Chapter One - Kazane
"You can't sit there. That seat's reserved."
"Oh, I'm sorry, excuse me." I mumble and move to the seat on the other side of my parents. I glance at my father and he gives me a reassuring smile as he pats my hand.
"Don't worry," he says, "you'll get the hang of this."
This is the first time I've been allowed to accompany Mother and Father to anything personally hosted by the Firelord, and I'm already messing things up. I sigh and survey the 30 or so people seated at the table, counting the children in attendance. There are four spread out among the adults, not including me, and they all seem to be at least fifteen, and much more practiced at this than I am. I notice a boy a little ways down from me sitting idly as the people around him talk casually. He looks bored, but still poised, so I straighten my back in a similar fashion, and take my hands from the tabletop to my lap. I try to mimic his politely disinterested expression, but my father whispers to me,
"Kazane, why are you glaring at him?"
I flush in embarrassment. "I wasn't, I was just-"
I don't have time to explain myself because I'm interrupted as the flames of the torches along the walls flare high and intense. Everyone begins standing so I scramble to my feet as well, and as the fires recede, we all place our fists to our palms and bow before Firelord Sozin. I try to stay focused on the ground in front of me, but catch sight of the Firelord's robe, trailing elegantly behind him like molten lava as he strides to his throne. The flames behind him and those on the walls peak for a second time before Sozin addresses us,
"Sit."
We all dutifully fulfill his command, and silently wait for him to speak.
"I trust you are all doing well," Sozin gestures to us, "and I am glad to see the next generation of our nation's great leaders seated before me. And what an introduction they will have! Today we will awaken the very heart of the fire that burns at the foundation of our great civilization! Today we open our ranks to welcome our countrymen, and open our eyes to witness the honor and the glory bestowed upon us by the great dragons to be instruments of change! Today, we go to war."
A slight murmur rushes through the room, and my father inexplicably tenses. I look around and the reactions are as varied as they come; some being merely surprised, others worried and still others almost glowing with anticipation. I accidentally make eye contact with the Firelord and quickly look away from his intense, piercing gaze.
"I know that this may come as a shock to many of you, and some may feel that this decision was made in error," Firelord Sozin's hard eyes quickly brush over my mother and father, and their friend, Lord Haruki, who sits further down the table, "However, know that it is never your place to question me. In my supreme wisdom I have come to understand that the greatness that the Fire Nation once had has been lost! Now we are a people who laze, fat and comfortable in our prosperity, as weaker, lesser nations thrive and expand! It is humiliating to remain with our hands folded in our laps as others write history," I suddenly feel the need to take my hands out of my lap, "and I refuse to let our splendor die in complacency! I refuse to allow our citizens to grow content with our meager influence, for strength does not lie in defense, but in attack!"
His fires surge and subside gradually, and we all wait for his continued address to us, but Firelord Sozin remains silent. He gauges us, and with an almost oppressive atmosphere, he challenges us to respond.
"My Firelord," Father inclines his head respectfully, cutting through the tension with his words, "I would only ask how, in your supreme wisdom, you plan to reverse centuries of peace to expand 'our glory'."
"A good question my friend!" Lord Haruki bellows in his deep rumble of a voice, (though to be fair it always sounds like Lord Haruki is bellowing), "And I assume the concept of an Avatar is not foreign to you, Lord Sozin? What with your friend Roku contributing so much to the renovations of your throne room."
He smirks through his long black beard and a slight murmur again makes its way through the room. And yet Lord Haruki continues, unbothered by both his peers' chatter and the unwavering gaze of the Firelord upon him.
"It does not take much effort, oh mighty Firelord, to remember back to the days of Chin the conqueror and how quickly, and how effectively Avatar Kyoshi dealt with his … Exuberance. Do you somehow possess greater power and knowledge than these, your predecessors? How might you steel yourself from certain destruction? Enlighten us."
My father again speaks up, "Glory and splendor cast many men to foolishness, but the Avatar is a reminder to us all that only balance and harmony are the ways in which we can truly surpass our ancestors in dignity and honor."
Firelord Sozin chuckles, a sound completely foreign to me, and one that sends shivers down my spine.
