Night had fallen over her little corner of Minbar. Faroush was resting comfortably in the hospital's best room. It was her first time on Minbar and she had not seen anything of it except the healers that tried their best to make her comfortable until one of her own people could come to attend to her. Susan had wanted to stay with her, knowing what the first night after a first battle was like but the alien had dismissed her in a friendly but commanding tone.
Susan looked at herself in the mirror and wondered when she had gotten so old. Her hair was almost completely white and her wrinkles had wrinkles. Her eyes she could still be proud of, they were as clear as when she had been a third her current age. She knew she was considered very well preserved for someone her age and with her lifestyle.
She prodded at the bruise on her left cheek carefully. She ached all over after the battering she and her ship had taken during the battle over Lari'na'maia. It was always hard to look at herself knowing that she should not be alive, that every moment she was still breathing it was not her life she was using up but Marcus'. Apparently, he had had a remarkable amount of life force in him to keep her going so well for this long. Worst of all, was the knowledge that she had wasted it all. She knew he would be disappointed in her if he found out what she had made of her life. Here she was, past 60, alone, unloved, bitter and hard. She hadn't seen her friends in much too long, uncomfortable still in their presence. They knew what price had been paid for her life. She quickly applied some more salve to her cheek and turned away.
"I'm tired Marcus," she spoke to him as she often did in her dark times, "I'm tired and in pain and I'm stuck here. I can't give up because this life is not mine to give up. Was it worth it? Have I done anything since you've been gone that was worth it?"
She took a bottle of vodka and a shot glass from the bathroom cabinet. She downed two shots quickly, "I thought maybe leading the Anla'Shok would give me some peace," she said, her words already slurring, her tolerance for alcohol no longer what it used to be, "I'm trying to lead them in a way that would make you proud. It's a consolation, of a sort. But it's not peace."
It had always been a strange feeling, talking to Marcus. She didn't feel the embarrassment she should have felt at talking to a dead person. In a way, she always felt his presence, hovering there just beyond her reach. She felt as thought he could really hear her. She'd developed something of a relationship with him over the years, ironically. She downed a third shot, to keep the wolf at bay.
She slipped into an uneasy and fitful sleep. Usually, being this tired was the only way she could sleep easy, her body and mind exhausted beyond sorrow and worry. She woke several times during the night from unremembered nightmares. It was dawn the last time she woke this time from a much different dream, one that was full of urgency and confusion.
"Susan, I need to talk with you."
The hospital was nominally closed to visitors but Susan knew that wherever she wanted to go, on Minbar at least, doors were always open. She made her way through the deserted corridors towards the room Faroush had been set up in. She was wearing only the essentials of her Ranger uniform, her recovered insignia pinned on very carefully this time. There was another Sta'ui in the room, standing at Faroush' bedside as well as the President and her personal assistant.
"Madam President," Susan gave the President of the Interstellar Alliance a Minbari salute, her hands and thumbs forming a triangle, "Faroush."
"This is Ambassador Sorali," Faroush said, gesturing towards the other member of her species, "he is lately arrived from Narn where he was delayed when all ships with military capacity were ordered to help you."
"I'm honoured to meet you Ambassador," Susan relaxed slightly, something she only allowed herself to do in public in certain circumstances, "May I know why I was summoned here at this hour? You sounded...distressed."
"Indeed I am," Faroush said, "Sorali brings distressing news but I told him that you were the best person to help us."
"I will certainly do my best," she replied.
Ambassador Sorali took over, "First, allow me to thank you for your heroic effort to save my people from invasion," Susan bowed modestly, she didn't feel very heroic, "we owe you a debt that we will repay handsomely. However, we must ask for your help one more time before that."
"It's really not necessary," Susan said, "the Rangers are here to serve".
"Nonetheless, it would make us happy and Faroush believes she knows just what you would most appreciate," there was no arguing any more after that, among the Sta'ui, refusing to make someone happy would be an unthinkable offence, "Now, here's our problem. We have heard that during the attack on our homeworld, another, smaller enemy force managed to infiltrate a scientific station on one of the moons of Shorna, the second gaseous giant in our system. They have taken our people there hostage. We are very distressed about the situation. We do not know how to deal with this. Your president has very kindly offered to send your best negotiator to help us handle their demands but we have more pressing worries still than our people."
