Hello again.
"I would like to get a tattoo. . .Please" Says a slightly stern but polite voice, I glance up from my sign in sheet abuse to see Four standing awkwardly between the doorway and the reception desk.
"Designs are on the wall." I reply pointing towards the different concrete spaces decorated with some of the more simpler tattoos and then, some of the more detailed tattoos. He nods his thanks and walks over to them, scrutinizing each one closely and I go back to drawing lines into the edges of the paper.
It takes him a while to decide and after drawing several squares and triangles in the small white spaces I look around to see if maybe he's changed his mind and left, but he stands on the far end of the room looking over at the different symbols for each faction placard under the neon sign that reads faction before blood. It's not always there.
Bud claims they always put it out during initiation because sometimes the transfers like a reminder of where they came from and around this time it's mainly transfers that come in for tattoos. I know of only a hand full of people that actually get a tattoo of their old faction on them, and always in places that no one can see.
His interest in them isn't unusual it always takes time for transfers to let go of their old factions.
He turns towards me with a guilty expression which is evidence of his indecision, he's not the first to come in looking to get a tattoo. The Candor girl came in yesterday wanting to get roses with an over exaggerated amount of thorns, and before them the Amity had come to get a spider. They got some piercings too but Bud kept reminding them that they could get injured.
"I know what I want." He says firmly, but he doesn't sound overly confident, I buzz for Tori. Bud is out today.
He chooses a design that's large and symmetrical for his back.
She wastes no time coming out and handling Four's request and she asks me if I could get the light, so I do. She gets all her tools ready, dons the plastic gloves and the smell of alcohol fills the air. I watch unabashedly as Four removes his shirt and I notice first, the small scars that litter his body.
They are light crescents decorating his lightly tanned skin, he's slightly muscular now, obviously building up over his time spent in Dauntless but I know for a fact that those scars are older than his presence here, but where they came from is no longer viable now.
You won't find anyone in Dauntless without scars.
I also notice he already has a tattoo, the Dauntless symbol, flames on his chest. Amar told me they played a game of Dare, he's trying to stay fun and casual while also attempting to be overbearing. He's having a good time training them.
When he catches me admiring him he doesn't try to hide himself, but his expression becomes slightly harsh and the first one to break eye contact is him. I'm not curious as to why he has those scars and I don't care that he might not have appreciated my staring. I'm not very good with strangers.
The reasons why they transfer to Dauntless are hardly any interest to me, not until they become permanent, not until they fit and conform, not until they're safe. I shrug to myself and go back to filling all the white empty spaces on the sheet with ink, while the boy from Abnegation get's another taste of it.
Around my last hour Amar walks in to give me a fizzy water, and ends up staying to watch Four get his tattoo.
Our conversation is light and normal, he asks me about school and reminds me to smile and how awesome he is but I know he's distracted by his new agenda. Normally he wouldn't accept my staple answer 'Shitty', he's the only one that makes me give him details, but I don't mind.
I sip my drink and occasionally check my watch.
"You've gotta try the cake man." Zeke exclaims, clamping Four on the shoulder, he doesn't cringe or flinch even though his tattoo must still be tender. He's been coming in every other day to finish it up. So far he has several sharp lines, some of which poke up over the back of his shirt collar.
I've never had an actual conversation with him, sometimes he greets me and I greet him back, only one word greetings though.
"Yeah, sure." He replies and Shauna wastes no time planting a large slice right on top of his hamburger. I'm not entirely positive why the initiates decided to break the norm and sit at different tables today but it's refreshing in a way.
"Kat can I have-" Ash starts but Kat already has the tube of red lipstick, holding it out to her and the red head smiles brightly, they both have green eyes and bright fiery colored hair. Jackie pins my plain black hair up in different places while I absently pick at my plate of food.
"Hey Eric, why don't you sit with us?" Zeke asks as he strides past us. He turns his head and looks at Zeke like he's insane, and then his blue-gray steely orbs take in the rest of us with what looks like pure disgust.
