Chapter Two Please Stay Here

When I got to the station, I had a short wait for the train, and it appeared that there were quite a few people waiting to go to London on this train. So many that I wondered whether I would even be able to get on board. I decided to wait before getting my ticket, thinking that there may be an announcement that the train was full. So I found a convenient bench and sat down to wait.

The waiting gave me the chance to think about what I was about to do. All weekend my concern for taking care of Joan had let me put that issue aside. But that was no longer an issue and the doubts were rearing their ugly head. Why was I doing this to begin with? Was it because as Superintendent Bright had said, that I had made powerful enemies in Oxford who would never forgive and never forget? That The only way to move forward was to make a new start somewhere else. That there was nobody, not family, not friends, who would care if I left. If I looked at it objectively, he was certainly correct in his assessment. But was that the real reason that I was leaving? Did it have anything to do with making a new start? Or was it because she had left Oxford and with her, she had taken my sense of purpose? And now she was back. Back and despite my brave words and pitiful attempt to help she was in need. Which was more important, for me to make a new start in my life, a life that before and without her in it, as limited as it was, was empty? Or to stay, and try to help, regardless of the odds. Could it be worse to try?

There was no announcement that ticket sales had been closed, so I would be able to get to London this evening. When the announcement came, it was apparent that the train would be nearly on time. People around me began to gather their possession, start to say goodbye to their loved ones and move toward the boarding platform. Now was the time for me to purchase my ticket if I was going to make the train. So I picked up my bag and threaded my way through the throng as I made my way back toward the ticket counter.

It seemed that it had taken me a while, as it always does when starting in a new direction, but I finally arrived at my destination. Down the steps I went to the address I knew from memory and stopped in front of the door. Not having a key I had to resort to knocking on the door. It took a few knocks before I heard the door being unlocked and then it opened. I was met by a brunette who had the biggest blue eyes I had ever seen, eyes that were filled with surprise and concern. Before I could come up with my oh so well-rehearsed witticism, she beat me to it, "did you miss your train? ….why did you come back?".

I really didn't have an answer for her now. All I had was "can I come in?"

She had a mischievous grin on her face as she stood aside in the doorway, still waiting for my answer. I walked inside the place that I knew so well and before answering I looked around. Somehow it seemed different already. Nothing I could put my finger on, because nothing seemed to have been added, but it felt different, not so empty. I was surprised at the transformation towards, only towards of course, a home. Maybe that was what I had been missing all this time.

"Well, what happened?"

"I really don't know….but I couldn't do it…I couldn't leave."

"Come on Morse, why couldn't you leave? Your sergeants there for the taking, no more crap from people not half as smart as you. Why didn't you get on the train and just go?"

I knew that the color was coming to my cheeks, I could feel the flush as she continued to look at me, expecting an answer."

"ah, it's a long story….and I'm not sure that you would be interested."

"try me….just the short version is all."

"if you insist….."

"I do"

"because I want to help, whether you want it or not, I'm still going to try. You deserve so much better, and, If when you get on your feet you want to go your own way…..then so be it"

We looked at each other as we sometimes did before she shrugged and said, "I guess you need to put your stuff away."

"I guess I better"

I started by her to do just that, when she spoke up again she had a mischievous grin on her face, "But Morse.."

"yes?"

"Your neck is going to get mighty sore from sleeping in that chair."

I suppose it was the power of suggestion, but I felt the urge to rub the back of my neck, "I'm sure it will."

That evening she sent me to the shop to buy a few items so we would have something to eat for the next day or two. When I got back, she generally approved of what I had purchased although I don't think that the beer was in the budget. Even so the two of us were able to cobble up something for dinner. It was a bit of a surprise to me that it was almost enjoyable to work with her on that. And it certainly was better than what I could do on my own.

In the morning I was up and gone before she came out of the bedroom, just warming over some tea that had been left over from the previous evening and making a cold sandwich before heading out the door. The day at the station was basically just another day. DI Thursday did seem to be watching me a little more closely than normal, but I expected that. Given the fact that he had criticized me for being "unfocused" and a "clock watcher" anything else would have surprised me. And to be fair I always believed that he felt that I was somehow involved in Joan's leaving. That hadn't been made any better when he found that I knew where she was and hadn't told him. I could only imagine the towering rage he would go into if he knew she had come back to Oxford and was, if only temporarily, staying in my apartment. Nothing could prevent him from thinking the worst of me if he did. Nor would ne be satisfied with anything short of my dismissal from the force. Therefore I found myself feeling almost as I imagined a spy would feel within my own precinct.

