Its funny that one little child demand could cause a lifetime of suffering. Crash. Dark. Pain. Loud. I opened my eyes to you laying there with your arm holding me back in my seat and I saw you. I saw you let your last breath go away. I saw you let your last pulse you had in your arm let me go. And I saw you smile, on a smile so scared and loving at me only for it to fade. I heard a scream and it was so loud I thought it would shatter more glass. As the tears left my eyes and trickled down my cheeks I had realized it was me. I was the one screaming and it was then I felt something change, something that made me feel as though Zeus himself shot a bolt of lighting through my brain re-arranging every lobe and vein in me. And then darkness. I couldn't open my eyes but I had heard the weeps, I heard the pain, I heard the screams of the dead yelling for help. I heard it all. I just didn't hear me.
Throughout the years I had lost more than just you, after the crash dad had started drinking. Without the comfort of you he had lost a grip on reality and he could only feel you with him when he drank and as the years started slipping away he did too. We lost our house, I lost my friends, the rest of the family had even lost touch with us because dad had blamed everyone. But mostly me. For being so stupid and childish as to have you pick me up from a playdate because of an argument. Especially one over a 3rd grade boy. I started to believe it was my fault. Wouldn't you? Now all the pain brings me here, almost 10 years later of grief, and the never ending torture and suffering because of something I caused.