"How, you ask? Don't be so naïve to think I have yet to put these plans into action! Since Avatar Roku died we have progressed further and further into the earth kingdom, and every day our armies have grown in strength and number. Leave these walls behind, and throughout my kingdom you will find generations of benders keen and eager to see us grow into an empire! And soon, with the arrival of the comet we will be at our fullest strength! At that time we will strike! Strike down all who stand in the way of our greatness! Of our destinies! When that time comes I- we- will no longer argue with those who disagree with us, we will destroy them!"
As his intensity grows, the torches along the walls are snuffed out, their sources of air and fuel gradually being pulled towards the Firelord's throne. His flames devour them, reaching higher than I would've ever thought possible, embers spilling from their confines onto the dark granite floor beneath them. The tapestries hung before the Firelord's throne quickly succumb to his flames as a wall of heat buffets us mercilessly.
"I will not allow cowards and monks to force me to shirk off the responsibility, the honor, destined to me by the great spirits, to balance the world in unity under the banner of the Fire Nation! I will no longer allow myself to be hindered by the thoughts of lesser men! I am Firelord! Any who rally behind my flag, let us always have a dagger in our teeth, a fire in our hands, and infinite scorn in our hearts, for it is better to live one day as a lion than a hundred as a sheep!"
I hide my face from the onslaught of this unending heat as nothing can be heard except the roar and crackle of the flames. I peek through my fingertips as Firelord Sozin rises from his throne and in an almost eerie calm, strides to the top of the steps. He surveys what I can imagine is a group of similarly hidden or averted faces with a fanatic sort of glee before he roars, as fiercely and oppressively as the fires,
"Leave me, at once!"
I scramble to my feet along with the majority of the courtesans who scurry away, and out the door. My father and mother rise slowly and elegantly, much to the scorn of the Firelord. They then gently lead me away, closing the door behind us as the fire nation emblems turn to ash and dissipate, what's left of them slowly fluttering to the floor.
~.~.~.~
Outside the doors I'm barely able to stand as I tremble in shock at everything I witnessed. I've never seen anyone become that enraged before. And I never hope to again. Lord Haruki is waiting for my parents as we emerge, and he comes over to clasp my father on the shoulder and whisper something in his ear. My mother worriedly glances between the two men, and as Lord Haruki draws away, Father looks at me.
"Kazane, go to your room. Your mother and I won't be long, Darling. Don't let anyone in."
I clutch at his sleeve, "But Father, I-"
"Kazane. Go. We will be back for you shortly." I turn my face away. He gently tucks a loose strand of my hair back into my headdress and then cups my chin to raise my eyes to his. "Can you be brave for me, my little one?"
I nod once and shift my eyes away again. "That's the spirit, Fire Lily! I'll bring 'em right back for you." Lord Haruki exclaims, heartily patting my shoulder. He then takes my father by his shoulders and proceeds to walk swiftly down the corridor.
I turn and walk the opposite way. My walking gets brisker. Then I'm kinda jogging. Before I know it I'm sprinting down the hallways, blindly turning corners and wiping tears, with my kimono hiked up to my shins. As is probably inevitable in these instances, I barrel into someone, sending us both to the ground.
"Ah! I'm so sorry!" I sniff, trying to collect my dress so I can release the stranger beneath me.
"Are you alright?" The man, well, boy, asks me before I have a chance to ask him.
"Ah, yes! Yes, I'm fine. Are you?" I finally manage to gather my kimono from under me, moving off of the boy and looking him in the face.
It's the young man from the council room! The one I was trying to mimic. Upon closer inspection he has very dark black hair and light amber eyes and a mouth currently quirked up into a smirk.
"Did you hear me?" He asks, amused.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I said that I'm fine. And I asked where you were going in such a hurry." He stands and offers me a hand up, which I take. He's taller than his face seems to say he should be, with cheeks that are still slightly full and no hint of facial hair to be seen.
"I was going to my room." I answer, taking my hand from his and readjusting my kimono and headdress.
He laughs. "You're a bit too far from the private quarters to convince me of that. Just over there is the courtyard and little ways beyond that, the main hall." He gestures to our surroundings.
"Oh." Is all I can say as I realize he's right.
He studies me for a moment and I look at his shoes. They're clean and new. A pair of black, pointed boots suitable for a young nobleman, or maybe a young armsman.
