Chapter 2: It could have been different
Summary: It all could have been different for everyone, but it isn't.
I couldn't believe it, my stomach dropped to my knees when I saw it and there was no way of denying it. Sara and Grissom, heading home together. It was enough to make my head spin, my world shatter and I'm not sure where I'm meant to go now.
Of course, I never actually thought that Sara and I could become a couple, which just seemed too far fetched and too lucky for me. But the thing was, I could still dream couldn't I? Because I thought, well, that Grissom had no interest in Sara. And while that idea was in my head… I dreamt that there was always this small possibility. But now Grissom on the scene, my dreams are quashed. It's simple; Sara will always choose Grissom over me.
At the moment there is a lot of stress on all of us, we've nearly lost Brass, and I can't imagine working the scenes without him. It sounds corny, but Brass was-is part of or team. The thing is, I can't believe how everyone has reacted differently because of this. Grissom and Sara have gone off to sleep with each other, Catherine is looking after Lindsey even more so now, Warrick is off with Tina and it's just Nick and I sat here. Everyone seems to have taken this differently; especially Grissom and Sara.
Why am I thinking about them? It makes me feel sick, not because my boss is probably undressing the woman I have lusted after for so long, no that makes me feel sick too. I think the thing that makes me most sick is, that Brass is in hospital, and all they can think of is running off to sleep with one another.
It's selfish, but I am too, because I'm thinking about how wrong it is and about how jealous I am. But it is just the wrong time, the wrong time.
I'm really wondering about what could have happened. What if things were slightly different? I know that things could have been different; they always can be if you think about it.
Sara was always after Grissom; she's finally got what she's wanted and I bet she won't even have given a second thought to me. I'm just the goofy lab-rat turned CSI, not exactly what Sara wanted, or asked for, I was the complete opposite. And I suppose I should have cottoned on ages ago that she wasn't interested in me, not at all. She shunned all of my advances, shot all of my hopes down and blocked me out. Our relationship was strictly friendship- nothing more.
But I was too stubborn to admit it, and now I'm shocked. I thought Grissom had turned Sara away before, I thought that there was no way, there were no signs! I suppose I was like Sara, grasping onto the straws just hoping for a chance. But Sara got her chance, I didn't.
Now she's found what she wanted, there is no going back, it's changed everything. I hope that she knows what is going to happen and what she's let herself in for. Sara is a smart woman, I bet she already has it mapped out in her head.
I hope that Grissom can make Sara happy, and make her warmer, bubblier to be around. And I hope Sara can teach Grissom about love and compassion. I hope that they can both give each other what they want.
There is no need for me to be trailing over these thoughts. After all I'm assuming things; although I'm almost certain that that is what happened. I can't get it out of my head, it's replaying like a CD stuck, just skipping back to the same part. A part I'd rather not see, know or even think of.
Sara… Grissom…
I have to keep it together. I'll just bounce back; there is no point being disappointed about what could have been.
Problem is- I am.
Everyone will notice that I'm acting strange as soon as I walk back in there. I won't be able to look Grissom in the eye anymore, I won't be able to try so hard to impress everyone because it is pointless and I won't be able to flirt with Sara anymore. No one else will be able to put two and two together; because I saw the puzzle pieces and put them together. Of course everyone else will slowly be able to assemble it, but I don't think anyone will see the full picture quite like I do.
Everything has changed now. It could have been different, but it's not. And nothing is ever going to be the same.
A/N: Next chapter will be up soon. Thanks for all the great reviews too! I love the fact that people enjoy my stories!