Some Schemes Just Shouldn't Be Hatched

Serious thanks to motchi and bofoddity for their help in the direction of this chapter :)
Also, a big thanks to the workshop group for editing and all that!

There are some schemes that just shouldn't be hatched. That never crossed Tifa's mind when Barret came home to tell her quite an interesting story.

She'd just finished closing down the bar when he'd gotten back. He brought a cold draft in with him, and Tifa rubbed her arms to fight the chill. However, it wasn't the cold that grabbed her attention; it was the look on his face as he walked to the counter.

"Everything all right, Barret?"

He slumped heavily onto a barstool. "'Course, Tifa. Everything's fine."

Tifa tossed an old dish rag into the sink and dried her hands on her jeans. She leaned against the counter and offered a warm smile. "Are you sure?"

She could see through his words. She'd known him so long that she felt sometimes she knew him better than she knew herself. Her inquisitive puppy eyes would break through his walls; they always did.

"I'm just confused about some things, Teef."

"Things, hm? Well, that narrows it down."

"I suppose you'll get it out of me sometime, so I might as well just 'fess up."

She couldn't help but laugh. "You're getting good at this!"

"You never give up; I don't usually have a choice."

"Oh, that's not true." She mocked a frown. "You wouldn't tell me if you didn't really want to."

He said nothing because she was right. They shared many things, even if there was a bit of an act before those things were shared. She chalked it up to stubbornness. That was just the kind of bond they had formed after many years of friendship.

"Elena was actin' strange the whole walk to her condo."

"Strange like how?"

"Clingy."

"She probably couldn't walk straight. I'd be clingy too, rather than try to stumble through town."

"That's what I thought at first. Then, when we got to her place, she gets on her tiptoes and just kisses me for no reason at all. I know I didn't come onto her. And it ain't like she came onto me before that point, either."

And there it was, on the table: the most unexpected thing Barret could have said. Tifa had never pegged Elena for any type but Tseng. There had been quite a bit of alcohol in her system, but, then again, she'd had time to walk it off. Tifa decided then that she'd get to the bottom of it.

Her silence seemed to make him self-conscious. "Surprised?" he asked.

"Barret… not because of anything aside from the fact that she… Well, I didn't see it coming."

"You think you didn't see it coming. Hell, I didn't see it coming in the next era. Not that I've spent time thinkin' about it. But it's just a kiss, right? Too much alcohol, and there it is. She probably won't even remember it tomorrow."

Tifa nearly blurted, "We'll see about that," but opted for a safer route. One that wouldn't give away her plans. "I don't think a girl could kiss you and forget about it."

"A girl like Elena might."

"Don't tell me you think you're not good enough."

"Teef, I'm practically an old man."

"Oh, bull. You're barely thirty-eight."

"And she's gotta be ten years younger than that."

"It wouldn't be the first time someone's dated a younger woman."

"Whoa, whoa, slow down, Teef… Who said anything about dating?"

Tifa's eyes shifted as she searched for a recovery. No options. "I, um… just want to see you happy; that's all."

"Happiness doesn't exactly equal Elena."

"Maybe, maybe not. You could at least find out."

"Your mind… I swear it must go a mile a minute. Where do you come up with this shit? It was just a kiss. Nothin' else."

"Okay, okay. I'll drop it."

' ' '

"Damn, despicable, horrid sun…" Elena mumbled as the bright rays of sun reached through the sheer drapes and pulled her from dreamless sleep.

She took a deep breath and felt a distinct ache swell from her forehead to her ears. Nausea would be next; it would start the minute she moved—these were symptoms she knew without a doubt. She'd had to nurse Reno out of several mornings just like this.

She rubbed her eyes until white lights popped into her vision. As the room came into focus, she glanced at the clock. The alarm would go off in three minutes and worsen her headache. She ripped the cord and hesitantly pulled herself from sheets that, today, felt like heaven.

The trip to the kitchen wasn't as bad as she assumed, but the smell of food was. She forced herself to eat as much as she could, washing down the toast with old coffee. Several mints and a good long shower later, she actually resembled a living human being. That didn't mean she felt like one.

She finished her cuffs and reached for her tie, realizing that it wasn't where she normally placed it.

"Shit."

A few minutes searching the room led her to the memory of ripping the tie off in the elevator. She couldn't help but wonder what else she was forgetting before and after her dive into the bar. At least she didn't have a car to worry about. She'd smartly left that at the office. Actually, she'd been too fired up to grab the keys off her desk, and too stubborn to go back and get them. Not that she'd admit it. It looked like she'd be walking.

The brisk morning helped with the grogginess, but the headache was going absolutely nowhere. Still, being outside was certainly lifting her spirits. It was like freedom, even if it wasn't going to last. She remembered with astonishingly clear certainty that Tseng and Reno had put the nail in the coffin. They had been the ones who had pushed her toward Seventh Heaven, of all places. And Tifa… Tifa had been great company, though she couldn't quite remember their conversation in full.

When she pushed past glass revolving doors, all that was left of her freedom shattered on the marble floor. She made it a point not to look at anyone as she headed for the elevator. She was headed down the short hall to her office when the first nuisance came.