I chew a piece of food and only offer a bored look when our eyes meet for a brief moment. I know he's slowly building a reputation as an anti-social person here not to mention Amar had told me he recently got "his ass handed to him" by Four, but it doesn't surprise me that outgoing Zeke reached out to him.
If people were to describe me they would probably use the word anti-social also but I am social just without much of the talking part, it's not an act, it's not even a mask. I make many attempts at social conventions with others, and I enjoy them for the most part. The very few people I surround myself with are enough.
Jackie continues to work her fingers through my now hazardous mess as though nothing else interests her. Everyone else looks impassive and uncaring, even Shauna as she pretends to be interested in the lipstick Ash is applying to herself without a mirror. Zeke is the minority and looks genuinely inviting.
"I'll pass." Eric admonishes before walking away and no one argues or mentions anything about it, but the Stiff gives his retreating form a look that is hardly Abnegation, and I find myself wishing I could have seen that fight. The one that sent the Nose to the infirmary, i'm not passed my age's petulance.
There wasn't any space for him to join us anyway.
Kat had her leg slung over the only empty spot available, saving it for Graham.
"Genie." Says the voice I've come to recognize and identify as the Erudite.
"Designs are on the wall." I reply without looking up or offering a greeting, I flip the page in the book I 'borrowed' from school about the history of the faction system. I don't really read the words unless it mentions something about the old world, before the war and during the war but the pictures are what really interests me.
Instead of waiting for him to find something he likes, I buzz for Tori or Bud. I'm a little distracted and don't remember which one is in the shop.
As usual Amar drops by and tosses me a drink but today he doesn't stop by for idle chit chat, he doesn't even stop to question why one of his initiates is here instead of taking their allotted lunch break. I catch the fizzy water out of reflex and wave my other hand absently in thanks when he pinches my cheek.
"The process will take about 30 minutes." Tori says speaking to Eric, while I tap the lid in an attempt to pacify the angry fizz bubbling inside before opening it. "Gene, I'll be right back, Karl is back from patrol." I nod my head and wave my hand at her before sipping my drink noisily and turning the page of the book. I'm guessing Amar is headed there too, all his friends went to work on the wall and they're only back for a week before they go for another 30 days.
The world was a horrible place. I become totally engrossed in the horrific descriptions of radiation poisoning, nuclear detonations, massive destruction and chaos. So much so, that I don't hear Eric talking to me in his arrogant voice.
"What?" I ask, closing the book and turning the chair around slightly. He's laying back with his feet propped up on the metal cart near his chair like he owns the place. The tattoo pad secure around his neck like a brace, which obviously means he's getting his neck inked. It looks more like his neck is broken.
"Either you're deaf or too stupid to have a conversation." He insults. His annoyance is almost palpable, I shrug and turn back around. Erudite are known for their superiority complexes and need for constant debate, nothing surprising.
I pick up my pen and start my usual scribbling, pressing my elbow into the desk and resting my cheek into my palm. The wall has over a thousand scuffs and it's impossible to keep count.
"Did you hear me?" Eric asks, in his second attempt to strike up a conversation or an argument, I had heard him mumble more things about my apparent stupidity but I chose to ignore them. "I guess it doesn't matter, you're probably too simple minded to hold an interesting conversation anyway."
I know that the more he talks and the less I respond the more insulted he will be, I can't help however, the pressure in which I continue to draw. The head of the pen presses into the paper like I could poke through it and draw through the whole stack and possibly carve the desk.
"I heard most Dauntless we're brutes, short tempered and that the women we're bat shit crazy." He continues, like he doesn't really mind the one sided conversation.
"You'll fit right in then." I reply with years of practiced bored-ness. "If you even make it."
"Mad?" Eric asks, I'm not, I've always been fairly good at keeping control, and far be it for me to argue with an Erudite about how Dauntless are. He'll learn what real Dauntless are like. "I'm not worried about failure, that's not an option." His casual cocky declaration is almost too arrogant for my taste.