Susan felt a chill crawl down her spine at this uncharacteristic admission, "What was in that research station?"
"Among other things, a machine," Faroush said, "a machine from our more violent days. We found it during an archaeological dig and were in the process of studying some of its peculiarities in the hope that we could recycle it for better purposes rather than destroy it as we have other models of its type."
"We believe that if these people were to find out what it does, they would take if for their own and inflict terrible things on others," the Ambassador continued
"What does the machine do?" The President asked.
"You must understand," the Ambassador sounded embarrassed as though he were about to admit a dirty secret, "those were difficult days. We were still trying to find ourselves as a people and we thought it fair that the life force of one who had committed great crimes should pass on to those who were ill or injured. We thought it was a form of redemption for them, helping the community they had harmed."
Susan paled at the echo of what someone else had said before, a long time ago. She closed her eyes tightly. She flashed back, hard, to a pale face next to hers, breathless.
"Are you all right Susan?"
Susan opened her eyes when the President touched her arm. There was concern in the woman's eyes, "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine," Susan said although she felt very shaky. She took a deep breath.
"This machine," she started, "I think I've seen one like it," she described the device. It's design was still clear in her mind as though she had seen it only yesterday.
"Yes, that is exactly like it," Faroush said, surprised, "an older model, I believe. Where did you see this machine?"
Susan was loath to explain. As far as she was concerned, it was better that only those of her friends who were there at the time and were still alive were the only ones to ever know the price of her life.
"We...found...one of them back when I was serving on Babylon 5. Dr. Franklin studied it for a short time but determined it was too dangerous to use, even in...extreme circumstances. Not everyone agreed with him."
"Your Dr. Franklin is a very wise man then," the Ambassador sounded genuinely impressed, "we should like to meet him."
"I'm afraid he passed away a long time ago," Susan replied sadly. Most of her friends were already gone, it was better not to dwell on the injustice of that.
"What a shame," Faroush said, "enlightenment is precious. It bodes well for your species that you have people such as him."
"Thank you. I have been blessed with the friendship of several such people," Susan said, "but what is it you need me to do?"
"We can't risk the technology falling in the hands of such a ruthless people," Ambassador Sorali said, "We will trust the President's negotiator first to solve this, hopefully without any blood shed but if he doesn't succeed," he paled, "she suggested we have a "backup plan" and as we do not know what to do ourselves, we've decided to hand it over to you."
He knew that by asking her to help, there would be violence and death, just like when they had requested help when they were attacked. She felt sorry for the Sta'ui, she could see the strain being around the people of the IA getting to them. They were having to adjust themselves to a world that was brutal and careless and it was changing them. She was starting to wish, for their sake, that they had never met.
"I'll put together a team to work on this," she said, "the Anla'shok are both discreet and cunning and they value life above all else. They are the best people for a job of this nature."
Her mind was already considering possible plans of attack and choosing the right Rangers for the mission. It had to be a small, elite team armed only with denn'boks and shock grenades, and there would have to be at least two telepaths. She had no qualms about killing but she would respect the wishes of the Sta'ui as much as she could. She turned to leave but Faroush reached out for her arm.
"Susan," the alien looked at Sorali briefly then turned back to Susan, "We think you should go there yourself."
Susan was surprised, "Me? Personally? Er... okay... I guess I can do that too. Sure."
"You entrusted something to us," Faroush said, "that is kept in that research station. We thought, under the circumstances, you would want to go yourself."
"Oh," Susan's heart began beating fast, "I see. Yes. You're right, I need to make sure nothing happens to...it."
"As I know better than to ask what that is," the President said, picking her jacket up from the nearby chair, "I shall leave the three of you to make whatever arrangements you need to make. I don't need to remind you that we need all the White Stars we can get on regular duty, I'm sure."
"Most of them are back on normal duty," Susan reassured her absent-mindedly, "The Narn, the Drazi and the Gaim have been very generous and lent us some of their troops to patrol the area immediately around Lari'na'maia."
"Good, good," the President and her aide headed out of the room, "that's at least one less thing for me to worry about. For tonight anyway. Good night, all."