"Hey 'Laney."

He rolled the "L." She was in for it.

"You look like hell," came with a smirk.

"Gee, thanks for noticing, Reno."

Reno simply chuckled. "No biting remarks? Just a little sarcasm is all you can muster?"

The gap between his shoulder and her door looked increasingly smaller by the minute.

"Go to hell."

"Already been. This is much more fun."

"Ha ha," she mocked, coming face-to-face with the red-head.

"You know, we're heading out today. This assignment is going to kick ass."

"Yeah? Break a leg."

"You're so bitter it's making your eyes red. Or is that the hangover? When the goin' gets tough the tough get goin' to the bar?"

Elena said nothing. Simply clenched her fists at her sides and stared.

"Hey Rude," he shouted. She flinched. "'Laney's got a hangover! Went to the bar without us. Can you believe that?"

She turned to find Rude staring at her from the reception desk, along with half of the people on the floor. That was all she could handle. She'd tried to ward him off by being passive, but he clearly wasn't going anywhere until he got a reaction. And that's just what she'd give him. She cocked back her elbow and gave Reno perhaps the best right hook he'd ever taken from a woman. It seemed to happen in slow motion for her, but she was sure it was too fast for Reno to dodge. Her fist hit with a wonderful sound, though she knew her knuckles would hurt later. His back hit the wall with a satisfying thud and he was nursing his lip while glaring daggers.

"Careful, you're getting blood on the floor," she said with a growing smirk.

"Bitch," he growled. She knew she was safe. Reno might talk a good game and give sarcasm and wit, but he was not the man others portrayed him to be. She'd never really knocked him back that way, but she was more than sure any retaliation would be in words.

"Yeah, I know. I sure hope Rufus doesn't mind your fat lip." And she strode into her office with a smile, feeling better already as the door slammed shut.

She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so great about putting a guy in his place. That was when the initial memory pieced back together.

"You've got to be kidding me…" she mumbled, pressing her palm against her forehead. The drink-by-drink poker game was forming a telling picture in her head. She could see herself now, hell on heels. Trouble in a suit. The sauntering, tossing her hair, and using her voice for all it was worth. At least she'd won. No sense in tearing it apart.

She sat down at her desk and pushed in the power button on a sleek, silver tower and waited as the screen showed boot-up progress. When the prompt came, she entered her password and clicked the little flying letter on the desktop.

"You have 34 new messages," the bland voice told her.

"Great."

Half of them were junk, but she paused when the "Miracle Cure" popped up. It claimed to cure any hangover if taken before the night out. That would have been nice to know. The next was for a singles service she was certain Reno signed her up for.

The other e-mails were office notes and chain e-mails. Did these people ever do their work? She couldn't imagine they did with all of the chain crap and notes about food in the break room. It explained a lot.

The final e-mail was a note sent 15 minutes prior to her arrival. The arrow hung over the subject line, daring her to double click. The sender was Tseng. On any other day, she might actually have considered this exciting. Now, it was ominous.

"Give me a break," Elena sighed. She was chewing her nails and tapping the opposite index finger on the left mouse button. Two clicks and the e-mail popped up on a new window.

Tseng had actually written to let her know that he was sorry to cut her out of the assignment, but that he felt it was better for Reno to go with him. Bullshit. She knew she was qualified, and she couldn't find a suitable reason for Reno to go along with the assignment over her.

She pressed the delete button at least a dozen times and then opened the trash folder and deleted the message permanently. She didn't need his apologies.

Then, like a reminder of her bad luck or a symbol of death, Tseng knocked and came in without waiting for a reply. Elena pushed the keyboard forward and stood, crossing her arms in a stance that spoke of defiance.

"Elena, I realize Reno can be… difficult, but was it necessary to hit him?"

"I felt it was, yes."

Tseng sighed and rolled his neck anxiously. "I don't want my decisions about assignments to cause problems within our organization."

"So don't fucking cut me out after getting me excited about an assignment, Tseng."

"I don't have time for this right now. I have a helicopter to catch. Why don't you just take the day off after you've finished the reports?"

"Whatever."

"Fine. Don't take this out on Rude, either."

"Oh! Why the hell would I? He isn't a little prick like the rest of you."

"Great," he laughed, "call me names. You're lucky I don't have you written up for insubordination."

"Aren't I?" She smiled sweetly and dropped back into her chair, vowing not to look up until her door shut.

She could hear Tseng sigh again and she knew he was thinking of saying something else, but he seemed to give up and leave, softly closing the door. She palmed her forehead and leaned her elbow against the desk. She'd never been so disrespectful and she was surprised he'd tolerated it. He must have felt guilty… or something along those lines. She half expected Reno to come in and say something before heading off to the roof, but he never did.

After taking a deep breath, she stood and walked to the large window. She pushed the blinds aside and watched the skyline for a black helicopter that would speed off into the distance, leaving her to write reports. How fun it would be to make use of a rifle with a good scope and ground them for a day or so.