"I wouldn't move around too much." I advise, with an uncaring tone when I hear him shifting around. "You might end up with crooked lines." I re-open my book and turn the page, hoping that the scrape of paper against paper would add emphasis to how I'm done talking to him.
"Are you serious?" He asks with harsh in-credulousness, I can hear the slight panic in his voice. "Hello?" He snaps when I don't answer him. I turn another page, and then another till I find some pictures.
The city before some of the major restorations is much more interesting than the words. There are no books that only have pictures, to my displeasure, although it could be that I never really look for books.
I listen to the extremely soft hum of the machine working and ignore when the chair gets struck with an inanimate object, hard enough to move me. The loud thump is loud against the leather and then dull thud of the object hitting the floor does pike my curiosity but not as much as checking how much longer till I get off.
I glance at my watch, while he mutters what is most likely his entire vocabulary of curse words. I could probably learn some from him if I actually listened to anything he says, I should probably be more attentive but I always get lazy around the slow parts of the year.
"I wasn't serious." I finally speak after letting him stew long enough and I turn the page to look at the previous Dauntless compound from years ago, the new tattooing form is less painful and much more accurate. We still have the old machines but those are for real Dauntless.
I brows a few more pages, ignoring when the chair gets another, much harder hit from behind. This time it moves the chair a bit more than last.
I'm sure now, that he had thrown his boots. He's an Erudite in Dauntless clothing with a bad temper.
"Riley." Our Erudite teacher calls on one of the Candor students to answer her question about which faction is in charge of the reconstruction and revitalization of the different still damaged sections in the city. She answers correctly but adds in her own opinion on how any faction could do the job and how the city is still a dump and it's not getting done.
Each faction has it's own purpose, and although some might seem a bit more important than others they all work together as a whole. Each cog turning to make the cities system work perfectly like a well oiled machine. Everyone does what they're supposed to, always. Every individual conforms, even in Dauntless where conformity is a bit more obscured.
When Riley starts babbling that Abnegation might be the most useless faction of the 5. The two girls wearing gray with their solemn expressions sink into their chairs inconspicuously, they do not defend their faction, they're selfless. Our Erudite teacher doesn't stop her from continuing.
Candor's always talk so much.
"Ow!" Riley exclaims rubbing her arm where the book on factions and their importance collided.
When Riley snaps her head around to glare at me she immediately clamps her lips shut. Maybe it's because of the fact that I have another book on my desk, or even the way that I look at her with my cheek rested on my hand, as I slowly close the cover of it. This book is about medical procedures, the pictures we're not easy to look at and there were way too many words in it for my taste.
Riley adverts her gaze as her green eyes become glossy. I don't necessarily take comfort in making other girls cry, but if she feels inclined to pick on the selfless maybe she should. She doesn't though, to her credit.
Our Erudite teacher purses her lips, obviously not pleased with the way things escalated but she hardly did anything to stop me, and definitely didn't stop her. Or correct her. School is pointless.
A familiar Erudite boy with slicked back hair laughs and leans over to retrieve the book off the ground. I'm sure his name is Bradley. "If only books actually worked that way." He says before placing the book on his own desk and peering at the title through his glasses.
I lean back in my chair maintaining eye contact with the elderly Erudite woman as she stares me down behind her own gold rimmed spectacles.
Jackie laughs when the teacher becomes frazzled and half the class looks at us like we're crazy while the rest are obviously entertained. I start to wonder if we walked into the wrong room today, but also mainly why we have to endure inter-faction classes.
Inter-faction classes are the bane of this cities existence. It encourages transferring and in the long run leads to an increase in the number of faction-less.
Each class is made up of only 10 students, 2 from each faction to one teacher. The curriculum is the same in each one. Just the people in them are different. The worst part of all of this is that I have several more months left to endure of this. I check my watch to see how much longer I have to endure of today's class.
"Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends?" An Amity student starts singing, while the other drums on his desk. Our teacher pinches the bridge of her nose and shakes her head.
