This one is called Suspicious Minds. I really like this song, except I only ever remember the tune and not the words. The words don't really match up with the title, but I just love the song. It's still about jealousy. This chapter may also be a bit long, but that's mainly because Shikamaru and Sasuke argue a lot in it.
My birthday was two days ago. I would've uploaded yesterday, but my friend came over so we could talk about our recent change in plans for next summer's A-kon. Apparently we may be going with one of my other friend's parents to take the stress off of my friend. (BETH.) And when I say my other friend, I mean the one that lives forty minutes away.
Hee hee. She actually read the part about Sasuke and couldn't stop laughing, so I hope you all find it as entertaining as she did. She laughed a good thirty minutes. But that was mainly because she kept inserting her own jokes in places. Stuff like, "Why is it SasuShika all of a sudden? It's supposed to be ShikaTen! And why aren't you writing NejiTen? Neji's the one that like her, not Shikamaru!" Of course, I laughed at that. She was referring to it being ShikaTem, but I don't really like that pairing. Why do something so…obvious? I have much more fun doing stuff no one really expects. Which is why I have a SHINOTen story buzzing around in my head. Not really a story, but the pairing. I think they'd work just fine, and I'd enjoy writing a story in which both main characters in it complain about never getting enough screen time or even a back-story. Of course, then TenTen would be able to say things like, "Well, at least we see YOUR father. For all the audience knows, I could be an orphan!" And then Shino could make a quip like, "I wish I were an orphan. It's better than having a dad that looks like a male stripper."
I'm really off topic today, aren't I? I'm just excited is all. (I'm totally ordering a bunch of Creatures CD's and Gozilla movies with the gift card I received for my birthday. That's probably why. Mothra and King Ghidorah are the best. My brother has a toy Mecha-King Ghidorah that lights up and makes screeching sounds. He got it a long time ago in the nineties, when Godzilla was big in merchandise. Now it's been filled with Naruto and the crappy new-gen Power Rangers, Porkemon, and the nex-gen Speed Racer remake that sucks ass. (Did anyone see the movie? It was flipping awesome. It's one of those movies that gives you a head-ache, but it's a GOOD kind of head-ache.)
Speaking of, top five favorite (animated) shows when I was a kid: (In order of what I remember the most, i.e. most recent to least recent.)
1) Dragonball Z
2) Johnny Quest (The sixties version and the other one with 3D effects and stuff. That one was crazy insane, though I really liked the original better. I just don't remember as much of it since I was so little at the time.)
3) Reboot (Does anyone remember that show? I LOVED it.)
4) Pokémon
5) The Thundercats (Hell yes!)
Of course, don't forget about the Care Bear movies. The first two each have parts of them that are my favorites, but when it comes to one over the other, it has to be the second one. When Dark Heart totally kills Christy, he's all like, "Noooooooo!" in a very Darth Vader-ish sort of way. "What have I doooooone!!" Heh heh. My favorite part of that movie, actually. That and the very end. In regards to cartoon-crushes before anime, he was definitely my first cartoon-crush. He was just so…red! Ha ha. Him and that red track-suit. He was a sexy stud. Looking back on it now, I can actually laugh at how silly I was. I'm still trying to decide if I like his bullfrog form over his fox form. Both of them had such hilarious stoner faces… I take that back. His crocodile form is definitely my favorite. And the pissed-off rhino face. HA HA!
I was also a big fan of the Power Rangers. In regards to actor-crushes, my first major actor-crush was on the Blue Ranger. (I had and still do have a slight geek fetish.) His name started with an S. Simon, maybe? It wasn't Tommy, was it? That was the White-Green Ranger, right? Or was Tommy the Red Ranger? I'll never remember. All I remember is that Kimberly was my favorite. (Of course. She was the PINK Ranger. I even had a Pink Ranger doll, with the costume and everything. I also had the Yellow Ranger, but that one was shoved in the back of the closet.) I'm actually starting to see something really wrong with that show. The Yellow Ranger was Asian, and the Black Ranger was black. Doesn't anybody see anything wrong with that? O.o Of course, I was sheltered as a kid and never thought anything of it; I'm sure adults thought something of it, because they wound up having an Asian guy replace the Black Ranger in the movie, right? Or was that something else?