But I made it through the day, went back to my apartment and couldn't get in. The door was locked and despite my best efforts the key was nowhere to be found. Crestfallen was not strong enough a word to describe how I felt. I suppose I really hadn't expected her to stay here. Crummy did not do justice to how tiny, and cramped this apartment was. She had never lived in such a place. Even the apartment Ray had put her up in Leamington was a palace in comparison.

While I was still feeling sorry for myself, I could hear hurrying feet on the walk above me, so not everyone must be feeling so morose. As I was trying to determine whether to break the glass or attempt to jimmy the lock, I didn't notice that the footsteps above had stopped.

"Hey!" what the blazes? I looked up to see her leaning over the railing, looking down at me, sort of out of breath it seemed and carrying a parcel. "yes?" My relief that at least she had come back to give me the key was probably noticeable in my voice. She straightened up and started down the steps. When she got down to the landing, she handed me the parcel with a "here hold this, I'm sorry I'm late, the time got away from me." As she pulled the key from her purse and opened the door. "you know we really need another key". Such was my relief that she had come back that the comment really didn't register on me at the time.

She held out her hands for me to give her the parcel back then walked over to the counter with it. Unwrapping it, really just pulling the paper back from it, revealed a simple flower arrangement. "I thought this place needed a little something to liven it up a little bit, don't you?"" And before you say anything, I got it on sale at the shop over near the market, how do you like it?" As bad as I am, I knew better than to say that the money could have been spent more wisely on food or some other kind od sustenance, so I just pulled on my earlobe, nodded and said "very nice." Later I would have to admit that the simple arrangement would bring a smile to my face every time I looked at it. And from them on it would always have fresh flowers in it, simple things indeed do make a difference.

Later over our simple dinner we discussed how our days had gone. I supposed that after years of her father not talking about work, she found police work interesting. Just as I found the life outside of police work to be if not intriguing at lest somewhat interesting. She told me that she had been looking for a job all day with mixed results. A couple of places were possibilities, but nothing guaranteed just yet. Neither of them seemed suitable to me for a young woman with her qualifications. Yet when I started to ask why she didn't inquire at the bank again I was shot down immediately. Looking up from her plate she said in no uncertain terms, "I'm not going back there, I'd starve first." I suppose it was seeing my surprise at her adamance or maybe disappointment on my face she tried to soften it a bit. "And besides I don't even know if they would hire me back. One of these other two will come through quicker. We could use the money, and I can move up later." So the matter was closed for now. I should just be happy she was here and not worry about being a career counselor.

From then on, the next two weeks were one of the best periods of my life. It's true that money was incredibly short, I couldn't afford to drink myself into a stupor every night, and if the truth be told I didn't want to. Some of that money had to go to, not just more food but entertainment as well. It only took about two days to realize my collection of classical records, and old journals was boring her to tears. But we managed to cope and only rarely got on each other's nerves to the point of a row.

She took a job in one of the shops which fortunately paid her by the week, and the owner even made a small advance to help her get by. We celebrated that night by going out to one of the pubs nearby. I agreed to no more than two pints and she again to my surprise ordered a large orange juice. It looked like the perfect evening until I felt the shadow of someone stopping by our booth and heard an oh so familiar "hello matey!" My heart sank into my socks as I looked up to see the face of Detective Sergeant Jim Strange beaming down. Fortunately Miss Thursday was seated so that he didn't immediately get a look at her. But there was no sense in denying the obvious, particularly when he turned to her and asked, "and who's this?" The resultant look of surprise on his face would have been priceless if it hadn't been so serious. She played it much better than I could with a simple "hello Jim".

"Miss Thursday,…I didn't….."

"Good to see you too Jim, I'm just in, staying with a friend for now."

"May I sit down?... budge over Morse." So I had to slide over on the pew where there was hardly enough room for the two of us. Strange then proceeded to bombard her with questions, where she had been, what she had been doing with herself when she was going back, etc. I wasn't allowed to get in a word, nor was there any need, she fielded every question with aplomb, answering each with words that told him nothing. After he had offered to stand us a pint which I graciously accepted, and she declined with a brilliant smile and a tilt of her glass of orange juice he got up to leave. "Nice to see you again Miss Thursday, hope to see you again soon." Again she gave him that smile and said "" And you too Jim, but I've got plans, and Jim….." He raised an eyebrow, "not a word to dad, ok? Don't want them to worry." He nodded in agreement and was on his merry way.