Jackie very inconspicuously slides her textbook onto the corner of my desk as though she's providing me with ammo, Amity always sing. It's what they do to try and pacify the situation through non-violence.
"Nice throw!" The hippie exclaims even though I missed.
"I'm betting against Amar." Gabriel announces, while I run my fingers through my now silver-gray hair.
I think that Tori had done it purposely this way. I don't really care, she promised me that she would teach me how to use the machines in recompense. I only have a month and a half before I stop working there though.
So far it seems like Four and Eric are in a battle for who can get the most, they frequent the shop.
Eric never talks anymore and it may be because Tori and Bud never leave him unattended. Not after they came in to him barefoot and the contents of the metal handcart scattered on the floor. I did not stay to help clean or explain.
"You're crazy then and you might as well pay up now." Kat admonishes, she elbows me in the side in an attempt to get me to join in but instead of coming to Amar's defense I tie my hair into a lose bun on top of my head and bite into some eggs. A bet right now is pointless because of the rain and no actual way to tell which initiates will be on Amar's team or the opposing one.
Plus there's several days before the actual game. It could get cancelled. The weather is beginning to get colder too.
"The game will probably be cancelled anyway, it's been raining all week." Jackie exclaims sullenly. She starts taking the piece of unclaimed chocolate cake off my plate and I tilt it in her favor.
They already know I don't like sweets and that Kat always gives me a piece despite that. We're close that way, these people and I. Sometimes I spit in her morning coffee, she knows, but she drinks it anyway. It's these little things that make me attached, the things that stick with me.
"Oh my fucking-" Says a high pitched voice before arms wrap around my neck. "What did you do to your hair?" Asks Lynn with a raucous laugh directly in my ear. I contemplate laying her out over the table but I really don't mind my hair. It's just hair. I find ways to pass the time.
"Getting ready for winter." Uriah answers for me, I wasn't going to answer anyway. "It now matches your cold heart." He adds and I tilt my head back and forth like I can't argue. "I'm just kidding! Oh, but Zeke said the War game is most likely still on!" He screeches excitedly before hopping up onto the bench towering over us all like he's going to make an announcement.
Joseph scowls and nails him in the back of the knees sending Uriah crashing down onto the table top, Jackie and I grab our plates and turn just in time to save our food. "So can we stay at your place tonight?" She asks casually scraping her carrots onto my plate, Lynn plucks one and starts crunching it over my shoulder.
"Can't. Reid." I say and everyone looks at me with bummed expressions. Kat's brows furrow and she looks slightly peeved but I know she's expressing concern.
It's normal though, sometimes Reid comes home and stays the night. No big deal, it's never been a big deal.
I shrug Lynn off me when she pokes the carrot into my cheek and she sits down on the table just as Uriah slides off it rubbing his elbow, complaining about Joseph being too abusive.
"Wanna stay over at my place then?" Jackie asks me passingly, I shake my head 'no' and drag my finger over the icing on her piece of cake and stick it in my mouth, tasting the chocolate thick substance, licking the entire length off. It's disgustingly sweet and attacks my taste buds.
"Not tonight." I reply with a deep sigh, before scraping my tongue against the back of my teeth.
It did rain, and it continued to rain even during training.
Our breaths come out white and visible in the cold air while we all continue our slow pace through puddles on the ground. My socks are soaked and squish with each step. My insides are trembling from the cold torrent that pelts our bare skin, our only cover is the occasional passing under the train overpasses as we trek around the giant Dauntless compound.
No one complains about it, or the cold or the rain. The first few drops were the worst but now that we are all thoroughly soaked, no one cares. When we circle around for the 3rd time, effectively running for over 2 hours, Travis finally barks out for us to get our 'asses inside'.
My lungs burn but everything else feels cold as ice, every muscle tense from the frigid fall weather. We catch our breaths, huffing and releasing hot air in with puffs, wringing our hair and loose clothing out, it sticks to me like a second skin.
The training room for initiates is much larger than ours and because the initiates have the day off we are to use the transfers facilities. It's not unusual that the transfers get nicer and newer equipment, they need the most training.
