Disarm Me (With Your Loneliness)

Summary- It's been almost ten years, and not a day goes by when I don't think about her and everything I put her through. Post Season 8 (aka Season Hell, as I like to refer to it) Angsty at first but then a little bit of Zennie goodness at the end. Based off the song by HIM. I own nothing. I just adore Jackie/Hyde and want them together forever.
Each chapter is a little short. So enjoy.

And you laughed at my face when I told you how much it hurts
And said

I remember how much I hated Jackie at first... I thought she was the typical materialistic, bitchy, gossip cheerleader, who happened to enjoy disco and ABBA, everything I hated.. and god, she would never shut the fuck up.. but even during those days, I thought she was beautiful and there was something behind those eyes I couldn't register at the time.. pain, loneliness, vulnerability.. I mean, she and I weren't so different, both our parents really never gave a damn about us, the only difference was that her parents were rich so they would buy her affections, which I assumed got incredibly frustrating at times... an emotionally absent father, a slutty mother, it was the same story, despite our economical backgrounds, so in a way I could feel her pain.. I knew her "antics," as I liked to call them, was just a facade to disguise her pain and her true self.

It hurts now to think back to those times in Forman's basement because she was there all the time, just like everyone else, and she eventually got involved with our circles, which was pretty cool because stoned Jackie was an interesting character...I smile at those memories, but at the same time... my heart aches and I want to cry, and once again, I, Steven Hyde, never cry usually, because I am a man, but... I guess she spoiled me over the two years we were together, she kinda broke down my emotional walls, while I helped her learn to keep building hers up; we learned so many things from each other, and not everything that we learned was an entirely good thing.

I guess after ten years, I've learned to abandon my Zen.. to let people in because 1979 was when it reached the point that Zen was being used against me, I used it in the wrong way, I corrupted it in order to make my pain and anger at Jackie vanish, to manipulate it so I could look like I was okay, like I didn't give a damn. Life didn't resume after Jackie and I broke up for the last time, it went to hell, I became a monster...

A monster who laughed at her pain... that fed off her suffering..
I wish I could take it all back, every single thing.

I take another shot of whiskey...

A/N: I know the song I am basing this off doesn't correlate with the time period, just I was listening to it all morning and since this is my favourite song by HIM, my favourite band, I just thought it described Jackie and Hyde in a nutshell and well here we are with an experimental idea. So Oh well.