Enjoy the story!

TWO

family is everything

(She dreams of a life that was once hers).

I am at a crossroads. I need to make a choice. I have to pick a side, here and now, then and there, of a life that was once mine and a life that is mine. How can I choose just one? I was so I am and I am so I can't go back. What do I do? Where do I go? I already chose, why am I here? I'm drowning, drowning on land, I feel empty and too full, and why, why, why didn't I just choose when I had the time. Why did I choose this side? Why, why, whywhywhy…

I wake suddenly, my breath caught in my chest and I need to do something but I forget what. I forgot everything of the dream, all but a lingering feeling of regret. I feel it all the way down to my bones. I always have felt it. Sometimes the feeling is fleeting only lingering long enough that I remember it is here. Other times it settles itself somewhere deep inside and makes it impossible to ignore. Regret, even if it isn't truly mine is a constant thing hanging over me. It's shaped me for better or worse, I can't change that. So I choose to live without regrets, because I know, intimately, what it feels when you live a life of regrets.

I hate it more than anything. Regrets are like chains, each one tying you down until you've forgotten what freedom is. I won't, can't, let that happen to me because at the core of who I am, is a free spirit. I need freedom like I need air.

(Maybe this is because of her soul, it knows what it's like to be chained down with regrets and what could have been and refuses to have it happen again).

There are only two things I need in my life to survive. My freedom and my family. You should pity any who threaten either, for they'd face me at my worst. Or my best it's all a matter of perspective. For there is nothing I would not do for either. They are my anchor, I become the best person I can be when I have both. Without either I would go adrift and parts of me, those parts that hide and thrive in the dark linger under the surface would rise up. Without them, I have the potential to become a true monster.

(For there would be nothing to stop her, to anchor her).

They call me weird, strange, a freak. The other kids I mean. The adults too. Some say, "She's an old soul" though most just say something along the lines of "There is something off about her, I can't stand to look at her sometimes". Usually I can deal with it. Ignore it. Yet for some reason it hurts more now than when I first overheard someone say things like that. It hurts deeply, and I don't understand why. I don't understand what's wrong with me.

"Haru!" My brother calls to me from the doorway where he and mom are standing waiting for me. I gather the few things I take with me to school as a kindergarten student and try to ignore the group snickering as they watch me. It makes me feel self conscious. It makes me want to hurt them like they hurt me.

"Geez you're so slow." Ichigo whines, drawing out the o in slow as he tugs our mother towards me.

It seems I was taking too long. I hadn't realized I stopped what I was doing. I hadn't realize I was blinking away tears. I tend to have tunnel vision when I get upset.

"Come on sweetheart." Mom said softly, and grabbed my hand to pull me closer to her side. "You can tell us what eating you once we get home."

I nod, despite not really getting why I am upset. Despite not understanding what is wrong with me.

I listlessly trail behind my brother who grabbed my other hand and started leading us through the short walk home. Mom only had to tell him to slow down twice. We entered our home through the front clinic since it was guaranteed papa would be in office or treating a patient at this time.

Or talking to the receptionist like he is now.

"Papa!" I cried and ran towards him.

Papa caught me and settled me in his arms, I was in tears so he asked, "What's wrong, my little flower?"

"No one likes me. They say I'm weird. That there's something wrong with me!" I babble. "I dont know why?"

I miss the look my father shared with my mother over my head.

"Oh, daughter-mine there is nothing wrong with you." Papa starts, gently tapping my chin he continues. "Look st me. I promise you'll make friends one day, but until then you have your family. You have us."

"Family is everything." Her mother adds, the words seem to fill the space despite the fact they were said quietly.

It resonates with something inside me and all the sudden I feel lighter.

I mouth the words, 'family is everything' to myself until I've cried myself out. I am still in my father's arms when I make the vow. I look at my brother, my soft but fierce brother, my loving and soulful mother and my loud and kind father, and I vow. I vow that I will watch over them, and always be there to remind them that no matter what we will always have each other.

(Some beliefs are soul deep and stay so deeply entwined that they linger even when the soul is reborn).