At first Travis lets us recover which is hardly possible considering we weren't offered towels or the chance to dry off. We remove our boots and socks and continue wringing water out, creating numerous puddles on the concrete ground.
"Fall in." Travis commands, Kat and Jackie stifle their groans and toss the socks they were slapping each other with onto the ground as we make our way, dripping wet over to the table with knives. "Alternate." He bellows and the younger kids all stand at attention at our sides. "Throw till I say stop." With that he walks off to go smoke a cigarette even though he's not supposed to. He started after his retirement from wall duty after an accident.
It's not good for his health, not to mention he always reeks of smoke.
"The first time throwing since he became our trainer and we're soaking wet, and trembling out of our asses." Gabriel complains under his breath. He's right though, the handle of the knife is slippery in my hand, and my attempt at wiping them off on my clothing doesn't work because my clothes hold more water than anything else.
I'm familiar with knives but I look forward to the days I get to throw them with others. Travis became our trainer last year and he is a slacker.
"Don't you think it's kind of unfair?" Says a voice coming into the room. "Dauntless are trained at such young ages, and then we come in and get scored against them." It's one of the Candor. My first knife sticks into the target exactly where I aimed it despite the grating voice in my ear.
Uriah stands shivering next to me to hand me another. After I throw my first 3, I retrieve them and let him throw.
After about 4 rotations, I'm shivering just as much as Uriah is and the knife slips a few times but they always make it to my mark. I didn't notice the audience of initiates that come closer to observe, because my growing frustration at the spineless way the cold weather is effecting me. Winter is my least favorite time.
"Aww the kiddies are shivering cold." Says Sean, the other transfer.
Uriah ignores them but I see the way his jaw is tense and his dimples disappear. He tries hard not to tremble and brings his arm back to throw another knife but it slips and clatters to the floor in front of the target. When the initiates start laughing, Joseph flips out and tries to start a fight with them.
We start training every Wednesday when we turn 14, some of us before then, much before then.
They come in, leave their entire life behind and are expected to pick up ours, in a very short amount of time. The first stage is the easy part.
Stage 2 will make or break.
I vaguely take in the fact that it's just the Candor transfers, Mia, Henry and Sean.
Kree begins to argue with the girl, Mia, while Lynn and Marlene toss their knives back onto the table as if to join. Gabriel and the others do the same and before long the arguing and near fighting will attract Travis. Really they should know better, it's an unfair fight.
"Let's keep throwing." I advise Uriah with a deep exhausted sigh, we don't know when we'll get another chance.
When he goes to join in the ruckus, I stop him with a hand to the shoulder before retrieving the two knives stuck in the target and the one on the ground. He actually listens to me but complains while continuing to throw even though it's my rotation. Marlene comes over to us and I start handing her knives too and together we silently ignore Travis screaming at both the initiates and our dripping wet comrades.
"Gene, Uriah, Mar." A stern voice calls and only then do I turn around. Amar stands there looking extremely tense with his arms crossed over his chest, he jerks his head for us to move away from the targets. He is in his instructor mode, it suits him.
Amar makes the initiates involved in the altercation start throwing knives, they're impressive, none of the knives end up on the ground. The rest of us watch quietly while Amar and Travis stand there glaring at them, the tension in the air is palpable.
Mia turns around with a smug smile, all three of her knives stuck in the target directly in the middle and as soon as she gives the rest of us a triumphant look, Amar walks over to the table, grabs a water bottle and we watch as he pours it all over the Candor, effectively drenching her. "Alright now throw."
There is little triumph in the way he's just humiliated her.
She blinks at him in bewilderment, her mouth slightly open. When the other transfers can't manage to hold in their chuckles Amar snaps. "You know what? All of you go for a run." He points to the still open overhead door, the rain coming down in heavy torrents. I can hear it pelting the roof. "One lap."
I close my eyes for a brief moment and breathe out some of my pride before starting after the initiates. "Where are you going Gene?" Amar asks harshly, he gives me a questioning look and so do my fellow Dauntless born. Kat and Jackie both give me bored expressions.
