew that she was somehow releasing the pain and stress from her run in with John.
Time to tell me the truth
To burden your mouth for what you say
No pieces of paper in the way
Cause I can't continue pretending to choose
The opposite sides on which we fall
The loving you later's if at all
No right minds could wrong be this many times
My memory is cruel
I'm queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn I'd heard him say it ten thousand times
If only I had been listening
Randy sat back and listened to her smooth voice become just a bit stronger, surprised greatly by the silky, nearly seductive tone that Alaina's voice was taking on. It had only begun to become a possibility that maybe John wasn't fully exaggerating the ability of Alaina's voice as she began to sing the chorus of the song just a bit louder and stronger.
Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always between the lines
Between the lines
I thought I thought I was ready to bleed
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall
And stand in the center of it all
Too late two choices to stay or to leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
He'd already left with the other
So I've learned to listen through silence
Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me be
You and me always be
I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say
I'll talk until the conversation doesn't stay on
Wait for me I'm almost ready
When he meant let go
Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always be
You and me
Always between the lines
Randy leaned against the wall blown away by what he had just heard. The woman did not even reach five feet tall but the power that he heard coming from her voice was unbelievable. It wasn't simply that Alaina could carry a tune or hold a few notes it was the soul which she put into it. Her heart had been poured into every word that left her mouth. Her face was etched with passion, purpose and emotion that seemed to come busting out of her. John had been right about everything that he had said about Alaina.
"How are you Ally?" Randy asked walking fully into the room as he saw Alaina begin to get a far away expression on her face.
Alaina jumped and turned to face the one man that seemed to be keeping her together lately. "When did you get here Randall?"
Randy smiled and shrugged. "I walked in a few minutes ago. You were pretty wrapped up in that song of yours." He watched as Alaina blushed and tried to curl up into a small little ball hoping to disappear into the couch. "John used to tell me all the time that I needed to hear you sing, that it was amazing, and that it did something to you deep down."
Alaina laughed and shook her head. "John says a lot of things that aren't exactly true."
"Ally, I think this time John was pretty right. You definitely know how to bring out the emotions inside. And when it comes out in you it tends to bring it out in other people."
Alaina looked out at the window for a long while before turning back to Randy. "So why'd you stop by?" she asked with a smile on her face.
"I heard about the little run in with John, and I wanted to know how you were feeling."
Alaina sighed and looked down at her hands as she thought through her answer. She was feeling a range of emotions after seeing John. She simply wasn't sure which emotion was the strongest as of that moment.
"I'm a little confused by it all. I don't really know how to feel about it. He told me that he was having a hard time with this whole situation and I just don't know if I can really believe that."
"Why is it hard to believe? He doesn't know that you aren't with Joe anymore, he has no idea that you've been trying to get to talk to him to work things out. He still thinks that you want a friendship with him."
"Randy, he was the one that told me that he wanted me in his life no matter what. That he wouldn't just forget about me. But the minute that I tell him that I want my marriage to work he walks out on me, and when I see him again he says we're friends only to ignore me. How is it hard for him?"
Randy sighed and sat in front of Alaina pulling her hands into his. "I know that you are hurt by his actions. Yes he left you alone; yes he went to Maria and put everything into her. And I can see how that can make you jealous, especially after he vows that he's going to be your friend. But here's the thing that you aren't taking into account," he paused as he took a breath and stared straight into Alaina's eyes. "John is madly in love with you. He was madly in love with you when you put him aside to work on you and Joe, and he couldn't take it. Honestly I don't know what man really can. He wants to love you Ally. He wants to be able to talk to you like a friend again. You have to be the one to give him a chance now. Let him say his piece. If you think he's full of crap and you never want to see him again at least you know that you heard him out."
"Why are you suddenly sticking up for him Randall? You've never pushed me to hear him out before. What changed your mind?"
Randy cleared his throat and looked down at the floor. "I had a late dinner with Cena and we talked. He talked to me about you. We had a real long talk and I think he deserves a chance to be heard."
Alaina shook her head and stood up from her chair. "I know that you're playing devil's advocate because he's your friend and you want to see him happy, but I don't think I can do this. He's with Maria and she makes him happy. I'm not going to even try and interfere in that in any way."
"Ally, I'm saying this as a dear friend trying to get you to do what's best. Get over yourself." Randy's deep laugh reverberated through the hotel room as he watched the shock pass over Alaina's face. "No one is saying to interfere in their relationship or that you even can. What I am telling you to do is hear him out. Talk to John, listen to what he has to say and see if you can't reach some sort of common ground."
Alaina sighed and plopped down on the bed. "I don't know how I'm supposed to do that. I can't just call him out of the blue and say 'hey I've been avoiding you but now I want to go to dinner so we can talk'. That's if he even picks up his phone. I mean he hasn't picked up the phone for me in months."
Randy pulled Alaina up into a hug and ran his fingers through her hair. Part of having a functional relationship with her was learning very quickly exactly what ways helped to calm her down and keep her rational. It hadn't taken long to see that once Alaina got over emotional things got ugly and very fast.
"Just stay calm honey there's no reason to get upset. I know exactly what we're going to do."
"What are we going to do?" Alaina asked muffled against Randy's chest. She had felt so safe in his arms whenever he held her. She loved Randy as another member of her family.
"You and I are going to go out with John and Maria for dinner, and you are going to sing for him."
"What?" Alaina's head shot up from Randy's chest in an instant. "You want us—me—we—what?"
Randy laughed at the expression on Alaina's face and pulled her flush against him once more. "You heard me Ally. Trust me on this it's going to be great," he said finally with more confidence in his voice than he felt.
"Randy, I already told John that I had no free time this week. I'm trying to keep away from him."
"Ally honey I know that you are, and I'm telling you it's a bad idea. We're going to go out with them, and you are going to sing and it's going to be brilliant. You trust me don't you?" He waited until he saw the uncertain nod from her head and gave a small nod in return. "Good, then it's settled, this week we're going out with the two of them. It'll be fine," he assured one more time hoping that he would somehow be right.
Randy knew that Maria could get a bit catty when she felt that someone was moving in on her man. Maria was in no way insecure, but she was protective of what was hers. And the natural chemistry between John and Alaina would almost certainly cause some problems.
But Randy knew that if he could get Alaina to sing like she had before, John would let everything else fade away and let her know just how in love with Alaina he truly was. And he was going to concentrate on getting John and Alaina to talk and not on how Maria would react.
This would work, it had to work. It would be the beginning on the long road to reconciliation between his two friends.