Chapter One: Darkest Before the Dawn

The days have been getting harder and longer. The dry, aching, burning under my skin was spreading out from my throat, crossing over my shoulders, rising up my neck, and raging in the base of my skull. The sensation felt like a stinging deep under my skin, nothing would sooth it. It was maddening. I could feel the agitation growing and my strength dwindling. I was turning into the ones that I despised, the vicious monsters that fueled the legends of the vampire lore. My blood lust was starting to consume me.

So here I sat, a catastrophe in waiting, perched on a cliff staring into a raging storm. The driving torrential rain soaked me to the core. Lighting kept striking the surface of the black ocean, like a whip tearing at an unbridled beast. I felt the earth shake underneath me was the thunder cracked from the sky and rumbled. My wet hair whipped at my face under the force of the wind's tirade.

I took solace in facing this raging force of nature. It seemed like a kindred spirit of sorts. The thought that I wasn't the only one out of control had a strange, sick sort of comfort.

I had taken to staying outside most of my days and nights. It was mostly for Jasper's sake. It has only been two day since I started abstaining from human blood again, towards the end of the first day I didn't bother hiding my emotions anymore. I was much too busy stifling other urges. My emotions were overbearing to me, the last thing I wanted to do was inflict them on Jasper, or anyone else for that matter.

Now the storm was dieing down, and my mind started to wonder into the dark realm. I refused to allow myself to go there, although my mind started venturing into dark thoughts more and more, and it was becoming harder to push those thoughts away.

I started back towards the house in search of another distractions. It seemed my life was all about distractions now. Anything to keep my mind stable was necessary.

As I got closer to the house I heard a familiar tune riding on the back of the wind. It was mine, the lullaby that Edward had written for me. It was so long since I had heard the beautiful melody. I stopped still a few feet away from the house and sat down in the rain. I knew Edward was remembering me the way I had once been and I didn't want to ruin his memories with my present state. I let the music wash over me. As the raindrops ran down my skin, I felt the evil seeping out of me; the pure water washed it away. I exhaled a long slow breath and hugged my knees. At this very moment I felt incredibly small.

From the darkness, I could see Edward sitting at the piano, so I sat there and watched him play. He had a beautiful smile on his face and his eyes were closed. I couldn't see his hands but I knew his pale fingers were flying over the ivory keys. He was happy there enveloped in his music.

The song was sweet, and it made me remember. The foggy memories of my human life were whirling around in my mind. I closed my eyes and let them run. I smiled because of how pure and sweet I had been. Edward's love was intertwined in that melody, and it made me remember not only what I once was but also all that I still wished to be. When Edward's eyes opened and they fell on my silhouette out here in the dark, a strong determination reared up inside of me. I will fight, and I will win, for Edward, for myself, for our love.

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The next morning the house was quiet, and the dark thoughts had returned. I stood looking out the back windows, beating back the ideas of murder that kept popping up. I could see myself sneaking out of the house at night and hunting down the first human that I could find. There thought of the warmth and relief that was encompassed inside of that fragile shell sent ripples of sadistic pleasure through my body. I closed my eyes and shook my head, trying desperately to smash the thoughts into a million unrecognizable pieces.

Esme walked up behind me and stood there for a moment. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and gave me a tight hug.

"We'll be back soon, Bella. I promise." She whispered. I loved her like any daughter loved a mother but I couldn't look at her. I was driving her out of her home and I despised myself for it.

Alice came next. She was just as hesitant as Esme had been when approaching me.

Bye Bella. She thought and hugged me too. As soon as it's safe we'll be back. I was saddened, because I had no idea when this would be over or when I would be able to see her again. I would miss her terribly.

"Be strong, Bella." Rosalie came over and put her hand on my shoulder. Her sadness was just as strong as the others.

"Goodbye," was all I could whisper into the window. I still could not bear to watch them leave. The front door opened and shut, and I was left in silence.

"This isn't a good idea." I said. My voice echoed off the glass pains in front of me. I sighed and dropped my eyes from the world.

"This is the only way," Edward's voice came from behind me. I turned around and there stood Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle, and Eleazar. Eleazar had come this morning to help the others with my "de-toxing." They meant business.

Eleazar was the only male in Tanya's coven. He had apparently helped Carlisle to break in Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, Esme, and even Edward.

She can't possibly be as bad as Emmett was. I heard Eleazar think. How wrong he was. I walked over and stared deep into his ancient eyes and I promised him…

"I will be far worse." He looked shocked. Carlisle had yet to fill him in on just what about my reputation was fact and what was fiction. Apparently, he thought the mind reading would have been filed under fiction. I suppose I could see his point. I mean what would be the chances of there being two mind readers in the family.

"We'll be able to handle you, Bella." Emmett was feeling cocky and this was unacceptable. I focused my mind and all five vampires hit the wall behind them with a thud. There they struggled fruitlessly dangling three feet above the ground.

"Emmett, you can't handle what you can't touch." I told him, and with a sigh, I released them gently on the ground once again. I urgently needed them to understand what they were getting themselves into. They were laying themselves on Death's doorstep with this undertaking.

"Bella, even though it may be a surprise to you, you have an amazing amount of willpower." Carlisle came over and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "When most vampires are first born they have no willpower what-so-ever, and that's when we will force them into building their willpower from scratch. With you, we will simply helping you strengthen what you already have."

"You give me more credit then you should, Carlisle. I can already feel my willpower dwindling." I turned away from him.

I have faith in you, Bella. Edward thought to me. I was locked in his focus. I went over and buried my head in his chest. I was silently humming my lullaby in my head. His warm velvet voice echoed the tune in my mind. I held him tightly. Strengthened by Edward's love and my desire to hang onto what humanity I had left, I turned to Carlisle once again…

"What do we do first?"