Sequel to my other PJO one-shot, The GROVER Unit Guide.
Ah, this was… unexpected, to say the least. You see, quite a while ago, I published a one-shot with a Grover unit guide, and after that didn't give it the time of day. But then today I was procrastinating from homework and looked at my overly-long list of fics, and I was reminded of my Grover unit guide. I re-read it, and was like, "Haha… I'm a crack up!" or something like that. And before I knew what was going on, I was writing a sequel: The NICO DI ANGELO Unit Guide. Yup. So… here we go!
Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a NICO unit, part of our PERCY JACKSON line! This instruction manual will inform you on how to care for your NICO unit.
Basic instructions:
Name: Nico Di Angelo, OR Nicholas, OR Nicster, OR Nicoli, OR Nicci, OR, if you really want to get on his nerves, Nicole! Just choose one of the aforementioned names and for only $20.95 we'll through in a personalized name tag for your NICO unit!
Age: Alas! We sell NICO in all his ages throughout the books: 10, 11, AND 12; a value of $49.99. But order now for the special offer of not $10.99, not $20.99, and not $48.99 but $102.99! That's right, folks; order now to get the $49.99 value of Nico's every age for just $102.99!
Place of Manufacture: Ah, who knows? Somewhere deep in the land of eggs, sperms, and Nicos…
Height: Hehe… well due to a current factory dysfunction our NICOs are running a little short *cough* 4'9' *cough cough* Ahem… *clears throat* I should really get some cough medicine for that…
Weight: SKIN-Y-ASS. And, you know, the additional 12 year old muscles that we've all come to know and love… that's right all you NicoxOC Mary-Sue writing fan-girls; you can order NICO SMOKING HOT!
Your NICO unit should come with the following accessories:
Camp half-blood T-shirt
Pack of Myth O Magic Cards (if you ordered the 10 YEAR OLD!NICO)
3 pairs of black skinny jeans (if you ordered the schmexy very sexy 12 year old Nico)
Additional T-shirts for version ages 11 and 12
A bunch of 10 year old Ts & jeans for the 10 year old version
Sneakers and black high top Converse (As seen in many rabid Goth!Nico fan-girl fics!)
A skull ring for all versions
Numerous band tees
His newest special addition: pink kitty-cat sweater. (Yeah, THE sweater that he got strangled into by Annabeth last Halloween.)
If none of these items are provided, sucks to be you.
WARNING: If you own any other units from our PERCY JACKSON line that are not part of the DEMIGOD/GOOD GUYS section, they may attempt to attack, kill, or persuade your NICO unit to join the dark side with cookies.
Yeah, just getting it out there. He loves cookies.
Programming:
Your NICO unit has a few skills that you may find useful!
Bodyguard: Who better to protect you than your own NICO unit? Awesomeful, epical, and SUCH a hawtbod, (who can also conjure an army of evil skeleton dudes from the dead) where will you EVER find a better bodyguard? WARNING: NICO unit might either a) Make you laugh to death b) Accidentally kill you with the bad-ness of his singing or c) commit suicide because he's a son of Hades and that's just how he rolls.
First Aid: Your NICO unit is great at healing you up with his power to take his shirt off and devilish good looks.
Warrior: Your NICO unit will make an excellent warrior. He can conjure of an army of fierce dead guys almost instantaneously, is good with a sword, has connections in the underworld, can shadow-travel you outta there when things are going bad, and has many other awesome stuff he can do to defend you!
Plus, he speaks and writes ancient Greek, which is way awesome, so yeah.
Strategist: Your NICO unit will give you the best advice yet. (At least, he thinks he's a good advice-giver.)
WARNING: It is advised that you do not allow your NICO unit to do this too often, seeing as he is a guy, and therefore not the smartest apple in the bunch.
Your NICO unit has these moods available:
Friendly
Annoyed
Angry
Sad
Depressed
Excited
Thrilled
Pissed
Evil
Used
Betrayed
Suicidal
Goth
Emo
Out-casted
Lonely
WARNING: It is advised that you do not allow your NICO unit to stay in the pissed mood for too long or he may do something irrational, kill someone, start hearing satyr god voices, or commit suicide. May.
Other moods can be unlocked with different treatment of your NICO unit, or are downloadable from our website!
Relations with other units:
The NICO unit's mood may change depending on his company.
The ANNABETH CHASE unit will constantly fret over and annoy the living daylights out of your NICO unit.
The PERCY JACKSON unit will befriend and feel bad for your NICO unit.
The CHIRON unit will be kind and sorry to your NICO unit, as well as occasionally helpful.
The HADES unit will try to seem passive about your NICO unit but secretly care for him.
The BIANCA unit will love and care for and help your NICO unit.
The FANFICTION OC UNITS will pester your NICO unit and try to act all sexy in front of him and annoy the hell out of him because they're obviously Mary Sues.
WARNING: Try to limit the NICO unit's interactions with units from the FANFICTION OCs line or KRONOS' PEEPS line. Too much interaction can lead to death.
Cleaning: He is not an animal. He knows how to clean himself.
FAQ
Q: My NICO unit is trying to kill me! Why?
A: He's depressed. Or maybe he hates you, in which case, sucks to be you.
Q: I opened the box in front of my PERCY JACKSON unit and now the two are fighting! What do I do?
A: Run. And order new units of both.
Q: My NICO unit broke my FANFICTION OC unit's heart, but he went back to her only to leave her again! What do I do?
A: Looks like you've ordered our dysfunctional BAD FANFIC units. Please return them and we will give you new units free. (Or half price.)
Q: I've fallen in love with my NICO unit!
A: You may have become a fan-girl. We offer our sincere apologies, but NICO units are not capable of love. Period.
Q: I opened the box in front of my HADES unit and now the two are making out! What do I do?
A: Looks like you got two dysfunctional YAOI units. Please return them both. Or if you are female, you may want to keep them.
You pervert.
No offense to actual yaoi fans or shippers. If anyone is offended or uncomfortable with anything in the fic, please let me know and I'll fix it immediately.
Okay. Now that that's out of the way… YAY! This was so much more fun to write than the GROVER one I made. Review, please, and if you do I may make yet ANOTHER sequel. Also check out my GROVER one. Thanks, guys!
~fRANkiEGirL61