August 31, 1993

Dear friend,

It has been quite a while since I have been writing to you since Sophomore Year, please excuse some of the things I wrote about, they were not really that serious. Honest. I'd promise myself I would write to you when I had the time and when something interesting was going to happen, so here it goes

All names again will be made-up names so their identities are to be safe from anyone knowing and I want to let you know that I will be probably disposing of these letters (I don't know how yet) soon after they are completed in order to cause from anyone who wants to get at these letters for evidence. These are nonetheless memoirs of what might unfold in the following weeks, if anything happens at all.

I'm sure you're wondering how I am doing and as much as I am safe to say that I'm doing well, some things are still there that kind of bother me but nonetheless, they're not as serious as when I was a freshman. Like the many boring and drab tasks that occur in High School, I try to hang in there. It still is only the first week back to school after all.

I made a few friends since the end of my freshmen year and I now occasionally hang out with the Drama Group during lunch or I see Bill sometimes and we talk about the books I've been reading for fun. Also, I joined "the Silver Tongue Society" which are a group of students who like to read like me and write essays. Bill (my English teacher last year), some students and I helped establish it and our president is Kris. I am the club treasurer even though I'm not really good at Math, they just assumed I was good at Math because I doubled up on my math last and this year.

After School, I see Bob sometimes who still sells marijuana as a small business and I've been helping him grow seeds in his backyard along with the help of Brandon. Brandon is mainly the guy I hang out with the most along with his cousin, Lorenzo who isn't an honor student like he is but he knows his way around the streets. Lorenzo is basically everything Brandon isn't, he's cool, street-smart and overall a bad ass. Lorenzo helps with the business by being our "muscle man" but we haven't really used him yet for that purpose, he does smoke a lot of pot though.

The business earned us nothing more than a few bucks on the side, and it was during the summer when I took that job at that one Yogurt place, it gave me an excuse to why I had so much money if my parents found out. Though most of the money earned was spent on either pot or albums from old bands. I hide my money underneath my bed floorboards, I take it that it was an inspiration from Edgar Allan Poe's The Tell-Tale Heart.

I guess sell pot with Brandon because we have nothing else to do with our time in dull suburbia, we had good grades already. To Brandon, that was more than an excuse to go out and start misdemeanors and then felonies, our good grades were essentially our alibis if we were to ever be caught.

Other than that, I don't really hang out with anyone besides all of those people I just named but participating or reading is what keeps me away from those bad thoughts. Like the thoughts which drive me to turmoil as I feel like my world is collapsing, the state of disdain complete desolation, it is the feeling of boredom. If anything, I am glad that I'm no longer seeing things anymore, I haven't seen a psychiatrist in a while.

I think the friends I miss the most are Sam and Patrick, I miss going out and seeing The Rocky Picture Horror Show, it just isn't the same since they left and occasionally I go and act and talk to people but it just isn't the same. What makes

Like a few weeks ago Sam came to visit me again and we went to Schenley Park to hang out. It was just me and Sam, but we didn't really kiss that time. Seeing her again makes me happy, but the moment she has to go, I feel sad as if I wanted her to stay a bit longer before she goes back to Penn State. We also talked about seeing other people while we were away, but in all honesty, there's nobody I'd want more than Sam. I think about her almost everyday and we also send to letters probably 4 times a week. I just wish she could be beside me, this feeling was even worse my Sophomore year, but I guess this pain is something you get used to. You don't just get used to pain, you make room for it somewhere.

Sam is pursuing a Business Degree and she hopes to buy a record store that sold lots of albums, especially from the bands she liked in High School. I still listen to some of those bands, but now I also try to be more open-minded to other music such as classical. It was Brandon who got me into it and ever since then I've been listening to Beethoven's Ninth Symphony almost everyday.

On the side of being friends/business partners with Brandon I've also doubled up on my math classes last year, as if math wasn't hard enough but I am now safe to say that I earned an "A" in Geometry but a "B" in my Advanced Algebra class. My math teacher (who was my teacher for both my math classes) told me that there are students who can understand Geometry pretty well but not Algebra and there are students who can understand Algebra better than Geometry. I guess I was one of those people who did well in Geometry but not as well in Algebra. The best part about that class was when I could draw figures and solve them, and often when I was bored, I'd make diagrams or patterns and try to solve them. Hard task to accomplish and half of the time I was wrong.

English always made more sense to me, during summer I read Lord of the Flies by William Golding. It's a book which (as I quote from an essay I wrote during summer). "defines the inner beast that lies within human nature, it is the complex topic which involves the examination of not only human nature but it's causes, effects and manifestations of evil." The book overall was great and it got me thinking again about human beings and why is it that we choose to take control and advantage over other human beings, not a complete thought yet, but I'd figure I'd give it some time. It is a theme which Golding does seek to provide a lesson in morality.

Anyway, I am now taking Precalculus and AP Statistics to get my math out of the way and I've been studying more than ever to pass those classes, I've also even taken reading more books because I'm in AP English too. Others books I read are about math to help me understand it better but it never really did. Math is puzzling, some may have the affinity to do math but I don't.

Math is like trying to find out if a girl likes you, you may think you have the answer but you really don't, especially when you follow procedure. And I haven't really had a girlfriend since Mary Elizabeth and Sam (even though we never really "went out") which left me a little bit lonely but I'm doing fine. I know in the future I can maybe get into another relationship, but that's not really bothering me right now.

What's bothering me is that I'm starting to have bad dreams except now I don't remember them when I wake up. It will be the same thing, I wake up in the middle of the night scared and I burrow myself under a blanket as if something was out to get me and then covering my eyes as if bright lights were flickering in my eyes. I don't know what it means, but it sure isn't good, this happens every week or so. I can't really explain what I feel, because I don't really know how to explain it. It's just something that scares me sometimes and I'm glad I could talk to you about it. I would write to Sam but I don't want to scare her.

I will talk more about what is happening, but it's a late, Tuesday night. I will talk to you again soon. Promise.

Love always,

Charlie.

Written: Monday, December 22, 2014

Finished: Monday, December 22, 2014

Edited: N/A

I know it's a slow start, but it'll get more interesting. I promise.