"It's just a little rain." I say solemnly while retrieving my wet socks to slide back onto my still slightly cold feet.
My socks squish inside my boots and squeak loudly when I kick them against the ground to get them on. I vaguely take stock of the other squeaks and squishes that start around me. The 3 transfers all wait by the overhead door and Amar has on a wide toothy, approving smile.
During lunch I close my eyes briefly when the sounds of scraping metal against concrete invade my ears.
Two benches become one, the chattering becomes louder, laughter becomes louder and there are way more voices around.
I focus on the peas I have separated on my plate, pushing them around with my fork and when a piece of cake gets inconspicuously plopped onto my plate by someone other than Kat, I almost get up to leave the room. Instead I calmly tilt my head in thanks with a tight smile at Mia who now sits across from me.
It doesn't bother me so much that there is a new friendly banter going on around me, it doesn't even bother me that of the entire group of initiates this year almost all of them sit at our table. What bothers me is this attention, from them and for them.
Mia has brown eyes and short wavy brown hair, Henry has short light brown hair and hazel eyes, Sean has black hair and dark brown eyes, Graham has blonde hair and pale green eyes.
I am trying to be as patient as I can with these new voices because I recognize their bravery in choosing Dauntless and leaving behind everything they knew, and everything they were.
When they start talking about their old factions, I sit and feign interest even though I really should leave.
Instead I listen. Cows only give milk when they're pregnant, you can still lie under a lie detector test, Candor can't have pets, and Amity have too many pets. Everyone else seems engrossed and interested and they laugh and joke about it. This may be too much familiarity.
My head is throbbing and my cheeks feel a little bit hot, food tastes like cardboard but food always tastes bland, I dislike sweets because they have the strongest effect.
I pinch the bridge of my nose and lean forward onto my elbows, pressing my fingers into my eyes till I see spots after Sean regales us with a tale of Candor's merciless mart, when I open them again the chocolate chunk is gone and I notice that Gabriel has it impaled on his fork. I don't need to thank him, as it was probably my fault it ended up on my plate to begin with.
Just like it's probably my fault the population at our table got bigger.
"Hey, what're you doing here?" Tori asks glancing up from her customer, it's Eric and it looks like he's just settled into the chair and I notice the way Tori wraps the adhesive pad around his upper arm. Maybe someone should tell him that the number of tattoos you get does not accurately measure your Dauntlessness.
Neither does getting a piercing but it seems like he's set on proving himself through those. My suspicions of him attempting to blend rather than assimilate are growing.
I always have a deeply rooted suspicion of Erudite transfers.
"Maybe she's here to get her ridiculous hair fixed." Eric answers for me. "Or maybe shave it all off." Tori tries not to laugh but beside herself she smiles and coughs a few times into her hand because she's the one that did my hair.
I decide then, that I'm going to keep it the way it is. I tap the side of my nose with my finger twice at Eric, his smug smile becomes a dark scowl almost baring his teeth and that's when Tori warns him that soon I'll be tattooing people and I hope he recognizes the threat.
I'm not used to my own petulance but it makes me feel better to act it out with small gestures, my age is out of my control.
At first I wanted to come here and count the scuff marks on the wall but now I feel I really just want to rest, so instead of staying, I make my way to the empty apartment and my warm bed even though it's the middle of the day.
Please and Thanks for any reviews and all that, I really appreciate it.
The people I had in mind for the characters I'd say. . .You could use your imagination but to me I see Gene/Genesis as. . .The girl in the picture or maybe Cara Delevingne.
Amar - Since no one has really seen him for real - Avan Jogia. . .Maybe, Idk. .
Kat - Bella Thorne?
Gabriel - Colton Haynes.
Joseph - John Bregar?
Graham - Lucas Till?
The question marks are just cause I'd like to let you all imagine your own person for it. . .If you like.
LMK who you think fits. . .Or not. Thanks for reading.