II. Have You Ever Been in Love?

Daryl woke up when the sun was already up. He narrowed his eyes to a slit since the bright light was dazzling him. Daryl got up in a sitting position and looked at Dog who was awake too. Dog looked at Daryl in anticipation and Daryl patted his head. The pain in Daryl's body didn't disappear over night and it wasn't easy for him to get up, but he finally did. Henry was lying on the floor, still sleeping and when Daryl looked up he saw Connie sitting by the window. All at once the memories of the last night hit him like a bullet. How they were looking at each other, how she smiled at him and softly touched his cheek. Was it only a dream? It had to be. But then Connie turned her head and gave him her familiar smile and he knew he hadn't dreamed it. Besides the pain he felt something strange, it felt like butterflies were filling his stomach when he approached Connie. Daryl didn't know what to think about it.

"Everything's quiet out there?" he asked her and his rough voice was shacking a little bit without his intention. Connie nodded. She handed Daryl a bottle full of water and he thanked her. He was happy about the cold liquid which moistened his dry throat. While he was drinking, Connie wrote something on her notepad.

How are you feeling?

"Better," Daryl lied and Connie raised an eyebrow in disbelief. He was a bad liar and she was too good in reading people, he would never be able to fool her.
But even though the pain didn't go away he felt a little bit more rested and not as exhausted as the day before, so it wasn't a complete lie.

"I'm good to go," he said then. Connie still looked concerned, but they both knew, they couldn't stay in this building forever. They didn't have enough supplies with them, so either they had to find new supplies or go back to Hilltop. Daryl knew it would take them almost a day to get back and it wouldn't be an easy walk, at least not for him. But if they didn't want to spend another night out here they should leave now.
So they woke Henry and after checking the streets, where the lonely walker got some company, they decided to go. Connie and Henry took care of three walkers. Daryl shot the fourth one with his crossbow, but he missed.

"Damn it," he murmured and felt a little bit ashamed about that. That didn't happen so often.

Connie shot the walker right in the head. Then they moved quickly and cautiously through the streets. Connie and Henry were fast and Daryl was always behind them. He wanted to keep pace with them and tried his best to, but he still wasn't at his full strength yet. The crossbow felt heavy in his arms and a couple of times he felt nauseous.

C'mon, pull yourself together, he said to himself.

After many hours have passed and the sun was high up in the sky he suddenly began to feel dizzy. He tripped and fell forwards. He was able to break his fall with his hand and knee and groaned as the pain drove once again through his body. Connie and Henry instantly turned back and came running. Again Daryl felt some shame rising. He was always the strong one, it was unusual that others had to come to help him. But they didn't mind. Henry asked him if he was okay while Connie handed him a bottle of water again and then sat by his side while he was drinking, softly patting his back. Dog looked concerned too and whined a little bit.
Connie helped Daryl to get up and supported him while he was walking.
Daryl wanted to protest, but he knew he probably couldn't walk without her help. He couldn't help but feel ashamed about it though. What would she think of him?

You're a little pussy that's what you are!

Even if his brother died long ago, his mocking voice stayed forever in Daryl's ears and he could hear Merle mocking him again. In his mind Daryl told him to shut up.
Even if the situation offended his pride, it had something good to it. Being so near to Connie and feeling her warm body supporting him was giving him butterflies and from times to times he almost forgot about the pain. This feeling was new to him. For a long time he didn't like people to touch him at all and it took him very long to accept physical affection and enjoy being hugged by his family members. But this, this was something completely new and different and again he didn't know what to think about it.

On their way back they encountered several walkers. When they reached Hilltop it was almost dark again. They saw three walkers outside the walls and while Connie and Henry took care of two of them, Daryl aimed and shot one of them in the head. He didn't miss this time and Connie gave him a thumbs up. Daryl grinned like a little kid and felt stupid in the next moment about it.

When they finally reached Hilltop Enid took care of Daryl's wounds and like he already assumed, told him that he probably broke some ribs. But he knew as well that they would heal on their own, it wasn't the first time he received such a severe beating.