(Does anyone else ever fantasize about going to the toy section in insert your preferred toy-buying location here and finding Krillin action figures? (Krillin was my first anime crush. Bulma/Krillin was my first anime OTP.) Maybe it's just me. I was a bigger fan of Dragonball Z than Sailor Moon and Pokémon. Sailor Moon was gag-worthy in my opinion. So was Card-Captor Sakura. I never really got into them. Then again, it probably has something to do with the fact that I was raised with no girls living nearby, so I pretty much played Killer Instinct and melted heads off of army figurines with my brother and his friends.)
Sorry, Sorry, SORRY. I just turned nineteen and I have a raging "running out of time in my lifeline" complex, so I tend to do a lot of remembering of the stuff I loved in childhood around my birthday.
(I even tried to convince my mother to rent one of those party rooms for a tea party with dress-up and tea cakes and everything. She said no, obviously. Mostly due to the fact that the only friends who live near me now are three lovelies either already in college or going into college, one of which is a boy. He calls himself Itachi and called his ex-girlfriend Sasuke when they were together. How creepy is that? Definitely not (or is he?) the type of guy who'll go to a tea party willingly.)
As for the chapter, I got a review for the first story, "His Favorite Food", from CobaltHeart, and she (I'm assuming she's a she, as I do with all my readers.) mentioned that she'd like to see how Chouji and Hinata's lunch went, and I thought that was a great idea! (I hadn't even thought about their lunch, if you can believe that.) So, expect some ChouHina in an "Interlude" chapter I'm writing. Hee hee. The reason why it's not a filler is because it doesn't diverge from the storyline, while something like an "interlude" would sort of...catch up. If that makes any sense...
The Ten Step Program
"Suspicious Minds"
Steps Three and Four
He figured he could make her jealous, poke at her and see if she got upset. But that would require some serious thinking on his part. How would he make her jealous, and what would he do if it failed and she didn't even care? He had to think of a plan of action, so he finally decided to act two days later.
Thus, there, near the place she trained, he sat down and pulled out a magazine two days later. He'd bought it at the store he'd pulled Chouji into, and most of the pictures contained panty shots and busts. Figuring he could make it seem like he was in love with his own teammate, he decided to draw a picture of Ino's head and paste it over one of the girl's faces. If TenTen were to see that, she'd get jealous for sure!
He glanced at her idly when she walked into the clearing, alone. He busied himself with the magazine, wondering where on earth her teammates were. That's when he heard her–
"Oh great, so just because Lee's feeling a bit under the weather we have to quit the training for today? I can't believe this! That boy is babied way too much! Of all the teachers I could've had, I had to get Gai-sensei?? If only I were a year younger… I could have gotten Asuma!! Maybe then I'd get some respect! Maybe then I'd have some time alone with–"
She stopped when she caught sight of him, and her face turned bright red.
"H-How long have you been sitting there?"
Shikamaru paled, realizing he'd been staring at her the entire time. He buried his face in his magazine, trying to act like he hadn't just heard her wishing she'd gotten on the same team as him. Despite the fact that he knew they'd been placed into teams with people that best complimented their own unique fighting styles, and despite the fact that he knew she was a year older than him, he couldn't help but wish the same thing as her…
He heard her footsteps against the grass, and her hand grabbing the magazine from his hands caused him to shoot backwards. He stuttered, finally realizing that this was it– This was the moment when he'd fulfill the third step!
"Step Three: The Dirty Magazine Trick."
She quirked a brow, looking the page over. "Is that…" She looked back at him, looking slightly amused. "Is that a crudely-drawn picture of Ino's head stuck onto a picture of a woman whose breasts put Tsunade-sama's to shame?"
Shikamaru turned bright red, nodding. The sudden feeling that this was a bad idea crossed his mind, but it soon passed. Bad idea? What was he thinking?? None of his ideas were bad!
She tossed the magazine back at him, scoffing. "Ugh, and I thought you were above something like this, Shikamaru… Do you know how disrespectful this is to women? Women aren't just giant pieces of eye candy put on this world to be entertainment to men! They're human beings! And for you to be lusting after breasts that big–do you lust after Tsunade-sama's breasts!? I hope you look at this and feel guilty, you pervert. Tsunade-sama is a better ninja than you'll ever be and you should respect her better."
He gulped, his face turning even darker. But she just continued.
"You better hope Ino doesn't find out about this."
