Pairing: Jay/Spinner

Warnings: Slash, cheating

Author's Note: I really like this one and I finished up the story in one day! I'm on a roll. Review, darlings!

Prompt: Wish I didn't love you at un_love_you

The morning lights spills in from between the blinds on the window. It hits Jay in the face, waking him up and making him groan. He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, before blinking them open slightly, hand reaching out for Spinner. He freezes when all he meets is open air and sits up, disoriented for a minute. Then the event of yesterday and last night come rushing back at him like a tidal wave. How he had picked up that chick from the bar and brought her back to the apartment that he and Spinner shared, how Spinner had walked in on them screwing on the couch, how Spinner had thrown him out, how he had gone to Alex's apartment and spilled his guts to her.

He sags against the arm of the couch and sighs. He's been doing that a lot lately, but he can't bring himself to care. His world fell down around him and he finds it's harder to pick up the pieces than he had thought at first. He knows he has too though, or his life won't be worth anything. He won't be worth anything. Not without Spinner beside him.

He gets up and stretches, smoothing out the wrinkles from his clothes. He walks into the bathroom and studies his reflection in the mirror above the sink. He looks terrible, pale with sheet wrinkles across both cheeks. His eyes are red rimmed and look swollen, his face is puffy and his hair looks like a mess. He splashes some cold water on his face and winces. At least it woke him up. He finishes his business and heads back into the living room.

Alex has left him a note on the coffee table. He picks it up and reads over it quickly.

Jay,

I have to be at work early this morning, but there's coffee in the kitchen and help yourself to some breakfast. Take a shower too, you don't want to look like complete shit when you go back home to win Spinner back. Hopefully, when I come home tonight, you won't be sitting on the floor, bawling your eyes out. Anyway, go get your boyfriend back.

-Alex

P.S. Some friendly advice: Don't cheat on him again and you just might get to keep him.

He smirks at the note and balls it up, throwing it into the trash as he fixes himself a cup of coffee. He drinks it down quickly and decides to forgo the shower. He doesn't have any clean clothes here and he hates putting dirty clothes back on after he's showered. He soon finds himself with nothing to do and he's trying to come up with something to do just so he doesn't have to face Spinner so soon.

He takes a deep breath and knows that he needs to get Spinner back, soon rather than later. He walks out of the front door, locking it behind him. He jogs down the stairs and pauses, leaning against his car door. He doesn't know what Spinner will say, if he'll even listen to Jay, but he's got to try, right? Right.

He sighs yet again and slides into his car, slamming the door to let out some of his frustration at himself for being so moronic. God, he feels like kicking his own ass. He drives too fast and plays his music too loud, blaring Metallica at top volume. It helps until he's pulling into the gate that leads into the complex that he and Spinner share. It's too soon and he's not ready. He's tempted to pull right back out and drive until he's so lost that he's doesn't even know which way he came from, but that's the coward's way out and, regardless of everything else he is, he's not a coward.

He gets out before he can change his mind and become a coward and walks up to his door and knocks, which is so weird, but he doesn't have time to contemplate that as the door swings open and Spinner is standing before him.

His eyes are red rimmed and his face is swollen from crying. Jay can see the dried tear tracks on his cheeks and hates himself suddenly and fiercely for how miserable Spinner looks. The thing that haunts him most is the look in Spinner's eyes. The dead, depressed look. It was utterly lacking in Spinner's normal warm and sparkling gaze.

"Jay? What the fuck do you want?" There is angry in that voice, but Jay never expected anything less. He knows he deserves it and much more.

"I love you." It's not what he had planned on starting with, but it's the first thing that pops out of his mouth.

Spinner snorts in disbelief and moves to shut the door. "Lie to me again."

Jay blocks the door with his foot. "Can we at least talk?"

"What's there to talk about?" Spinner asks, giving up on the door.

"Can I come in? I'd rather not have this conversation on the porch." Jay asks.

"I guess." Spinner seems so defeated and it breaks Jay's heart.

He walks in, shutting the door softly behind him. "I'm so sorry."

Spinner doesn't say anything, merely looks at him with the awful lifeless gaze.

"I never meant to hurt you. I don't even know why I did it. She meant nothing to me. I don't even remember her name. I love you and only you. Please say there's something I can do to fix this, fix us. Please baby, I need you. I miss you." Jay can't seem to shut up, but he wonders if any of this is getting through to Spinner.

Spinner stares at him for a moment, trying to keep from crying and throwing himself back into Jay's arms. It broke his heart when he walked in on Jay and that girl, but he had been so lonely and depressed that night without Jay. He hadn't slept at all. Their bed felt too cold and too big for him by himself.

"I wish I didn't love you, but I do." Spinner says, biting his lower lip.

"Does that mean we can fix this?" Jay asks, not wanting to get his hopes up, but unable to help himself.

Spinner heaves a sigh. "We'll try."

And that's good enough for Jay.