I shove past Ray, or at least try to. He grabs my arm and asks if I'm all right. "Of course I'm bloody alright. I just got sick." I snap.

"From eating every last Twinkie in the house?" He held up the empty box. "Neela, I just bought this box yesterday. Talk to me."

"We've got to get to work." I force my arm out of his and make my way out to the train. I don't want to talk about it. Not yet. I mean, I know that I should, but I still feel held back. By what? I don't know if even I knew. All I knew at that moment was Ray had no way to understand what it was like to feel out of control.

"Neela! Wait!" I hear Ray calling me. "I don't want to upset you or anything, but…"

"Then leave it, Ray." I practically run up the stairs to the train platform. I could hear Ray stomping up behind me. "What?"

"What's wrong, Neela?"

"Nothing." I sat on a bench, waiting for the next train.

"Okay. Fine. Nothing's wrong, then."

"That's right. Nothing's wrong." I smiled, contented that Ray was giving up on trying to figure out what was wrong.

I wish I could say the day made me as content as that moment did, but I can't. I honestly don't remember a whole lot of that day. I remember walking in the door, still feeling sick and feeling fat. I remember feeling even more out of control than I ever did.

I came home, anxious for a night alone. Ray had left work early because of a gig. So imagine my surprise when I got home and found him sitting on the couch. He looked at me. "I don't care if you want to talk or not, Neela. We're talking."

I groan as I sit next to him on the couch. "It's not like you'll understand."

He ignored me. "I had this girlfriend when I was in high school. A high school sweetheart, you could say. We started dating freshman year and she was positively the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. She was petite. She was perfect. She was always in control and always put together." He softly sighed. "I saw her as the most perfect girl. But, every word that I said that validated that I thought she was perfect only validated what she thought: she had to stay that way. Neela, I watched her go from a healthy weight of 120 pounds to the grave. The grave." I heard a sadness in his voice that I never heard before. "She failed to realise that it was her imperfections that made her perfect. The way she'd snort softly when she'd laugh or how her lower lip would quiver as she held tears back. The way she'd always shove a piece of hair behind her ear when she was embarrassed. Those are the things that made her so perfect. I couldn't get her to see it, but I'll be damned, Neela, if I watch that happen to you."

Quite out of character, he grabbed my wrist hard and led me to my room. He stood me in front of my full-length mirror. "Now, tell me what you see."

"I see…" I wasn't sure what I saw. "I see someone who's got a long ways to go to be perfect."

Ray grabbed my waist. "This? Is this what you're talking about?"

I slapped his hand. "Not funny, Ray."

"I'm not being funny, Neela." He sighed as he stepped back. "Why don't you realise that it is your imperfections that make you so perfect?" I look at his reflection. My eyes plead with him, and he continues. "You get your feathers ruffled so easily over the small things and it's really cute the way your eyes flare up when you're mad. Like now." He smiled. "You can't control everything, Neela. All that you can control is will you live or will you die."

And he left, leaving me there. I still wasn't sure if I should open up. I heard something hit the wall and look to see that he's thrown the scale and broken it. "RAY!" I yell. "Do you know what that cost?"

"Do you know what it will cost?" I had never seen Ray so upset. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to open up to him, if I could. I went back in my room and laid down on my bed, wondering what I should do.

As the story progresses, it will be harder to write as I face the demons that have plagued me. I know I took Ray out of character, but when you're watching someone you care about hurt themselves this way, you step out of character. Ray actually responded how my mom responded. Well, except for the girlfriend part. I had to make that up so Neela would get the idea Ray's dealt with this before. But, as this continues, Ray will step more and more out of character as he tries to help Neela. If the story abruptly ends and it just sits there for a while with no new update, please understand. This story is MY story, only using Ray/Neela as the main. There are some demons that we are not prepared to face, but we face them anyway and my eating disorder is one demon I'm not prepared to face, but I must.

Thank you for your understanding.

NavyCorpsman