"Perhaps I should escort you?" He offers. "So that you won't get lost again?"
I flush in embarrassment, still staring at his shoes. "If you must. I'm sure I'm quite capable of finding my own way."
"Just to be sure, then." He says, taking my hand and striding down the hallway. "My name's Kaito, what's yours?"
"K-Kazane." I stutter, still shocked from his sudden and decisive contact, struggling to keep up with his long strides.
"You were just in the council room, weren't you? With the Firelord?"
"Yeah…"
"I thought so. How old are you?"
"What's that got to do with anything?" I ask, trying my hardest to keep up with his questions and his pace.
"You look so young. I didn't know they let kids in there." Is his only response.
I pull my hand out of his grasp and stop in my tracks. Surprised, he turns to look at me.
"I'm not a kid." I defend, "I'm twelve, which is plenty old enough to sit in on the council! How old are you, Mr High and Mighty?"
He grins, sheepish and yet still amused. "I'm fifteen, ma'am. Almost sixteen."
"And I'm soon to be thirteen, so we're not very different at all. And I'm a Lady. Not a ma'am." I raise my chin, trying to look authoritative and dignified.
He's still grinning as he bows. "Then allow me to apologize, Lady Kazane. Twelve, soon to be thirteen, is plenty old enough to sit in on the council. My mistake."
"I accept your apology." I try to say casually, but his continued bowing is making me nervous. "You can stand up now."
"Thank you." He says, his amber eyes gazing at me intently through his dark lashes as he straightens. I feel my cheeks heat up again, and I curse my overly reactive face. He smiles. "You're a very interesting girl. And rather cute, too, especially when you blush like that." He goes to take my hand again, but my stunned tomato face and I back out of his reach.
"You flatter me too much."
"Perhaps," he says, "but I mean it."
"My father says flattery is a man's first defense when he recognizes a strong woman. He uses it to disarm her, and place her under the power of his words. I hope you know, I will not be swayed by you, and I think I can manage very well from here, thank you."
I stride down the hallway, intent on making it to my room without him. But he saunters after me.
"I was only trying to compliment you. Is that not allowed?" He asks, easily keeping pace with me. I roll my eyes and surge forward, but his long legs catch up quickly. I huff in exasperation.
"No, it's not allowed. I'm more than just a pretty face upon which to toss compliments. My father says anyone who can't recognize me for more than that isn't worth my time."
"Wise words," Kaito agrees, "and I imagine they'll aide you well as you get older. But tell me, do you always listen to what your father says?" He grabs my wrist and spins me to face him, his features disastrously close to my own.
I yank myself free of his hands. "You needn't keep grabbing hold of me like you have some sort of claim over me. I'm a woman, but that doesn't make me an object, nor your plaything." I push away from him and Kaito raises his hands in his defense, beginning to speak, but much to both of our surprise, someone else beats him to the punch.
"Kazane!" I jump and twirl around at the sound of my name. My Father quickly makes his way down the corridor. "I thought I told you to go to your room? Who is this?" He asks as he approaches, herding me away from Kaito.
"Just a boy, Father. His name is Kaito."
"Kaito," Father eyes him keenly.
Kaito bows to him, saluting him with his fist to his palm. "Lord Atsuko, it's an honor. My apologies, I kept your daughter longer than I intended. I hope I haven't caused you any inconvenience."
"Not as of yet." My father gauges me and then narrows his gaze on Kaito, "Though I would suggest that the next time my daughter tells you to stop touching her, you follow that direction. To the T. Otherwise you may become a rather large inconvenience to me."
I blush and even Kaito looks a bit flustered, but before I know it I'm being led down the hallway again.
~.~.~.~
I sit tensely on one of the many chaise lounges within our spacious living area, my father and mother sitting across from me. I look back and forth between them, but neither of them seem to notice me. We've been sitting here like this for some time, and yet they've only spoken quietly to themselves. I smooth out the edges of my kimono nervously.
When I got home earlier, I expected to get reprimanded for not being here waiting for them, but all that happened was my father, mother and Lord Haruki went back into father's study. And didn't come out for several hours. When they did, Lord Haruki left abruptly without any goodbyes, and my parents called me in here with them.