"well that's that" I said. "the entire CID will know that you've been seen in Oxford tonight, in my company." She leaned back in her seat, looked over at me and said is that so bad?" "no, not all, and I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later."… "The question is what to do?"

"I know exactly what to do."

"and what's that?"

"Go ahead and finish your pint, and then we will go home."

We walked back to the flat in silence, I suppose thoughts were swirling around in my head as to how I was going to explain this to DI Thursday. She on the other hand didn't seem in the least bit concerned. When we got back to the flat, I hung up our coats while she put a little water on the plant. I got the duvat and started to arrange the chairs. In the meantime she had gone and used the bathroom before going on into the bedroom. As I was moving the chairs into position, she called me and asked me to come there. Not knowing what she wanted I went in too see what she wanted. She hadn't started to undress, and nothing appeared to be the matter, but she looked at me and asked, "aren't you tired of a crick in your neck every morning?"

Morning came far too soon the next day, and I had to try and disentangle myself from a mass of limbs and evidently, I did a poor job of it because I was startled by a "Owwh!" She was looking at me with a pained look "you pinched my breast!" "ah, sorry, I didn't mean to" she pushed me away saying "just be more careful, ok,"

"Ok, I gotta get ready and go to work."

"me too might as well get up." So we got up and had our little breakfast, afterwards I got ready to leave for the station, feeling somewhat like a condemned man. As I reached the door, she grabbed me by the arm and said, "hold on, haven't you forgotten something?" I suppose the look on my face told her that I didn't have a clue. So she reached up, grabbed me by the lapels and pulled my face down to hers. I was surprised, pleasantly, by the passion in her kiss and when she released me, she told me "don't worry it's going to be ok., you'll see."

The morning passed without anything untoward happening other than the usual mayhem among the population. Sergeant Strange did walk by one time and clapped me on the back, but DI Thursday stayed in his office most of the morning. He did come by for one heart stopping moment to ask me about a case before returning to his office. It was nearly noon, and everyone was getting ready to break for lunch when there was a flurry of voices starting at the other end of the detective bay. Congratulations and cheerful hellos could be heard, and they were heading in our direction. I looked up to see a smiling Miss Thursday coming down the aisle exchanging pleasantries with everyone that knew her. When she came to me, she smiled and before my heart could stop said "Morse, how are you? Just came by to see dad." Then she moved on, I heard her knock on her father's door before going inside and closing the door. When I recovered enough to look around, the blinds had been shut and I could hear voices inside. Strange and I exchanged glances and all I could do was shrug. A little bit later the DI and she came out, he stopped by my desk and told me "Joanie and I are going to lunch, you know where to find me if you need me." She trailed him out pausing long enough to give me a pat on the shoulder as she went by.

It was the same rolling wave of greetings, although not as boisterous, when they returned from lunch, a lunch that had gone far beyond the prescribed hour. As they went up the aisle the Inspector slowed up enough when passing by my desk to order me to come into his office, immediately. Joan trailed him into the office wearing the determined look I had seen on her face before. As soon as I entered, he said "shut the door and sit-down Morse."

"Sir" I sat down in the remaining seat in front of his desk. He wasted no time in getting to the point.

"Joanie and I have been having a little chat."

I glanced over at her, but she was giving nothing away. He then proceeded to recite the events, as Joan had obviously told him, from the time she had left Leamington. But he added one little detail that I hadn't been sure of although I strongly suspected it. "Do you know she's pregnant?" Even though I had suspected it from the day we went to pick up her things it was still a surprise to hear it out loud, to hear that she had told her father. I had barely been able to take a breath when he continued "and she tells me it's not yours."

I didn't know what to say. Before I could think of anything he went on. "She also tells me that she has been staying in your apartment, but she can move in with some girls the first of the month, that she has a job, and is happily back in Oxford. She also tells me that she doesn't want to move back in with Win and I." He had to pause at this point to get his breath and get his emotions back under control. "I guess all things considered I should just be happy she's safely back, although I'm not happy at all with the pregnancy. But we can talk about that later."

"Sir, I'd like to…" at that point she put her hand on my arm and gave a slight shake of the head as if to say "later."