He looked up at her, paling. "Wh-Why? You aren't going to tell her, are you?"
She shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest. "No, I won't. Because she worries too much about her figure already, and if she were to realize someone as uninterested in women as you likes things like this, she'd assume Sasuke was the same way, and she'd become that much more obsessed with having a perfect body." She shook her head sadly, walking off. "She…She d-deserves a better teammate than you, Shikamaru. I only wish you realize how much it hurts women to think they're not pretty enough before you end up hurting someone you care about."
She left him, and he realized this was probably the worst mistake he could've made. He gulped, staring back at the picture. Boobs that big were atrocious, in all actuality. And… He paled, looking back in the direction she'd gone in.
"Shit. She's still a girl…" He sucked in his breath and shot up. She was still a girl, and she probably still had insecurities, and he'd probably just shattered her self-confidence. He gulped, remembering how much more of a pain Ino was when she was trying her latest half-starving diet.
Guilt consumed him, and he grabbed the magazine, ripping page after page out in anger.
She was probably voicing her own feelings on the matter. She probably wished she looked like that now, too.
––––––––––––––––
Neji was coming back from his cousin's house and his uncle's training session when he came across TenTen leaning against a wall, shaking. He bit his lip, going to her side. "T-TenTen?"
"Hmm?" She made a sound, her voice quivering. Her face was covered, and she didn't even look at him. After a tense moment, she put a hand to her mouth, shaking harder.
He put a hand on her shoulder. "TenTen, are you alright? What's wrong?"
That's when she lifted her head, bursting into hysterics. He swore he felt his spine jump out of his back and fall back in place, and realized how wrong he'd been. She wasn't crying–she was trying extremely hard not to laugh.
She laughed, long and loud, and he shifted uncomfortably. He wasn't used to her being like this…Lee and Gai-sensei, maybe…but not her. He winced as she turned to him, eyes shining.
"You should have seen the look on his face, Neji! He looked mortified! Like his own mother had caught him in the act!"
He gave her a puzzled look, unsure what she was talking about. "Wh-What? Whose face? The act of what?"
She wiped a tear from her eye, calming down a bit. "Shikamaru was looking at a dirty magazine and I berated him for liking huge breasts… You should've seen his face, Neji. It's so much fun to see him get so flustered." She burst out laughing again and Neji's face turned so purple it nearly went blue.
He felt so bad for Shikamaru… That poor guy…
After a while, she fell silent and turned to him. "Neji, tell me, do you think my breasts are too small? They could stand to be a bit bigger, couldn't they?"
He went red, feeling highly uncomfortable. He shifted away from her, stuttering even more than his cousin. "I…I–I…I d-d-don't… D-Don't…" He sputtered some more until finally he managed to spit it out. "I… I d-d– D-Do-Don't ask me questions like that! Wh-Wh-What d-do you expect me to s-s-say!?"
She started laughing again, pinching one of his red cheeks. "Ha ha ha, Neji… It's fun seeing you flustered. Guys like you should be flustered more often. It's very cute."
He spun around, starting to walk off, staring at the ground. He cursed himself, cursing how much he was acting like his cousin right now. But what could he say? TenTen was practically his Naruto!
TenTen watched him go and then looked down at her breasts with a small pout. "All girls have small breasts starting out, TenTen. You're just lucky yours are a bit big for your age…"
––––––––––––––––
The next day, Shikamaru had reworked his plan. Originally he'd planned on finding a girl to help him, but all the girls in the village talked amongst themselves. They were like some kind of crazy gossip hotline. He couldn't do that; if he wound up using a girl that liked him to make TenTen jealous it'd be cruel, and if he wound up using a girl that didn't like him to make TenTen jealous, she'd probably just go blab about it to everyone anyway.
At one point he'd considered Temari, since she was so far away, but that was the exact same reason why she couldn't help him–she was too far away.
He swallowed, remembering that…thing…Naruto did. He couldn't get Naruto, because when he used his technique, he wound up looking just like himself but with a woman's body. He'd have to use someone no one would expect, and Konohamaru was too young to actually understand how serious his predicament was and the amount of tact it would take.
And that's when an idea struck–he'd seen it fairly often: Sasuke's ability to copy various jutsu. That's why, when he found Sasuke eating lunch alone the next day, he figured it was as good a time as any to approach him. He paused, trying to come up with a feasible argument that would work out in his favor.