"We're going to increase your firebending lessons starting immediately." My mother suddenly declares, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"But why?" I question, distraught, "Father, if this is about Kaito I'm sorry. I honestly can handle him, I'm sure."
"Kaito?" My mother inquires.
"This isn't about the boy, Kazane, though that is another reason for you to put your best efforts into learning from Master Cho."
"You know I always do." I complain dejectedly, grasping my hands tightly together.
"Kazane, things in this palace are happening at an alarming rate. Much faster than we could've expected, and we just want you to be as prepared as you can be." My mother assures me.
"What things? What's happening? And why is the Firelord talking about war?" I distinctly recall his anger and urgency from earlier.
"The reasons we must prepare you are not possible for you to know, Fire Lily. At least not yet. You must only trust us in this." My father says sagely, and my mother smiles sadly at me.
"Can you be brave for us, Kazane?" She asks.
"Ugh! Why are you always like this?!" I yell at them, surging up from my seat. "Asking me to be big and brave like an adult but constantly treating me like a child! How can you ask me to prepare for something when I don't even know what it is?! How can you ask me to be brave when everyone around me is scared, for a reason 'not possible for me to know'?" I try to will my angry tears back to wherever they came from, but they bubble over my lashes and down my cheeks. "How can you ask me not to fear this constant and suffocating uncertainty? And how can you be the ones always thrusting me farther into it?! Smiling and nodding to your own advice as if it's supposed to comfort me! You're never fair! Never to me! I hate it!" I sob and dash to my room, violently slamming the door behind me.
I collapse onto my spacious bed and grip the covers with hands balled into fists as I cry bitterly. Sadness and anger and confusion and loneliness and all the rest of my bottled up emotions pull at my insides, only able to express themselves through this constant stream of tears. How can they know so much about the world and yet expect me to be content with knowing so little?
I let all of my tears dry up before I sit at my vanity, beginning the messy work of untangling my hair from my skewed headdress. I tug and pull at the tangles harshly, and as the last strands fall from the ornaments I remove my necklace and my makeup before picking up my brush to begin unknotting my hair again. I gaze at my reflection wistfully, wishing that instead of being caught in this tumultuous middle stage of life I could somehow spring forward into adulthood. Or even backwards into childhood. And as I brush out a particularly tight knot from my dark hair, a sharp tap resonates through my room.
It wasn't quite a knock, so I listen for a moment. It sounds again. I quietly put down my brush and search for the source of it, and it comes again from one of my windows. The wooden frame and paper panels shake, the noise originating from outside. I push open the window to see what could possibly be banging on it from the second story, only to be hit in the head, rather abruptly, with a pebble.
"Ow!" I exclaim, agitated.
"Oh! Sorry! Are you ok?" I look down to see Kaito far below me in the dusk of the evening.
"What are you doing here?" I exclaim as loudly as I dare, checking over my shoulder to make sure my parents haven't heard.
"Is your dad mad?" He asks in return, ignoring my question entirely.
"Not at you. How did you know this was my room?"
"I have my sources," he grins, "but so I didn't get you in trouble or anything?"
"Not really, he just wants me to take more bending lessons. That's all."
"Oh! Maybe you have lessons with someone I know?" He asks. "Wait, hold on."
"What are you doing?!" I quietly yell as Kaito grabs hold of the decorations adorning the outer wall and begins to try and climb up. "You could fall to your death!"
"I won't die," he laughs, easily gaining ground with the equally spaced moldings at his disposal, "the worst that'll happen is a break my arm or something." He replies, perching precariously on the last remaining molding. He grunts as he jumps from there to grab hold of my windowsill. I gasp as one of his hands slips, and hurriedly grab hold of his arm, pulling him with all of my might into my bedroom. We collapse onto the floor, and Kaito pulls himself up to lean up against the wall, breathing heavily.
"You idiot! You could have fallen! And what are we going to do if my parents find you?" I point out, scooting towards him so I can speak at a lower volume.
"Your hair's down," he huffs, "I like it. It's pretty." He takes some between his fingers. "And really soft."
"Stop touching me whenever you please." I take back my hair from his hands, tucking it behind my ears.
"So who's your bending instructor?" Kaito asks again.
"Master Cho."
"Ah, I hear she's excellent."
"She is. She's kind and very knowledgeable. And she's patient."