That was it! Just what she needed. She snatched up her set of keys and headed out of the office. The trip back to the elevator brought on a few glances from those who watched her punch Reno, but she ignored it. She'd soon find some relief.

The range was empty and cold. She went straight for the gun locker and selected a high-powered rifle. Running her hands down the barrel brought her a sly grin, but she quickly traded the weapon for a .45 custom similar to the one she kept at home. She checked the gun out and went for the ammunition, choosing a clip and some hollow point rounds. Rounds that would stop "two-legged varmint" as they were called by some of the old mentors.

She loaded the bullets into the clip and heard it slide into place with a satisfying click. After grabbing a pair of safety glasses and ear protection, she headed down to one of the lanes. She'd always loved how the ear protection could drown out every other sound but that of her heart and steady breathing. At least until she fired.

She disengaged the safety and chambered a round, taking up a stance with her right leg forward. Her right arm was straight as an arrow, but the left relaxed nicely at the elbow. Aiming was her favorite part of range shooting. She had the luxury of time. Once she found the line she wanted, she pulled back the trigger and listened to the bang as the gun kicked in her hands. She was already beginning to feel the stress seeping out of her pores.

As the stress washed away with each shot, her memory began to wash in. She could recall finishing the poker game and taking an unsteady walk through the bar. Tifa's insistence that she be chaperoned home by Barret came to mind, and with Barret she got an uneasy feeling that something was there. Something that had been blocked from her memory by the combination of stress and alcohol. The thought of befriending Tifa also came to mind, and she suddenly realized that she'd come off like a lush. Setting the record straight would be best.

She'd been so preoccupied that she'd barely noticed when the gun clicked and sent the slide back to stay, telling her that she was out of bullets. That was fine with her, she had things to do and the reports weren't even an afterthought.

Elena hurriedly returned the handgun and raced back up to her floor in search of Rude. There was another record to set straight with him. When she headed down the hall that branched toward his office, she found his door slightly ajar.

"Rude?" she called, knocking softly.

When he didn't answer, she pushed the door further and peeked around the edge. Rude was typing, expressionless, but she could tell by the rate of his keystrokes he was agitated. She wondered if she'd played any part in that.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" she coaxed, hoping he'd at least acknowledge her presence.

The typing came to an abrupt end. He looked up from the screen, chin lowered so that she could barely see his eyes above the frame of his sunglasses. She slipped into his office and leaned against the door, closing it.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I know you and Reno get along really well, but sometimes he really pisses me off."

"I know. There have been several times when someone's had to pull you two apart."

She laughed, amused that he'd keep track. "It's stupid, but we just clash a lot of the time."

"I'm not holding it against you. I just hate seeing that happen. If you guys get into it like that outside the office, it puts off signals that we can be divided."

"I didn't think about that when it happened. I don't think I'd do it outside the office, though."

Rude gave her a pointed look.

"Okay! So I might have come close a few times… but have I ever gone through with it?"

She received an even more pointed look.

"We were in a damn cave!"

"Could have been someone watching."

"Oh, bite me. There was no one else there. I'll be more careful, I promise."

He did not look convinced, which didn't surprise her. She and Reno would probably never settle all of their differences. They were always in some strange cycle of getting along, tearing each other apart, making up, and then coming through for one another when the time came.

"So are you sticking around now that Tseng is gone?" she asked.

"I don't know. You?"

"I was thinking of heading over to Tifa's bar."

She could have sworn that Rude seemed to shift and almost perk up when she mentioned Tifa. She vaguely remembered hearing that he'd once had a thing for Tifa, and the wheels were already turning in her mind.

"Why don't you come along?"

He was nodding, but saying, "One hangover isn't enough?"

"You spend way too much time with Reno. I wanted to apologize to her for being such a ditz last night. I actually like her a lot."

"I've got some reports to finish."

"You're dodging!"

"No, really. I need to get them done."

"That's what Mondays are for. It's Friday and we have no boss. Come on."

"Now who sounds like Reno?"

"I do not. I just thought it might be fun to hang out without Reno, actually. I don't get to spend much time with you."

A brow quirked over a silver reflection of the room. "Seriously?"

"Why not?"

She was hoping he couldn't tell she had something up her sleeve, but he wasn't as observant as Tseng most of the time. Although, she never could tell what went on in that bald head most of the time.

"Fine."

"Good! Shut that damn thing off. I'll grab my keys," she said, halfway out the door.

"I'll drive."

She turned back with a glare, "I'm not that bad."

"I'm not a good passenger."

"Yes, I know. You and Reno have had that one out enough. Fine, you drive, but let's go."

She waited while Rude shut down the computer and found his keys. They were headed out the door, and this time she was in a good mood. And still wearing her tie.

Disclaimer: Characters and locations belong to Square Enix. I just meddled with them for fun.
Notes:Well, I just couldn't leave this as a one-shot. It may stand alone, but it is a lot of fun to write and I felt that carrying on would really be interesting. This chapter is more centered around Elena's day, but the next chapter promises much more involvement with Barret. I won't leave it hanging for too long!

Thanks so much to those who reviewed the first chapter. I know this is really a strange pairing, but I appreciate the support!