When he'd gotten it and gone over all of the possible responses from Sasuke in his mind, including any retorts to them, he walked over and sat down next to the raven-haired boy.
"Hey, Sasuke."
He glanced over at Sasuke, who hadn't even given him a single glance. "Shikamaru," he mumbled, as he brushed a few pieces of rice left from his fingers from the rice ball he'd been munching on onto the ground.
Shikamaru sighed, looking up at the sky. "I was wondering if you'd help me…"
"With what." It wasn't even a question.
Shikamaru winced, realizing with a smile that he was nowhere near as dead-pan as Sasuke. He looked over at him to find Sasuke staring at him, looking him over and trying to size him up. He gave the boy a small smile and looked away quickly, feeling awkward.
"Well, I wanted to make TenTen jealous."
"Do you actually think she's going to be jealous for someone who's seemingly in a homosexual relationship?" His eyebrows rose and fell, and he looked side-long out at the lamppost to the right of him. "I'd have taken you to be smarter than that…"
Shikamaru frowned, twisting his hands around the other. "…You've seen Naruto's Sexy no Jutsu technique, right?"
Sasuke's eyes darted to him, menacingly. "No way in hell, Nara."
"You don't even know what I'm going to say."
"Oh, I do. You're going to ask me to copy that jutsu and pretend to be a girl. And there's nothing in this world you could give me in return for a favor that idiotic."
"What about Sakura?"
Sasuke's glare only deepened, his eyes turning blacker than Shikamaru had ever seen them. "I don't want that pink-haired bubble-head. She's annoying and absolutely useless, you know. All she does is go on about how much she wants me and that idiot Naruto to get along. She goes on and on and on–morning, noon and night–about how I need someone in my life to make me happy. I don't need anyone or anything except the strength to rip my brother's head off with my bare hands."
Shikamaru frowned. "What if I knew of a girl who wasn't annoying and didn't push herself on you…"
Sasuke glanced back at him, studied him for a minute to discern whether he was lying or not, and his expression softened considerably, though he still looked angry. "Who would that be?"
"You know of Temari, from the Sand Village, right? I can easily talk her into anything."
He put a finger to his lips, thinking, before he pointed back at the genius's face. "A date? You can convince her to go out with me?"
Shikamaru nodded, an almost lecherous smile slowly creeping to his face. "Anything."
Sasuke's eyebrows rose. "A kiss?"
Shikamaru nodded again. "Anything."
Sasuke held out his hand, waiting for Shikamaru to take it. "We have a deal, then." Shikamaru shook on it.
"Good…"
About an hour later, he found the results of his endeavor quite satisfactory. Sasuke didn't look like Sasuke at all. On the contrary, he simply looked like a dark-haired beauty, all pale skin and dark hair.
By all accounts, Sasuke looked fine, in every sense of the word. Because Naruto's technique was usually done in the nude, they'd had to find some fitting clothes for it. Shikamaru wound up looking through his mother's drawers for the smallest clothes he could find.
The clothes were a bit too big, but that was good–it made Sasuke look that much more petit and womanly. While Naruto made sure the body of the woman was all curves, Sasuke was smart, conjuring up the body of a very thin, almost frail girl.
Shikamaru took a look at him–her–and smiled, feeling ready. "That's great, Sasuke. You don't even look like yourself."
Sasuke groaned in relief. "Good, because I don't know what I'd do if someone recognized me…"
"Probably self-mutilation…"
Sasuke looked at him, suspicious. "What did you say?"
Shikamaru shrugged, hiding the smile well. "Prick them like a giant pin-cushion." He looked Sasuke in the eye. "You know, make them wish they hadn't messed with you and vow never to tell a soul."
Sasuke nodded. "Ah…right. Yes, that's pretty much what I'd do."
Shikamaru nodded, psyching himself up. "Alright, then let's go. And try not to look so nervous… No one will recognize you."
"Wait, don't I need a name first? You can't just expect to come up with a name off the spot."
Shikamaru smiled. "Yes I can. Momoko. There, that simple."
He blinked, feeling ridiculous. "That sounds like the name of a monkey."
"Would you prefer Orochiko?"
"No way in hell."
"Then what? You want to be obsessed with the name, you come up with something, but do it quick."
"It has to be witty. And cute. No girl goes around with a name like Orochiko. That's like begging to be harassed."