"She probably doesn't have to be very patient with you, though. You seem like the type to pick things up quickly, and study until your brain goes numb." He presses his fingers to his temples and makes a silly face. I humor him with a small laugh, but look down at my hands.
"What?"
"No, it's nothing," I start, but I'm interrupted by a quick succession of raps on my door. My eyes go wide and Kaito's do too as we both scramble to our feet.
"May I come in?" My father asks from behind my closed door.
"Just a minute," I call back, panicking to find a place to stuff Kaito, "I was getting undressed."
Then an idea occurs to me and I tow Kaito over to my armoire, grab out my silk bathrobe, tossing it over my dress and then shoving Kaito inside and closing it tightly.
I dash over to my bed and sit down. "Come in."
My father enters and closes the door behind him, carefully and calmly making his way over to my bed to sit with me. He takes my hands in his. "Kazane, please accept my apology. I never meant to upset you, or make you feel as though I always keep you in the dark or that you must aspire to be this perfect child for me to be proud of you. I do want you to feel like your mother and I trust and believe in you, but somethings are better left unsaid for now. And as for your firebending lessons, we know you always do your best, we've just only ever wanted for you to be safe. And because of how long it's taken to get to this point in your bending, your mother and I worry. Not that you aren't good enough, because we love you unconditionally, every part of you, just that if something were ever to happen to us you would have to rely on someone else to be safe and secure."
"Don't talk like that, Father. Nothing's going to happen to either of you. And I apologize too, I … I overreacted. I know you only do the things you do to protect me and I'm sorry I've been taking that for granted."
My father smiles at me. "So then, can we make amends?"
"Of course." I smile back at him, and he embraces me tightly. I hold on to him just as fiercely and eventually he whispers,
"I love you. I hope you know that."
"I know. I love you too." Father kisses my forehead before getting up to leave, smiling kindly at me and shutting the door behind him. I then rush over to the armoire and free Kaito.
"Man, you have a lot of clothes." Kaito says, rotating his shoulder as if it's cramped up.
I take off the robe and put it back in its place, and while I'm doing so, Kaito continues, "What was your dad talking about when he said your bending wouldn't be enough for you to protect yourself?" I hesitate, and close my armoire slowly. "If … If you don't want to tell me you don't have to." He says, sitting casually on my bed.
"It's ok, I guess." I say, sitting next to him. "I just … I can't bend."
"Oh," is all he says for a moment, and a pang of guilt and shame hits me before he continues, "but that's not too bad, there are a lot of people in the world who aren't benders."
I shake my head quickly, looking down at my hands in my lap. "But it's not like that either. I can bend, but … I can't."
"Ok?"
"I can create the fire, but not much of it, and I can't really control it. Even though I've been taking lessons since I was young… It's weird and embarrassing."
"So you're just having trouble is all? That's not something to be embarrassed about! Maybe I can help you!" He smiles excitedly at me as I glance at him. "Maybe all you need is a new perspective on it!"
"I appreciate your offer, but I don't want to be a bother to you."
"It won't be a bother! That way, not only are you getting more practice firebending, but we can hang out more and get to know each other. Hopefully we can become friends."
"Well, I guess… If you're sure you want to."
"I am. This'll be fun, I promise! How about I meet you in the dojo after your lessons with Master Cho?" I nod in agreement. "Great! Then it's settled! I'll see you tomorrow in the dojo." He says confidently, heading back to the window.
"Wait! Please don't go out that way! let's just see if anyone's in the living room."
I tiptoe over to the door and peek my head outside, noticing the lack of parents. "Just go this way" I say quietly, gesturing for him to come over.
He kinda laughs and slips past me and into the living room. "See you tomorrow." He whispers, sauntering over to our door and slipping outside, but not before saluting me with a stupid grin on his face.
I close my bedroom door and flop back onto my bed, not knowing exactly what I've gotten myself into tomorrow. What a strange boy… I find myself trying to understand his curiosity or his incessant need to touch me, and as I contemplate those things I can't help but notice my mind wandering to how his long eyelashes dust his cheekbones when he blinks and how his light amber eyes contrast so strikingly, and so well against his dark hair. But no matter how handsome he may be, he still acts like an overindulged child. I sigh and bury my face into my pillows.
Tomorrow's going to be a long day.