Hilltop didn't possess any painkillers, so Enid proposed he should take things slowly in the next time and rest. He thanked her and went outside. Everyone was happy Daryl, Connie and Henry returned safely from their trip, so the Hilltopers were preparing a big meal for everyone to celebrate their return.

Connie sat at the table surrounded by her friends. They were all talking partly loud, partly in sign language and laughing a lot. Daryl couldn't help but feel a little bit disappointed, seeing them monopolizing her completely, even though he could understand that. They were her family and who was he? Just an outsider to them and a travel companion to her. And now their mutual travel had come to an end. He sat down at the opposite side of Connie, watching her. Dog lay down to his feet. The poor animal seemed to be exhausted. During the dinner Connie was so engaged with her friends, she seemed hardly to take notice of Daryl, who longed for her to look at him and maybe give him another smile. But this time he didn't receive it. Tired and disappointed he went up to his 'penthouse suite', Dog followed him and both of them were yawning at the same time.

Inside, Daryl was surprised to see Henry sitting there, knees to his chest. Now he realized that the boy hasn't been at the dinner table with them.

Henry looked up.

"I miss her", he said with teary eyes.

Daryl sighed and sat down next to him.

"I know," he said calmly.

"How can this be. Her mom is treating her badly and the people she's with are monsters and still she would rather be with them than with me."

Daryl thought about Henry's words for a moment.

"Sometimes your family treats you like shit, but you stay with'em because you know... They're blood. They're everything you have." Daryl thought about how it took him so many years to finally find the courage to leave his abusive father. And he knew, if his brother was still alive, he would probably stay with him, no matter how much of an asshole he was.

Henry looked up to him.

"I know, if we tried to get her back, these people would come and maybe kill some of our people. Maybe there would be even a war. I don't want this. But I don't want her to stay with those monsters either."

Daryl nodded. It was complicated and he was glad that Henry finally understood the whole situation. He was as much conflicted as him.

"I think, I love her," Henry finally said.

Daryl didn't answer, just starred into space. He didn't know much about love.

"Have you ever been in love?" Henry asked him. He waited but he didn't get an answer. Daryl seemed to be caught up in his own thoughts. Henry wasn't even sure, if he had heard his last question. Henry stood up.

"You must be tired", he told Daryl and this time he got a reaction, Daryl looked up to him and said: "Yeah." His voice sound tired.

"Sorry I kept you away from sleeping. I'm going to bed now. Good night."

Henry walked off as Daryl told him: "Night."

Daryl lay down in the hay. It was much more comfortable than the cold floor in the building the day before and still he couldn't enjoy it. Besides Dog, who was already sleeping and snoring next to him, he was alone again. There was nobody who would fall asleep next to him and be awake with him in the next morning. Nobody who would look so deep in his eyes, almost like she was able to read his soul. Nobody who would smile at him and warm his whole body like a ray of sunlight with that smile.

Have you ever been in love?

Henry's words were haunting Daryl's thoughts. And when he closed his eyes he could see Connie's face before him. That beautiful face of a strong and smart woman. How could he think, someone like her would even like him? Feel more for him than just pity or friendship? He didn't deserve that. And she deserved someone better.

Have you ever been in love?

But why did she care about him that much? Why did she touch his face so gently yesterday? It wasn't a dream. Was that only because she felt sorry for him? Because he got beaten up like that, trying to protect her? And why was he even thinking so much about it. Love. What a stupid thing. It was only an illusion, only a thing people made up, to feel better. A thing, his brother would certainly mock him about, if he only pronounced that word. It was stupid. It was ridiculous. He should just stop thinking about it and sleep. There were certainly more important things to think about. Surviving. Keeping people safe. Connie saved him. She fucking saved him when he tried to save her. And then she smiled, she smiled so often at him when they were running for their lives, hiding, being in mortal danger. And that smile, it made everything better. He would kill for one of those smiles. But maybe she will never smile at him again. She will never notice him again. She's with her family now, they will never let her go again. Never would they accept him as…

Okay, stop it. Stupid thoughts. I have to sleep. I have to rest, so STOP IT!

Have you ever been in love?