"Then come up with a name, Sasuke!"
"Kimi-chan."
Shikamaru gave him a look, then turned around, promptly leaving. He was getting way into the cute names, wasn't he? Kimi-chan? It screamed cuteness. And the way he said it so fast? Was he planning on naming a kid that or something??
–––––––––––––––
While they were walking through the square, many people–men and women–turned to watch Sasuke walk by. His hair kept blowing in the wind, getting in the way of his face, and he glared vehemently, tugging on it in an attempt to make it decent. One boy cried out, tugging on his mother's dress.
"Mommy, I just saw a ghost!"
Sasuke grew even more uncomfortable, despite the fact that his hair made it almost impossible to tell who he was, due to the sheer amount covering his face. Shikamaru finally turned around, poking a tongue out in thought. After a moment he pulled some of Sasuke's hair out of his face, grabbing a bobby pin he'd been holding for Ino and clipped it in, causing Sasuke to look a bit less like some kind of creepy drown victim.
He smiled. "There, Kimi-chan. Now everyone can see your pretty face."
Sasuke muttered threateningly. "Don't even, Shikamaru. You want TenTen to see us, not everyone in town. How will you explain the loss of your lovely Kimi-chan after today to everyone in Konoha? Only so many people will believe she ran into Orochimaru in the woods and found out just how much like a snake he really is…"
Shikamaru laughed, waving a hand at him. "You're so cute, Kimi-chan. Don't ever change."
Sasuke looked as if he'd bite the offending hand, and walked past him, putting on a quick and poorly-done falsetto. "Oh, Shika-kun, you're too funny… Come on, let's go some place private…"
He grabbed the boy's ear and dragged him off to an alley, finally feeling free to talk. "What are you doing?" Shikamaru had to laugh at how girly his voice sounded from the jutsu. He probably didn't even need to use a falsetto. The Uchiha shoved him into the wall, throwing his arms out in an aggravated manner.
"What was that back there?" He turned red. "You're supposed to be wooing TenTen, not me, you idiot!"
"I have to make it believable."
"Bull! You only have to do that around TenTen, damn it! If you want to act the part, act it when she's in the vicinity, otherwise I'm out!! I've got better things to do than have a boy flirt with me!"
Shikamaru sighed, putting his hands on his hips. "Fine, but the second TenTen appears, I'm going to go all out."
"No kissing."
"And if she looks at us like she's expecting us to kiss?"
"No. I've already lost my first kiss to that idiot; I'm not losing my second to a guy, too! And especially not someone like you!"
"Oh, like I'm going to be happy with the fact that I'm kissing you! You think I want to do this!?"
Sasuke glared. "A little bit! Why don't you just go up and tell her like a normal person? How am I supposed to know you're not using this as an excuse to snog me, you pervert!?"
"Because I'm not a normal person or a pervert! Just let me deal with my own problems with girls. If I remember correctly, you're counting on me to get you that date with Temari, and in order to get that date, you have to follow my lead."
"Fine, but not on the lips!"
"Fine."
With that discussion over, they traipsed back out of the alley and into the street. Every once in a while Sasuke would throw googly eyes at his "boyfriend" for good measure. Now that his hair wasn't in his face, he noticed more people blushing rather than paling in fear. He shifted uncomfortably after a while, never being really good at this. Girls his age he could deal with–older men and younger boys…he wasn't so sure.
He grabbed Shikamaru's sleeve, getting up nice and close, whispering hoarsely. "Sh-Shikamaru… How about we take some back routes, eh?"
Shikamaru glanced back at the boy–er, girl–and frowned. "You're really not that social, are you?" He sighed, looking up at the sky. "Fine, but–"
"Shikamaru? Is that you? Who's that with you?"
Shikamaru's eyes shot to the source of the voice, and he paled, looking something like a deer caught in the headlights. Sasuke's face flared up and he grabbed even tighter at Shikamaru's sleeve, realizing he knew that it was TenTen, and TenTen was friends with Ino.
Shikamaru's face turned red and he stuttered. "O-Oh…TenTen… How nice to see you…" Here would come Step Four.
"Step Four: The Girlfriend Ploy."
