Chapter 2 – Willingness to travel

The conversation was short and perfunctory. I wouldn't expect any more, or less, from Human Resources but I still sat trying to take in what I'd heard, replaying the exchange in my head.

The International Oversight Advisory (IOA), the agency on Earth that oversees the Atlantis expedition, had made the decision to classify Dr. Elizabeth Weir, the leader of Atlantis, officially Missing In Action after her capture by the Replicators. Although her team would probably still search for her, the clipped female voice had informed me, there would be no official search and rescue mission. For a moment at that point in the conversation I had gasped in outrage, shocked that they would be prepared to leave her in enemy hands, forming the words in my mouth ready to protest. Quickly I'd closed my mouth, biting the inside of my cheek knowing that this Lieutenant had nothing to do with the decision and had no influence over the outcome. I'd felt frustration well up inside me making me physically hot and I could feel my hands beginning to sting as I held the handset tighter.

Why was this woman telling me this anyway? Why not General Landry? And then she finally got to the point. They were recruiting for Dr. Weir's replacement and it was suggested that I might wish to apply.

"Excuse me?", I'd spluttered, my brain still working on figuring out why we weren't out there finding Elizabeth. The woman had paused, obviously wondering why for such a supposedly bright woman, I just wasn't making the connections.

"Head of the Atlantis mission," she said in a slower voice. "They'd like you to apply."

I felt an involuntary frown crease my forehead and without thinking I asked "Who?"

It was her turn to excuse herself and I took a deep breath and calmly asked "Who suggested me?" I wasn't calm and for some reason the answer to that question seemed critical to me at that moment.

"Well I'm not really at liberty to say but you come highly recommended by some people at the IOA."

I shook my head to no one in particular and said nothing. An irrational irritation suddenly hit me and I just wanted to get off the phone. I didn't want to keep the conversation going and couldn't think of anything to say anyway.

"OK", was the best that I could come up with and the HR woman mistakenly took this as a signal of my interest and that I wanted her to continue. She talked oh so efficiently about the "next steps in the process" and that she'd e-mail the job description to me immediately. I held back an inelegant snort forming in my nose, laughing inwardly at the idea that someone actually had tried to explain on a two dimensional piece of paper what it meant to be the leader of Atlantis, the galaxy hoping outpost of the Ancients.

The words "Willingness to travel" flashed in my mind and the snort had finally escaped of it's own accord. The voice on the end of the line having gotten into her groove explaining the application and the interview process, paused for a second only to continue by noting that although no promises could be made, she felt sure that I'd be automatically short-listed for interview. They were looking to appoint someone to the role as quickly as possible and therefore the interviews would be scheduled within the next few days. My head was spinning, trying to figure out exactly when I had agreed to participate in this "process" she kept mentioning and by the time she told me that she'd need me to fill out the application "for formality reasons of course", I'd had enough.

"I'll think about it and let you know", I said curtly now desperate to end the conversation. "I assume your contact information will be included with your e-mail so I'll call you by end of day tomorrow with my answer."

As an after thought I quickly added the question, "OK, Lieutenant?" and as if by magic I'd felt the balance of power shift. That's right, I reminded myself, I'm the ranking officer here, what the hell was I thinking?

HR representative or not, the woman's military training had kicked in and the right words immediately tripped off her tongue in a strong clear voice.

"Yes Colonel."

And that was that. I hung up the phone and it was finally over.

And now, here I sit, slumped back in my chair. I look back at the e-mail on my computer screen and I sigh.

"Wow! That's a big sigh."

I jump and turn my head towards the sound of the voice all in one motion. I relax as I see probably my best friend in the universe, Dr. Daniel Jackson, standing in my lab doorway. He looks as casual and scruffy as always, a perception he will never be able to shake while continuing to work as a civilian on a military base. A soft smile ghosts his lips and I know he's encouraging me to speak. I begin to shake my head, no, when I stop, knowing that I need to talk to someone about the Atlantis position and he is, of all people, the best man for the job.

"Well," I start, a little too brightly, "they want me to apply for Dr. Weir's job."

Daniel's face shows at least half a dozen emotions which end with his mouth left half open. He closes it, opens it slightly again and finally closes it ending his impression of a bewildered fish.

"But, that's Atlantis", he blurts out, never one to worry about stating the obvious. The second he finishes speaking, I realize that I might have made a mistake as I remember back to a time a few years ago when he was supposed to go to Atlantis as part of the mission team. He'd been so excited but as always seems to happen with us, some intergalactic emergency, or in that particular case the Ori, had gotten in the way and he'd missed the boat, so to speak.

He actually missed the Daedalus. It went to Atlantis without him and he's never had an opportunity to travel there since. I, however, have and I actually quite like it there. I look directly into his face and simply agree with him.

"Yes it is."

He gently nods his head in introspection and quickly composes himself. He steps further into my lab and takes the seat opposite mine at the desk. I look down at my hands knowing what's coming.

"So, Sam," he says and I raise my eyes to his, "What are you thinking? What do you want to do?"

And those two questions, asked in quiet friendship, make me finally face the fact that that's exactly what I'm going to have to do for the first time in years. I know in that moment that I'm finally going to have to face it. Because there's a third unspoken question hanging in the air between us. Daniel would never come out and just ask anymore but I can still hear it in my head and I can't hide the shadow that shrouds my face.

"What about him?"

TBC

A/N I never want to be an author who asks for reviews, but in this case I'm going to. This is a very different style for me as I rarely ever write in the first person so if you have gotten this far, and you have an extra 30 seconds, please can you drop me a quick note to let me know what you think. Thanks.