"Why don't the two of you come over to mine for dinner tonight. The four of us have a lot to talk about."

"Yes sir"

Now get out of here I've got work to do."

She and I stood and walked out of the office, leaving the door open, and she told me "see you later", and walked on toward the exit. I noticed that Jim Strange stopped her for a moment as if he was asking her something, she evidently answered, he nodded and then she was gone.

The rest of the work day was a blur, I tried to keep my mind on my work as difficult as it was. It seemed as if I was alone on an island within the bullpen. Everybody who had seen me called into the office with Miss Thursday and the Inspector suspected the worst. None of them wanted to come close, even on business, less they incur DI Thursday's wrath. Strange was as usual the only exception to that rule. At one point when there were just a few people close by, he found a pretense to bring some reports over. Leaning over my desk, he whispered, "listen Matey, I wouldn't have said anything to the Old Man"

"Wouldn't have said anything about what?"

"you know, about you and Miss Thursday."

"nothing to say, really" It was abundantly clear that he didn't believe me. "OK, whatever, have it your way. Wanna go by the pub an get a couple of pints tonight after work?"

"No, can't tonight, got something I have to do." He just smiled as if I had just confirmed his every suspicion, and I guess I had. "I thought not, if you can take care of those reports for me." And he went back to his desk apparently a happy man.

Quitting time came and everybody else but DI Thursday had drifted out of the office. I stayed behind, determined that I wasn't going to be seen to be in a hurry. DI Thursday finally left, walking right by me without saying a word. When I heard the door at the end of the hall make its distinctive bang as it shut, I straightened up. Taking a moment to stretch before I went for my coat I reflected on the day and what I could expect in the evening ahead. I could call myself a fool if I hadn't at least suspected that something like this hadn't been in the offing. Still I could have easily avoided it had I wanted. I could have just gotten on the train for London and soon I would have been over 80 kilometers away and none of this would be my business. I could even tell myself that I had done all I could by leaving her a few pounds and the use of that ramshackle little apartment for a couple of weeks. All I had needed to do was to get on the train.

But I hadn't gotten on the train, had I? I had gone back to the apartment, no not the apartment, that meant nothing to me. I had gone back for her, not for her father, not for my colleagues and certainly not for the "Law". "The Law" what a joke, I had seen the "The Law" up close, from the inside of a prison cell. No, I had gone back for none of these reasons. I had gone back because a scared, and oh yes, she was scared, although I would never insult her by saying it, young woman that I had once thought "meant the world to me" needed help. So I would go and collect her, we would go to dinner tonight at her parent's house and face whatever they had to say. I just didn't know whether it was to face them together or hand her over too them. So I donned my coat and headed home.

When I arrived back at the apartment she wasn't there. Fortunately we had an extra key made and I didn't have to sit outside and wait, instead I went in and had a beer while I waited. She came in shortly, saying that she had worked a little late to make up the time she had missed by having lunch with her dad. With only the one tiny bath we barely had time to get ready in time to get to the bus stop and start out for her parents. Along the way she kept reassuring me that everything was going to be fine. She was obviously talking more for her own benefit than mine, so I just listened. The bus finally dropped us off about a block from her parent's house and we walked the rest of the way.

It was DI Thursday who opened the door to their home, but his wife, Win, didn't wait for us to come in, she brushed past her husband before we could cross the threshold. She threw herself around her daughter, locking her in an embrace that had to be suffocating. Joan was barely able to croak out a "Mom, you're crushing me!" While the Inspector and I stood back and observed. When Joan was finally free, and her mother, on the verge of tears of happiness, stood back to take a look at her daughter, the Inspector was able to tell me "well may as well come on in Morse." We all went into the living room where there was more room, the inspector poured each of us a drink while Win, led Joan into the kitchen where they could talk while dinner was finishing. The dinner was typical fare for Mrs. Thursday, tasty and in more than ample quantities. It was easy to see where Joan got her talent in the kitchen, the ability to conjure up a meal out of virtually nothing. That is assuming that there was something to cook, something I had been reminded all too recently that beans and beer wasn't a suitable diet. The dinner conversation was deliberately circumspect, politics and the weather. Work was, as house rules required, left at the hat rack. Yet I knew it was only a matter of time before we got down to the real reason we were here.