She went a little closer and leaned over towards Sasuke, looking him over. Her eyes narrowed, and a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "…Please tell me that's not Sasuke…"
Sasuke's eyes shot back to Shikamaru, almost pleading with him to come up with something, and Shikamaru laughed. "S-Sasuke!? Are you kidding me!? He'd look too weird with long hair!"
Sasuke giggled, adding onto that comment bitterly. "You got that right, Shika-kun! He'd look too much like his brother… Ha ha ha… …Tee hee." He caught himself muttering, "Bastard…" as a reflex, and recovered, simply smiling at TenTen and fluttering his eyelashes for good measure.
TenTen looked at him, then her face collapsed. "Pfffft…" She started to laugh. "You're not fooling anyone, Sasuke… At least, you're not fooling me… What are you trying to do?" She turned to Shikamaru, suddenly finding it in her to nearly pass out at the thought she was about to voice, it was so humorous to her. "You afraid people will be mean to your date if he went out like he normally did?" She started laughing again, and from the corner of Shikamaru's eye, he caught sight of Sasuke's now-tiny fists clenching.
Shikamaru laughed. "Actually, this isn't Sasuke. This is Kimi-chan, and she's my girlfriend."
TenTen quirked a brow, placing a hand on her hip. "So…what's Kimi-chan's full name?"
"Kimiko," said Shikamaru, in unison with Sasuke's quick, "Kimichi."
TenTen looked at them skeptically, nodding her head, her tongue poking out in thought. "Huh… So…Kimichiko-chan, you from around here? I never saw you at the Academy. Are you not training to be a ninja or something?"
Sasuke nodded fervently. "Y-Yes, I'm training to be a house wife! Me and Sh-Shika-kun have an arranged marriage!"
TenTen smiled. "You're fine with your parents telling you how to live your life?"
Sasuke's face fell, and he cleared his throat. "W-Well…they're not… E-Eh… Th-They don't care what I do as long as I'm happy."
TenTen quirked a brow, leaning toward him. "Got any…siblings? You know, is there a Kimichikamaru-kun in the family? Maybe even a Kimikochi-chan?" She smiled. "Siblings are the best. I'm an only child, so maybe I'm just going by what I see, but I've always envied people with siblings. They always get along so well… Of course, everyone has an occasional fight or two. You should've heard what happened to the Uchiha family. I'm sure you did. After all, an entire clan of people being wiped out… That's got to travel around pretty fast. Of course, there was one survivor and he's a total sad-sack." She laughed again, shrugging her shoulders, nudging "Kimi-chan's" shoulder playfully. "But who wouldn't be after something traumatic like that? I'm almost glad my family never gets screen time…" She sighed. "If only that boy weren't a main character; that fate wouldn't have befallen his family…"
Shikamaru grabbed Sasuke's hand and squeezed, causing Sasuke to look up at him. Shikamaru paled, seeing just how raging-teeth-and-claws-tooth-and-nails-angry the raven-haired Uchiha looked. He shook his head, and Sasuke took a deep breath, finding himself.
"No. No siblings. …They're dead to me. Dead to the family."
TenTen nodded. "I'm sure that's why you're the one who has to have the marriage arranged, then…" She shrugged her shoulders. "It's nice to see Shikamaru getting along with such a nice girl like you… I'm sure you two love each other a lot…"
Shikamaru leaned towards Sasuke, patting his shoulder. "Yes, we love each other a lot. We were so happy when we found out our marriage had been arranged…"
"Oh, then I'm sure you two have no problems kissing, then."
Both boys paled, and TenTen smirked evilly. "Am I being too forward?"
Sasuke shook his head fervently, his mouth flapping around uselessly; he was too terrified she'd demand it from them to say anything.
TenTen shrugged her shoulders. "To be honest, I always thought Shikamaru was gay, so I thought it was a bit strange for him to be walking around with a girl… But if you are the real deal, and he were gay, he probably wouldn't be able to do it. Of course, if you're Sasuke, he'd probably jump right on it, since he's gay and all."
Shikamaru stuttered, trying to find some loophole in that and finding none. Instead, he managed to find his voice, emitting a feeble question. "Y-You thought I was…gay?"
TenTen nodded. "Thought Sasuke was gay, too. After all, he never showed interest in girls. And with that whole kiss with Naruto–"
"That kiss was an accident! That's the problem with all of you girls! You're always thinking about–"
Shikamaru panicked, desperately thinking up a way to shut the boy up and finding none off the top of his head. So, his body moved on his own and he crammed his lips against Sasuke's.