It burst like a bomb going off in a crowded room. We had hardly settled into our chairs in the living room before it burst "Dad, I'm not giving up my baby!", And they were off and running. The Inspector and Joan at each other's throats, the Inspector trying to tell his daughter what to do and she was having none of it. Mrs. Thursday was vainly trying to be a peacemaker and get them to discuss the matter rationally. As for myself I may as well have been invisible. None of them were interested in me at all, much less anything I may have had to say. It didn't take long for me to understand why she hadn't gone to her parents home that night. It was apparent that both her parents loved her, in different levels of intensity perhaps, but love, nevertheless. Yet they still were trying to treat her as a child. It seemed to go on and on, around in an endless circle, covering the same topic and going nowhere.

Finally, I suppose out of frustration as much as anything, the Inspector turned on me. Accusing me of taking advantage of his daughter rather than bringing her, by main force if necessary, back to them and their home. That was too much even for me, I wasn't going to listen to that. However Joan jumped to my defense and in the process stopped the inspector in his tracks. He had no idea about the job in London, nor how close I had come to taking it. That it was only because of her that I had returned. The result of that revelation was almost like letting the air out of a balloon. Everybody seemed to pause and take a deep breath, the Inspector being the first to speak, "Is that true Morse?" I looked at me and his daughter in turn before answering. "Yes, sir, and I'm not sorry I did it." Win reached out and took her daughters hand and obviously would have embraced her if she could. The Inspector still looked as if he wasn't convinced that his little girl had a mind of her own now. Joan while obviously emotional still worn that look of steely determination which I was so familiar with.

It seemed to me that it was over, everybody was talked out and there were no more words to be said. Knowing that the buses quit running at eleven I knew I had to go. So taking advantage of this moment of calm, I stood up and thanked Mrs. Thursday, Win, for a lovely meal. "But I suppose I had better be going. Inspector I will see you in the morning." Joan stood up also, "I'll get our coats." She had made her choice. We walked out into the darkness and towards the bus stop and I suppose towards our future whatever that is.

Addendum

"I never liked coffee"

"Well if you keep on there wont be any left in the vending machine"

"Morse, just relax these things take time, particularly for the first one it seems."

"Fred, leave Endeavour alone, my dad told me how you were when I was having Joanie"

"see, Morse I told you, its going to be fine."

"As if you have any idea Jim."

The four of us have been in that waiting room for hours, and the stress, at least on my part, is beginning to fray my nerves. What can possibly be taking so long? Surely nothing has gone wrong. They would have told us if it had. I hope they would have anyway.

"Strange, you got any more change?"

"Morse you don't need anymore coffee, just relax for a few minutes"

Despite our nerves being keyed up we didn't hear the door open or the nurse walking into the room. "Which one of you is the father?" Jim Strange and I just looked at each other. Fortunately the Inspector had sense enough to ask the obvious question, "and for whom are you looking?"

"I'm looking for Endeavour, which one of you is he?"

"Ah, I'm he, ahh him, Endeavour."

"Good, congratulations you have a son. All went well, mother and child are doing fine. Give us a few minutes and you can go see your child." With that she turned and went back thru the doors. Jim Strange tried to shake my hand off, while The Inspector and Mrs. Thursday waited patiently. Finally Win could stand it no longer and had to ask, "has she told you what she is going to name it?"

"No mam, not a word. I'm sure she has given it a lot of thought though." We all stood around kind of awkwardly waiting to be allowed back to see Joan and her child. Standing there with the Thursdays it was hard to imagine that night seven months before when I had come home from the pub to find Miss Thursday on my front doorstep. I had no idea at the time that she was pregnant with another mans child. Nor that I would be standing here in the hospital waiting to see that child. A child that I would be giving my name, but I suspected I would have very little to do with his life. Nevertheless I was happy for Joan, it was what she had wanted, and I wished her all the best. I just wished so much that it had been mine.

"You all can come back now."

We all followed the nurse back into the room where Joan and her son were. You could still the effects of the exertion on her, little beads of perspiration along her hair line, etc. "Morse, come see the baby!" I went over to her, she held the child so that I could get a good look while reaching out one hand to me. We clasped hands for just a moment before the Inspector and Mrs. Thursday were able to get between us and claim pride of place. Jim Strange stayed back out of the way although he did give her a "well done girlie". Joan seeing that I had been pushed aside did manage to catch my eye and mouth a "thank you". So I stood back and watched the proud mom and grandparents enjoy there moment knowing that things would never be the same.