Sasuke shut up immediately and brought an arm up, slapping him in the face. He backed away slowly, glaring at him. Shikamaru rubbed his cheeks, turning red, stuttering up a good lie. "K-Kimi-chan, you didn't have to do that. I know it was in public, but I couldn't help myself. I love how cute you are when you get angry."
Sasuke nearly screeched. "You can take our arrangement and shove it up your ass, Nara!!" As he stomped off, Shikamaru found himself glancing back at TenTen. The girl was starting to shake.
"You two really do make such a lovely couple. Is the wedding going to be an open house sort of thing, or is it family only? I'd love to come…"
Shikamaru rolled his eyes, muttering. "Open house."
TenTen nodded her head. "Good. Because when it comes time for any objections, I'm going to have to come clean about Sasuke. I'm sure he wants a family again, but posing as a woman and marrying another man isn't the way to do it…"
Shikamaru felt his cheeks flush, and TenTen smiled, poking him. He spun around, and she winked. "I'm pretty sure whatever you were planning failed. You might want to go tend to your bride…" As she walked off, he could hear her break down into fits of laughter.
Shikamaru sighed, shaking his head. He'd have to track down Sasuke–after all, that guy was wearing his mother's clothes. As he passed the alley they'd stopped by, he caught sight of smoke billowing up. He turned, noticing the raven-hair and his mother's dress. He ran over, finding Sasuke glaring at the wall, looking like he was going to kick it.
He turned when he heard Shikamaru approaching, and hissed at him. "What do you see in that bitch, Shikamaru!?"
"Okay, so maybe she was–"
"You said no one would recognize me! You said I didn't look like myself at all! TenTen, some girl who barely pays attention to me knew it was me! What if Ino happened to be walking by, or Sakura, or even Naruto! You said everything would be fine! Now everyone's going to think I'm a freak! Some freak that likes dressing up like a woman and prancing about town!"
Shikamaru sighed, holding his head. "Look, I know it didn't turn out perfect–"
"Perfect? Perfect? Of course it wasn't perfect. She kept throwing my dead parents in my face. She kept bringing up Itachi. She kept calling us gay! We're not–"
"How do you think I feel!? The girl I'm trying to impress thinks I like men! Just because your parents are dead, you think you have more of a right to complain!"
"I do."
"Well, maybe you do, but you don't have a right to complain about her bringing it up every ten minutes! Naruto's an orphan, too, but you don't see him complaining. And why? Because his outlook's not screwed up like yours!"
"No, because he doesn't know what it's like to have a family one day and lose it the next! My entire clan was killed off, you moron! I have every right to be pissed off and complain about it!"
There was a long moment of silence, both of them glaring at each other. Finally, Shikamaru sighed. "Can I at least have my mother's dress back? She wore it on her first date with my Dad, and it's sentimental to her."
Sasuke's glare even deepened, and he ripped the dress off, not even caring if it got torn in the process. "Well at least you have a mother…" Shikamaru was surprised to see his regular clothes underneath, until he remembered it was just a jutsu that had made him a nude girl, and now that the jutsu was no longer in use, his regular clothes came back.
Shikamaru took the dress, folding it up nice and neat.
"Now, that date with Temari? You promised, Nara."
Shikamaru gave him a look, tossing his head in the air. "I thought you said our arrangement was over. Or were you saying that to make TenTen think our 'marriage' was over?"
"I didn't mean it at the time and you know it. Set me up with her."
Shikamaru cocked a grin. "Well, I'm sorry, but I don't know how that would be possible, seeing as how she lives so far away. Besides, we just barely get along as it is…" Then, he left.
For a while, Sasuke leaned against the wall, sulking, until finally he couldn't take it anymore. His hands reached up to his hair and he started to tug in anguish, nearly ripping out a few locks. "That bastard lied to me to get me to do exactly what he wanted…" He looked up at the sky, shouting. "All I ask is for one kiss from a girl who's not a complete psycho and what do I get!? First, Naruto and now Shikamaru!? What did I do in a past life to deserve this!?"
–––––––––––––––
As he walked back to his house, Shikamaru couldn't help but wonder if Chouji was doing any better than he was. After all, he hadn't seen Chouji in days. He hoped Chouji was doing fine…